The next day, I'm meeting Sehee for lunch and she quickly picks up my dark expression. "Is it still about that senior? Please -"

               "That's one thing, I've told you I don't want anything to do with him anymore." I tear a paper napkin meaninglessly.

               "After telling me about the lunch, you were uncontactable for some time. Were you crying all night or something?"

               “No, why would I.” I roll my eyes, then press my lips together. "I lost my phone. But it had a longer story."

               "What?"

               "It was found." I pick up my phone on the table. "And I found something else."

               "Girl, you piqued my interest completely."

               I look around and sigh. "I'm so glad we're in a private room."

               I tell her everything that happened, and Sehee screamed so loudly on that particular part that a waiter actually opens our door to check.

               "You didn't."

               "To be exact, the drunk version of me did." I'm half lying down on my seat. "I remembered nothing and it drove me crazy."

               "Damn, how many hours did you drink together… Oh wow, so are you two dating now?!" Sehee jumps around in front of me, tapping the table.

               "No." I sit up straight again. "In fact, he said he didn't want to meet me again."

               "Huh? Is he mad or something? What happened after that?"

               I swallow. Sehee folds her arms and sends me a fiery glare. "What did you say to him?"

               Ugh, she knows me so well. "I said I shouldn’t have hung out with him.”

               Sehee looks at me in disbelief.

               “I mean - I was not supposed to do that. It'll just complicate things."

               "Complicate what?"

               My mouth opens a bit. "Well... Considering what happened in the past…”

               "Who cares about the past? You must've opened your heart that time and it led to the kiss. Did he kiss you back?”

               “What’s with that question?”

               “Did he?”

               I sigh. “From what we saw in the recording, he did.”

               “Then what are you two doing, not meeting each other?” Sehee’s tone gets gradually higher. “You two should be doing more than a kiss - you even slept in his apartment.”

               “Oh God, stop.”

               “There’s just this spark, tension or whatever that I feel when I see you two together. Why don’t you just see where this is going?”

               "Yeah, maybe, but I can't!"

               "Why not?"

               I blink, and look away. I’ve been so adamant on pushing him away and hesitant on being friends without even having a solid reason. And now he’s the one who wants nothing to do with me.

               “See, you don’t know.” Sehee shakes her head. “You should stop talking about the old days, think about the future now. Kim Jongin does.”

               “What future… He doesn’t even want to see me.”

               “You should apologize. Again.”

               I stretch my neck. The waiter comes bringing our food, and I don’t feel hungry anymore.

               “Don’t even talk about dating, please at least be friends. You two can’t live like this with weird grudges, chained by what happened a long time ago. You were doing so well with talking and drinking together. But you blew it again.”

               “Okay, okay.” I heave a deep breath. “I’ll try.”

*

               A few days after that, at the end of a class I can see two girls entering and carefully approaching where I’m sitting. “Hello, are you Joo Dana Senior?”

               I look up, and they seem to be my juniors. “Yes. Hello.”

               "Hello, Senior. We're in our second year, and currently taking Global Civilization. Professor Han told us to discuss the presentation you did in your winter class."

               I raise my brows. "Okay..."

               "He said the topic is quite relatable on what we're doing and we may get good insights if we talk about it further. Can we take an hour of your time after classes tomorrow at the library?"

               “Sure.”

               Wide smiles bloom on their faces. "See you at the library tomorrow, Senior!"

               I get reminded of something. "Wait, it'll be just me, right? I mean, I had a partner - but I think it’ll be just fine with only me. Or probably you can meet him at a different time.”

               "Oh, actually, we've reached out to him and he said yes."

               I bite my tongue. "Ah. At the same time?”

               “Yes!”

               I my lips. Does Jongin know I’ll be coming too? Is it too late to back down? I’m not ready to face him. “...alright, then.”

               My steps heading to the library are heavy on the next day, and the juniors booked a discussion room. They’re already there when I enter, but no Jongin in sight. “Hi. Should we start?”

               “Oh, but the other senior hasn’t come…”

               I reluctantly take a seat. “Okay then.”

               A few minutes later, the door is opened and my heart jumps. Jongin appears with a light brown knit top and fitted jeans, and I can see one of the juniors practically having heart eyes. Our eyes meet, and I quickly look away. “Sorry, I’m a bit late.”

               “It’s okay, Senior. Please take a seat. So what we wanted to talk about is…”

               The discussion goes quite well, though I can’t help but remember the winter class and everything. Everything feels vivid with Jongin here. The girls are catching up fast and even before an hour they’ve gotten what they need.

               “Thank you very much, Seniors. By the way, Professor Han also told us about that time.”

               “Sorry?” my forehead wrinkles.

               “During winter, he said you were attacked and Jongin senior saved you! Then Professor Han brought you to the hospital. He said it was like a movie.”

               The girls giggle, and I unintentionally lock eyes with Jongin. “That’s an unfortunate accident.” I bitterly laugh. The juniors catch my tone, and quickly tidy up.

               “Then, we’re leaving! Thank you once again, please take care.”

               Jongin and I nod, and they leave the room. Silence washes over the space and I clear my throat. What should I say? I can’t just get out without a word. What if Jongin goes first?

               “I’ll get going first.” Jongin slowly says, and he prepares to stand up as he takes his bag.

               “Jongin, wait.” I interrupt, and Jongin already gets up. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

               My hand is sweating, worried Jongin would refuse and walk out. Much to my relief, he puts back his bag on the table and sits again. “What is it?”

               “About that time -” my throat suddenly feels clogged and I quickly clear it. “I’d like to apologize.”

               “About what?”

               I grit my teeth. “Okay, first - what I did to you - you know what that is - that - outside the bar after we drank -” I try to breathe properly. “And what I said to you in the morning.”

               Jongin leans back on his chair, eyes fixated on me.

               “I - I didn’t know why I did that, I still don’t remember much, but I regret what I said after we found out what happened. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”

               Jongin fixes his sitting position, and looks down to the table. “You said you were happy.”

               “What?”

               “That time, when we were drunk. You said you were happy to spend time with me.”