Ha Neul’s POV

Honestly speaking I must be crazy. Attempting to talk about that topic with him could be called nothing else. Still, strangely, it felt like the right thing to do.

That’s why I took a deep breath and gave it a shot. “You want hate your mother for what she did to your family, for what she made you go through. But in fact you miss her.”

“What—?“ Jonghyun abruptly turned his head towards me.

But I just raised my hand and continued before he could say more. “You feel hurt by the fact that she chose the other family over yours.”

“Ghosty!” Now his tone was warning and he was frowning at me. But I still wouldn’t stop. I had already started it, so now I had no choice but to see it through.

“Just let me finish,” I thus said gently but firmly. “I can’t even fathom how hard it must be to deal with that but…” I had to take a deep breath for what I was about to say. “But don’t you think you might be making things harder for yourself than they actually are?”

“What?!” His voice was louder than I had expected, so I flinched a little. But it seemed he also had replied louder than he’d wanted to because when he continued he spoke in a lower voice again. “I’m making things harder for myself?!” Though, of course he was still offended by what I had said. But that in turn, I had expected.

“Your mother betraying your father and your father not being able to handle the loss, I admit, those are both difficult things to deal with and no one would want that to happen to them. But…”

“BUT?!”

“But you are not your father. And it’s not like your mother is the prototype of all women either.” I paused again and this time Jonghyun stayed silent. “Not trusting women… and not wanting to believe in the beauty of love… don’t you think you’re sacrificing too much just because of what happened to your parents?” He still didn’t say anything so I continued. “And also about telling yourself to hate your mother. No matter what happened, no matter the circumstances, she is still the woman who gave birth to you and raised you for the first ten years of your life. And even if it was just an act like you told me – though I doubt it –, even then you are allowed to love and miss her. Because she is your mother.”

After I’d said all that I carefully studied Jonghyun’s expression. But it revealed nothing; it was completely blank. I waited but even after a little while he continued to remain immobile like a statue and slowly I was starting to get a bit worried. Maybe I’d gone too far?

“Jonghyun?” I thus asked softly and leaned in a little.

And finally, after what seemed an eternity, he moved. However, he just slowly closed his eyes and heaved a deep sigh.

My eyes widened in alarm. “Jonghyun?! Yah, are you alright?”

What happened next completely took me by surprise. Without any prior warning he lay down, his head on my lap. “I’m just tired,” he mumbled almost inaudibly and I momentarily lost my breath. I think my heart also skipped a beat or maybe even two.

“Wha—?” To say I was flabbergasted was an understatement. I had just told him all that and he replied by saying he was tired?! I couldn’t understand. I felt like the crucial part of the conversation had somehow passed by me.

But then I remembered something Onew oppa had said to me the day before. “I heard you didn’t get much sleep the past week…?” I inquired cautiously. “Did… did the nightmares come back?”

I felt him stiffen and he kept his eyes fixated on something in front of him as he answered. “Something like that…”

‘Something like that’?! I frowned. What on earth was that supposed mean now? Did or did they not come back? Why couldn’t he just give me a clear answer?!

“Ghosty?” He interrupted my thoughts.

“Yes?”

“Just a short nap, okay?”

And again, I was left speechless. I opened and closed my mouth several times, wanting to say something. But then I gave up, bit my lip, and exhaled silently. “Okay…” I smiled.

It wasn’t like I could refuse him anyway… The way he was resting his head in my lap, with his eyes closed and a somehow suddenly relaxed expression on his face, he looked so much like a little boy. Seeing him like that I would sooner cut out my tongue than tell him to get up.

Of course I really wanted to know what he thought about my little speech just now but I also wasn’t going to force it out of him. And maybe he needed to give it some thoughts first too. So I decided to let it go for now.

 “Jonghyun?” I whispered but he didn’t even stir. Was he asleep already?

I waved my hand in front of his face. No reaction.

He really is asleep already, I thought astonished. He really must have been tired.

And now that I had the chance to observe his face closer, he indeed looked exhausted. There were dark circles around his eyes that hadn’t been there before. I felt my heart tighten. Just why did he have to make things so hard for himself?

Unconsciously, I reached out to him and before I knew it I was tracing his eyebrows and brushing away his bangs. It must have been my imagination but I thought I felt him relax even more just then. Still I couldn’t stop playing with his hair. Only when my fingers brushed across a small unevenness right next to his left eye I halted. I bent down a little to examine it closer and a small gasp escaped my lips when I realised what it was.

A scar. But then I remembered I’d already noticed it back then on that meadow at the amusement park. Back then I didn’t have the time to give it more thought, however, now I wondered how he’d gotten it.

I swallowed hard and took a shaky breath. He had so many scars; how I wished I could somehow help them fade. And without thinking I bent down and put a soft kiss right next to his left eye.

Narrator’s POV

When Jinhyuk returned to his residence outside of Tokyo that night, he was in for a rather interesting surprise. His thoughts still circling around the meeting with his wife’s parents about their next big collaboration, he had stepped into the living room completely unsuspecting. He had expected his little brother to be sitting on the couch and listening to music or composing a tune. Anything. But definitely not this. Unable to hide the disbelieving smile on his lips, Jinhyuk looked at the truly rare sight in front of him for several seconds.

Jinhyuk knew about Jonghyun’s sleeping problems perfectly. He had been the first person Jonghyun had confided in. He had been the one who had taken Jonghyun to the doctor and later to the therapist. And he had also been the one to share his bed with Jonghyun whenever the nightmares came. Hence, he also knew that Jonghyun’s insomnia liked to act up especially during busy times like right now.

And therefore, Jinhyuk had wanted to return home as fast as possible so that Jonghyun would be able to return to the hotel and get at least a little bit of sleep. If not for the sudden hospitalisation of the babysitter’s mother, Jinhyuk would have never even asked Jonghyun in the first place.

But now, there he lay; his little brother. Sleeping peacefully like a little child and as if he didn’t know what nightmares or insomnia was. But even more stunning than that was probably the fact that he was doing so while resting his head in a girl’s lap.

Jinhyuk hadn’t even known that Jonghyun wouldn’t be coming alone! Yet alone that he’d bring a girl!

He observed them again. The girl was resting her head on his waist but Jonghyun didn’t seem to mind. On the contrary, he was holding her left hand tightly to his chest. It looked like she was hugging him from behind, though upside down.

Unable to resist, Jinhyuk took out his cell phone and took a picture of them. But he forgot to turn off the shutter sound and the moment they heard the clicking noise the two people on the couch stirred. And to Jinghyuk’s delight, he could now watch them first open their eyes disoriented and then shoot up flustered as soon as they came to realise their entangled position and his presence.

“Err, welcome back hyung.” Jonghyun awkwardly tried to fix his hair but it stubbornly sprang back to its initial bed-head arrangement. Ha Neul couldn’t help but think that the result of him falling asleep without removing his hair gel first was rather becoming to him.

“Hi, dongsaeng,” Jinhyuk returned the greeting, visibly amused by the scene unfolding in front of him. “Though, may I ask who this nice lady here might be?”

“Ah, right!” Jonghyun sprang off the couch and gave up on taming his hair. “Um, this is Hwang Ha Neul. She is a computer science staff at SM and was sent here to Tokyo to fix a problem we had with the equipment.”

Sure. Though that doesn’t explain why you’d let her be the first girl you’d brought home ever, Jinhyuk silently commented.

But he was smart enough not to ask this sensitive question and Jonghyun continued with the introduction, now turning to Ha Neul. “And this is my hyung, Kim Jinhyuk. The father of those three little devils.”

“Yah, how dare you call your lovely niece and nephews little devils,” Jinhyuk immediately mock reproved Jonghyun and playfully knocked him on the head. “I’m sorry,” he added, looking at Ha Neul. “I didn’t mean to— Oh!”

Jinhyuk interrupted himself the moment he and Ha Neul got a closer look at each other.

“Oh!” Ha Neul’s face also lit up in recognition. “You’re that man from yesterday!”

“You guys know each other?” Jonghyun interchangeably looked at the both of them with surprise.

But Ha Neul slightly shook her head. “Not really. I just bumped into him yesterday in front of the Tokyo Dome.” She looked at Jinhyuk again. “Is your suit alright?”

“It’s perfectly fine, don’t worry,” he assured her with a smile. “But it sure is a coincidence to see you here again…!”

Jonghyun didn’t like the knowing side glance his hyung was giving him right now; hence he decided to switch the topic. “By the way, hyung, where is sister-in-law? Didn’t she come with you?”

“Ah, no. She decided to stay behind and finish the discussion since the meeting took longer than we had expected.”

Jonghyun frowned. “Then why did you rush back? You should have stayed too. I mean it’s not like you needed to hurry back because of the kids or something…”

“True, you indeed were sleeping rather peacefully,” Jinhyuk joked and threw another side glance, this time at Ha Neul though.

“Huh?” Jonghyun frowned even more.

But Jinhkyuk just dismissed it. “Nothing. You guys should be heading back, right?” He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. “Let me call you a taxi.”

About half an hour later the taxi’s headlights could be seen nearing the front gate. Ha Neul and Jonghyun both bade goodbye to Jinhyuk and stepped out into the cold winter night.

Though, they had only taken a few steps down the private driveway when Jinhyuk shouted after them: “Ah, I almost forgot! Sae Ryung-ah wanted me to pass you her greetings and to thank you again for looking after the “three little devils”!”

Looking over his shoulder, Jonghyun stopped for a moment and raised his hand to wave before he continued walking. Ha Neul tilted her head and quietly smiled at the familiar name. But then she saw that Jonghyun was already leaving and she ran after him.

------------------------------

I'm backkk~!!! XDDD Gosh, how I missed you guys and AFF and writing!!

I hope you had a nice summer! :)) Oh, I wrote a small blog about being back on AFF (though it's actually more about Taemin's solo debut... hehe ^^')

So. I hope I'll be able to update again now! Since my exams are finally, finallly over! XDD And I've gotten my free time back, lol