I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling on top of me. I don’t seemed to be asleep at all. Its as if I had too much coffee that all I can do was close my eyes and hope to sleep.

Everytime I closed my eyes, I see her. I see her smiling face, I hear her laughter. Suddenly everything that has happened to us came playing back in my mind. But it all comes to a bad end when I realised how we are now. No. How I am now. How is she now… I wonder.

I showered and got ready for work. Work. That’s the only thing that can keep my mind off her. I compose songs. I write lyrics. About breakups, love, a girl that I am chasing for,… Okay maybe work does not keep my mind off her.

I sat down on my usual office chair. Took out a pen and paper. Its been almost an hour that I’ve been staring at the empty sheet of paper with the pen in my hand. I can’t do this. I have to go out.

As I walked through the streets with a coffee in hand, my heart kept beating faster and faster. No its not fatigue. Its not happiness. Its anger. Because of you I can’t sleep. Because of you I can’t write. Because of you I.. I… I know what it feels like to love. I want to end up hating you so I could forget about you but I can’t. I end up hating myself because it was my fault wasn’t it? Its my fault we fought right? But… why did we say our farewells?

Sometimes I wonder if our relationship is that insignificant that we can separate so simply. Hah. Look at that Hyuna. That couple over there. Isn’t it just like us?

I saw a couple quarelling. The girl is angry. The guy shouldn’t be angry too. Comfort her, I said in my mind subconciously. I smiled slightly when I saw that the guy was starting to make an effort to make her smile again. I continued walking.

That was what I was supposed to do wasn’t it? I said to myself as I looked up to the skies. I’d like to think we’re still together…under the same skies. But then, so does everyone else.

I was back at the building. The building where I work. Where we work. Will I see you today? Do I want to see you today? I sighed heavily and walked in…just when you were walking out.

I looked up. You looked up. I didn’t look away but you did. Ever so simply. You walked passed me as if I was just another stranger. I went in and went straight to my studio.

Did I hurt you that much that you’re not willing to give me another chance?

“Oppa, do you love me?” you asked.

“Of course,” I said.

“Then tell me! I’ve never heard you say those three words to me before,” you pouted. I looked at you clinging onto my arm lovingly.

Is that why? Why we separated?

“I heard from Doojoon oppa that you don’t have any schedules today! Shall we go out?” you asked excitedly through the phone.

“Um.. So sorry Hyuna. I don’t have schedules but I have to finish this song I’m writing for BTOB. Really really sorry. Maybe next time?” I pleaded.

I heard you sigh. “Okay.. Next time then,” you said.

Or was it that? Why am I trying to find the reason we broke up? Shouldn’t I be finding a way to forget you instead?

There was a knock at the door. “Come in,” I said.

“Hey Junhyung. You wanna go for lunch?” Hyunseung asked, peeking his head through the door.

I glanced back at my paper. Still blank. I sighed.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’ll be down in a minute,” I said.

“Okay! Don’t take so long,” he said and closed the door behind him.

I closed my pen and grabbed my wallet and handphone. I scoffed when I saw our picture as my wallpaper. I stood up and switched off the lights before walking out and locking the door.

I smiled as I see my members all waiting for me. They were kind enough to not mention about you anymore. Kind enough to sometimes pretend to not see that I’m still not over you. The least I could do is smile and have fun when being with them.

Maybe I don’t want to forget. Maybe I want to cherish all the memories with you whether good or bad. Maybe I like getting addicted over thinking about you.

I don’t want to let go just yet. I’ll love you on my own until I find a reason or a day to forget you eventually. For now, I still love you. Forget me all you want but this mind and heart right here is not ready to let you go just yet. Maybe some day. But not now.