Silence is filling the kitchen afterwards, but my heart is so much more at ease. I finished treating Jongin’s arm and tidied the first aid kit. Jongin straightens his back, and takes a deep breath.

               “There’s something I want to ask you. How’s your arm now? I wanted to talk about it earlier, but I thought you’d snap at me.”

               I close my eyes for a second, feeling guilty that Jongin is so aware of my angry demeanor. “It’s good now.”

               “That’s a relief.” Jongin gets up from his chair. When he’s about to turn around I can see a small bloody scratch near his nape and gasp quietly.

               “Oh my God you got hurt there too!”

               My hand reaches to his shoulder, but he grabs my hand to stop me in reflex. His dry but warm palm collides with my fingers, bending back a few of them in an awkward way. We both put our hands down, and he inspects the scratch through a mirror near the kitchen door. “I’ll take care of this myself.”

               “Sorry.” I mutter.

               “Anyway, thank you.” Jongin points to his arm. “Good night, then.”

               He said that and left the kitchen first. I stayed for a few more seconds on purpose, waiting for him to disappear first.

               But I finally apologized to him… That’s an achievement. I didn’t intend to do it at first, but I’m glad I chose to do it tonight.

               I audibly breathe, and nod to myself. Good job for today.

*

               The following day, I only met Jongin once at breakfast and I asked him about the injury from last night. I couldn’t see it since he was wearing long sleeves, but he said it got better and dried quickly.

               After dinner, the volunteers are playing with the kids and a few are going for a campfire outside. I’m in charge of the ones inside, and we’re scattered on the living room floor drawing, playing games, and everything else. I just got back from the toilet when Chaekyung came running to me, holding something that looked like a sweater.

               “Hi! That looks pretty. Are you going outside?” I go down on one knee, meeting her eye level.

               “Yes. Can you help me with this?” she reaches out to give me the sweater.

               “Sure! But you’re the one leading. Let’s see - “ I unfold the sweater and hand it back to her. “You can wear it yourself, right?”

               I mean this as simple training for her, but she looks hesitant. She takes turns seeing me and her sweater. 

               “Chaekyung, you can do it! You should be able to do it yourself. Next time there might not be people around you.”

               Her expression dulls, gripping her sweater.

               “Okay? Let’s go. You start, and I’m right next to you if you’re stuck.”

               She nibbles on her bottom lip, and turns away. “I’ll ask someone else.”

               “Wait, Chaekyung - “

               Chaekyung runs to the door, and at the same time another kid is pulling my clothes and asking me to draw something. I take another glance, and it seems like she comes to Jongin. She’s taken care of, then. I sigh, and turn to the living room.

*

               The following morning, it’s time for me and the other volunteers to go home. Some brought their own vehicles and had departed to their own homes, and a few are going to the bus terminal including me and Jongin. I’ve asked a few of them and none of them are going to Seoul. I start to worry a bit. It’s not going to be only Jongin and me, right?

               The kids are all outside to bid farewell to us, and I’m especially looking for Chaekyung. I found her next to one of the staff members, and she looks at me with a blank stare.

               “I’m sorry, Chaekyung. Are you mad at me?” I squat in front of her with a pout on my face.

               She shakes her head. “I put on my shirt by myself this morning. And Ella’s too.”

               “That’s great.” I pat her head. She initiates a hug first, and I hold her close for a few seconds. “I’ll visit again later, okay?”

               She bobs her head shyly, and starts waving with a hand that’s holding her doll Ella. She switches to her free hand, and I laugh slowly. After a final wave, I get to the van with the others and we’re off to the bus terminal.

               As a small talk I’m asking everyone inside if they’re going to Seoul, and all of them answered different cities. I swallow, and glance at Jongin who’s silently sitting in the front. Oh no.

               We arrived at the terminal, and stayed at the waiting area. The bus to Seoul leaves the latest, and the other volunteers have boarded to their own routes. I’m really left alone with Jongin. He’s a few seats apart from me, ignoring me completely. Good.

               Jongin and I are on our phones as we wait, and when it’s time, I stand up first. He’s still glued to his phone, seemingly not aware of the announcement from the speaker. Should I just leave him here? “Hey, Jongin. The bus’ here.”

               “Ah.” he looks up, and pockets his phone. “Thanks.”

               We go out to the parking area, and we see the back of the buses lining up in front of us. One of the staff directs us to walk to the far left of the line, and we’re walking side by side (with three feet distance between us).

               “What happened to Chaekyung last night?” Jongin says as we go to the bus.

               “Huh?” I turn to him. “Ah. She wanted me to put her sweater on. I asked her to put it on herself for training.”

               “Why didn’t you help her?”

               “I was watching, if she found difficulties I was next to her. I just wanted her to try.”

               “Well, couldn’t you do it together?”

               I furrow my brows, almost stop on my tracks. "She's six, she should be able to wear her own clothes!"

               "I know, but that sweater looks difficult and it wouldn't hurt to help once."

               "I was right by her side, I was ready to assist. I just wanted to see her do it by herself to make her get used to it. I talked to her about how there will not always be adults around her and she should be able to do things independently."

               "Okay but did you put it on first together?"

               We arrived at the side of the bus, and I put one hand on my hip. Jongin raises his eyebrows, waiting.

               “You could’ve helped her and said that starting from now on, she has to do it herself since not many adults are going to be on her side at all times.” Jongin says.

               “Listen,” I peek to the front to see the bus’ label in a hurry, and see ‘Seo’. This must be the bus to Seoul. Seeing a few passengers still trying to get into the vehicle from the front door, I walk past Jongin and head to the back. “I was just trying to get her to be able to do things alone.”

               Jongin follows my steps and we get in through the back door. I take the very back seats of the bus, and Jongin sits a spot away from me. “I get it. But not all kids are able to do it right away.”

               “Are we really talking about - “ I my lips first, unsure whether to say the next word. “- parenting right now?”

               Jongin gets silent for a second. “More like basic know-how in daily tasks.”

               I feel embarrassed, and bite my tongue. “Alright. For kids, yeah. So I think it’s already time for her to - “

               We continue throwing arguments at each other (with whispers) even until the bus started going and entering the highway. I just happened to look at the street signs outside, and saw the bus going the opposite way of what heads to Seoul.

               “Wait - “ I move closer to the window and touch the surface. “We - did you see that?”

               “What?” Jongin also looks out.

               “It’s supposed to go right, but this bus went left.” I tapped the window slowly.

               “Huh? Did you see it wrong?”

               Our small commotion made a middle-aged woman who’s sitting a few rows in front of us glance in irritation, and I carefully walk towards her.

               “Ma’am, I’m sorry, this bus is heading to Seoul, right?

               The woman batted her lashes, and her forehead creased.

               “This is a bus to Seosan.”