[18]

 

Forgiving

 

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September 11th, 2010

 

I had always been told that forgiveness was something you’d learn to give, never something you were born with. Maybe it was because of that reason that I never really forgave anyone in my life. Because I found that if it was something you were never born with that you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

 

In only two occasions of my entire life had I truly forgiven anyone. The second time was when Joon told me he truly loved me, his apology for the contract. The first time, though never spoken, was when I had forgiven Heo Young Saeng for selfishly keeping me by his side as his ex-lover.

 

Notice yet again that I had never forgiven the rest of SS501 for purchasing me over a contract. Because I won’t

 

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It’s been a week since we’ve returned back to Korea. To my amusement, I’ve been through all the vocal coaches the company ever offered because mine/SS501’s manager realized that I refused to listen to each coach he brought to train me. Today, I refused to even attend lessons and instead, ditched to find the 5 members in their training session on the other side of the building.

 

“How’s your throat feeling?” I asked Joon as I sat on the couch beside him. Their vocal instructor looked at me when I spoke. I recognized her to be the instructor I had the first day, I realized she still stared at me with fear in her eyes to this day. As for the man who was coaching the five guys that day, well, he’s probably wandering the streets like a shoeless hobo.

 

“Better. It doesn’t hurt when I talk quietly at least.” He replied. And when the instructor turned her attention back to their training, he pulled in and planted a warm kiss on my lips. His presence was never ceased to make my head spin. “Let’s get outta here.” He said excitedly as he pulled me up and past the doors. From the corner of my eye I saw Jung Min rolling his eyes.

 

No one but the members and our 3 managers knew about our relationship, not even the managers of the company. It was a good thing, privacy was always a good thing. As we walked down the hall, I spotted my vocal instructor who I ran away from and she found me.

 

“Lee Min Hee!” The lady shouted at me.

 

“Oh crap.” I murmured and grabbed Joon’s hand in mine. “Run!” With that, we turned and darted down the hall, rounded the corner, took a left and ran into a room.

 

I crashed onto the couch in the unfamiliar room and sighed contently as my adrenaline calmed down. I looked over at Joon who sat beside me with the same hyped expression on his face.

 

“That was fun.” He said as he placed his head on the crevice of my neck and shoulder. “Why are you so scared of vocal instructors anyways?”

 

“Scared? Hah! The first 5 ran away from me, what makes you think this one was different?” I asked him. Gradually, the atmosphere became calmer it was then that I took in the setting of the room. Almost completely empty, it was just the couch, a closet and a table with one chair. The room was obviously unused and completely lifeless, not to mention dark. The room had a window on one wall but neither of us got up to open it.

 

“I want to hear you sing.” He mumbled, his hand took mine nervously.

 

“I don’t feel like singing Joonie.”

 

“I know.” He replied, “I just thought you’d do it for me.”

 

“If I don’t sing for others what makes you think I’d sing for you?”

 

“Oh gee, thanks.”

 

“You’re quite welcome.” I replied. I watched as he got up and faced me. His eyes were pleading and it hurt me to see it. “I’m sorry, I just can’t. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sing again.” I told him. His eyes saddened but he smiled, indicating that it was alright.

 

“Can I have something else then?” He asked, his soft smile, turning into a full out grin. I watched him suspiciously. Something in his grin gave me the chills.

 

“What do you want Joon?” I asked cautiously.

 

He grinned childishly and tapped on his lips. I rolled my eyes. “Selfish jerk.” I mumbled. But at the same time, I was unable to prevent myself from increasing heat in my cheeks as I hesitantly placed my lips on his. He took my hand in his and pulled me down over him on the couch.

 

The way our lips collided would’ve freaked the crap out of me. Would’ve but didn’t because I knew for a fact that it was Joon I was with and that he would never hurt me. The way that he kissed me and the way that he held me, I was thankful that it was only between the two of us. If we were at home with the other 4, none of this would’ve happened because…well…it doesn’t. But I’m happy that it’s this way.

 

It took a while for reality to return to me when we parted for a decent breath of air for who knows after how long. He held me gently in his arms as we laid there, staring into the darkness.

 

“Hyung wanted me to talk to you.” Joon mumbled as he my hair. I could tell by the tone in his voice that it was something he was afraid to bring up.

 

“Which one?” I asked him. It was still more than obvious that I didn’t talk to any of the members anymore, other than Joon.

 

“All of them.” He replied and kissed my forehead.

 

“What did they want? I’m not forgiving them.” I said. Joonie my shoulder with his thumg as an attempt to calm me down. I put my arm around his waist to remind myself that it was the others I was mad at and that I shouldn’t be blowing up at him.

 

“They said that they’re sorry that they didn’t tell you and that they wanted to make it up to you.” He replied.

 

“Make it up to me. How? By signing a contract to being my step-fathers?” I paused and then mumbled. “I can’t believe you actually signed that too.” He gave me an apologetic look and then continued to speak.

 

“Min Hee, let’s go out for dinner tonight with all the others hm?” His voice said softly.

 

“I’m sorry, I was raised convinced that forgiveness was never something one was born to do. Forgiveness was never meant for me. Besides, do any of you guys know how much it hurt me and when I realized all of you bought me with money, and now I’m forced to do stuff against my will?”

 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled as he stared at my frustrated look. He reached up and attempted to smooth out my furrowed brows. “They all love you, you know. Maybe not the way I do but they all love you like a sister. That’s why we asked Hyun Joong-hyung to sign up for the custody rights.”

 

“If they loved me they wouldn’t have hid the contract from me in the first place. YOU wouldn’t have hidden the contract from me.”

 

“And you forgave me didn’t you?” He was almost pleading now, and much to my displeasure, I could feel his triumph slowly creep on me. “Is it that hard for you to forgive them too? After all, they just wanted to stay by your side as well.”

 

“Yeah, but I’d still be mad.”

 

“Of course you will. You have all the right to be.” He mumbled, his fingertips traced my jaw line and it sent chills down my spine. I sighed in defeat, his cheep methods were already more than unfair. “Is that a yes?” I let out a deep breath and nodded.

 

“Thank-you,” And just like that, these 5 guys that officially ruined my life, brought a whole new meaning to it as well. What is forgiving? Is it the ability to forget a past event? To me, it’s more like accepting other people’s flaws and learning to make up for it. 

 

By making up for it, I meant food.

 

“Yah! Oppa!” All 4 members turned to me and Hyung Joon as they had just finished their practice. “Park Jung Min! I want ice cream, right now!”

 

“Now?!” He replied, completely dumbfounded. I nodded with a glare and he ran off. 

 

“Heo Young Saeng! Kim Kyu Jong!” They stiffened at my voice. “Cake, home made, make it edible.” They simply nodded and then looked over at my cousin who had been laughing at them.

 

“Oppa, guess who’s turn it is to cook dinner tonight.”

 

“You?”

 

“Not anymore.”