[22 - MONDAY]

SiWon went to school with his head down on Monday. He was so confused and didn't know what to think anymore. When he entered his class room, the first thing he saw was HeeChul, sitting alone as always and looking out the window with an emotionless expression just like the time SiWon had first met him. SiWon didn't saw any signs of saddness in HeeChul's face that made him doubt that he could still trust him because maybe Heechul wasn't sad that he lost SiWon. Perhaps SiWon had been important to HeeChul but because it had happened before already, people didn't matter anymore for HeeChul.

SiWon sighed silently and turned his gaze away just to see DongHae running towards him. "Hey, SiWon. I've to talk to you as soon as possible. When break- ..., just come with me now. I don't care what the teacher will say," DongHae announced and dragged SiWon out of the class room again, letting him no chance to at least greet his friends proparly.

"What's going on?" SiWon asked in concern and DongHae narrowed his eyes for a few seconds, obviously thinking how to begin. Eventually he started. "I saw the yesterday. We talked for a few seconds in front of the playground. Do you know what he had told me?" he asked, clearly getting mad.

SiWon shrugged although he was very afraid of what will come next.

"He said, you and him were friends and that you confessed to him," DongHae announced and stared at SiWon with anger. He really tried to stay calm though.

SiWon's jaw slightly dropped in shock which made DongHae realize that it was really true. "I-...it's not as you think it is. I told you about the bet and-" SiWon managed to say quickly but DongHae interrupted him already with a understanding smile. "It's okay, SiWon. You already explained everything. I'm not mad at you, I just want to ask you a favor because, and I'm sorry to say that but, I'm not quiet sure if I can believe you just like that without any prove, so can you please show us that you're really only playing with him and not more?" he asked and SiWon was shocked. "How can I show you that?" he asked slowly and DongHae's smile turned into a smirk. "Tell him the truth. Tell him about the bet but you have to make sure that at least two of us are nearby, so that they'll be able to listen to it. Alright?"

SiWon tried hard to hide his emotions, his shock and sudden hate against DongHae for suggesting something like that. Obviously he succeeded because when he agreed, DongHae was immediately happy and hugged him.

"You understand this, SiWon, right?" he asked and SiWon forced a smile. "Of course. I'm fine with it," he stated and they returned to class, telling the teacher a ridicolous excuse why they were late and sat down.

---

They sat together on their table as always and were eating. SiWon risked a worried glance at HeeChul at his table in the corner. He didn't want to tell him this, but on the other hand, he didn't know who he could trust now. HeeChul had lied and when it was already over between them now, even though it didn't even start, SiWon wanted to have at least his friends. He didn't want to lose everything. If he can't have both, he wanted at least one thing.

Maybe his friends were right from the beginning and HeeChul just lied almost the whole time even though he didn't want to believe it.

"So I'd say, you do it now. Do you want to choose anyone of us to come with you or should we all go or what do you want, SiWon?" DongHae asked with a sweet and caring voice and SiWon knew that he just wanted his best. The only thing with DongHae was that he didn't know the whole truth about everything but who knew that? No one did actually. SiWon wasn't angry with him at all.

"I don't mind who's coming with me but I think it'll be better if I talk to...him," SiWon hesitated of how to call HeeChul. He didn't want to call him or because he still liked him really much and it was just unfair he thought, even though HeeChul probably was one anyway. But he didn't want to call him by his name either because then his friends might think that he liked him for real. "I'll do that in the hallway because there you can hide behind a corner or whatever but here in the cafeteria is no place to hide for you," SiWon explained and DongHae nodded.

"I want to come with you," KyuHyun suddenly announced with a smirk. SiWon guessed he was already imagining the face of HeeChul. He expected him to be shocked at least, SiWon thought, but he didn't mind KyuHyun anyway, so he nodded.

"Me, too!" RyeoWook exclaimed and SiWon nodded once more.

"Maybe we should ask who doesn't want to come with us?" YeSung asked with a grin and waited for his friends to answer.

SiWon noticed SungMin hesitating before he finally nodded while biting on his lower lip. "I go with you, too," he declared eventually after LeeTeuk and of course DongHae had said they wanted to see that, too.

SiWon wondered that out of all it was SungMin who was hesitating but shrugged it of. SiWon was more surprised about LeeTeuk. He asked himself what LeeTeuk was thinking about all the things. He probably knew the most about everything what was going on right now. He had been the one, SiWon had told almost everything and he had also been the one to be in the best contact with all the people who were talking about HeeChul behind his back.

"So everyone's going?" RyeoWook summarized it and all the friends ansered with a loud yes and a big smirk on their faces.

SiWon's heart beat faster. He was nervous and it got even worse when lunch time was over and they had to return to class.

SiWon waited until HeeChul stood up and made his way out of the cafeteria before he ran after him, giving his friends a sign to follow him secretly.

"HeeChul!" SiWon shouted after him when he had analyzed the situation and came to the thought that now was the best chance that his friends would hear as much as possible around the next corner.

HeeChul turned around in wonder and raised an eyebrow. He was obviously surprised that SiWon talked to him in school and after their little fight.

SiWon smiled. "I've to tell you something," he announced and HeeChul stood in front of him, looking at him in confusion. He didn't know what to expect now but he felt slightly uneasy.

SiWon swallowed hard. "I've to confess something," he said and continued when he saw HeeChul looking at him in even more confusion. SiWon thought for a few seconds how to begin and considered to tell him he didn't even like him but decided otherwise because he wanted to tell the truth as much as possible. Ridicolous, he thought, because it was all a lie anyway. "This all with us...it was a joke. A bet between me and my friends. It was about seducing you, ing with you, hurting you. There was nothing real. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you because we decided to stop it now. I already lost because I thought I could do that until yesterday. So then....that's all," SiWon said with a shrug and a straight face the whole time. "So, don't talk to me ever again. Just off," he hissed and shoved HeeChul hard to the ground. It was his anger, his frustration with that he took revenge on HeeChul now.

All of a sudden, DongHae, KyuHyun and YeSung came up from around the corner to stand next to SiWon. YeSung put his arm with a proud smile around SiWon and KyuHyun patted his shoulder with a smirk.

LeeTeuk, RyeoWook and SungMin followed them immediately and smirked as well with hate towards HeeChul in their eyes but all of a sudden SiWon noticed, LeeTeuk was slightly limping. SiWon wondered what happened but couldn't care.

SiWon felt his heart hurting. He was confused. He had thought he would feel better now but he didn't. He had mixed feelings, causing him to be happy and smirk with his friends and glare at HeeChul with disgust and feelings that suddenly made him sad. How could he have done that to someone he loved so much? He really did love him by now.

SiWon noticed HeeChul looking at him with big, almost pleading eyes. SiWon raised his eyebrows, letting HeeChul realize his anger and disgust towards him and suddenly he saw a tear escaping HeeChul's eye down his white cheek.

SiWon pulled YeSung next to him with him past HeeChul and his other friends followed him to class.

"So you really weren't in love with that ?" KyuHyun asked SiWon in class and SiWon had no choice but to shake his head. "No, I wasn't." Obviously DongHae wasn't the only one who thought that SiWon fell for that . SiWon wondered if it was that easy to notice and felt relieved that he did prove that he didn't love HeeChul.

---

SiWon waved goodbye at everyone and started to walk home. When he passed the kindergarden, he saw HeeChul there, picking up his daughter as usually. His eyes were red and he saw Chin-Sun looking at his Appa in concern. She probably asked why he was like that but SiWon couldn't change it now. He couldn't go to Heechul right now. There was nothing left to do. There was no chance that they could be happy together. They just weren't meant to be.

Instead of going straight home, SiWon decided to look a little bit around in the city to find a park. Only now he realized that he didn't even looked for it just one time since he was here even though he loved to be in a park with nature. It calmed him down and it was better to get his mind off and think clearly when he was without so many people around him.

He found a park after about ten minutes and wandered around a little. Finally he sat down on a bench in front of a small lake. It was so beautiful, but SiWon couldn't enjoy the sight. He felt like dying. His heart felt broken and he started to regret what he did back in school. SiWon wondered what could have been when he hadn't told HeeChul anything. What if he never told LeeTeuk about it all? What if he never met HeeChul on the playground? Would it have helped? Would he then be with HeeChul right now? He couldn't think of an answer and just rested his head in his hands that he had put on his knees.

SiWon closed his eyes for a short moment before he looked up to the sky. He couldn't cry even if he wanted to. The sky was grey, filled with dark clouds. It looked as if the rain would fall down any minute but it didn't.

By now, SiWon even wished it would rain. He hadn't an umbrella or anything else to protect himself from the rain but he wanted the cold water to fall heavily on him. He wanted the rain to wash his pain away. He wanted the rain to solve his problems. To whisper a solution to his ears. But the clouds remained dark in the sky without any water reaching the ground.

SiWon sighed and stood up to finally walk home. Not even the rain was there for him. He felt lonely. Of course he had his friends who he loved so much but they couldn't help him with this issue. He had lost.

---

When SiWon arrived at home he greeted his mom quickly and wanted to disappear into his room but she stopped him. "Don't you want to eat dinner?" she asked in concern but he shook his head.

"I'm not hungry," he announced and headed for his room when his mom stopped him once more. "SiWon, still you have to come into the kitchen. I want to talk to you," she announced and SiWon sighed. He just wanted to be alone. He didn't want to talk anymore but nonetheless he turned around and entered the kitchen.

"Sit down," his mother told him and pointed to a free chair while she stayed in front of the table.

SiWon nodded and obeyed.

"I'm disappointed of you, SiWon. I'm totally disappointed," she said and stared at him with a stern expression. SiWon looked up at her. "why are you disappointed, Umma? What have I done wrong?" he asked her but that made her only angry. "What you have done? Nothing, you think, right?" She paused to glare at him for a few seconds before she continued. "Yeah, right. You didn't do anything wrong now. You did it the whole time. Why are you so stupid? You are gay," she stated and disgust was written in her face.

SiWon's eyes widened in shock. How did she knew it, he wondered but couldn't figure it out himself. He was speechless. He couldn't even ask about it, but she added: "This HeeChul was your boyfriend? He already has a child. It's his own, he's that young and not married. How could you, SiWon?!" she almost screamed. It scared SiWon honestly and he backed away as far as possible with his chair. "H-How d-do you know?" he stuttered in confusion.

"A friend called. He asked me if you were there and when I said you weren't, he told me that I should take better care of you. He really told me to take better care of you because of this HeeChul! After I asked him for a reason he explained it to me," she said and SiWon's jaw dropped.

"Who? Who called?" he asked, even more shocked than before.

"His name was LeeTeuk," she said with a shrug.

SiWon was stunned. Why would LeeTeuk tell his mother things like that? SiWon thought LeeTeuk would support him.

"So? I wait for an explanation," SiWon's mother said and SiWon nodded slowly, trying to process what she had told him. "I-I'm sorry. I don't have an excuse for that," he eventually said and stood up.

SiWon's mother stared at his son but let him go into his room. She noticed he wasn't feeling well today.

SiWon's eyes were empty and his face had no expression at all as he laid on his bed with his back down and stared at the white ceiling.

SiWon was so confused. He didn't know what to think anymore. Everything went wrong. He hated this day so much and finally, tears fell down his cheeks. He put his hands together to pray to God and ask for forgivness. It was all his fault. If he hadn't started it with falling in love and trying to be with him, this would never have happened.

By the time, SiWon had finished his prayer, his cheeks were still wet from his tears which were still threatening to escape his eyes.

All of a sudden, his phone rang. He didn't felt like answering but after the sixth ring, he took it out and replied with a sigh. "Hello?" he murmured and wiped his tears away in that time, trying to hide his husky voice and the fact that he had cried.

"SiWon. It's me, SungMin," the voice on the other end announced.

"Hello SungMin. What is it? I don't feel like talking right now. It's nothing related to you though, so don't worry," SiWon said but he heard SungMin sighing, although it was quietly.

"Do you want to come over?" SungMin asked but SiWon just didn't felt like it right now. "No, I'm not in the mood for it. I'm sorry, SungMin," he said but SungMin almost started to beg. "Please, SiWon. Please, I want you here with me now. Please, I have to talk to you. I think it's important," he announced and SiWon sighed. "I don't even know where you're living, SungMin," he said but SungMin suggested something else, "Then let's meet in the park. Do you know where it is?" he asked and SiWon replied with a sigh: "Yeah, I do. So...right now?"

SungMin answered with yes and so they hung up to meet at the park.

---

SiWon entered the park when suddenly someone hugged him from behind. A calming hand rubbed over SiWon's stormach and slowly he turned around in that embrace to see SungMin.

SiWon immediately felt uneasy. He was afraid that KyuHyun could see them like that. SiWon didn't know a reason why KyuHyun should be here and see them but SiWon had given up on his luck today. But before he could say anything, SungMin already spoke. "You do love HeeChul, right? Is that the guy you fell for?"

SiWon didn't know if he should answer. He had told LeeTeuk but he saw now how it had turned out.

"I know, you probably don't trust me enough to talk about your feelings, but if it's HeeChul, I feel sorry for you. I know it's hard to pretend to not love someone. I did the same, too, with Kyu. And do you know what? The other way around is hurtful as well. Do you even thought about that? It hurts to know the other can't love you or don't want to be with you anymore even though you love each other. But don't answer to that. I don't want to make you sad. I'm here to take care of you. I'm here to make you feel better because I know how much that kind of love hurt," SungMin said and it surprised SiWon how much he knew. SiWon wondered if SungMin just noticed his love or if someone told him. He wondered if LeeTeuk had told his friends about SiWon's love to HeeChul.

SungMin let go of SiWon and gently pushed him forward to a path without people.

"Let's walk a little, hm?" SungMin suggested and SiWon just nodded while he looked down to the ground. "Love is cruel," he suddenly stated because it was the only thing in his mind right now. Life was so hard like this.

"SungMin...how do you thought of all that? I won't say if it's wrong or right. I'm fed up with all these lies and all this rumours, so I won't say anything but why are you saying that?" SiWon asked confused and SungMin smiled slightly. "LeeTeuk talked to me. Don't be mad at him. His life isn't easy right now. I don't know if you know but he told me he got over his ex."

SiWon nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"Because she was there. I saw them together yesterday. She is threatening him. I'm sure of that because otherwise LeeTeuk would never be like that. He accompanied her to the whorehouse again. And also, I think she made him calling your mother," SungMin explained and SiWon's eyes widened. That was too much information for him. "She's threatening him? With what? And why had she made him calling my mother? How did you even know about all that?" he asked in confusion but SungMin only smiled. It took him a few minutes before he replied. "He came to me crying this afternoon before we met. He told me that he had done something bad. He told me about the phone call and about her...his ex. He also said that he had no choice. He had to do it but he regretted it and if he could he would turn back time. Then he collapsed," he said with a sad face and a long sigh. "This is all so ing complicated," he stated and SiWon just nodded. "So is he better by now? Where is he? He isn't in the hospital, right?" he asked in concern and looked with big eyes down to SungMin.

"No, no, he's at home, resting," SungMin said and SiWon breathed out in relief.

"But to your other questions. I don't know anything else," SungMin admitted with a sigh once again.

SiWon just nodded. So LeeTeuk was threatened by his ex to call his mother? SiWon wished he could turn off his mind, his brain, that it wouldn't work for at least a day and he finally could rest.

"Thanks, SungMin. Somehow, I feel better now. Thanks for telling me everything. I should go home now. My mother is still mad," SiWon said and hugged SungMin before he left the smaller guy with a small smile on his lips.

---

It was evening and SiWon sat in his room alone. He wanted to see HeeChul. He missed his voice. He missed that person so much, but he couldn't even call him. They had only hurt each other. There was nothing left that could be safed, SiWon thought silently and eventually decided to just wait for the next day. It could only be better by then and he would be able to at least see HeeChul in school.

Finally, SiWon fell asleep.

---[23 - TUESDAY]

"SiWon, get up. You have to go to school," his mother shouted from outside his room and SiWon groaned. "I don't want to," he murmured silently but nonetheless, he still stood up and showered to leave the house. He wanted to go to school to at least see HeeChul.

"SiWon, one thing...," SiWon's mother suddenly said when SiWon entered the kitchen to tell her he would leave for school now. He frowned and looked at her in doubt and fear of what to come.

"I'm sorry because of yesterday. I was just so shocked and everything. I'm really sorry, SiWon," she apologized and SiWon smiled. "It's okay, Umma. I know it. I was wrong though. It's me who has to apologize, so I'm honestly sorry, Umma," he said and she approached him to close the distance between them and hug her son.

SiWon waved goodbye and went to school. There, the first thing he did, after greeting his friends, was looking at LeeTeuk, and clearly seeing that he was depressed and so, SiWon went to SungMin to ask for news.

SungMin shook his head.

"Should I ask him myself about the incident and his ex?" SiWon asked thoughtfully and looked at SungMin who hesitated and finally slowly nodded. "Yeah, maybe you should," he said when someone hugged him from behind. SungMin turned around to look in those deep eyes of KyuHyun. He smiled. "And I thought you are too afraid to hug me like this in public," he stated laughing and KyuHyun laughed with him. "Can you come with me, Min? I have the urge to kiss my lovely boyfriend right ing now and I can't wait anymore. Please," KyuHyun whined and SungMin giggled like a girl while he enthuastically nodded.

SiWon definitely knew why YeSung meant SungMin was like a girl. He clearly acted like one. SungMin let himself be dragged away by KyuHyun and SiWon went to his other friends.

They were talking about some news that had appearently been on tv yesterday and SiWon decided to just listen.

When the teacher came and told them to follow him into class, SungMin and KyuHyun still weren't back. SiWon hurried to LeeTeuk. "Hey, ehm, when are you going to your grandparents this week?" he asked and LeeTeuk seemed to smile slightly. "Today, I wanted to tell you when we have break, but I guess I don't have to anymore then," he said and almost seemed normal, happy. But deep down, SiWon knew he wasn't fine. LeeTeuk was just an expert in hiding his true feelings. It wasn't often that he showed how sad he really was.

"Alright, I've to talk to you," SiWon announced and LeeTeuk's face became pale immediately. SiWon realized he was scared of the reason but SiWon smiled at him with a warm smile. "Don't worry. It's nothing bad," he told him. At least it was nothing bad about SiWon. He surely wanted to talk to LeeTeuk and ask him about his ex and everything though.

The teacher told everyone to sit down on their seats and five minutes into the lesson, SungMin and KyuHyun knocked on the door and entered the class room with bright smiles plastered on their faces.

The teacher raised an eyebrow, waiting and KyuHyun was quick to tell him some excuse why they were late. The teacher sighed, nodded and told them to go to their place. He couldn't do anything for that they were late now anyway.

---

SiWon saw HeeChul walking away by himself after school and he really wanted to run after him at first but decided otherwise because he just couldn't do that, also he was waiting for LeeTeuk.

He finally came and these two made their way home.

LeeTeuk avoided SiWon's gaze. Only after more than 10 minutes of silence he finally spoke up, still looking down. "I'm sorry, SiWon. SungMin has talked to you, right? I'm really really sorry for everything," he whispered and finally he looked up into SiWon's warm eyes, telling him he wasn't mad at all. "It's okay. It's appearently over between me and him, so what should my mother do now? He won't come over anymore anyway," SiWon said and shrugged with his shoulders. "But could you please tell me what had happened?" he asked LeeTeuk who slowly nodded.

"I think SungMin told you everything already. My...ex, she told me to call your mother. I don't even know myself. I really don't," he told SiWon who just nodded without expression.

SiWon felt that LeeTeuk didn't want to talk about his ex anymore and SiWon could understand it well.

"What are you thinking about me now? After that with HeeChul...do you judge me for it?" SiWon asked, looking in front of him along the way they still had to go. He didn't dare to meet eyes with LeeTeuk. He was scared of the truth.

"Honestly, SiWon, I really feel sorry for you. I know you love him. But I told you that you shouldn't mix us with him. It won't turn out well as you can see now," LeeTeuk explained.

SiWon sighed and nodded. "I know," he just whispered into the air in front of him and they kept on walking until they had to part to enter their houses.

"See you tomorrow, SiWon," LeeTeuk said and waved goodbye.

SiWon did the same. "Yeah, see you tomorrow then," he said as well.

TBC