"I was confused Kibum, and I was even more confused before I met you," Jonghyun started slowly choosing his words wisely. He didn't really know, where the start was, and he was afraid to find out what the end would be. He was aware that every word he spoke either would stab the guy he loved in the chest, or it could heal away all the sorrow he was feeling. More than less he was for the first time in his life afraid to speak up for himself.

Kibum pretended to not listen, as he turned a bit to the right, so his back was facing the older boy. Every word left a print though. He heard everything - he was just not so sure, if he would actually be able to understand the brunette's choices.

"Everything was a mess at home. My parents wanted me to study to become a doctor, but I didn't have the grades, so they took away the most important thing in my life - my music. They didn't let me leave the house, if I wasn't going to school - they hold me hostage in my own house," Jonghyun didn't show any emotions, as he spoke. It was scary as cold he sounded by the mention of his parents, "but I'm not like that Kibum. I wanted to play music, so I rebelled a lot. I snuck out in the middle of the night to play at the local bars-"

Kibum turned around suddenly to glare at the older boy, before harshly snarling, "How I feel sorry for you. You have two caring parents, and all you can do is being ungrateful. I wouldn't want a son like you either."

The words stung as if the blonde boy had just slapped Jonghyun across the cheek, but his story was far from done. He had more to tell, and the younger boy had every right to be angry at him.

"It's not all," Jonghyun whispered sadly, "my girlfriend broke up with me, when she found out, that my grades were falling. I was so blindly in love with her, that I never considered, she might be together with me for my parent's wealth. It wasn't me she was dating, but my family's money. My parents took all my cards, when my grades dropped. They didn't want a son like me."

Kibum was more than shocked over the new information that he had just been informed on, "What? Girlfriend?"

"Kibum-"

"So you were just playing around with me all this time? You didn't even feel a percent of the feelings, I had - no have - for you?" Tears betrayed the younger's angered words, so he quickly turned around again, so the older wouldn't see him so weak.

Somehow those words encouraged Jonghyun. The boy, he was in love with, had just confirmed he still had feelings for him even if it had been with hurtful words. A smile slowly played on top of his lips, "I'm biual. I love both genders equally. I just have too much love to share, what can I do?"

"Do you really think now is the right time to joke around?" Kibum snapped not turning around. Relief filled his dark brown eyes as he stared into the star filled night. He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up; he had decided a long time ago, he wouldn't get together with this guy again.

"No, I'm sorry," Jonghyun hung his head low, as he approached the subject he'd rather not talk about, "My sister is very ill. She was born with a very weak body, so she has been bedridden the most of her life. She got homeschooled, and of course we're all very worried about her. As a kid I did everything to protect her, and she's like a best friend to me - but instead of taking care of myself, I did everything for her."

Out of the corner of his eye Kibum saw a tear falling down the older's cheek, but he quickly removed it, as he didn't want to be weak. Jonghyun was done running, and it was time to face his fears, mistakes and save the love of his life. He had nothing to lose and so much to gain.

"One day when I visited my sister, who was at the hospital for a checkup, I started crying. I told her, how I didn't know how to live anymore. I didn't understand myself, what I wanted from this life. I didn't know what was right nor wrong anymore. I told her, that I just wanted to run away; away from the expectations, the hurt..." Jonghyun sank his spit and closed his watering eyes before adding: "and from myself."

It felt like a needle stung Kibum's heart over and over, and he finally turned around to face the other boy. He didn't say anything, he didn't touch him - he just turned around. He wanted to hear the rest of the story, and he wanted Jonghyun to know that. He had run of to Seoul to get away from himself, and he had learned the hard way, that it was no help. You have to face yourself the place, where you are - you can't just go out and find a new you - since the old you will be following you around like a shadow.

The brunette gazed into the younger's dark eyes, but he found no answer, if he was forgiven yet, so he continued his story: "My sister told me to leave  - to go see the world; maybe find myself again. She wants me to be happy. So that's what I did. Just as absurd the thought was, I couldn't stop myself. Soon I was on a train, and I had no idea, where I was going. I just needed to get away. Somehow it turned out to be the right decision, since I met you."

Silence filled the chicken cage, as Kibum tried to comprehend all the information, he had just been told. Parents, girlfriend, and sister - he knew that Jonghyun had had a life before him, but his imagination had not gone as far as to this. Roughly said, Jonghyun was just a runaway, who he had stumbled upon.

"Kibum," the older was once again the first to break the silence, "you're the most amazing person, I've ever met. You just accepted me without knowing much about me, you and your family fed me and gave me clothes. I've never been so grateful my whole life. I know, it's probably too late, but I love you. I love you, and I can't imagine a life without you. If a minute passes by and you haven't crossed my mind at least once, it feels like I'm not breathing."

The blonde boy's heart skipped a beat, and his cheeks turned slightly pink. He had dreamed of Jonghyun confessing to him, but could he just forgive him like that? Would it get in the way of their love? What would be the right thing to do?

"Why did you leave like that? Why didn't you tell me the truth?" Kibum's voice croaked, as he spoke, "didn't you trust me?"

"My sister's condition turned for the worst. Apparently my dad knew where I was, but had left me alone in the hope, that I would finally grow up. He contacted me that night to tell me, it was time to come home. I didn't know how to tell you the truth. You're so sure of yourself, and you know what you want - how was I supposed to tell you, that I had run away from my own reality like that?" Jonghyun was becoming desperate. No matter how much he reached for younger's hand, it seemed like he kept taking a step back from every word he spoke. Was it really going to end like this?

"How's your sister now?" he asked truly concerned, "is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's all better now. It was a false alarm, but it also made me realize, it was time for me to grow up. I couldn't just leave again, but this time I wanted to live my way," Jonghyun got lost in his thoughts for awhile, and Kibum let him, as he stayed quiet by his side, but soon the older boy continued: "I wanted to push you away. I didn't want you to see me so weak. I wanted to stand in front of you someday and be someone you could be proud of. At that time I couldn't even look myself into my own eyes, so how could I be by your side?"

"Jonghyun," the brunette's heart stopped beating for a second as the younger finally muttered his name, "I can't just forgive you like this. You left me."

"I know-" Kibum cut the older off, before he got the chance to come up with more excuses.

"But what should I do? I still love you... I can't forgive you, but I love you," a tear dropped from Kibum's left eye, as he stared intensely at Jonghyun, "I already told you that my worst fear is people leaving me. How could you do that? You should have trusted me! We could have figured it out together! Why did you choose to suffer alone?"

"I love you," Jonghyun had also started crying by this time. He knew he had done wrong, and he didn't know how to make it up to the person he loved the most in the entire world, "what can I do to make you trust me again?"

"I don't know," Kibum answered honestly - it was time for them both to be completely honest with each other - there was no reason to replay the whole thing over and over, "I can't forgive you, but I don't know how to live without you either."

Neither of them knew, if it was the perfect timing, or if it was something they both would regret later, but they slowly inched closer to each other. Jonghyun's hand was on top of Kibum's on the bench, Kibum slowly caressed Jonghyun's cheek, they both still had tears in their eyes - and just like that, they finally kissed.

It was barely a kiss though. Their lips just touched briefly, but butterflies filled up their stomachs, and it just filled right, as if they were made for each other. Still they knew that no matter, how much they kissed, no matter how much they caressed each other's cheeks and no matter how much they loved each other, there was still a lot that needed to be fixed, before they could be together.

"I'll stay here, until you can forgive me," Jonghyun said determined, as his hand left Kibum's, "I'll make you mine."

"What if I can't forgive you? What should we do then?" The blonde boy asked anxiously. He wished, he could just forgive him like that, but he was just so scared to be left behind again. He had never tried that anyone came back to him; everyone all just left for good.

"I'll make you forgive me," The older boy said determined, "I know I can do it. I'll prove to you that I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and nothing is going to change that."

"Fine, I'll let you stay then," The younger boy blushed, as he desperately tried to keep that bit of pride he had left, "but don't you dare do anything funny, before I forgive you! Do you understand?"

"What kind of funny are we talking about?" Jonghyun teased the other, as he inched a bit closer to him. It felt like everything was back to normal for a minute even though it wasn't.

Ignoring the other Kibum realized that the older boy still had one thing left to explain, "But how did you end up in that river? You still haven't told me!"

This time it was Jonghyun's time to blush, and he quickly stood up pacing back and forward for a bit, before he finally turned around to face the love of his life again, "I'll tell you, when you forgive me!"

A/N: Hey everyone! I really hope you liked this chapter! To be honest I've been really nervous about writing it - especially since I wasn't too sure about Jonghyun's story to start with. So did you like it, or was it just plain stupid? Now we just need Kibum to forgive Jonghyun soon ;) I'm really happy about everyone's support, and I can't thank you enough for reading this stupid story and being so patient with me! THANK YOU <3 

Hugs Mapi