Anger and Sorrow

---

Am I dreaming? Donghae wondered as he stood frozen, unable to make any moves. Is it a nightmare?

It was as if time had slowed around him, and only him. He felt alone, his world shattering into million pieces around him as he couldn't see anything but the atrocious scene in front of his widened eyes. He was too shocked and hurt to be able thinking clearly, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. He wanted to run as far he could, cry all the tears his eyes could pull out and rip his aching heart out of his chest. His dark, pained orbs could only fix the man laying down on the only bed of the guestroom, traveling from his entangled legs with Hyunah to his stupefied single-lidded eyes. Another blow of pain hit him as their eyes met into a long stare, neither of them daring to say any words. Donghae clenched his fists and jaw painfully, trying to force himself to move, to scream, to do anything but cry. He didn't want to break down in front of those two people. He absolutely refused to give them the satisfaction of seeing his tears.

Why, he then wondered as his sight became less and less focused. Why would he do this to me? Was it all a stupid game? Was it a stupid prank to prove himself the Great Eunhyuk could get in Clumsy Donghae's pants? The mere idea made him want to throw up and bury himself alive. He couldn't believe he had came to trust someone like him, to give his everything for an who only ended up breaking his heart like everybody else. He could feel his head becoming more and more dizzy with each seconds as his eyes were fixated on the redhead. It was only when the latter made a move, opening his mouth with a horrified expression, that Donghae snapped out of his trance. Blinking his tears away, his clenched fists tightened so much he swore he was bleeding. The other boy tried to shove the blonde girl off his lap, probably trying to stop Donghae from running away. But it was pointless, because as soon as he straightened up on the bed, the brunette was already spinning around, rushing toward the stairs. The few meters separating him from the flight of stairs seemed like a never-ending journey, his breathing coming out as short and rapid pants. Every sounds were like an annoying and distant buzzing in his tears and his field of vision was blurry and unfocused. It seemed as if his brain wasn't working anymore, his body put on auto-pilot. He didn't know how he managed to run down the stairs and avoid the dancing people in the living-room. He also didn't know how he stormed out of the crowded house without pathetically bursting in tears. The only thing he did know, was that he was pained. Donghae hurt so much he thought he was dying from the inside out, even breathing was difficult at this moment.

Outside, rain was suddenly pouring on the city, making it hard for him to clear up his already blurry vision. He was walking meaninglessly, not even knowing where he was headed to. His feet were bringing him to wherever, but he didn't care. He didn't care if he was lost and that every time he was taking a turn at a random street, he was getting farther from his house. Donghae didn't know since how long he had quitted the party, but he was already soaking wet, his clothes sticking on his tanned skin. He didn't even bothered putting his hoodie on, walking relentlessly through the dark and empty streets of the unfamiliar neighborhood. His mind was still trying to rationalize what he had just seen and find a suitable excuse for the redhead, while the only thing he wanted was to not think. He wanted to forget and let go of everything. 

As he took another random turn at the corner of an unknown street, he then heard the faint calls of his name and the sound of someone running. Donghae didn't even need to turn around to exactly know who it was. This tone of voice was already so familiar to him, the smooth melody of his engraved in his head. This made him sped up in his track, still aimlessly walking forward. He was freezing cold under the heavy rain, all his limbs shaking uncontrollably - or was it because of the pain? He held back a strangled sob as he blinked his eyes, trying to chase the tears and the water drops out of his dark orbs. The other's shouts were becoming clearer and clearer, indicating he was getting nearer. Donghae tried to go faster, to run even, but it seemed like he didn't have any strength left. He wanted to struggle and throw his fist straight in the redhead's face, but as soon as the latter grabbed his wrist, everything he managed to do was whimper painfully. He was spun around forcefully, the hold around his wrist firm. Donghae gritted his teeth together, staring at his soaked shoes. The sound of the rain was noisy, making it almost impossible for him to hear the words that left those thin lips he could recognize everywhere, but oddly, he was able to grasp everything he said. He immediately flinched when hearing the soft plea of his own name. The redhead then begged him to look at him in the eyes, but he didn't dare to lift his head up and meet his single-lidded eyes. He was too scared and hurt. 

However, he did complied, against his will, his eyes hesitantly and slowly looking up until they met Hyukjae's dark orbs. The latter was still the same in appearance ; his charismatic single-lidded eyes, his sharp jawline, his flaming red hair and his attractive figure. Everything looked as if nothing had just happened, as if Donghae could still close the gap between them and press his lips against his into a loving kiss. But no, everything had changed. In just a matter of few minutes, the strong relationship they had managed to build up was now reduced into pieces. Images of Hyunah and Hyukjae together on that bed flashed in Donghae's head and he almost desperately tried to free his wrist from his grasp. The redhead didn't budge though, his eyes looking pained and confused, too. The younger wanted to cry and shout and punch him as hard he could. He honestly hoped everything was just a misunderstanding and that Hyukjae did have an explanation, but his head was so messed up he couldn't find the strength to try thinking clearly and sort things out. All he wanted right now was running back home, away from him.

The redhead lifted a hand, trying to reach for him but Donghae immediately backed away from his touch, although he was still firmly holding him.

 

"Don't," He hissed, venom lacing his voice. "Let me go."

 

"Donghae," The other called softly, his voice pleading and the brunette flinched. "Donghae, I swear I can explain, I -"

 

"No," He said with a cold voice. "I don't want to hear it, I don't even want to see you. Now you're Eunhyuk again, and I'm Clumsy Donghae again, and we don't know each other anymore. I thought - I thought you -..." His voice cracked up before he could finish his sentence. He lowered his head briefly, refusing to meet the other's eyes as he was almost about to let his tears fall down his cheeks. Then, he lifted his head up, his eyes filled with pain and anger. "Now let go of me."

And before the older could speak up again, he ran away.

He didn't stop running even if his throat hurt and he felt like dying under the pouring rain. He was almost glad it was raining, because then nobody could guess he was crying. He didn't want people to know he was crying over Eunhyuk.

Anybody but Eunhyuk.

The pained and desperate calls of his name died into intelligible shouts under the rain as he was moving away from him. His heart wanted him to do nothing more but to stop in his track, spin around and throw himself at the redhead. He didn't, though, because it seemed like a huge mistake at that time. Donghae liked to believe he wasn't emotionally weak and that he would forget everything the next day. But who was he trying to fool, except himself? He was one of the best thing that had ever happened to him, despite the almost unbearable pain he was feeling right now. This man, his smiles and his cheeky smirks, all of him would be engraved in his mind for the longest time. And it hurt too much, because he loved him. He loved him more than he had ever loved someone else in the past ; he had gave his everything for this relationship because he had believed something beautiful could come out of it, and in the end, he got cheated on.

Donghae didn't know how he managed to suddenly find himself in front of his house. He was still incredibly lost, his vision blurred because of the tears still spilling out of his eyes. He stayed still, in front of the door, before he lifted a shaky hand and went in. What happened next was only a row of blurry and hurtful memories ; maybe he met his brother in the entrance hall. Maybe he collided against him but didn't apologize. Maybe he tripped more than once while clumsily climbing up the stairs. Maybe he crashed against the wall and sobbed loudly while trying to find the way to his bedroom. Maybe everything was just a nightmare and he would wake up the next day with him by his sides. Maybe he was really screwed up because he then realized he loved him more than he originally thought he did.

All he knew was when he went in his bedroom, silence and darkness surrounding him, he collapsed on his bed. As soon as his exhausted body hit the mattress, he out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was the bright and warm sun that awoke Donghae the next morning.

He slowly opened his eyes, his sight directly landing on his bed side clock. 10:27AM. He was more than just late for school, but didn't make any move to get up. He just stayed there, laying lethargically on his mattress as his puffed eyes kept closing by themselves. He recalled slowly the reason of his current state, sniffling as a choke sob erupted out from his sore throat. He was still wearing the clothes he had been wearing the prior night, the tissue partially dried up as his blankets felt wet under him. Donghae knew he was falling sick as a shiver run down his spine, making him grimace. Although, he still didn't budge from his position. The sun was too bright, and the house was too silent. He felt dirty and more than just physically sick. He released a dark snort, cursing himself for his pathetic state. All of this only because of one person.

Eunhyuk. Lee Hyukjae. Donghae automatically flinched while merely repeating the name in his head. The wound in his heart was still fresh, the pain it had occurred still too present for him to be able thinking clearly. All he could feel was sorrow and anger for the redhead. All his thoughts were dictated by his wild and unstable emotions, and it exhausted him. Donghae only wanted to sleep, not to think about this jerk he had came to love and cherish so much. He wasn't lucid enough to think maybe there was a logical explanation for it all ; for him, everything was Eunhyuk's fault. Eunhyuk. It had been so long since he had referred to the boy by his nickname, and it felt so strange. The brunette hated it ; he wanted to call him by his real name, because it gave him the feeling he was special. But maybe he wasn't as much special as he thought he was for Eunhyuk. Maybe he had just been a game, a flirt with new, unfamiliar things. Maybe Eunhyuk had never truthfully loved him.

This thought made him curl up into a ball, clenching his chest while squeezing his eyes shut. He suddenly felt cold and more alone than he had ever been. The warmth Eunhyuk used to procure him wasn't by his sides anymore and it made him sick. He briefly wondered if it really was what people called love. What he was feeling looked like a torture more than anything else.

A part of him felt happy, irrationally happy ; after so many years looking for something as beautiful as what his parents had, Donghae had finally found this feeling that made his eyes sparkle, his cheeks warm up and his heart beat incredibly faster with excitation. He was happy and he despised himself for it. It wasn't the happiness that made you want to smile and laugh, though. It was the kind that clenched your heart even more painfully, the kind that makes you realize this thing you finally managed to barely touch will never be in your reach anymore. It was a hurtful happiness, the sort of feeling that he thought didn't exist until now. One that made him want to cry ever harder, wishing that he never had the chance to feel it instead.

He wasn't only happy, though ; he was also incredibly upset. He almost hated himself for developing this kind of feelings for the redhead. If he hadn't, then he wouldn't be there, crying all the tears out of his exhausted body. He felt betrayed and sad, still not understanding why such thing had happened to him.

Donghae had always been a good boy, always nice and respectful towards anyone whom deserved it. He had good grades, helped kids and elderly, was generous and kind-hearted. Never in his life had he done something wrong willingly. Then why was he punished so badly? Because it had to be some punishment, he didn't want to believe he was hurting just because.

He wanted to scold and hit himself for being so weak just because of him. He knew his reaction wasn't normal at all ; teenagers weren't supposed to be as depressed as he was just because of a simple break-up. But was it really a break-up? Were things really done between Eunhyuk and him? Donghae then realized with a wince that he still had hope, that he was still waiting for the redhead to burst into his room to apologize. He let out a shaky breath, cursing himself for being so emotionally weak and lovestruck for this .

The sun was still shining as brightly as earlier, maybe even more. The rays were warmly the side of his face as he continued to space out. He was laying on his bed almost lifelessly, his body as if he didn't have any strength left, but it wasn't as if he was planning to move any time soon. He faintly heard muffled steps behind the door of his bedroom, before a someone softly knocked. Donghae didn't reply and closed his eyes instead. His head hurt, his temples thumping harshly. The door opened and someone talked to him. He didn't get the flow of words this person said, only hearing an inaudible row of sounds, before a resigned sigh was heard. Then, a gentle hand his hair, whispering soothing words in his ears. The brunette flinched under the touch, painfully noting that it wasn't Eunhyuk's hand. He didn't know who it was but all he knew was that it wasn't him.

When this person left his bedroom, Donghae released a tired sigh. There was no point in continuing to depress this way, and he knew it. He felt as if he was one of those overreacting chicks he saw on TV and the thought made him scrunch up his nose in disgust. Determined to get over it, even if it would take time, he clenched his jaw and his fists. After so many hours laying down, he finally propped himself on his two hands and straightened up until he was sitting on the soft mattress of his bed. Very slowly, he took out his wet clothes before putting his pajamas on. He glared at the blinding sun, letting out a colorful curse ; it was so bright and almost laughing cheerily in his face. Stubbornly turning his back at his window, he crawled under his blankets and closed his eyes. Exhausted, he fell asleep almost immediately, dreaming of strawberries and different shades of red.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kyuhyun knew Donghae since forever. The two of them had been inseparable since the very first day they had met, even if they only were toddlers at that time. Wherever Kyuhyun went, Donghae followed, and whatever Donghae did, Kyuhyun did also. Although Donghae was older than the other boy by a small year, their relationship was strong enough to break the age barrier that ruled Korea's society. There was even a short phase when their respective parents thought they loved each other, proving how close Kyuhyun and Donghae were. But they were only best friends, the best friends of the world and nothing else - the awkward and failed first kiss they had shared had showed them how disgusting it was to share germs with someone they considered like real family.

It was why Kyuhyun was usually so protective toward the other brunette, almost as much as Donghae's father, despite the fact they spent the majority of their time bickering over stupid and immature things. He didn't like it when Donghae was sad and he hated to see him cry. Whatever would make his best friend cry was considered dead for him.

Donghae wasn't in class, that morning. But Kyuhyun didn't worry that much at first, even though he did feel oddly uncomfortable when he realized both Donghae and Eunhyuk were missing. He tried to calm his growing concerns, thinking that maybe the two of them had decided to skip classes together. They had already did it once, why not a second time?

When he cheerfully headed towards Donghae's house after school that day, planning to force him away from the redhead and out of his studies and his house just for the sake of annoying him, he didn't think his heart would break so quickly at the sight of his best friend's puffy eyes. Donghae had obviously spent his night crying, and there could be only one reason for his tears.

Eunhyuk. It made anger boil in his veins as he stood frozen at the door frame of Donghae's bedroom. The latter was still sleeping, his puffed eyes closed as he unconsciously grimaced because of the sunlight. Not wasting any seconds, Kyuhyun stomped in the room, making more noise than necessary and therefore successfully waking Donghae. The latter jolted in his sleep, looking around him with a confused expression until his eyes landed on Kyuhyun. Almost immediately, he opened his arms and threw himself at his best friend, choked sobs erupting out of his throat.

What the happened?! He wanted to ask, but the way Donghae was hugging him as if he would break if he let go made him bit his lower lip in worry. He awkwardly lifted a hand and patted his back, trying to sooth him somehow. Kyuhyun wasn't the type to comfort people ; he was actually the kind to snort and leave them alone. But he cared for Donghae and he couldn't imagine himself letting him cry more.

Therefore, Kyuhyun hugged his best friend back. He laid down on the bed, bringing the shorter with him, while he continued to his back. He waited and let the other be, until Donghae's tears stopped and only sniffles could be heard.

 

"I'm so pathetic," Donghae mumbled.

 

"No, you're not," Kyuhyun retorted. "You're hurt, it's normal to react this way."

 

"I love him."

 

"No , Sherlock," Kyuhyun grumbled unhappily.

Donghae slowly let go of him, giving him a hesitant yet somewhat thankful grin. Kyuhyun stared at him, frowning.

 

"What happened?" He asked, his voice coming more harsh than he intended to.

 

"He cheated on me."

 

He what?!

 

It didn't take long for Kyuhyun to storm out of the house, despite Donghae's calls to stop him. Fury shining menacingly in his eyes, the brunette ran in the streets, automatically turning at each street corners until he found himself in the middle of an unfamiliar neighborhood. Eunhyuk's neighborhood. Kyuhyun was positive when saying he was definitely going to break his neck. He knew he wasn't supposed to meddle with other people's business, especially if it was love affairs, but Donghae had always been one of his weaknesses. He was like a real brother for him, and he would do anything for his brother.

When he finally stopped in front of the Lee's house, a dark scowl crept on his unhappy face. He didn't bother knocking at the door, or even warn about his presence ; he simply stormed in, looking for the redhead he hated the most at this precise moment.

He found him in his bedroom, in the exact same position as Donghae. He was laying lethargically across his bed, his face paler than usual and his eyes lifeless. The sight struck Kyuhyun for a second, the rational part of his brain momentarily wondering why he looked as if he was about to die from sadness. His anger and his pain for Donghae got the best of him, though. With a wild growl, he burst in the room, startling the redhead. He grabbed his collar, forcefully pulling him up until he was standing in front of him, confusion written all over his face. Kyuhyun didn't give him time to think before he sent his fist straight in Eunhyuk's face.

 

"WHAT THE ?!" Eunhyuk shouted as he pushed the younger away. His right cheek stung like hell as he held it with his palm. He threw a murderous glare to the brunette who didn't even flinch.

 

"The !" He shouted out in return. "I should be the one saying this, bastard!"

 

Before Eunhyuk could talk back, he pummeled his fisted hand into his jaw. The older's head turned at the impact, not having enough time to retaliate when another hit was already thrown at his face. It hit his lip which split and bled violently.

 

"I am so going to ing kill you!" Kyuhyun screamed. "How dare you making Donghae cry?!"

 

Those last words made Eunhyuk stop in his track, his fist midway from knocking Kyuhyun out. Donghae is crying?

He saw the younger ready to punch him again, but before he could successfully aim his knee right in his crotch, Siwon suddenly appeared and held him back. Kyuhyun shouted and screamed to let him go, that he was going to murder the redhead, but he didn't budge, securely holding him by the waist while throwing worried glances to his own best friend.

Hyukjae slowly lowered his hand, his face still hurting like , but he didn't care anymore. Donghae was crying and it was his fault. He wanted to cry, too, but he knew he couldn't ; he didn't have any rights to let his tears fall since everything was just because of him. Because he was a complete who had managed to ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him. He vaguely registered the fact that Siwon pulled Kyuhyun away, probably out of his house, before he slumped down on his bed. He took his head in his head, groaning desperately.

What have I done?

Siwon then came back, sitting down on the bed next to him without a word. The two of them stayed silent at first, the redhead trying to cope with the fact he had made the one he loved cry, and the other trying to find the good words to comfort his best friend.

 

"I screwed up, didn't I?" Hyukjae finally said. It came out as a question, but Siwon knew the other wasn't waiting for an answer. "I screwed up and now he hates me."

 

"You don't know this, Hyukjae," Siwon mumbled. "And it's not entirely your fault."

 

The redhead threw him a short look, before sighing with sadness. He wanted to blame everything on Siwon, but he knew the latter didn't do anything bad but losing his phone.

 

"Look, Hyukjae, I'm sorry," Siwon spoke up. "But on this one... You have to figure it out alone."

 

"Are you telling me you won't help me?"

 

"No. Maybe. Well, yes. Hyukjae, you're the type of guys who think everything is already yours, but it's not true. I think it's time for you to realize you sometime have to fight for what you care for."

 

And with those last words, the tall and handsome man went out of the bedroom after an encouraging pat on his back. Hyukjae fought back the urge to scream at him and punch his flawless face, but he knew Siwon was right in a way. He really had to sort things out by himself this time, because it involved only Donghae and him. No one else but the two of them.

Hyukjae was incredibly scared, though. It was one of the first times he actually cared about what consequences his actions had on others. He knew he actually didn't do anything wrong, and that this kiss Donghae had witnessed wasn't intentional at all. But his heart kept telling him that if he had managed to hurt the brunette once, then he was able to hurt him a second time. And then a third, and a fourth, and a fifth. Even before they actually began to like each other, Hyukjae had been nothing but mean with the brunette.

Maybe is he better off without me...?

What had happened that night was still painfully clear in his head. He could remember with exactitude the way Donghae had stared at him with wide, pained eyes. He could still recall the way the brunette was shaking, holding back his tears. Those memories hurt and were consuming him from the inside out.

The prior night was one of the biggest mistake of his life. And everything was because of Hyunah. Hyukjae knew he had been stupid and naive to think the fake blonde would leave the two of them alone after realizing Donghae and him were an item. But when Siwon had sent him a text message last night, saying Donghae was at Minho's party, Hyukjae had naturally believed it, momentarily forgetting his best friend was supposed to have lost his phone for a week now.

And there was his first mistake. Because Siwon had indeed lost his phone, and when he had arrived at the party, not finding either Siwon or Donghae, he had then realized something was wrong. He didn't have time to give much thought about it at first, because as soon as he had stepped into the house, people were already harassing him with drinks, trying to get into his pants. Hyukjae was a faithful man, though, and never in his life had he ever thought about cheating on Donghae. But alcohol had never been his forte either. Drinks after drinks, he had felt himself getting more and more light-headed, until he had decided to go up the stairs and rest a little in one of the guestroom.

There goes his second mistake. Why had he been so stupid to go in there and lay down, thinking fifteen minutes of rest will do him good? He had, at first, planned to go home as soon as his thoughts would clear up a little, but then Hyunah was there in the room with him. Hyukjae really didn't put up well with alcohol and therefore everything that had happened next looked like a row of blurry pictures in his head. He remembered that she had talked, saying that she was willing to take him back. And he had said something in return, something that had made her face contort in anger and annoyance. He recalled the way he had been satisfied to see the fake blonde insult him with so much venom, but then, before he had been able to understand anything, Hyunah had been on his lap, her lips pressed on his. Hyukjae had tried to push her away, he remembered. The taste of her gloss, and the mere feeling of on his had made him want to throw up, but the alcohol in his system had made all of his moves slow and hazy.

And then the door had opened. And it was Donghae.

 

A tears fell down his cheek as the image of his lover's horrified and sorrowful face kept playing in his head. A second tear followed, before he was crying heavily, silent sobs erupting out of his throat.

Donghae, he repeated inwardly, desperation visible in his teary eyes. Donghae, Donghae, Donghae...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Siwon worriedly glanced a last time at the house behind him, before he let out a heavy sigh. He felt so guilty, too, to know that what was happening between Donghae and Hyukjae was his fault. He couldn't understand how he had been clumsy enough to lose his phone, and how Hyunah had found his phone before him. He honestly hoped Donghae wasn't too mad at himself, and that he would forgive Hyukjae soon.

It was so painfully obvious that his best friend was irrevocably and definitely in love with the younger brunette. Siwon was genuinely happy for them, glad to see that Hyukjae had finally found someone able to care of him. And now everything was about to be ruined and he couldn't help but to think it was still partially his fault.

His feet were almost moving by themselves as he chewed on his lower lip with concern. It was true he was immensely worried for his best friend and that he felt sorry for saying he had to go through this alone despite the fact he genuinely looked lost and hurt, but the way Kyuhyun had exploded with so much anger and violence had also pained him. It hurt him to know the younger brunette had been on the edge of crying when Siwon had forced him out of Hyukjae's house. He hoped he wasn't too mad at him, because he was sure he wouldn't be able to bear with him.

When he found himself in front of Kyuhyun's house fifteen minutes later, Siwon wasn't really surprised. It was with a nervous feeling lingering in his heart that he pushed on the doorbell button. He waited long enough to think that maybe Kyuhyun didn't want to see him, until the latter finally opened the door. Upon realizing it was Siwon, he narrowed his eyes, sniffling unhappily. He crossed his arms on his chest, glaring at the handsome man before him.

Siwon gave him a sheepish smile, weak attempt to apologize for earlier.

 

"You should have just let me kick him in the guts. And in the balls," Kyuhyun grunted then. "I wasn't really going to kill him. Maybe send him in a hospital for two or three months, but not actually kill him."

 

"I know," Siwon chuckled and Kyuhyun's pout deepened.

 

"Then why did you stop me?"

 

The older frowned at the other brunette, wondering if Kyuhyun would be really angry if he told him that he actually didn't stand a chance in front of Hyukjae.

Kyuhyun only sighed, before stepping aside and silently inviting him in. Siwon thanked him with one of his wide smiles and he scrunched up his nose. Siwon politely greeted Kyuhyun's parents and sister, before they both silently climbed the stairs up to his bedroom. They sat down on the floor, leaning back against the edge of the bed, and the older couldn't help but to blush slightly when realizing he was indeed in Kyuhyun's bedroom.

He glanced down at him, a sad sigh leaving his lips when he noticed the conflicted and concerned expression the younger was wearing. Gently, he wrapped an arm around his shoulder and his arm. Kyuhyun briefly gazed at him, before he let out an inaudible grumble.

 

"I don't like it when he cries," He said. "That bastard is usually so full of energy and happiness. I always feel like the whole world crashes down when he's sad."

 

"You really care about him, don't you?"

 

"I do," Kyuhyun replied softly, unconsciously leaning against Siwon's side, appreciating the warmth he procured him. "I know it's none of my business, and that I shouldn't have punched Eunhyuk - although he really deserved two or three more hits -, but Donghae is really important for me. That jerk probably doesn't know how lucky it makes him to have me by his sides."

 

Siwon frowned slightly. A pang of jealousy hit him as he bit on his lower lip.

 

"Don't give me this look, Choi Siwon," Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and a sly a grin appeared on his lips. "Donghae is just my best friend, nothing else. I mean, he was my first kiss, but other than that, nothing ever happened. I don't want to be infected by his cooties."

 

Siwon grinned and turned a little to face Kyuhyun, but before he could talk, soft lips pressed on his mouth. He instantly closed his eyes, tightening his hold around the younger's shoulder. He moved his lips bashfully, afraid that the other brunette would break the delicious kiss they were sharing. But Kyuhyun didn't want any of it, and instead he nibbled on his lower lip. Siwon immediately gave him entrance, shuddering when their tongue met sensually, dancing and twirling together. He brought a hand on Kyuhyun's hip, pulling him until he was almost straddling his lap. The younger cupped his face, tilting his head until he was able to kiss him deeper and harder, pouring all his emotions into that one kiss. He let out a soft moan, Siwon shivering in pleasure at the sound. He on his lower lip, liking the way the younger was pressing his body impossibly closer to his own as his embrace tightened around his waist. They kissed until they couldn't breath anymore, parting only when oxygen was becoming too much necessary.

"You're such a jealous man-," Kyuhyun stated against his lips. "It's kinda hot."

 

Siwon only burst out laughing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Donghae stared blankly at the light bulb of his bedroom, laying lethargically on his bed still. It was brightly lightening the room and it made him even more sad. Everything hurt ; his head, his body, his heart. He hated to know that outside, there were people and couples, and that they were probably loving and happy and cheery. This blinding light showed him how dark and sad his thoughts were, and he didn't like it. Donghae put an arm over his eyes as a sorrowful sigh escaped his plump lips.

It was too bright.

 

 

 

Mrs. Lee came back from her grocery shopping when it was sunset. Upon going in, she first threw a concerned look towards the stair, wondering if her son was doing better, before she put the heavy bags full of food on the kitchen table. It had been a while since she had seen her son so sad and depressed, and it made her uncomfortable and gloomy. Her motherly instinct told her to hunt that Hyukjae kid down and kick some sense into his idiotic head, but she knew better than to meddle with her son's business. She just hoped he would feel better soon.

Her husband, on the other hand, had always been really protective toward Donghae. When he had realized that his son had spent the night crying over his boyfriend that morning, Mrs. Lee had to call Kyuhyun's father to come and calm him. Breaking all of this poor teenager's bones wasn't going to solve any of their problems. After half a hour trying to find excuses not to go up and hug her son like she wanted, Mrs. Lee finally gave in and climbed up the stairs until she stopped in front of the door. She knocked at the door, softly calling Donghae's name, but he didn't reply. She sighed but went in nonetheless.

The room was plunged in the dark since the sun was slowly disappearing on the horizon. She glanced at the ending sunset before her eyes landed on a chair unusually put in the middle of the bedroom. Frowning, she stared at the object, noting that a light bulb had been placed on the said chair. She looked up at the ceiling while her hand reached to turn the lights on.

The room stayed in the dark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hyukjae wondered why he wasn't running outside of his house and straight to Donghae's. All his senses were almost screaming at him to get his up the couch and apologize to the brunette. It wasn't that he didn't care - far from it, actually - but something was always stopping him from rushing to Donghae and kiss him senselessly.

He was sprawled on the couch of the living-room, the long-forgotten TV playing in the background. It was already night and he still didn't eat anything, but he didn't care ; he wasn't hungry anyway. He sighed heavily, feeling as if his energy had been drained out of his body. He wished so hard that Donghae was in his arms right now, holding him tight and whispering soothing words in his ears. But Donghae wasn't there and he wouldn't be surprised if the latter already loathed him. A tormented sigh escaped his lips as he rolled on his side, his eyes landing on the screen of the TV without focusing on the movie playing.

He could feel his eyelids about to close when his cellphone began buzzing loudly on the coffee table in front of him. Snapping his eyes open, he quickly grabbed it with the hope that maybe it was Donghae calling. He hurriedly lifted the device to eye-level, only to let out a disappointed grunt when recognizing his sister's ID. The redhead was briefly tempted to not reply to the call but it had been a while since Sora and him had the chance to share a short conversation. He unlocked the screen of his phone and brought it to his ear.

His sister's cheery voice immediately rang in his ears.

 

"Hi, Hyukjae!" She exclaimed.

 

Hyukjae grinned softly before he greeted her back. "Hi Noona, how are you?"

She replied joyfully that she was fine, that her life in New York was great and that she had met a really charming man no longer than the last week and that they were supposed to have a date tonight. The redhead only listened half-heartedly to her happy babbling about how perfect her new life at the other end of the planet was and how much she loved her new job. He vaguely congratulated her when she proudly announced that she had got a promotion and that a lot of very famous entertainment companies asked for her services.

Hyukjae didn't really have the heart to stop her in the middle of her monolog even though he felt so mentally exhausted. It was true that he had missed his sister during those past months since the last time she had came back home, but the huge burden he could still feel on his shoulders on top of the constant reminder that Donghae was crying and hurting because of him didn't let him the time to enjoy this conversation with her.

So he only rolled back on his back, putting a forearm over his eyes as he replied to his sister with short hums ; the man Sora had met was named Eric and had a respectable job in a really big company in New York. Apparently, the two of them had met during a gala where one of her friends had invited her. The flow of words that reached Hyukjae's ears wasn't fully registered by his brain as his mind quickly wandered back toward a certain brunette. He briefly wondered if his sister would be angry at him if she knew he was currently ignoring her, but it wasn't like she could do anything while being at the other side of the planet.

If Donghae was there, next to him or even laying atop of him, Hyukjae would have been glad to introduce him to his older sister. Sora was the family member that he cherished the most and the redhead would have been more than proud to tell how great his boyfriend was. However, all he could say at this moment was how he had made that great boyfriend of his cry. His heart clenched at the thought and he chewed on his lower lip with worry.

Too immersed in his own depressing thoughts, he didn't notice that Sora had stopped talking at the other end of the call. The said girl, settled down at a table in one coffee shop of New York, frowned at the silence Hyukjae gave her. Her younger brother wasn't the type to stay silent, especially when she would announce that she had her eyes on someone.

 

"Hyukjae?" She called softly.

 

There were no sounds at first, until the boy spoke up. "What?"

 

"Are you okay?" She asked. "I mean, you don't look like you're doing well."

 

Hyukjae slowly lowered his arm until he rested it on his stomach, his eyes staring at the ceiling. "I'm fine," He said. "Don't worry about me. Now, tell me about this Peter guy."

 

"It's Eric," She retorted. "And no, I can feel that something's wrong. You'd better not have knocked someone up or else..."

 

"I didn't!" He hissed. "I wouldn't have, since I don't date girls right now."

 

"Oh. So what, you date guys?" She laughed at her own joke.

 

Hyukjae didn't laugh with her and it took her a few minutes before she understood the reason of his silence. Then, she widened her eyes and gripped the cookie she had in hand so hard that it crumbled on the table.

She gaped wordlessly, holding her phone next to her ears, unable to find the right words.

 

"You - you - you're gay?!" She exclaimed, and maybe she sounded a little bit too much excited by the idea.

 

Hyukjae let out a heavy sigh. "No," He said. "Or at least I don't think so. There's just this guy and we used to date but now... Now, it's complicated."

 

"Why? What's his name? How is he like? Oh, tell me everything, what happened?" She said, concern and excitation lacing her voice.

 

Hyukjae didn't need to think twice before he spilled out everything he had in his heart. Clenching his hand phone close to his ear, he talked and talked, never stopping even when burning tears fell down his cheeks. Sora didn't say anything, only listening to him, and the redhead was thankful for it. He told her about how they had met, about the English essay, the way they had drank too much that night and ended up making-out in Donghae's living-room, how he had finally accepted his feelings later on and decided to try it out. He also told her about the way those first two weeks had been almost magical and perfect and how he regretted nothing. And then came the hard part, confessing the way Donghae had caught him with Hyunah straddling his lap. His voice then became harsh and angry, spitting insults toward the fake blonde whenever he could, until he broke into another fit of cries when he said how Donghae had pushed him away.

Fifteen minutes later, he finally stopped talking, letting out strangled, pathetic sobs.

 

"Hyukjae," Sora sternly said over the phone then. "Hyukjae, I knew you were stupid but I didn't know it was that much."

 

"What do you mean?" He asked while sniffling.

 

"If you love him so much, then what the actual are you still doing here? Get your up and go apologize, for God's sake!"

 

"It's not that simple!" He retorted with a high-pitched voice. "He probably hates me now, everything's my fault."

 

"Yes, it is," She spat mercilessly and Hyukjae winced when hearing those cruel words. "It is, because you won't go and explain what happened. I get it that it's scary to fall in love and that you're scared of what Donghae will say, but if you don't try, then you will never know." She sighed with exasperation. "Look, Lee Hyukjae. I know how you feel. You're actually scared of relationships, aren't you? You're scared that he will hurt you just like our parents hurt us. I went through this, too, but now I'm fine. Stop being afraid, else you will end your life alone and sad. I'm sure Donghae will understand, he looks like a nice kid. Else, he's just an and he's not worth it."

 

"Donghae's not an ," He mumbled and Sora chuckled.

 

"What the hell are you still waiting for?" She grunted. "What time is it in Korea right now?"

 

Hyukjae glanced at the wall-clock. "Around two o'clock in the morning. It's late - or really early, I don't know."

 

"Oh," She mumbled. "I thought it was earlier than that. I mean it's afternoon here, you know? Anyways, back to the topic ; tomorrow, you'd better go to his house and tell him everything. Else, I'll fly back to Korea and kick your pitiful once for all. Got it, idiot?"

 

Hyukjae only grumbled at the other end of the line, before they big their good bye. He let his cellphone drop down on the floor before letting out a heavy sigh.

Scared of relationships, Sora had said. He had never thought about it this way. He didn't want to believe it but it seemed to be so painfully true it almost made him groan in despair. When he thought about it seriously, the few real relationships he had could be counted on the fingers of one hand. Moreover, it wasn't usually the type of friendships that he had decided to build up on his own agreement ; after all, his relationship with his parents wasn't something he had ever dared to call into question, as bad as it could be. The sibling-love he had for Sora and the friendship he shared with Siwon were both so old that he had never came to cast doubt on them either.

The way he had came to hang out to Donghae was all so new for him. Maybe he was unconsciously scared that the brunette would somehow hurt him like his parents did. Hyukjae snorted at the thought, knowing that it was completely stupid and irrational ; if anything, he was the one doing harm to him. But on another hand, it seemed credible. A frustrated sigh left his thin lips as he rolled on his side, not caring to turn the TV off before he squeezed his eyes shut.

It was not easy for him to fall asleep that night and he perfectly knew the reason why. Instead, he hugged a cushion tightly against his chest, letting his mind wander until he finally fell asleep with much difficulty, dreaming of fishes and angelic smiles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mrs. Lee did her best to keep her mind occupied and not just rush upstairs to comfort her son into a motherly hug. It had been already almost two days that Donghae had been mourning all alone in his dark room, going out just when it was time to eat and when his father was getting too noisy and concerned for him to be able depressing in peace. Donghwa had been nothing but rude and cranky toward the redhead, spitting curses and insults as much as his inventiveness allowed him, and Mr. Lee was doing nothing to stop him - he was actually playing along and Donghwa swore his father said words he didn't even know the existence of.

Mrs. Lee had rolled her eyes several times at their childish stupidity, preferring to bustle around the kitchen instead. She was glad that at least, Donghae wasn't crying anymore. She was still worried that her boy wasn't eating as much as before and that his face was significantly paler than usual, but all in all, she believed that he was big enough to take care of his problems by himself. It became harder and harder to keep on thinking this way, though, because she was like any other mothers and she wanted her son to be happy.

As she absently peeled a carrot, trying to hear any sounds coming from Donghae's room, although she was still on the ground floor, Mr. Lee came in the kitchen with a frown plastered on his face. He opened the fridge and grabbed a can of beer, for which his wife immediately gave him a scowl ; she didn't like it when he drank just because he was unhappy. The man only grimaced, opening the drink nonetheless. He needed to think about something else than his son, too, and even if drinking wasn't the most wise decision, it still seemed like a better alternative than going out and hunting down that redhead kid.

The whole Lee family was really protective toward the youngest son of the household ; Donghae had always been a cheery and full of life kid and seeing him in such state was really worrying. Even if Mrs. Lee wanted to blame everything on this Hyukjae kid because seeing Donghae so sad hurt her mother's feelings, she still found it odd that her son's boyfriend had managed to make him cry so much. Of course, Donghae was really emotional most of the time, but when his boyfriend had came at home to have dinner, she had got the feeling that never he would do harm to him. She usually had a good intuition which was the reason why she had been so surprised. Moreover, it was inexplicable that Donghae would give his trust to someone that would end up hurting him ; the way the brunette protected himself wasn't supposed to allow bad persons to get close to him.

Mr. Lee continued to scowl next to her, sipping from his can of beer. His wife seasoned the stew she was preparing while their oldest son was once again sprawled on the couch of the living-room, watching a random TV shows. The only woman of the household reached for a butcher knife to cut the rib steak needed for the stew, when the doorbell rang and resonated throughout the whole house. She looked up in curiosity, forgetting to put down the knife before going to answer the door, her husband close behind.

She was almost surprised to find Hyukjae standing on doorstep, but not really. He bowed politely and she stifled a snigger when he made a move to back away upon noticing the butcher knife still in her hand. He stumbled a little, seemingly at lost of words, scratching the back of hi neck.

 

"You!" Mr. Lee exclaimed then, pointing an accusing finger at the redhead boy who startled a little. "You're the one who made Donghae cry!"

 

Hyukjae tried to talk, but then Donghwa came rushing, almost crashing against his father's back. "Head-on-Fire! You son of a !" He spat. "I told you not to make him cry!"

 

"I - I - I -..." He stuttered, legitimately scared.

Mrs. Lee sighed heavily and with much struggles, she managed to lock her husband and her oldest son in the kitchen, before she turned around to stare at Hyukjae. She envisaged scolding and screaming at him a little, too, but the desperate and guilty look Hyukjae had on his face told her not to worsen his situation. Without a word, she pointed the staircase, and with a thankful nod, he rushed upstairs.

 

 

 

Hyukjae tripped several times on his way to Donghae's bedroom, his heart thumping fast in his chest until he finally stopped in front of the familiar door. He stared at the door knob, gulping down a nervous knot caught in his throat before he carefully knocked at the door. There was no response, but stubborn as he was, he still opened the door and quietly went in.

The bedroom was plunged in the dark and he furrowed his eyebrows when he noticed a chair and a light bulb on it in the middle of the room. Deciding to ignore it as for now, he nervously lifted his sight until he saw Donghae's hair peeking outside of his blue duvets. He took a first hesitant step, then a second, before he abruptly stopped when Donghae suddenly sprang out of his blankets. He bit on his lower lip as guilt washed over him once again when the brunette gave him a hard glare, his eyes puffy probably because of tears and his face pale.

Neither of them said a word at first, until the other laid back down and brought his bedcovers over his head, muttering a "Get out". Hyukjae envisaged doing it because he happened to be a coward at that moment but he shook his head no although Donghae couldn't see it. He stayed still in the middle of the room while the brunette didn't make any moves either. It seemed like an eternity passed until the redhead dared open his mouth.

"I'm sorry," He muttered softly.

 

Immediately, Donghae straightened up on his bed, giving a deadly glare at the other who flinched under his angry eyes. "Sorry?" He repeated, venom lacing his voice. "Sorry?! I don't ing care if you're sorry, Lee-ing-Hyukjae! Do you know how much that ing hurts?!"

 

"If you'd let me explain I -"

 

"There's nothing to explain!" He cut him off, getting up from his bed and furiously stomping toward him. "You hooked up with another , I get it! So what, was it fun? ing around with me and then dumping me in the most cruel way? I hope you're proud, you son of a ."

 

Hyukjae felt his heart painfully clench at Donghae's words because it hurt to think that the latter could possibly imagine him trying to hurt him like this, but he knew he had the rights to react this way.

 

"Donghae, I -"

 

"No!" He growled dangerously. "I don't want to hear it. Get out, Eunhyuk. Just get out."

 

Donghae raised his fisted hand in an attempt to pummel it straight into the redhead's jaw, ignoring the few bruises that were already on his handsome face. Before he could do so, Hyukjae quickly grabbed his wrist and prevented him from smashing his fist on his nose by pushing him towards his bed. The brunette struggled, yelling curses and calling him names, but he was far too strong therefore Donghae didn't have any other choices than to comply when Hyukjae forcefully pushed him on the bed. Donghae threw him another menacing glare, slapping his hands away.

"You ing bastard," He breathed. He tried to kick Hyukjae's shin but the latter dodged at the last second, throwing him an annoyed glance and it made his blood boil in anger. "Why are you here? To laugh in my face? Get the hell out of here, Lee Hyukjae. I don't want to see you. I thought you loved me but it was all lies, wasn't it?"

 

Hyukjae widened his eyes, his heart taking another hard hit upon hearing Donghae's bitter words.

But I do love you.

 

The look of shock painted on Donghae's face told him that he had said this last sentence out loud and a part of him felt proud for finally saying it. The brunette seemed to be displeased, though, because he quickly got up and slammed his fist on his face. This time, Hyukjae didn't have time to duck the hit and his lip split again, bleeding even more violently than the first time.

"Donghae," Hyukjae exclaimed loudly and it felt like a huge burden on his shoulders disappeared. He grabbed the brunette's hands in his own, trying to get him to listen to him. "Donghae, I swear that I do love you. I love you and - and - I would have never -..."

 

"You motherer," Donghae wheezed. "How dare you -"

 

"Donghae." He almost screamed and the brunette reluctantly shut his mouth at the intensity of his gaze. He grabbed his shoulders this time, hoping he wouldn't try to punch him again, and forced him to look at him. "I love you, ok? Please, please, believe me."

 

"Then why -"

 

"Hyunah used Siwon's phone," He quickly explained, grabbing the opportunity of Donghae's attention. "She sent a text and it said that you were at the party so I just went, thinking I would found you. But you weren't there, at the party I mean, and I really didn't want to stay, but there were those guys who gave me drinks and you know I don't put up well with alcohol and - " Donghae let out a rather insulting snort but Hyukjae ignored it. "and when I felt a little too much tipsy I went up in the guestroom to rest and before I could understand, there was Hyunah sitting on my lap."

 

"How am I supposed to believe that?" Donghae hissed. "Drunk or not drunk, you were still kissing her."

 

"I know," Hyukjae said and his voice was pleading but he didn't care. "I'm so terribly sorry, but Donghae, I really love you."

 

The younger seemed to tergiversate for a while, giving him continuous hard and menacing glares. Donghae didn't want to believe it because it sounded too easy. He stared into the redhead's eyes, though, and the sincerity he could see in those dark orbs made him slightly flinch. His own eyes traveled from the many wounds the taller had on his face, wondering if it was all Kyuhyun's work. He stifled a proud snicker, before he glared once again at the other who gulped nervously.

"I should hit you, you know." He stated angrily.

 

"I know. You already did. And Kyuhyun, too."

 

"You deserve more," He retorted. "I don't even know why I believe in your . For all I know, you could be lying to me."

 

"I'm not," Hyukjae said. "Believe me, I'm not lying to you."

 

"Oh my God," Donghae groaned with frustration. "I hate you, Lee-ing-Hyukjae. I hate you so much."

 

The redhead gave him a sheepish smile, before he carefully walked toward him. Donghae gave him a warning look, clearly saying he was still angry. Hyukjae gently cupped his cheeks, before he leaned forward and softly pressed their mouth together. The brunette didn't reply to the kiss but he didn't struggle either, and the older decided it was a good improvement. He moved his lips lovingly, trying to pour all his emotions in that sole kiss. He couldn't apply much pressure since his lip still hurt but he courageously slipped his tongue between Donghae's plump lips. The latter let out a sigh against his will, mentally noting that he should be playing hard to get instead. However, the way Hyukjae's pink muscle looked for his was addicting and soon he was kissing him back. I can't stay away from him that long. His hands sneaked around his waist before he took full control of the kiss, his tongue sweeping around every surfaces of the redhead's hot cavern. Hyukjae moaned softly, sighing with delight when the brunette tilted his head to the side and kissed him with more intensity. The slight pain he could still feel on his lower lip had faded to the back of his mind, trying to pull Donghae closer instead. He gasped softly when Donghae on his tongue and he pressed his body impossibly closer to his, his hands trying to touch every bit of bare skin they could touch. Their sleek, wet muscle danced together into a furious dance until they had to pull back. Donghae gave a last vicious, painful bite on Hyukjae's lower lip who squealed a little, clearly indicating he wasn't fully forgiven yet.

He kept their foreheads close, though, gazing into Hyukjae's eyes.

"You're a jerk," He stated.

 

The other smiled before pecking his lips sensually. "I'm sorry. I love you."

Donghae would never admit it, but he could feel thousands of butterflies in his stomach when hearing those words finally leaving Hyukjae's thin, swollen lips. He almost felt bad for his bruises, but not really.

 

"So am I forgiven?" He asked almost innocently.

 

Donghae raised an eyebrow before smirking wickedly.

"No. But I'll leave your case to Heechul hyung and Sungmin hyung."

 

Hyukjae widened his eyes in fright before letting out a resigned sigh. I guess I deserve it.

---

You guys forgive me? I'm not really good with drama T^T

So if you guys wonder why Donghae decided to forgive him so quickly... Let's just say he loves him too much, ok? I don't like it when they're angry at each other. Moreover, I made them cry and sad during the whole chapter and I don't like sadness. At all ;A;

But drama or not drama, I feel like this chapter had a lot of fluffy moments. Or is it just me? The drama thing was really crappy, wasn't it. Sawrry. I love you gurls, guys, unicorns :3

I hope you guys still liked this chapter :3 I don't why but I have a serious case of lenghty writing lately. This chapter is something like 20 pages. Which means 20 pages of proofreading and editing. I'm too lazy for that ;^; But I'll be strong!

 

Thank you for reading ~ Please remember to comment, subscribe and upvote!