[32 - THURSDAY]

When SiWon woke up on the next day, he was really frustrated and wondered if it was even possible that he was in a worse mood than the last day. At least he had it done right and his parents would be proud of him once again.

SiWon reached the school building and DongHae, SungMin and LeeTeuk were waiting for him, hugging him tightly when he came.

"Hi, SiWonnie," DongHae said first and smiled a warm smile but SiWon couldn't return it.

"Where are the others?" SiWon asked them and SungMin answered him. "Wookie is sick and YeSung and Kyu are in class already.

"Oh, then we should go into the class room as well," SiWon suggested and SungMin, LeeTeuk and DongHae agreed.

But before SiWon could enter their class room, DongHae held him back by his wrist. "Stop, come with me. I want to ask you something," DongHae announced and SiWon just obeyed, followong him without any protest. He just felt too weak to do anything.

When they were alone, DongHae turned around to face SiWon. DongHae raised an eyebrow and observed his friend carefully. SiWon didn't seem to mind at all.

"What's going on with you and him? I finally decided for myself to accept you two because I want you as my friend to be happy and now I heard you two broke up already?" DongHae asked confused, pouting slightly, causing SiWon to chuckle lightly. DongHae's face was too cute when he was pouting. "Hm, yes. You heard right. I broke up with him yesterday," SiWon told DongHae who was clearly stunned. "But...why? I thought you really loved him, SiWonnie!" DongHae whined as if he was really unhappy that SiWon's broke up. Maybe he even was, SiWon couldn't tell. Was it that obvious that he was in such a bad mood, SiWon wondered.

"Because...," SiWon thought about what he should tell DongHae but because he was a friend of his, SiWon decided to stay with the truth. "My parents wouldn't accept us," he simply said and DongHae was shocked. "What? Just because your parents wouldn't accept you? That's no ing reason, SiWon. If you really love him, you wouldn't have broken up with him," DongHae told him and SiWon sighed in defeat. "I know, but now it's too late."

DongHae sighed as well and then he took SiWon's cold hand, pulling him to go behind him. "Let's go back to class, SiWon. The teacher is probably there by now," he stated and SiWon agreed.

---

SiWon's attitude after the conversation with DongHae changed completly. He tried to hide the sadness and forget what had happened. Now he smiled. He still had to show HeeChul he was happy.

The time ran fast today. SiWon felt numb. He couldn't register what was happening but nonetheless he was still smiling.

His friends were wondering what DongHae had told him because they suspected that he had said something that had made SiWon forget the bad things but when they asked DongHae he could only shrug because he of course didn't know why SiWon seemed happier now.

SiWon was satisfied that he was such a good actor to even trick his friends but of course not everyone was too blind and SiWon knew that. Soon someone who saw right through him would come to him. But SiWon wasn't ready when it was so fast.

After school when SiWon was on his way home, someone called his name. SiWon turned around and saw LeeTeuk running towards him. "I go to my grandparents today, so we can walk together," he explained and SiWon smiled and nodded. "Sure."

LeeTeuk smiled back while he observed SiWon carefully. SiWon noticed it and chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm alright," he said. "But what's with you? How are you feeling? The cuts and scratches are healing, right?" he asked and LeeTeuk nodded. "Yes. I'm fine. I think I'm a little bit afraid to be alone since then but it's okay. It's just that I never want to meet her again. At least I really could forget her and my love for her had disappeared," LeeTeuk explained and smiled brighter. SiWon was happy for him. He wondered what she exactly had done to him that he had looked that bad but he didn't dare to ask. He knew it was hard for LeeTeuk and he didn't want to talk about her anymore, so SiWon respected his wish.

"Now to you. So you did break up with him?" LeeTeuk asked in concern and SiWon nodded.

"Fool," LeeTeuk exclaimed and hit SiWon's head lightly.

"Ouch, stop it! What have I done wrong? Finally my parents are proud of me," SiWon defended himself but LeeTeuk only shook his head in disbelief. "So what? Can you be proud of yourself now? Are you happy like this?" he asked almost angrily but SiWon nodded. "Yes, I am! I like him, yes, but my parents are much more important for me," SiWon explained, becoming furious as well. "Can we stop talking about that subject?"

LeeTeuk sighed and after hesitating briefly, he agreed. "I'm sorry, but when you're happy like this...alright."

"Thank you," SiWon said and suppressed to roll his eyes. They arrived at their houses and waved goodbye.

"See you," SiWon told him with a smile.

LeeTeuk returned the smile. "Yes. Be happy," he stated and this time, SiWon did roll his eyes. "God, LeeTeuk, I am happy, so shut up," he shouted after him. LeeTeuk smirked and then disappeared into the house of his grandparents.

SiWon sighed and opened the front door.

"I'm home," he announced and his father greeted him with a big smile. "My son. How was your day? I suppose, fine, right?" he asked and SiWon nodded. "Yes."

He ate dinner with his parents. It was an uncomfortable silence there, but SiWon didn't dare to speak. Only when he was finished with dinner, he opened his mouth to ask: "Can I go to church, please?"

SiWon saw his parents smile even more. They seemed to be so proud of him but SiWon knew, LeeTeuk had been right. He wasn't proud of himself, he wasn't happy like this, was he?

Of course, SiWon'S parents agreed and so their son stood up and left the house.

The church, the holy building of God, it was the only thing he felt safe right now.

He went to a seat where no one else was to disturb him and started to pray. He felt horrible but not because he had broken up with the one he loved but because he wasn't able to choose for himself anymore. He wasn't able to say what was right and what was wrong. He felt trapped and there was no escape.

"I've lost my way, so dear God, help me to find it again. I'm begging you, I don't know what to do, what to feel and what to believe," SiWon whispered.

For other people it was obvious that they would have chosen their love but for SiWon it wasn't. He wasn't someone who could just decided for something. He loved his family and HeeChul. And he loved God, so he hoped to get the right answer from him.

After almost two hours SiWon returned to his home. This night, he couldn't sleep much.

---[33 - FRIDAY]

It was Friday. SiWon woke up. His head hurt. He felt dizzy even though he was still laying in his bed.

When he still didn't come to the kitchen after twenty minutes, his mother came up to check on him. "SiWon? Why are you still in bed?" she asked.

SiWon looked at her. "I'm sick, Umma. Can I stay at home today, please?" he asked and SiWon's mother nodded because her son really looked sick.

"Rest a little, SiWon. Or do you want to go to a doctor to let him check?" she asked with worry.

SiWon forced a smiled to prove he wasn't that sick that he had to go to see a doctor. "I just stay in bed and sleep. I hope it'll let me feel better," he stated and his mother nodded again before she left the room.

SiWon sighed. What was wrong with him, he wondered. His body wasn't even the only thing hurting. His heart was aching, too. It was yearning for HeeChul. "Why? Why is my heart still so stubborn? It's too late anyway. HeeChul had given me one more chance and I couldn't take it. I let him go. He won't come back, even if I would ask him to," he whispered to himself to convince himself.

SiWon closed his eyes, hoping that the pain would go away and eventually he fell asleep.

TBC