Illa Illa- Juniel

 

When the warm and scented wind passes by my cheeks
I think of your face that i used to love
Oh, when the wild, unknown flowers bloom hidden on the streets
I think of you, whom i hide away in my memories

My baby illa illa illa, baby illa illa illa, baby illa illa illa
Never forget love

Because first love is beautiful, a first love is a flower
Blooming widely when spring comes – dazzling like a flower
Like a young child, a first love is inexperienced
Because you can’t unconditionally give and take love

Illa illa illa, illa illa illa, illa illa illa,
My love, good-bye

When the stars drawn out on the night sky bring up your memories,
I take you out of my old diaries

My baby illa illa illa, baby illa illa illa, baby illa illa illa
Never forget love

Because first love is beautiful, a first love is a flower
Blooming widely when spring comes – dazzling like a flower
Like a young child, a first love is inexperienced
Because you can’t unconditionally give and take love

I was young back then, i didn’t know any better
Now i think i will know
I call out to you as i draw you out
Illa illa illa illa, illa illa illa

Illa illa illa illa, never forget love

Seeing as a first love is painful, a first love is like a fever
Because after you are mindlessly sick, you become an adult
Because a first love can never be, a first love is lingering attachment
Because you can’t have it since you loved too much

Illa illa illa, illa illa illa, illa illa illa, my love, good-bye
Illa illa illa, illa illa illa, illa illa illa, my love, good-bye
 

I flipped through the diary, reading the entries and looking at the photos. I smiled to myself reminiscing those times with him.

"Hyuna.."

"Hmm?" He played with my fingers as we were cuddling on the bed together. Our love was not like others. Its purely on love and nothing more. Because its blinded. Well, one of us is.

I never knew how he looked like eversince we first met. He said he was handsome. But I don't even know the definition of it. I was born blind. We fell in love like normal people do. He was my first love. He accepted me as who I am.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

I chuckled. "What kind of question is that?"

"Just answer me please. I want to hear it," he pleaded.

"I love you Yong Junhyung," I said as I snuggled closer to his chest, inhaling his sweet scent that made me recognise him immediately. There was a long moment of silence but it wasn't awkward or tense.

Finally he spoke. "You have to be independent ok? Be strong when facing challenges. The more obstacles you face, the stronger you are," he said.

"Yah.. What is this..? Its like you're going away or something. Are you?" I asked.

"Ahni.. I'm not going anywhere..." he said softly, caressing my fingers.

I wasn't convinced by his tone but I just ignored my thoughts.

“Jun..” I started.

“Hmm?”

I chuckled a little as it seems the same the way we start our conversation. “How do you look like?”

He sighed. “I thought I’ve told you before? Wae? If I’m not handsome you don’t want to be with me?” he said.

“Of course not! I just wonder. Every second I wonder how you look like.. Every second I wonder how I look like,” I said.

“You’re beautiful Hyuna. You don’t have to worry about that,” he said, caressing my cheek. I just smiled sadly. I don’t even know how beautiful looks like. I’m grateful to have Junhyung, but I sometimes I just feel sad that I don’t know how my own first love look like.

There was a knock on the door. I felt Junhyung sat up slightly.

“Hyuna, omma is going out for awhile to buy dinner. Are you two going anywhere?” she said.

“Ahni. We’re just here right Junhyung?” I said. I felt Junhyung nodding above my head.

“That’s good. Junhyung, stay for dinner arasso?” my mum said.

“I will Mrs Kim,” he said politely. I’ve been with Junhyung for a year now and my family really likes him too. Whenever he’s not around, my mum always say that I’m lucky to have a perfect guy like Junhyung.

- - - - - - - 

We were walking hand in hand at the beach with my white cane guiding me. I love going to the beach so that I can listen to the sound of water crashing by the shore. It makes me feel calm especially with Junhyung by my side.

“Baby.. You know I love you right?” Junhyung spoke.

“Yes Jun.. I know. Why do you keep asking me things like this? Are you okay?” I asked.

“There’s not much time left…” he said softly, almost as if he didn’t want me to hear it. I was puzzled by his words.

“Huh?”

“Nothing.. let’s walk a little bit more and we shall head home okay?” he said. I just nodded.

As we were walking home, his phone rang.

“Yeoboseyo?” he answered.

“Yes I’ll head home soon noona….. Yes I’m okay, don’t worry….. No I didn’t. Yes yes.. okay.. bye..” I heard his answers to his sister on the phone. He lives with only his elder sister as their parents live overseas because of work. As he hung up, he started coughing profusely.

I stopped on my tracks and held on his upper arm. “Are you okay? You seemed to be coughing a lot these days..”

He let out a chuckle that sounds to be forced out. “I’m okay. I think I ate too much sweets last night.” He held my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine and started walking again.

“We’re here,” he said as we reached my place. I gave him my keys and he opened the door. My parents are still at work and Junhyung is the one who usually stays with me until they get back. We went inside and Junhyung closed the front door.

I walked ahead of him and turned my head slightly when he was coughing yet again. “I’m going to shower first okay? Drink some water Jun..” I said, smiling. Silence. He didn’t reply.

“Junhyung? Are you there? Jun?” I asked, slightly panicked.

I moved my cane around, trying to feel him somewhere around me. My cane hit something on the floor. I kneeled down beside it and carefully tried to feel what it was. It was Junhyung. Junhyung’s body lying on the floor.

“Junhyung? Jun??” I said worriedly and shook his body, trying to wake him up.

“Junhyung wake up! Jun!” my voice started to quiver as my hand tapped his cheeks lightly. Tears were already streaming down my eyes. What happened to him??

“Junhyung don’t leave me like this! I don’t know what to do! Junhyung!” I called his name over and over again but his body remained still. I felt over his chest and I didn’t feel any heartbeat. My heart started beating very fast.

“Junhyung! Jun! Wake up! Junhyung!!” I cried as loud as possible. My head collapse on his chest as I shake him, trying to wake him up.

His phone rang and I quickly feel around his body to search for it. I found it easily as it was vibrating in his pocket. I feel around for the brail that indicates the answering button.

“Junhyung?” his unnie said.

“Unnie! Junhyung collapse and I don’t know what to do! Unnie please help me. I really don’t know what to do…” I pleaded as my tears didn’t stop flowing. His sister agreed panickly and told me to stay where I was and she’ll come as soon as possible.

I just waited and waited. Crying beside Junhyung, still trying so hard to wake him up but he just didn’t move.

I felt a tear fell on my cheek, remembering that day. I ran my hand over Junhyung’s picture on the diary. His diary. His sister had passed it to me and said that Junhyung wanted me to have it after I’ve gone through the surgery. I was extremely reluctant at first when his sister told me about his illness.

“He just got to know from the doctor that he has lung cancer. He thought it was just normal cough. But when it got worse, he went to the doctor. By that time, it was already too late for any treatment…”

“He told me that if he die, he want to give you his vision. He wants you to see the world even if he’s no longer around. That was his last wish to me. I have to fulfill it Hyuna,” his sister said.

I had a hard time at first reading his posts in the diary as I was used to reading brail. I told my mother to read it for me as I really want to know what he wrote. There were also many photos of me and him inside. Among all the post, his last post was the one I remember the most by heart.

15 August 2012

I just got back from the doctor. No words can express how I’m feeling right now. But now, all I can think about is Hyuna. My baby. My love. I’m sorry baby if I leave you one day. You’re my first love and I’m glad you’ll be my last love too. I really can’t describe how much I love you. Your pure innocence and sweet smile always made my day. These last few days of my life, I’m going to spend them with you. I love you Kim Hyuna.

Requested by: xuanlah

Note: So sorry for taking a looong time to fulfil the requests! Anyway I just summarised the lyrics into a first love. Coz thats basically what the song is about I think. :/ Hope you liked it! :)