To My Boyfriend - HyunAh

 

I must have been scared, 
that must be why I didn’t do well
Those words must still be circling in my mind

Just in case since I don’t know
Since I don’t know if we’ll run into each other again
I only sprayed the perfume that you liked back then

Since I miss you, since I feel like I’m going crazy
Since it feels like you’re going to come running and hold me
Since it hurts so crazily, I cried like a fool
I couldn’t hold onto you when you brushed by
I couldn’t hold onto you when you turned around

I didn’t realize it, 
I couldn’t let you go
Somehow I think 
you feel the same way

Even if time passes, 
you’ll become more clear
The times when you’re not here 
must have no meaning

Since I miss you, since I feel like I’m going crazy
Since it feels like you’re going to come running and hold me
Since it hurts so crazily, I cried like a fool
I couldn’t hold onto you when you brushed by
I couldn’t hold onto you when you turned around

Why do only tears come out, 
when I can’t erase you
It feels like you’re going to come back
Like a fool, I couldn’t say anything, 
couldn’t hold onto you
I dislike myself for being like this

Since I miss you, since I feel like I’m going crazy
Since it feels like you’re going to come running and hold me
Since it hurts so crazily, I cried like a fool
I couldn’t hold onto you when you brushed by
I couldn’t hold onto you when you turned around

Her

“Hyuna! Focus!” The dance instructor shouted to get her attention. She bowed apologetically and tried to focus again. Soon their break time came and they were dismissed for awhile. As everyone else went to their bags to take a drink, the instructor walked to Hyuna.

“What is wrong with you? Seriously, you’re not like this. But lately I always see you daze out and not focusing while practicing. Is something bothering you?” he asked, concerned. Hyuna just smiled slightly and shook her head.

“I guess I’m just tired. I will do better,” she said, bowing and went out with her water bottle. The instructor just looked at her go and shook his head, sighing.

Hyuna walked like a zombie to the corridor. She needed to get out of the room. Many people will start asking her questions just like the instructor. She needs to be alone for now. I didn’t do well again today. What’s wrong with me? she thought. She didn’t realised that while her mind was not on reality, they were on memories of him. Especially his last words to her. We can’t be together Hyuna.

Him

Junhyung stared at his fingers while the background is filled with people talking. He didn’t hear anything as he was already in his world. His eyes didn’t blink for a long time when he was busy staring a hole into his hands. Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up cluelessly and turned to his side and saw Yoseob looking at him worriedly.

“Yong Junhyung, are you even listening to anything we’re discuss here in the meeting?” Mr Hong said sternly. Junhyung turned his head to the CEO and bowed slightly when he realised he had not been paying attention.

“I’m very sorry. I’m listening now Mr Hong. I’m very sorry,” he apologised. Mr Hong eyed him closely and went back to the meeting. He looked across and the other members were all eyeing him curiously. Junhyung is not the type to lose focus. What’s more in an important meeting. He avoided their eye contact and turned to Mr Hong instead.

He knows why he was in a daze. He knows what has been bothering him. It has already been done Junhyung. Thinking about it doesn’t make it better, he told himself.

Her

After practice was over, they took a quick shower and changed into their casual clothes. As Hyuna waited for other members to get ready, she searched into her bag for something precious. She finally found it at the side pocket of her duffle bag. She stared at it for awhile, thinking whether to put it on or not like she always do these past few days. She uncapped the bottle and sprayed a small amount of perfume spray on her wrist and rubbed her wrists together.

She inhaled the sweet smelling perfume that he always wear. The perfume that she wanted to give him because his had finished his and had no time to buy a new one. Hearing footsteps by the door, Hyuna quickly kept the perfume bottle into her bag. They were going back to Cube building for a short meeting about their new album. She’s not sure if he’ll be there. Which is why she needs something to imagine that he’s still by her side.

Him

Junhyung and Yoseob were walking to the recording studio to start recording Yoseob’s solo songs. The others either went to their individual schedules or back to the dorm.

“Junhyung-ah, are you okay?” Yoseob asked as Junhyung unlocked his studio.

“Yeah. Why?” he said as they stepped into the studio. He shut the door behind him and threw the keys infront of his iMac.

“You seem a little out these days. Like you’re neither here nor there. Do you have a problem?” he asked, sitting on the couch.

“Ah really? I guess I’m just tired,” he answered simply but Yoseob knows there was more to it. Yoseob decided to let it go since Junhyung was busy setting up his computer and other recording equipments.

Just then something caught Yoseob’s eyes. “Junhyung-ah. Why do you have a tin can cap tied onto one of your chains?” Yoseob asked, pointing to the chain around Junhyung’s wrist.

Junhyung looked up from his computer and brought up his arm. He blinked a few times, lost for words.

He forced out a laugh. “I think I couldn’t find a bin that time.” He looked away to avoid getting caught lying.

“Ah.. Take it out and let me throw it for you. Doesn’t look nice being together with those expensive chains,” Yoseob said, attempting to just touch his chain when Junhyung snatched back his hand.

“No!” he accidentally shouted. Yoseob was shocked.

“I mean, you don’t have to. We have a lot of work to do now,” he said. Yoseob was getting frustrated by Junhyung’s actions but he once again let it go seeing that his dear friend didn’t want to talk about it.

Junhyung just realised that he couldn’t move on either. He was the one that broke them apart. He was concerned that she couldn’t move on but he realised he’s facing the same problem. Even that tiny minor thing meant a lot to him. It was the tin can cap from a Coke that Hyuna first bought for him. It seemed weird but he just couldn’t throw it away.

~

After they had finished recording, Yoseob wanted to back but Junhyung didn’t. He made an excuse of wanting to edit some things and do some other work. Yoseob, too tired to ask anymore, just went back without him.

Junhyung shut down his computer and slumped his body onto the couch. He heaved out a long sigh, staring into space. The day that they went separate ways keeps playing in his mind like a broken record. He had told her his reason. It wasn’t his anyway. It was the company’s new policy. They are allowed to date but not with the artists from the same company. Pretty simple right? Well love follows no policy. It follows the heart.

Remembering back how she cried, how he had to stay strong for both of them, Junhyung shut his eyes. Without realising, he was already crying into his palms. He missed her so much. There isn’t a day he stopped thinking about her. Her voice, laughter, smiles, all fresh in his mind. He hated himself for not being able to go against the rules and just hold onto her. He had to be a coward and let her go.

Her

Hyuna walked out of the meeting room and went separate ways with her members because she wanted to go to the ladies. She stopped on her tracks suddenly when she saw him right infront of her. He just came out of his studio when he turned and saw her. He too was stunned for awhile, not expecting to see her then. His last words to her had hurt her. He didn’t dare say anything anymore. He don’t want to hurt her further.

Both of them started walking towards each other’s directions but when they got close, she nearly stopped when he just walked passed. She had the urge to grab his arm. To hold onto him again. To tell him how much she miss him. But she didn’t. She let him pass her and it hurts. A lot.

She went into one of the cubicle and put the toilet seat cover down as she sat on it. She had just fixed her make up but the stream of tears now had messed up her face again. She cried in the cubicle while trying to muffle her cries as soft as possible by covering .

Them

She sobbed continuously alone, in the silent cubicle. He leaned against a wall at the lonely hallway, shutting his eyes and let the tears flow by itself again.

Requested by: haru_chan

Note: Firstly I know the title is to my BOYFRIEND but in my perspective, as for JunAh, Hyuna is not the only one hurt when they broke apart. Junhyung is too. Maybe that explains the sob songs he had been composing lately. But that's just me. For me, the way I see it, the break must have hurt both of them. That's why I write in view of BOTH parties but the other doesn't know. They are just hurt by themselves. I really like this song and I'm glad someone requested for it. Hope you guys like it too. :)