He should have been at the living room, watching the news. She told him she didn’t like anyone watching her doing something, like cooking, perhaps, but he didn’t even listen to her. Instead, he sat at one of those stools (those stools you see in the bar) near the countertop and watched her cook. It reminded him so much of his mother.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. Even if he wanted to, his eyes always went back to her. He didn’t know what to feel. He didn’t know what to think either. She made him feel wanted, needed. She made him feel as if he was someone important. Someone who didn’t need to be someone else to impress.

He felt comfortable around her.

There were a few things he didn’t like about her and few things he liked.

He liked the sound of her laugh. It’s contagious. Once she laughs, Wu Fan felt like laughing along with her, too. He liked her smile because it made him feel better at anything. He liked how she dressed up differently, not the typical outfit he saw girls wear. He liked how her eyes crinkle when she’s happy or how her eyes turn charismatic when she’s serious.

He liked the color of hair, which was a mixture of brown and black. It looked so soft and he could just imagine running his hand through her hair. Perhaps, it’d feel smooth within his rough hands. He liked the tricky color of her eyes. Her eyes turn brown when she’s very happy and black when she’s gloomy. He liked how she’s so giddy around him.

But he can’t conclude whether he did like her in an intimate way. There were a few things he hated about her.

He hated how she seemed to contradict everything he says to her. And when she did, he always ended up losing to her. He hated how she doesn’t get affected or intimidated by his superior tone of voice. Or cry when he tells her the cruelest things. He hated how she says the things he needed to hear. He hated how she says the truest things.

He hated how she’s so different from the others and he hated how it felt good to have her. He hated how he wants to tell her everything, about his life, about his parents, about him. He hated how he feels the happiest when she’s around.

Gulping nervously, he wondered whether he’s fallen into a deeper trouble than he expected. So much for promising not to get into this love business. Now he’s confused of his feelings.

He watched her scurrying around the kitchen, not even noticing that he was there, staring at her back. When she turned around, she nearly dropped the frying pan she was holding when she spotted him at the countertop.

“I thought I told you to wait in the living room,” she said, annoyed. She placed the frying pan carefully at the sink. “What part of it did you not understand?”

He cleared his throat, suddenly embarrassed for no reason. “I’m sorry.”

Soojin jolted into an abrupt halt. Slowly, she turned around to face him with a very surprised look on her face. “Did you just…” she trailed off, flabbergasted. After a momentary 5-second pause, she resumed to her normal self and threw him a lopsided smile. “You didn’t do anything.”

He found himself smiling back to her. He couldn’t help it. His mouth seemed to move on its own.

For the entire time, he had his eyes on her. He was completely immobile on his seat, his arms crossed together and his eyes glued on her back as if he was scared she would run away. The smell of a familiar dish had distracted him.

“Brunch is done.”

Wu Fan bolted up, running to her side immediately and grabbing the plates. For once, the kitchen and the dining room were of use. He liked having someone around, besides his butler, of course. Someone who doesn’t treat him like the President’s son. Someone who sees him normally.

That’s what he needed.

Her eyes veiled themselves with doubt as she watched him run around the kitchen. “Um, I’ll go wash the dishes,” she offered.

He grabbed her wrist, a new, unfamiliar atmosphere brewing between them. The moment he touched her skin, it felt like electricity zapped him in the hand. His heart was beating faster than the normal speed and his pulse was racing.

“Eat,” he says shortly, “with me.”

She frowned. “Okay?”

He wasn’t himself and she noticed it. Heck, he didn’t even know what’s going on with him. She tugged on her wrist, reminding him about his grasp. Then he let go, his eyes turning away from her.

There was this uncomfortable silence between them as they both tried to eat. Maybe it was just Wu Fan but he could seriously sense Soojin’s curious gaze burning at him. Perhaps, she wanted to know why he was acting strange. Or as to why he had apologized when he normally doesn’t.

“My mother used to make my meals, too,” he declared softly, keeping his gaze on the food in front of him. “And I used to watch her cook. She would casually glance back at me, checking if I was still there. I wouldn’t leave my place even if she told me to go out and play with my friends.

“But I couldn’t play. The sad thing was I didn’t have any friends to play with. She encouraged me to make friends but I couldn’t. I didn’t have enough courage to just come out and talk to people. I was introverted. I was used to being in the house and spend time together with my mother.

“My mother brings me wherever she goes, too. She brings me along when she does grocery shopping. Even if we did have a butler assigned to do that, she insists on doing it. She also brings me whenever she visits my father but we usually don’t get to see him. He’s either in a meeting or in a business trip. That was me back then in China.

“When we moved to Korea, everything has changed.” He frowned. “It was fine, seeing my father once a month while my mother is with me. But when my mother began working as well, I was lost. It was the time when I needed some guidance but my parents’ absence made it hard for me. Both of them were always gone and they come home once a year. It felt like I was walking on an unknown path and I don’t know where to go.”

He looked down, fighting the tears that were attempting to come out. He didn’t want Soojin to see him cry. He didn’t want anyone to see him cry. Maybe back then he was a crybaby, always yearning for his father’s presence but he promised to himself he wouldn’t cry again. Not a single tear for his father or his mother.

Feeling a pair of smooth arms circling around his neck, he was surprised of how comfortable it felt. He felt her warm cheeks next to his left ear and there was this soothing silence wrapping around them. A small smile drew on his lips.

“Soojin…” he called her name, holding her arm.

“No,” she says quietly, almost a whisper. “Just don’t… say anything.”

He chuckled feebly. “Are you…crying?”

She gulped. “Shut up.”

“Why are you crying?” He couldn’t stop smiling.

He felt her shake her head lightly. “…because you’re a good person.”

A tear rolled on Wu Fan’s cheek. He smiled softly, feeling a little lighter than before. For once, he could breathe. He could breathe without having to worry about anything. It was like a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulder.

He held Soojin’s hands in his, silently wishing he could stay in her arms forever. He felt happy. He felt free.

isdepressed.