Midnight - BEAST

How about you? Do you ever think of me sometimes?

On this long night, I close my eyes again
As I think of you, I can’t go to sleep

It’s especially a bit longer, this night without you
I’m getting sadder about the day I let you go
You will become buried, you will become forgotten
Someday

A sleepless night, so sad tonight
This night that I can’t be with you
In the midnight a a a midnight
At thoughts of you, I can’t go to sleep at midnight

This night that came again, so sad tonight
This night I face without you
In the midnight a a a midnight a
You’re not here so I can’t go to sleep at midnight

Faster than my eyes blinking, love came to me
Then left me – you can’t do this to me
Enough, it’s enough – stop hurting me so much
This night isn’t ending because of this lingering attachment

I don’t want to talk about things that have passed but
I guess I really liked you a lot
I keep thinking of you, I keep missing you more
As time goes by

The twinkling little stars, please comfort me
Without a place to lean on, I break down on this night
The twinkling little stars, please comfort me
Without a place to lean on, I break down

The star-counting nights, the seasons pass and the nights change too
But it’s still the same sleepless night

**Note: This is based on my short fic In Love With A Criminal. You don't have to read that to understand this. I hope. But the girl in here is Hyuna.**

I just sat there in the middle of my bed, shutting my eyes as the scenes from that night flashed through my mind.

“Don’t leave me.. please..” she pleaded with tears welling up in her eyes.

I left. Just like that. Running away like a coward. Despite her pleas and my love for her, I still leave her. Till this day, I still don’t know if that was a selfish decision. I did it because I don’t want to get arrested. I don’t want to be hanged. I don’t want to see her die in my arms.

But I don’t want all that because I don’t want her to suffer. I don’t want her to get hurt. Ironic isn’t it? I left her because I don’t want her to get hurt but she was indeed hurting at that time.

Every night, my mind would go back to that night. It is because at night that the incident happened. It is because at night that I met her at first. It would be too much of a coincidence if I say I left her the same place I saved her from the jerk her parents call fiance.

I did went back to the place where I left her. Am I expecting to see her there? What am I, stupid? Of course the cops would have found her that very night. I went there to see the illusion of that night again. To remind myself how much I’ve hurt her. To make guilt chew me alive. I left her because I don’t want to die but now that I had, I just wished I would die right now. I’d rather die than living in this world alone without her. I’ve never depend on anyone as much before eversince my mother was murdered. It seems as if she was depending on me but no. I was. I was depending on her for love and care. Yoseob and Dujun are just company. But they can’t give me the love and affection that she gives. I mean I’m not gay.

Every night, after I was done with my usual job, I would go back, expecting to see her sitting on the bed the moment I open the door. And evey night I was disappointed by the empty space.

I’ve never felt so empty and souless in my life before. It was quite unfair for Yoseob and Dujun since I was the one who lead them. So for them, I acted as if everything was fine. Get excited when we get our cheques from our clients, eat great meals outside, hang around like blood brothers. But the moment I’m alone in my apartment, all the fake happiness vanished.

I could sometimes hear her voice calling my name and giggling as I tickle her. When I lay down on my bed, I remember on those nights, well every night, I’m with her. Cuddling her close to me, inhaling her sweet scent.

I wanted to change. I wanted to get a real job and quit all these killings and stealing. So if I found her again, I can lead a normal life with her. But I can’t. I gave up easily. When some store didn’t accept me because I don’t have any qualifications, I gave up. I throw my anger at night when I’m robbing some inncoent passer-by or stabbing in place of a client’s vengeance. I remember one afternoon the store manger did not only rejected me but he criticised me and my family. Saying my parents didn’t bring me up well and now I’m a hopeless living wasting his youth away. I cussed silently and just walked away because I know if I reacted, he would be dead by now.

“Hyung! Stop! Stop!” Yoseob shouted as I was punching a guy about a few years older than me to the ground non-stop. We were just intending to rob him, not kill. We would only kill if the person made our robbing difficult. But this guy was innocent. He didn’t retaliate and he just followed whatever orders we told him. But yet something in me made me punch the guy’s guts out.

Yoseob and Dujun pulled me back forcefully from the guy. I saw that he was already covered in blood all over his face and was groaning in pain, clutching onto his stomach.

Suddenly I felt guilty for hurting someone who didn’t even do anything. And I wasn’t even paid to kill or hurt him but yet I nearly did. Just because of the overwhelming anger I had in me. I turned to Yoseob and took the man’s wallet that we robbed.

I threw it on his body and turned away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” I said and walked away, expecting Yoseob and Dujun to follow suit.

“Did you just gave the man his wallet back??” Dujun said as we were walking home.

I just nodded.

“What’s wrong with you??” he shouted and pinned me on the brick wall by my shoulders.

“The person I know before wasn’t like this! He wouldn’t have any guilt or anything towards the people he rob! What the hell is wrong with you???” he shouted at my face.

“I NEARLY KILLED HIM OKAY!” I shouted.

“So??? You’ve killed so many lives before!” he said.

“But this is different! We weren’t paid to do that. He didn’t even retaliate when we demand for his money. I.. I got carried away,” I said, looking down.

Dujun let out an audible sigh and let my shoulder go. “What’s wrong with you Junhyung-ah.. You were never like this. You’re the one who never loses focus and know what you’re doing. Yoseob and I look up to you because of that..” he said.

I opened my eyes and rubbed my face in my palms. I went to the kitchen and took a glass of iced water. After gulping down the cold drink, I stared at the glass on my hand. I’m disappointing everyone. Dujun. Yoseob. Hyuna. If my mother was still alive, she would be disappointed too. Should I just die? I don’t have to face these restless nights anymore. My mind would not go back to the night I left her.

If I break this glass and slid the pieces on my wirst, I would die slowly, I hope. Let the blood flow out my hand until there’s no more blood to flow. Or I can just take one piece and slid it across my thoat. Yeah that would be faster.

I was about to smash the glass on the edge on the counter when suddenly I felt a hug behind me.

“Don’t Junhyung. You have to live. What would happen to Dujun and Yoseob if you die? They depend so much on you. What would happen to me if I come across them one day and they told me that you commited suicide? Don’t do it Junhyung,” Hyuna’s voice whispered in my ears. My grip on the glass loosened as I slowly placed it back on the counter.

“Never give up on life no matter how ty it has become. Live your life until the day you were fated to end it,” she said.

The hug slowly vanish and I was there alone again. I’ve always been alone but getting to feel as if she’s there, makes me less lonely.

A tear dropped from my eyes and soon I was crying like a baby. I covered my face with my hands, resting my elbows on the counter. When I got my strength back, I walked to the bed and lay down.

I don’t know what happened to her after I’ve left her. Did she survived? If she did, where is she now? Did she go back to her fiance?

But all I know is that these restless nights will keep on going until fate decided to either end my life or get us back together.

Requested by: YulHyun

Note: I don't know why but I really like this chapter. I hope you do too :)