Jonghyun’s POV

Our stupid manager didn’t give me back my cell phone until we came back to our hotel after we had finished our whole schedule for the day!

It’s not that I had any pressing matters to settle or that I was waiting for a call or anything! I mean I wasn’t thinking about that Ghosty anymore, remember? So, that issue didn’t have anything to do with me anymore. Still, my cell phone was a personal item and Jin hyung didn’t have the right to confiscate it for so long!

I agree, I shouldn’t have made everyone wait for me but it was an emergency, for heaven’s sake! Ghosty was crying! I couldn’t just walk away, could I?!

Come to think of it, I wonder if she’s feeling better now…? And she reached home safely, right…? She was still teary-eyed when I left…

Maybe I should just make a short call to check up on her…?

I stared at the freshly retrieved cell phone in my hands.

Wait. Didn’t I just say that I wouldn’t think about that Ghosty for these two weeks? And now I’m already even thinking of giving her a call?! No-no-no, this won’t do!

I quickly put my mobile on the couch table in front of me and looked around the room. We were at the foyer waiting for our manager to bring back some evening snack. Minho and our maknae were sitting in front of the TV watching some soccer game, Key was checking his hair by filming himself with his cell phone and Onew hyung was typing something on his mobile too. There were a few other guests too but because of the little palms in between the chairs I couldn’t really see what they were doing.

After a little while, Jin hyung came back through the entrance. He was carrying a whole tower of pizza cartons and I inwardly groaned at the sight.

Fat and calories… Great. Even Ghosty’s instant noodles were better than this!

Hmm… I wonder what she is having for dinner tonight? I sure hope my kitchen is still standing…!

Or maybe she went out for dinner? But where would she go? She’s never been out to eat… moreover, alone…!

She wouldn’t just be wandering the streets looking for a place to eat, right…?

Oh God, she would totally do it! It’s just like her to go and stir up trouble like that!

I felt the knot in my stomach tighten at the thought of her wandering around alone on a sparsely lit alley.

What if she meet with some unfavourable guys like that girl I had saved one the night that Ghosty didn’t return home did?!

I threw the piece of pizza that I had been chewing on back into the carton. I didn’t feel like eating anymore. Instead I stared at my mobile.

Let me just call her this once…

Just to make sure that everything is alright…

And after that I promise not to think of her again!

Okay?

“Um, I’m going to step out real quick…” I mumbled to my members and Jin hyung before I grabbed my phone and almost ran out into the garden.

It was already dark outside but the lamps from the foyer that shone through the big windows still gave enough light for me to see what I was stepping on. There was a small lawn and I went to the middle of it before I dialled Ghosty’s number. I put the phone to my ear and waited for her to pick up. But with every ring that she didn’t I grew more anxious. When the answering machine came, I cursed, cut the call, and dialled again. With the same result. I closed my eyes for a brief moment and took a deep breath to calm my nerves.

“This is not funny, Ghosty!” I mumbled and hit the redial button once more praying that she would answer this time.

But it was no use; she didn’t pick up.

I racked my hand through my already messy hair and seriously played with the thought of taking the next plane back to Seoul.

Okay, calm down! Maybe her phone is just out of battery and she can’t recharge it at the moment. Or she’s at a place where she can’t pick it up.

But then, that would mean that she’s not at home…

Just where the hell is that idiot this late at night?!

When I dialled her number for about the twentieth time I was already thinking of excuses that would let Jin hyung allow me to fly back to Seoul this evening. I was favouring the version of my noona having had a life-threatening accident when I had another brainwave. There was still a person who might know where that Ghosty was!

I quickly changed to his number and impatiently tapped my foot while the phone rang.

“Yeoboseyo?” A male voice asked only after the second ring and I heaved a relieved sigh.

“Shin! Thank the heavens! You’re my saviour!” I breathed and stopped tapping my foot.

“Jonghyun-ssi?” The surprise was evident in Shin’s voice. “What makes you call so late at night? Ah, is it because of the young lady you asked me to look after?”

Aigoo, thank goodness, I asked him to keep an eye on that girl and report to me daily about how she's fairing! That way he paid more attention to her and might now know where she is…

“Um, yes… actually I was wondering whether she is at home or not because she’s not picking up her phone and I’m quite worried…” I tried to explain myself without sounding like a crazy stalker.

“Um, actually, she is not home yet, but—“

“SHE’S NOT HOME YET?!!” I exclaimed and I felt dread fill my system. She’s not home yet?!? Don’t tell me something really did happen?! That idio—!

“Wait! Please let me explain!” Shin added hurriedly and I frowned.

“Please do.”

“Well, she did return once during the afternoon. A younger and quite handsome looking guy with a suitcase brought her home. Though I don’t think he knows that she lives here because they said goodbye at the park outside and she only entered the building after he had left…”

A guy with a suitcase? Ah, that must have been Sungjong! I completely forgot that she was supposed to get him from the airport…!

So, then she wasn’t with that Sungjong right now?

“But then she left again?”

“Yes. Not long after she had come back she went out again…”

“Alone?” I had no idea why I was asking that; she had never told anyone where she lived so, of course, she would have left alone. But something just told me to ask that.

“No, she wasn’t alone. Another guy came to pick her up in an expensive sports car. Somehow I feel like he looked kind of familiar… But he was wearing large sun glasses so it was hard to tell…”

“Anything else?”

“No, I’m afraid that’s all I can say for now…”

“Okay, thank you. Please keep looking then. Bye.”

“I will. Bye.”

For a moment I stared at my mobile emotionlessly before I started laughing out loud in a dry and ironic laughter.

Heh. So, as soon as I’m gone she starts going out with men? What nice news. And here I had been worried sick that something had happened to her…!

Moreover, two guys in one day?! Wasn’t that a little too much?

I felt my grip tightening around my cell phone and I quickly put it into my pocket so that I wouldn’t break it or throw it on the ground in a fit of rage.

Because I could feel it coming, could feel it rising up inside me. That burning and scorching emotion that could take over everything.

An image of her walking through a nightly park hand in hand with an unknown man flashed in front of my eyes and suddenly the thought of killing that unknown man seemed very appealing.

Killing…

…

Killing!!

No-no-no-no! This can’t be! This is wrong! I mustn’t want to kill that guy!

I mustn’t!

But no matter how hard I tried to change my way of thinking, I just couldn’t bring myself to feel anything else for that guy but immense hatred. I didn’t know anything about him but the mere fact that Ghosty went out with him put him on the top of my enemy list!

I swallowed hard. There was only one solution now.

With my fists balled so tightly that I was sure there would be red crescents on my palm afterwards I forced myself to walk back into the hotel. I heard my members call out to me but I went straight to our room and knelt beside my suitcase. I opened the inner side-pocket and took out a velvet sachet. I sighed and let its content slide onto my hand. I slowly closed my hand, feeling the sharp edges of the object pressing against my skin. With my other hand I traced the scar beside my left eye.

The events from just now and from the airport flashed across my mind and I sighed.

Suddenly the door opened and Onew hyung stepped into the room. “Hey, Jonghyun?” “What was that? Why didn’t you—“ He stopped abruptly when he saw the object in my hand and he frowned, worriedly. “Why are you looking at that again? It’s been years since I last saw you looking at it. What happened?”

Well, it’s been years since I had a reason to…

“Jonghyun?”

“Alike…” I whispered tonelessly, not wanting to accept the reality.

“What?”

“We are completely alike.” I chuckled darkly.

“Who’s—?” Onew started but interrupted himself again, his eyes widening. “You mean…?”

I smiled self-ironically and looked to the side. “Getting jealous over the tiniest things…” I muttered. “And letting it cloud our judgment completely… To the point where we can’t do anything else anymore…”

“What—?”

“It’s pathetic!” I cut Onew off, almost yelling. “And I swore to never become like that! I swore to never let this emotion called love ruin me! I swore it the day I’d seen my strong and imperturbable father breaking down, crying, after that woman had left him! Never! Never will I end like that!!”

FLASHBACK ---

It was my tenth birthday and I hadn’t seen my father for the whole day. The maids had told me that he was sick and that I should let him rest. But he could at least wish me Happy Birthday, right?

Moreover, mom had been acting strange this morning and no one seemed to know why. And even though it was already dark outside, she still wasn’t back. But dad surely would know. Right?

That’s why I secretly tiptoed over to my dad’s bedroom. But to my surprise, he wasn’t in bed. Defeated, I trudged back to my room. But I took the detour over the restroom and that’s when I passed by my father’s study. There was no light so I didn’t think anything when I walked by. But then I heard some strange sounds coming from within. I stopped walking and tentatively opened the door a little.

And what I saw that night in my dad’s study, I would never forget it for the rest of my life.

At first I thought, someone had broken into our house. The table was lying on its side, the wooden table leaf broken in half. Books were scattered everywhere, like someone had thrown them around, and the big bunch of flowers was on the ground trampled over and the vase in pieces; the water soaking the carpet. And amidst this chaos, I recognised the dark silhouette of my father. He was sitting on the couch, a glass of red wine in his hand. I couldn’t see his face but even the ten years old me could read his body language:

Despair.

“Dad?” I had spoken before I’d known it. But the man on the couch, that didn’t seem like my dad at all, didn’t even react.

So, I took a step into the study and called again. “Dad?”

This time he looked up. And in the dim light from the hallway I could see the horrible hollowness in his eyes. “Dad?” I asked scared. Was that strange man really my strong and imperturbable father?

“Hey, lil’ boy…” The man on the couch said in a weird slurred way. The adult me now knows that he had been drunk, but the me back then didn’t know.

“Dad, where is mom?”

Even today I don’t know why I chose to ask that question at that time. Maybe if I had just asked him to congratulate me for my birthday, things would have been different. No, surely they would have been different.

But maybe the small me had sensed that that issue with my mom was far more important than my birthday and had thus chosen to ask that question. Either way, what has been done, is done.

“Gone,” The man on the couch answered tonelessly and his grip on the glass tightened.

But as innocent as I was I didn’t understand the meaning. “I know. But when is she coming back? It’s already dark outside…”

“Never…” The man on the couch whispered.

“Huh? What did you s—“

“NEVER! I SAID SHE’S NEVER COMING BACK!!! SHE WENT TO THAT BASTARD!! THAT SON OF A B!TCH! BA*TARD! AS*HOLE! I’M GOING TO KILL HIM!!” The man yelled and at the same time I heard the sound of shattering glass right next to my head. Then a sharp pain right next to my left eye and something warm running down my face.

My vision blurred and the last picture to be etched into my memory was my father’s crying face as he continued mumbling “I’ll kill him! I’ll kill him!”

END OF FLASHBACK ---

I opened my hand again to look at the glass shard. It was the broken piece of the wine glass that the surgeons had later removed from my head at the hospital. I had asked them to give it to me and have been keeping it ever since. As a reminder to never let myself be controlled by the very emotion that had ruined my family: love.

To remind me of the destructive power that his feeling had and that I should never ever let myself be consumed by it.

Because ever since that day twelve years ago I hadn’t seen my father smile genuinely again. Not once.

But to think that that Ghosty of all people would be the first girl to make look at it again...

I sighed and stared at the little piece of glass in my hand.

Looks like it was a good decision to bring it along… I guess I must have known that I would need it…

---------------------------------

Hehe, so much about him not thinking about her anymore...! :P

Well... now you guys know why Jonghyun keeps denying his feelings for Ha Neul... He has seen it go wrong and is scared to feel the pain of being betrayed...

Actually, there is sitll more to be unveiled but that is for later... ^.^