Being busy, staying busy, keeping busy - just doing something.

Or rather avoiding thinking about him. There was no reason to. He had left. That's it. The end. No happy ending to be found once again - and why should Kibum even care?

He was perfectly fine without him by his side. He was doing great. Just ing peachy.

"Kibum! Are you even listening?" Taemin complained from his side, as they shared the bench in the chicken cage with each other, while feeding the chicks with old bread by throwing small pieces out once at a time.

A perfect pout was formed on top of Taemin's lips, but Kibum didn't look for very long, before he moved his head a bit once again, so he was staring aimlessly into thin air, "What did you say?"

He had lost some weight, and his cheeks had shrunk in making him look really sick. His skin was paler than normal, his usually perfect hair was messier than ever, and his eyes held no emotions for anyone to see.

"Junior-" Taemin started off once again, but slowly realized that he was talking to deaf ears, which only made it all even more unbearable for him. He had never experienced Kibum being that way before, and all he wanted was for the older boy to smile again - to act like his mom again - to be the overprotective big brother, that he had always seen Kibum as.

It just wasn't right for Kibum to smile. He had no reason to anymore. Maybe he had been the key for Jonghyun's happiness, but he had surely never been his own key ever before. He depended too much on everyone else around him to be happy, but isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

He makes someone smile - they make him smile. It's a rule everyone knows. Happiness isn't a one way road - it goes both ways - but why hadn't anyone in his life heard about that.

Of course he wasn't being fair at all.

If you were born alone, of course you were supposed to live alone too. It's okay to let someone in, but you shouldn't rely that much on them. It would only make you suffer.

"Kibum-ah," Taemin shook his shoulder carefully, so the blonde boy wouldn't break, "are you okay?"

It was a funny question to ask really - if he was okay or not. It wasn't like he had broken a leg, or if he had lost his ability to speak, and it was impossible that his heart was broken, since his blood was still getting around in his body making it possible for him to live on. So of course he was okay - why shouldn't he be?

Still it wasn't his reply: "No."

It was barely a whisper, and if Taemin hadn't been staring intensely at the older boy, he probably wouldn't have known that there was a reply to his question, even though he probably already knew it.

Mental pain is something different from physical. When it's physical you can go to the doctor, and get it fixed. Put your leg in a cast, until it has healed, and there's probably also a lot of help to get, if you suddenly can't speak anymore.

No, mental pain is different - even from person to person. It's something other's can't see nor feel. It differs from everyone how bad it is, and how long it takes until they get over it - and for some they might not truly get better, but at some point they'll just learn how to cope with everything.

No more words were spoken between the two boys, but Taemin didn't take long to stand up just to face Kibum and hug him. Nothing mattered anymore he just needed to comfort his friend, but nothing seemed to help, and he felt beyond helpless by now, as a single tear fell down his cheek, while he just hugged Kibum even tighter.

Sometimes when you're heartbroken all you need is time, and that was exactly what Kibum's family was trying to give him - at least the two persons that made up his family.

His grandma showed her care through his favorite food and by not scolding him, when he forgot to feed the chicks. She would wash the clothes the boy usually wanted to wash himself, so it got separated into different piles, while the color matched and the fabric wouldn't get ruined.

Jinki of course had a very tough time showing his younger brother his love. Not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't just wash his clothes or cook him the best meal of his life - instead he skipped work to stay with the blonde boy. He made the best warm hot chocolate in the whole village, and they watched hours of old school dramas together - trying to ruin the plot as they did, so there was no reason left to even over think the small hints of romance, which eventually popped up once in awhile.

"He should just leave the girl already," Kibum mumbled to himself, as they watched another episode. The boy had until then only been insecure about his own feelings, while the girl had done nothing but wait for him, "he's hurting her more that way."

Jinki said nothing, as he glanced quickly at his younger brother, before looking at the screen once again. He was lost for words and scared of saying the wrong things. There was no reason to stab a knife into a wound that was slowly starting to heal.

Four long unbearable weeks had passed since Jonghyun had left and the autumn had finally arrived. Everything had turned into bright colors outside, and it was chill, when they left the house.

The weather had changed together with Kibum's mood and heart.

"Come on he's the biggest jerk ever!" Kibum loudly exclaimed, as he suddenly sat up from his comfortable position in Jinki's bed, where they both had been half lying and half supporting themselves against the wall behind them, "How the can he keep on leaving small hints of actually loving the girl so much, but he can't even admit it to himself? And the girl is just ing accepting it, instead of standing up for herself! She doesn't need a stupid jerk like him - she could do so much better! Don't even let me get started on the second male lead! How can she not even-"

"Kibum," Jinki spoke softly, as he sat up as well after listening to Kibum's rant for a bit, "are you okay?"

Trying to avoid Jinki's eyes Kibum looked around at the older's sandpaper colored walls, which were filled with pictures of memories that held a special meaning to the owner of the room. Pictures of the two of them as kids, a picture of their grandmother as a young woman, pictures from his high school years and some more recent ones with the two of them again.

But the worst part of it was exactly that they were only memories now.

"I don't like when things turn into memories," The blonde boy muttered well knowing it wasn't the exact reply his brother had been expecting, "Memories tend to hurt more, than you expect."

Jinki took this opportunity to look up at the pictures, but instead of frowning like Kibum a small smile was playing on top of his lips, as memories flashed through his head in no particular order.

"Of course some memories aren't that good, but you should try and remember the good ones instead," Jinki lectured the younger with a smile, as he nudged his side, "Bad memories are the easiest to remember, but it's the good ones that are going to make you smile - even when you're down like this."

It was both colored and black and white picture there was hanging all over the walls. Unlike the blonde boy Jinki had no sense for order, so the pictures was just hung wherever he had found the most fit - not caring the slightest if it would end up looking messy. The important part was for him to remember everything good in his life.

Staring at some of the pictures Kibum felt cold and loneliness filled him up till the bones, "I can't remember any." He choked on the words, and tears welled up into his eyes. Surely he had something good to remember, but why couldn't he remember any at this time, where he needed it the most?

"Sure you do," Jinki beamed not losing any hope at finally being able to cheer his beloved brother up for even a small amount of time, as he stood up in the bed and pointed at a picture of the two of them as small standing beside each other with cake all over them, "It was so much fun back then!"

It had been a really cold winter - the winter before their parents died - and Kibum had been bored to death as always, so he had expected Jinki to entertain him just for the reason of him being the oldest. Of course the always caring Jinki had agreed with no second thoughts.

While the outside world had been covered with shining white snow, and the roads being glazed with ice, none of them wanted to play out in the cold when it was warm and comfortable inside, so Jinki had decided that in order to surprise their parents, they should bake a cake.

'Fun' was not the word Kibum would use, when describing that one small event in his life, but neither would he use 'bad'. He guessed it probably had been 'okay', but a small wrinkle on his nose was always visible whenever Jinki decided to retell, how they had done their uttermost best in order to bake this cake.

Flour had been everywhere (which clearly was shown on the picture, with both of them being white from top to bottom), milk had been dripping from the table and they hadn't turned the heat up enough, so the cake had only been half baked once it came out of the oven, but their parents had been so happy about the gesture that they had said nothing about the mess.

A small smile appeared on top of Kibum's lips, as he gazed on the picture hanging on the wall in front of him. Maybe all memories wasn't that bad after all. Just maybe.

"You do realize that it's up to yourself whether or not you want it to become a memory, right?" Jinki glanced at his younger brother, as he spoke softly. He really needed Kibum to understand this. He needed to understand that he actually had a choice himself, "up until now you've done nothing but feel sorry about yourself, but you've never truly stood up for yourself. If you're not okay with Jonghyun leaving, you should do something."

"You mean that if I'm not ready to let him go, I shouldn't let him become a memory?" Kibum muttered to himself as different thoughts trailed through his brain at once, "I decide myself?"

"Yes, it's your choice," Jinki said out loud. Maybe he was usually the goofy and clumsy big brother, but he would always stand up for Kibum no matter what, since that's what big brothers do.

"So you mean-"

Jinki cut Kibum off, before he even had the chance to finish his sentence, "Go find him and ask him yourself, what's going on."

A/N: Hi everyone :) 

I hope you all had an amazing christmas! I did :D

I've been writing a lot on this chapter, but I'm still not satisfied, but I guess this will have to do. After all we're our own hardest judge. 

Okay, wasn't Onew just adorable in this chapter? And he was so smart and stuff! And I seriously love his small addiction to korean dramas! Haha!

Well, I hope you all get into the New Year in one piece, and I probably won't see you before on the other side :) Thank you so much for subscring and reading my stupid story - I'm really grateful!<3 

I love you all~<3