What Hurts The Most - Cascada

 

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few tears now and then

And just let them out

 

I'm not afraid to cry

Every once in a while even though goin' on

With you gone still upsets me

 

There are days

Every now and again I pretend I'm okay

But that's not what gets me

 

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

 

Never knowing

What could have been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

 

It's hard to deal with the pain

Of losing you everywhere I go

But I'm doin' it

 

It's hard to force that smile when I

See our old friends and I'm alone

Still harder

 

Gettin' up, gettin' dressed

Livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

 

I would trade, give away all the words

That I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

 

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

 

Never knowing

What could have been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

 

I'm not afraid to cry

Every once in a while even though goin' on

With you gone still upsets me

 

There are days

Every now and again

I pretend I'm okay

But that's not what gets me

 

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

 

Never knowing

What could have been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

 

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

 

Never knowing

What could have been

And not seein' that lovin' you

Is what I was tryin' to do

Junhyung looked at his reflection on the mirror once more. He was dressed neatly in a white shirt with sleeves folded to his elbow and black jeans. He had his shirt tucked out so that he won’t look too formal. With a sigh, he took the card on his dressing table and went out of his room.

He stood outside the grand hotel, staring at the beautiful sign by the side of the door. Cube Highschool Class of 2001 Reunion Dinner.

He went in after showing the guard at the door his invitation card and looked around. Almost all of them were there already. He spotted a familiar group of guys at the center of the hotel and smiled to himself.

Dujun was turning around when Junhyung came close. “Junhyung!!!” he shouted happily and hugged him tightly as Junhyung got to them.

“How are you man? Long time no see yeah?” he said as he let go of Junhyung, letting him greet the others. Junhyung just laughed and nodded.

“You look different! Well all of us do right?” Dongwoon said earning some laughs from the other 5 guys.

Junhyung couldn’t stop smiling. He was glad he made the decision to go to the reunion. He missed these five guys so much. They lost conatct when all of them went separate ways after graduation. They chatted about their current jobs, lives, partners and everything under the sun that has been missed throughout the years.

“Hey look! The girls are here!” Hyunseung said, pointing to the entrance of the big hall of the hotel.

Junhyung turned and saw 5 gorgeous ladies walking into the hall like models. The chatted among each other as they walked. Jiyoon saw us first and pointed to us to the other girls just like Hyunseung. They looked up with all smiles and waved happily to the guys.

Other than the 6 of them, they were also a group with these 5 ladies- girls back then. They were as close as siblings. He missed them. He missed her.

As the others were chatting away, waiting for the others to come so that they could start the dinner, Hyuna stood close to Junhyung.

“Hey,” she said, smiling at him.

“Hey,” he said, returning the smile.

“Long time huh?” she commented. Junhyung nodded to himself slowly.

“How are you? I haven’t heard about you since you went back to Canada after graduation,” Hyuna said.

“I’m.. good. Still alive and kicking,” he joked and both them chuckled. “You?”

“Okay.. But you know.. marriage life can be tiring sometimes,” she said, pouting slightly. He didn’t want to hear that. Especially not now. Buy the he knows he had to. To remind him of his mistake. Remind him that he had somehow lost her.

Seeing Junhyung quiet, Hyuna asked, “How about you? Am I going to get an invitation any soon?” She grinned.

He laughed short. “Nah.. I’m still like this. Forever alone,” he chuckled.

Hyuna sighed. “If we had stayed close friends I might just hook you up with one of my girlfriends.”

“Yeah we’re close back then huh..” he said softly.

“What made us drift apart?” he asked, almost to himself although he knows the answer.

“I don’t know. Maybe coz you moved back?” Hyuna said. Junhyung didn’t know that Hyuna too knows the real answer. Joon. After Joon had confessed to her during senior year and Hyuna accept him as her boyfriend, they have been drifting apart. Not because she paid more attention to Joon but because Junhyung started avoiding her. She didn’t know why until now. Junhyung became secretive. Not as close to her anymore. His actions towards her were different too. Its like he was hesitant.

He nodded. “Maybe..”

~

All of them were seated around the big oval table covered with white silk with the dishes on top.

Laughs and chats were heard as they reminisced on their past highschool years. The six guys sat beside the five girls. As Junhyung was at the end and Hyuna coincidentally was the first, they sat beside each other.

He caught a glance of her wedding ring and just turned away. It still hurts. He still glooms over the regret of not expressing his love to her more clearly. His actions towards her tells it all that he loves her. But its either she needed words of confession or she didn’t even notice. Either way, its already too late. Those all are past memories that will soon fade away like the polaroid pictures they once took together.

He didn’t remember how, but they were now at the balcony of the grand five star hotel after the sumptous dinner. Just the both of them.

They were both admiring the dark night sky when she popped up a question. “Do you ever wonder how it will be if we end up together instead of Joon and me?”

He scoffed softly. “I wonder about that all the time Hyuna.”

“Then why didn’t you do something to find out?” she asked calmly.

He sighed. “I guess.. I took advantage of the situation?”

“Meaning?”

“We were close. I never knew I could lose you to someone else,” he indirectly confessed.

“You cannot lose something you never had Junhyung.” He turned to her and she looked at him. Those words somehow hurt him.

“What did you do to actually claim me as yours?” He stayed silent.

“Nothing right? Then I was never yours in the first place.” She turned back to the sky casually.

He nodded to himself knowingly. He should have done something back then. Even Hyuna knows he should. He should have done something before Joon came into picture. But now, its too late. He will never know what could have happened if he were to just say the three words. Three simple words that doesn’t mean anything now.

“You know, I didn’t want to accept Joon back then. My heart was with someone else,” Hyuna said.

“But there’s a quote. It says, If you have a bird, set it free. If it comes back, its yours to keep. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant for you in the first place.”

“I let that someone go, wishing he would come back. But he didn’t. Instead he went further from me. I guess he wasn’t meant for me in the first place,” she ended.

He watch her smile sadly as she looked at the sky. Her phone rang and she answered it immediately. After talking for awhile, she hang up.

“Sorry Junhyung. But I have to go now. It was nice seeing you again. Hope to see you around,” she said, leaving a soft kiss on his cheek.

He just smiled and nodded. She took his hand and placed something small on his palm and close it into a fist. With that, she went off.

Junhyung opened his hand and saw a paper being folded into a small piece. He fold it out and read the words on it. You were the bird Junhyung.

Requested by: JQ_SON

P/S: I was listening to the song on repeat while writing this. Keke^^