[20 - SATURDAY]

SiWon tried to hide his smile the next day he went to school because he still felt sorry for HeeChul but he was so relieved that he knew the truth now and he was happy that HeeChul slowly started to trust him, finally. But still it was hard to think about all the things, HeeChul had told him. It was just too sudden.

SiWon's heart beat faster when he reached his school. He was excited to see HeeChul but there was always still this nervousness and fear that his friends might find out.

"SiWonnie!" DongHae exclaimed and ran towards said person to hug him. SiWon laughed happily and after that, LeeTeuk, SungMin who was carefully watched by KyuHyun, and YeSung hugged him as well. KyuHyun was laughing with RyeoWook about something YeSung had told and LeeTeuk smiled a proud and happy smile that made SiWon even more happy.

They wished DongHae good luck for the exam and entered the class room together. DongHae would have to pass it now.

In the room, SiWon's gaze immediately fell on HeeChul who smiled slightly. SiWon returned the smile instantly.

"You have to confess something," RyeoWook suddenly stated almost whispering into his friend's ear and SiWon froze. It wasn't a question and RyeoWook was waiting for an explanation.

SiWon swallowed. He was sure no one had seen them smiling to each other right now. "What do you mean?" SiWon asked uneasy and RyeoWook smiled an innocent smile. "I saw you yesterday with him in the park. SiWon, he's disgusting!" RyeoWook said and SiWon was shocked. His face heated up and he looked away while he stuttered: "I-I-I...him...w-what? H-how?"

RyeoWook huffed. "What are you doing with...him?" he asked with a disgusted expression.

"It's nothing. As I said before, it's a bet between LeeTeuk and me. I don't like him," SiWon eventually answered after he had relaxed a little more.

RyeoWook raised an eyebrow. It was obvious he didn't believe SiWon one bit.

"Just ask him!" SiWon told RyeoWook then and RyeoWook nodded. "I will, I will," he said and directly went to LeeTeuk. SiWon saw RyeoWook talking to their friend. Now, LeeTeuk looked over to SiWon who looked back with pleading eyes. SiWon could only hope that LeeTeuk would understand.

Class started and he sat next to KyuHyun as always.

It felt like an eternity until the teacher finally ended the lesson.

---

"Lunch!!!" DongHae yelled and ran towards his friends who were already sitting on their favourite table. Everyone looked at DongHae, asking him with their eyes how it was.

DongHae smiled happily. "I'm relieved I'm done now. I think it went pretty good. I'm sure I passed," he announced and SiWon stood up to hug him tightly. "I'm so happy. You aren't allowed to fail this time, you know. We want to have you with us in the same class next year as well," he declared and everyone laughed.

"Great, then we really can celebrate now," KyuHyun said, smiling brightly.

"Yes!" SungMin exclaimed and everyone was happy. What a great day, SiWon thought to himself when LeeTeuk next to him whispered: "You really are dating him now? RyeoWook asked me about it in the morning. He told me he said you told him it was because of a bet with me, right?"

SiWon nodded. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

LeeTeuk smiled. "It's okay. I told him it was true. So why aren't you worried with his child anymore?" he asked confused and SiWon smiled. He opened his mouth to tell LeeTeuk the relieving truth but then remembered that he wasn't allowed to tell. LeeTeuk raised his eyebrows, still waiting for an answer.

SiWon sighed in defeat. "Don't tell anyone please. I told him not to talk about it with other people, okay?" He looked at his friend who nodded with a serious face that told SiWon he could trust him.

SiWon looked around to check if someone else was listening as well and after he made sure that it wasn't the case, he leaned closer to LeeTeuk to explain it to him. "He's never been a actually. When he was younger, he had been . That's how he got pregnant with his child."

LeeTeuk backed away in shock to glare at SiWon. "Seriously?" he asked with wide eyes and SiWon nodded. Then guilt overcame him. Why had he told LeeTeuk? HeeChul had said he trusted him not to tell anyone and here SiWon was, sitting next to his friend and telling him about HeeChul's life, the fact he shouldn't after all.

SiWon glanced over to HeeChul. He wasn't looking up and SiWon was glad about that. He didn't want to meet his eyes, full of honesty because since he was here in that city, he had lost his honesty. He had started to lie and to judge. He had started to betray and to live with a mask on his face to hide the truth. It was pityful.

"Please, don't tell anyone, LeeTeuk," SiWon repeated in hope that it would be okay that way. If no one else found out, it was still fine, he thought.

---

After school, SiWon headed with his friends to their café as they had decided at lunch time.

"I'm so happy!" DongHae exclaimed and SiWon just smiled, being happy with him.

They sat down on a table near the window and SiWon stared outside while the other's were talking. Suddenly his heart started to beat faster and his forehead was sweaty. There outside was HeeChul, taking his little daughter by the hand and going along the street, maybe to buy some things in the super market. SiWon loved to see this beautfiul man, but on the other hand, this guilt built up inside of him again.

He cursed silently and YeSung next to him stared at him in confusion.

"Something wrong?" he asked in concern but SiWon shook his head. "Ah, I know. The person you fell in love with, doesn't like you?"

SiWon glared at him in confusion himself now and shook his head. "No? It's nothing. I'm fine right now and happy that Hae is feeling so convinced that he'll pass the re-exam," SiWon explained and YeSung just nodded, deciding to just let him be.

HeeChul disappeared and SiWon turned his head to his friends. Maybe he should at least tell them about his uality. Only SungMin and DongHae didn't know by now. SiWon wondered whether he should talk to them right now in front of the others or in private.

He decided for the second and asked both if they would come with him outside for a few minutes.

DongHae and SungMin both agreed and so these three stood up and left the café.

"What's going on?" DongHae looked at SiWon in surprise and wondered what the matter was while SungMin just smiled. SiWon thought that maybe KyuHyun had told SungMin already because he seemed to know what SiWon wanted to say. Anyway, SiWon breathed in and out deeply before he started, "I have to tell you something. The other's know about it already. Please, don't judge me for it. I guess, you, SungMin, will understand me easier. But Hae, you told me once you would hate me if it would be the truth. That day, I lied and said, I'm not. So I hope you're mind has changed by now and you won't judge me for it," SiWon said. SungMin was still totally relaxed and waited for SiWon to continue while DongHae raised an eyebrow, obviously not understanding about what SiWon was talking.

"I'm gay, too," SiWon eventually announced. This time, he didn't look to the ground like all the other times. This time, he first looked at SungMin to see him smiling and nodding. "It's okay, SiWon. At least for me it is. You're right I understand you better than Hae, I guess. You probably think Kyu told me about it already, don't you? But he didn't. I didn't know about it at all but maybe I suspected it," he explained and SiWon was stunned. Fear built inside of him. How did SungMin suspect it? Did he know about him and HeeChul? "H-How...I mean why did you suspect it?" SiWon asked worried but SungMin just smiled. "I just thought you could be because you weren't interested in any girls. For me, you were just weird because actually you weren't interested in anyone. So I thought, you weren't straight and just hid that you were gay. I know, it doesn't make sense at all," he said with a shrug and SiWon nodded relieved. So SungMin didn't know about him and HeeChul.

Then SiWon turned his gaze to observe DongHae carefully. He was obviously stunned and speechless. "It's okay, I guess. After all, I accepted Kyu and Min, too. And you're my friend as well, SiWon," he finally said without any expression at all.

Still, SiWon was happy that DongHae was fine with it.

"Then we can go back in again," SiWon said happily and SungMin nodded, excited to see KyuHyun again. SiWon wondered if that was even normal that SungMin seemed to miss KyuHyun already even though they weren't away for longer than a few minutes. SiWon asked himself if KyuHyun missed SungMin as well already.

But while they were walking in, SiWon was held back on his arm by DongHae. He turned around in confusion. "Wait," DongHae whispered silently and they let SungMin go back by himself.

SiWon looked at his friend, a little afraid of what he wanted now.

"You know, I was really angry at that time when I said that against gay people. I was just afraid you would fall in love with the at that time. So I ask you again: Are you in love with him?" DongHae wanted to know. SiWon was scared. He knew, DongHae wouldn't accept him and HeeChul. He had no other choice but to shake his head. "No, I don't. I already said, it was just for fun. A bet with Teukkie," SiWon explained. He hated to lie but it was his only chance to stay friends with DongHae. He didn't want to risk their friendship. He just hoped DongHae would never realize he was lying.

To his surprise, DongHae hugged him gladly. "Thank you. Please don't be mad at me. I just was so unsure. I'm sorry I didn't trust you," he said and SiWon forced a smile while he hugged him back.

They went back into the café and sat down again.

"Where have you been? Suddenly you weren't behind me anymore," sungMin said and looked at them in confusion.

SiWon smiled. "We were just talking a little bit more," he explained and everyone nodded.

While the other's continued their conversation, SiWon stared out the window, All of a sudden, he missed HeeChul. He wanted to see him, to hug him and to kiss him. He was worried for him because he knew it was hard for him to lose his mother. He had to take care of so much for his little daughter to live happily. SiWon wanted to help him. He wanted to take care of him and his daughter.

"Ohh, our SiWonnie is thinking about his prince charming," KyuHyun stated suddenly and they laughed lightly. SiWon tore his gaze away from the crowded street when he heard his name and looked at his friends. He didn't know about what they were laughing. "Come on, SiWon, just tell us who that special someone is!" YeSung said with a smirk and SiWon smiled but refused. "No, sorry."

"Is it someone that I know?" SungMin asked excited. SiWon guessed, it was YeSung who had told the other's that SiWon was in love with someone.

"Is it one of us?" YeSung asked and everyone stared at SiWon in curiosity.

SiWon laughed shortly and shook his head once more. "No, no. Don't worry, guys."

Everyone laughed and smiled happily except of RyeoWook who looked at him sceptically. SiWon wondered if RyeoWook believed his lie with the bet.

---

It was already late in the afternoon when SiWon finally waved goodbye to his friends and went home. His thoughts were all about HeeChul. He wanted to see him right now but he didn't know where he lived. He still didn't even had the number of HeeChul's cell phone. While SiWon opened the front door, he decided to call HeeChul anyway.

SiWon greeted his mom, prayed to God and asked him to bless his family, friends and himself and then he took his phone to call HeeChul.

But to SiWon's disappointment, it was HeeChul's uncle who answered the phone and told SiWon that HeeChul wasn't home right now.

He couldn't think of a place where he would be because his mom was dead, he couldn't visit her in hospital anymore, and it was too late for Chin-Sun to be in kindergarden. SiWon remembered HeeChul being and immediately got afraid and worried that something had happened.

"Where is HeeChul then?" he asked in concern but HeeChul' uncle didn't know for sure. "I think he's at work," he said and SiWon breathed out in relief. "Okay, and where does he work?"

"Are you a friend of him?" HeeChul's uncle wanted to know and SiWon answered with a yes. "I know, he works in a hotel, but I don't know in which," he explained and waited for the other person to reply. But HeeChul's uncle hesiated for a while, before he replied with confusion clearly hearable in his voice. "He doesn't work in any hotel..."

SiWon was stunned. HeeChul had told him he did. But SiWon played it cool. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was just confused. Another friend of mine is working in a hotel. So where is HeeChul working then?" he asked.

"In a bar," HeeChul's uncle answered and SiWon raised an eyebrow. "In a bar? Where? It's really important. I need to talk to him right now," SiWon explained to encrease the pressure and get an answer.

Lucky for him, the uncle seemed to trust him enough because he told SiWon the address of HeeChul's work.

SiWon thanked him and hung up. He put his phone back into his pocket and went to his mother to tell her, he would be out. She agreed with a sharp look at him, saying he should be back before 10, what SiWon thought was way too early but he nodded nonetheless and kissed her goodbye before he left the house.

Outside, he called LeeTeuk because he was the one SiWon could trust the most with things that were related with HeeChul. He didn't tell him the truth though and just asked where the street was because SiWon didn't know many streets in this city by now.

"Why do you want to know?" LeeTeuk asked and SiWon explained his mother had told him to look there for her necklace she had lost on her way home.

SiWon didn't think it was a good lie but he definitelly wasn't born to lie. Luckily, LeeTeuk still explained the way to the street for SiWon who thanked him afterwards and hung up.

So SiWon made his way to said street and went on the pavement, looking for the shops around. Eventually he found the bar he was looking for and entered it. It didn't seem like anything with s or anything. Not that SiWon had wanted it but there was still this thought of HeeChul being a due to everyone's telling at the beginning. He believed HeeChul but still felt uneasy with everything.

He sat down near the bar and waited to order a drink.

"Hello. Wha-" Someone wanted to ask SiWon but interrupted himself when he recognized who he was talking to.

"HeeChul," SiWon said with a smiling face. He didn't want to be angry at HeeChul for lying.

"S-SiWon...?" HeeChul was clearly shocked to see him here. "What are you doing here?" HeeChul almost whispered, still totally surprised and confused.

"Drinking?" SiWon looked at him with big smiling eyes and HeeChul wanted to say something else but SiWon added shyly. "Okay, no, I actually don't drink. But I wanted to see you. I called your home but you weren't there. Your uncle told me you were at work and gave me the address. I still don't have your cell phone number," SiWon stated and decided not to mention now that HeeChul had lied.

"I-yeah..." HeeChul was obviously speechless. He looked around. He seemed nervous. "Then give me your phone," he said absentmindedly and SiWon did as HeeChul had said.

HeeChul quickly dialed his number in it and gave it back to SiWon. "You have my number and you saw me. Don't you want to go now?" he asked as quietly as possible while the loud music was making it hard to talk to each other.

SiWon sighed silently. There was no chance not to talk about HeeChul and his work and that he had lied. "Why have you said you work at a hotel?" SiWon asked directly and stared at HeeChul, waiting for an answer.

HeeChul's shoulders sunk and he sighed as well. "I'm sorry, SiWon," he murmured silently but SiWon saw at how he moved his mouth what he was saying.

"I'm not mad. I'm just asking," he explained with a kind smile.

HeeChul looked away, avoiding SiWon's eyes and swallowed hard. "Can we talk another time?" he asked silently and SiWon sighed. "Alright. Can we meet tomorrow then after church?" he asked, unsure whether HeeChul would say yes or no.

HeeChul thought for a moment, maybe he even considered no but then agreed. "Okay, but I still have to take Chin-Sun with me," he said and SiWon smiled. "It's fine."

SiWon's hand ran over HeeChul's for a short moment to say goodbye and he left with a smile on his face. For SiWon it was okay that HeeChul had lied as long as he would explain everything. SiWon had learned by now to wait for the truth.

---[21 - SUNDAY]

It was early in the morning when SiWon woke up. He got ready and went to church as always. As soon as he was leaving it again two hours later, he called HeeChul who eventually, after a short time, answered. "Yeah?"

"It's me, SiWon. When do you have time? Where do we meet?" he asked and HeeChul hesitated. SiWon heard him talking to someone, before he turned back to the phone to talk to SiWon. "We could go to the playground once more?" HeeChul suggested and added: "Chin-Sun-Baby wants to go there today," he said and SiWon thought about it with uncertainity. He was afraid that DongHae would see him again. But because Chin-Sun wanted to go there, SiWon agreed. He wanted to see them happy. "So what time?" he wanted to know and HeeChul said that he would still need half an hour, so they decided to meet up at 2 pm.

---

It was almost 2 pm and SiWon was already waiting for HeeChul at the same playground they had met last time. He regreted that he had forgotten to ask if HeeChul still meant this playground or another one but SiWon just thought he was talking about this one, so he waited there.

After a few more minutes in which SiWon was watching the children there playing with each other and their parents, a child ran on the playground. SiWon looked at it and wondered if it was all alone because he couldn't see anyone else there.

After he watched the child for almost a minute, he suddenly recognized it as HeeChul's daughter. His eyes widened. Where was HeeChul and why was Chin-Sun alone, SiWon immediately wondered. He stood up from the bench and went to her to ask. "Hey, Chin-Sun!" he called out to her and she turned around, a bright smile in her face. She seemed to remember SiWon but was too afraid to come closer to him.

SiWon smiled a warm smile. "Where's HeeChul? Are you alone here?" he asked in concern.

"Appa is there," she said and pointed at the entry. HeeChul was going in at that time and he smiled slightly, another fake smile.

"Hey," SiWon said and went to him. HeeChul looked at him and nodded to greet him. SiWon knew, he shouldn't hug or even kiss him because HeeChul didn't feel comfortable enough right now. "How are you?" he asked, still with his warm smile and led HeeChul to the bench he had been sitting on.

HeeChul sat down next to SiWon and looked out for his daughter. "I'm fine," he said with a shrug.

"C-Can you please explain to me why you lied?" SiWon finally asked. He felt unsure to ask because HeeChul seemed to be embarassed about the answer.

He lowered his head and avoided SiWon's eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Please tell me the truth. I don't want any more lies. Please tell me. I'm not judging you," SiWon promised and HeeChul nodded without saying anything for a few minutes. He seemed to think about it.

SiWon put an arm around him to encourage him but HeeChul shrugged it off and backed away, before he finally replied. "It's not a normal bar. People come often there. They drink until they can't take any more alcohol. After that, they choose another customer or...someone who's...who's working there and go with them to a room on the first or second floor to...to them...," HeeChul explained and he knew SiWon's jaw dropped even though he still didn't look up.

"But," HeeChul added quickly, "I don't do that. I'm only there to hand out drinks, not to get laid. Please, you have to believe me, SiWon," he pleaded and finally HeeChul looked up to meet SiWon's wide eyes.

SiWon couldn't believe what HeeChul was saying. So it was in fact the work that everyone was saying about HeeChul, he thought with shock. HeeChul had lied to him, could SiWon believe him now? SiWon didn't know an answer. He felt helpless.

"I'm sorry, I lied, but do you want to know why I lied?" HeeChul and SiWon nodded. What worse could be told anyway?

"I couldn't say the truth because I knew you would hate me for that. Everyone suspected me to work in such a place, but I wanted you. I wanted you to like me back. I'm sorry, but this is the truth now. I never ed anyone there, I swear. In fact," HeeChul's voice lowered even more before he continued, "In fact, I never had again after...after...you know," he murmured silently and SiWon stood up. "I guess, I should leave now. I need time for myself. I'm not sure I can believe you know," SiWon announced and went away, letting HeeChul sit by himself with his head down.

SiWon looked over his shoulder and saw HeeChul's body shaking. He was crying. But SiWon felt like crying himself. He was confused, mad, frustrated, disappointed and hurt and he needed some time to think.

TBC