When I arrived at the school, there was no more energy inside of me. The tears that I poured out already dried on my face. At this rate, I don’t care about anything anymore. I just want everything to end. Just end so it won’t hurt anymore. The people around me start too whispered to each other when they look at me. Just say anything you want. Like I said before, I don’t care anymore.

The whispering gets louder as I walked through the hallway towards my locker. When I arrived there, Changmin, Junsu, Jooyeon unnie and Jessica is already there waiting for me with a smile but those smile dropped when they saw me. Quickly they ran towards me. Seeing unnie right now really moves me. I never realized how lucky I am to have her as my unnie. All this time, I only make fun of her but now I know that she’s the real person in my life that I never really appreciate her existence.

“Unnie!!” I quickly hugged her tightly while crying, AGAIN! Tears are really synonym with me these days.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She carefully caresses my back.

“Unnie….” I can’t say anything than just cry in her arms. She really is full of warmth you know.

“~~~~~~~,” Jessica gets teary seeing me like this.

“Don’t worry ~~~~~~~. Unnie’s here”, the tighter she hugged me. I really love my sister right now. There’s nothing more great than your own family. No matter how different they are, they are still the people we can lean on in hard time like this.

After a few more minutes, I stopped crying but still I hold on tight to unnie. It feels like only next to her, I can felt peace in myself. Also, I felt save. Like no one could hurt me again. But I know I couldn’t hang on to her only so I let go and looked at the people next to me. Changmin, Junsu, Jessica and MY unnie. Even though I’ve lost Sunny, I still have them.

“Tell us what happen ~~~~~~~,” Junsu really looks worried.

“Nothing….” I don’t want to make them hate Sunny or anything.

“You’re lying!” Changmin always know when I’m lying.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It really is nothing,” I don’t want people to hate Sunny. Even after what she had done to me, I still think about the time she makes me smile, care about me and all. I’m not sure if it’s real or just her ways to play with my heart but still, it meant a lot to me.

“~~~~~~~, you know you can tell us anything”, Unnie look at me.

“Really. Nothing. It’s just a simple misunderstanding that I can work it out”, can i?

“Sure about this?”

“Yes. Now guys, I know you have things to do. Go!” Unnie, Changmin and Junsu has a meeting with the others theater member and Jessica has cheerleading practice. I don’t want to cause them trouble.

“Ok than but if anything happens, you know where to find us right?” I just nodded to unnie and the three of them walks away.

“~~~~~~~, is it Sunny?” By now, Jessica already knows too much about my life and it’s hard to lie to her. I just gave out a loud sigh and nodded.

“What happen?”

“I’ll tell you taler ok?”

“Promise?”

“Promise! Now go!” She hugged me and quickly ran away from there.

I’m all alone now. Only a broken heart is besides me. I shouldn’t act like this. I should just ignore everything and live. There’s too much at stake if I just gave life up. After a few deep breaths, I took a few stuff out of my locker and that’s when I realized that Sunny’s cake was still inside my hand. What should I do with it? Throw it away? It’ll be such a waste. After all, I bake that cake not for nothing. Just eat it ~~~~~~~.

With a weak heart, I make my way towards somewhere God knows where. I don’t know where I should go to but definitely not here. I need to search for an empty place where I could clear my mind. There’s just so much stuff inside my mind. I swear to God my head will explode if other things messed with me again. Life is such a headache! Now I know why people like to take their own life. It’s because there is WAY too much problems in life that sometimes you just can’t bare it anymore.

As I walked mindlessly towards somewhere, my eyes cought something I really wish I would just ignore it. This man likes to pops in front of my eyes now and then.i tried to look away but my eyes just HAD to keep on looking at him. The pain I usually felt in my chest is here again. Only this time, the pain was twice than before. Like something pounding it so hard with a hammer. Not that I know how that would feel.

Our steps become closer towards each other. As we walked passed by each other, my heart breaks. Just like before, he was going to ignore me. even by a little chance, I hope he will tried to explain everything to me but guess he really meant it when he says that he doesn’t want to meet me again. Am I such a pain that he rather let me think him the wrong way than to see me and correct everything? I guess I am.

“~~~~~~~….” The warm hand that I’ve lost all this while touched my hand again. Like an electric current, the touched makes my heart beats again.

“Let me go”, it’s enough for me to know that I’m not such a pain. I can’t go talk to him again. I’m afraid that I will not be able to let him go again. I can’t even turn around and look at him. It’s just too hard.

“We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about anymore. Tell Sunny I understand everything but sorry, I need time to accept her inside of my life again”, I tried to pull my hand away but his grip got tighter.

“Please, let me explain….”

“Please…. Let me go….” My voice cracks.

“Why….”

“You said we shouldn’t meet each other again. I agree. We shouldn’t meet each other again….”

“…………………....”

“Please just pass by pretending like you don’t see me. Please don’t give me even a slide glance. Just don’t offer me anything anymore. Just like the first time we saw each other, just pass by as if we’re strangers….” it hurted me more when I had to say those words. Truthfully, I don’t want that to happen. I want him to smile at me when we walked pass by each other. Look at me as if I was really important to him. Even with no words, it’s better than nothing. But…. It can’t be that way anymore. This is what it has to be. If not, the more I’ll fall for him, the more I’ll suffer. I know the pain of my actions will be unbearable but just like a fever, it will all go away.

“If one day, you hear the cries and pain of my heart, please just ignore it. This is how it supposed to be. You and I…..are nothing more than two people studying in one school….” This time, I pulled my hand softly and there’s nothing he could do anymore than to let me go. With each step I take away from him, tears poured down like rain. It hurts. Really hurts! Too painful that I think my heart will stop beating but no matter how painful it is, I can’t look back. This is how it supposed to be. I’m not a bad person. I don’t want to ruin people relationship even if that guy is the guy I love more than I love myself.

LOOKING at the cake in front of me, I tried not to cry again. Sometimes I really wonder, where did all this tear come from? Do I have like a gazillion gallen of it because it just runs our smoothly endlessly every time. Got to give God a credit for creating such a magnificent stuff like human. It must be a delicate work. I tried to make a robot once time, and I ended up doing the paper one. It was DAMN hard. Sometimes I felt like strangle the robot. So yeah, God is great! REALLY great!

Ok now, back to the cake. It looks delicious. Of course it does! I’m the one who bake it. I should eat it but every time I tried to touch it, my heart cries. Remembering the incident that happen this morning did left a huge scar in my heart. Damn! I am hungry but I can’t eat it. I won’t throw it away since it’ll be such a waste. Aish! What should I do with it? Throw? Eat? Let it be? What?

“Hey!” One voice echo in the theater hall which cause me to jump in frightened.

“Ops! Sorry!” He quickly ran to me.

“Yah! Only your first day at school you already mess with me?”

“Hey, I didn’t mean it!” He gave me his winning smile and sat next to me.

“How did you find me here Taeyang?”

“I was just passing by when I saw you.”

“Owh!”

“So what are you doing?”

“Me? thinking.”

“About what?”

“What should I do with this”, we both look at the chocolate cake that lies in front of us.

“It looks good!”

“I know!”

“Why don’t you just eat it?”

“That’s the idea but….” If I say something now, I have to explain everything that happen earlier today but I don’t want to.

“But what?”

“I don’t want to eat it alone….” I wasn’t lying. That’s one of the reason why. Even though I like cake but I’m not a big fan of chocolate cake. A slice or two is enough but a whole cake, that would kill me.

“I’m here! I’ll eat with you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. What’s the harm eating a cake right?” Yeah. For your information, I didn’t put poison in this cake so it’s perfectly save.

“Let’s eat than!” I quickly handed him a spoon and both of us started to eat the cake. I was damn hungry and God I eat like a pig. Put Changmin aside. I’m the new eating monster.

Taeyang was quite shock seeing me eating like that but he just shook his head and laughed it off. We both eat happily together. You know what, all the pain and cries I felt before is gone. Just like that. I wasn’t sad anymore. Having Taeyang beside me really makes a huge difference. I don’t know why but I felt at peace when he’s around. Just like the first time I first meet him. It was really special. Never once I felt this way before. Maybe it’s his specialties. He can make people felt relax next to him. Like an old friend.

After finishing the whole cake, I suddenly realized something. What time is it?! I quickly checked my watch. Oh ! I’m late for class! Damn! “TAEYANG-AH!!” Sorry Taeyang for screaming at your ears. “Yes!” He was surprise by my scream. “What’s wrong?!”

“WE’RE LATE FOR CLASS!!!!!”

“OH DAMN!!” Both of us quickly stand up and clean the mess.

“What’s your first class today?”

“History.”

“Me too! Gaja! I’ll show you the way”, and I just pulled his hands towards history class. When we arrived there, our substitute history teacher, Mrs. Im was already there. We’re so DEAD!

“Lee ~~~~~~~~~, you’re late!” No need to tell me that. I know!

“Well. I-“ I wasn’t able to finish my words because Taeyang quickly pulled me back and….

“It’s my fault. I’m a new student here. She’s late because she was giving me tour around the school”, I could only smile as a sign of thank you to Taeyang. He just nodded and smile back.

“In that case, you’re free to go.”

“Ye”, slowly I let go of my hand from his and headed towards the seat at the back of the class which is in front of Junsu and Changmin. I didn’t sit at my usual place which is next to Sunny since you know what happen right.

“Ok students! We have a new member of the class today. Please introduce yourself”, Mrs. Im said which gain attention from the whole class.

“Annyeonghesayo! Jeonun Dong Taeyang imnida. Mannaseo bangassumnida!” The girls started to drool when Taeyang gave out his winning eye smile. I could only chuckle. He’s really adorable. I KNOW!!

“You can go to your seat now Mr. Dong.”

“Ye”, and Taeyang walked around, thinking where should he sit at. It’s no surprise that he choose to sit next to me. I could felt the jealous aura other girls gave to me. Don’t worry girls, he’s available. At least that’s what I know.

“Mind if I sit here?”

“Of course not! I preferred it actually.”

“Cool!” And he sat smoothly next to me.

“Ok! Now let’s get back to our discussion!”

Mrs. Im started to explain us about the world war today. Even though I love history, nothing she said went through my brain because I was busy adoring how cool Taeyang look when he was concentrating. If I wasn’t too madly in love with Yunho, I would totally fall down my knees over him. Now I regret knowing loving Yunho. I should know Taeyang first and fall for him. He is just too amazing to be ignored. Why God! Why do you give me this dahing male after I gave my whole heart to Yunho? Why?! L

“Hey! I’m Changmin!” Changmin suddenly turned around and introduce himself to Taeyang.

“I’m Taeyang. Nice to meet you!”

“I’m Junsu!” And Junsu also introduce himself.

“I’m Taeyang. Nice to meet you”, doesn’t he have any other line than that?

“So, can I know why you sit here ~~~~~~~?” Why does Changmin HAD to ask that question?

“Just feel like it?” I’m such a bad liar!

“You expect us to believe that?” Even Junsu knows I’m lying.

“Can we talk about these later guys? There’s a subject I need to concentrate at!” Quickly I acted as if I already gave my full attention towards the class from the beginning. All of them buys it and do the same.

After history class, we have maths a.k.a my least favorite subject in the world. But I don’t mind attending it since Taeyang also have the same class as me. In fact, his class schedule is exactly the same as mine. Hah! I knew we have this strong bond from the first time we meet. I just know it! Awesome people always fated for awesome people. Hahaha!!

The classes went on and on like it were endlessly. When is it going to end? Lunch time! When will you arrived! I’m so bored and I can’t concentrate in class anymore. Please help me God! Just as my heart begging for lunch time, the bell rings. Yeah! I love you God! Thank you so so so much!!!!

“Class dismisses!” As soon as the teacher announced it, almost the whole class ran out like a maniac. Guess I’m not the only one who’s longing for lunch time.

“Guys! Let’s go EAT!!” Minnie cheered. It’s been a while since I last heard that word. I really miss it.

“Aren’t you supposed to eat with the seniors?”

“Nope! We make a time for you today ~~~~~~~”, and I was aww-ing when Junsu said that.

“This is why I love you!” Happily, I tapped their heads.

“But can you guys eat with Jiyong, Taeyang, Jessica, Siwon and Jaejoong oppa too?”

“Of course!” They happily chanted.

“Great! Gaja!” And all four of us headed towards the canteen with huge smile on our faces.

As we arrived at the canteen, Jessica, Siwon, Jiyong and Jaejoong were already there. Jessica quickly called us they saw us. We were heading towards them when I accidently bumped to someone. “Mianhae!” I bowed and than looked up at the person. My face froze when I saw who it was. Aish! Why do I always meet up with this guy? It’s already the third time today. Can’t you just let me be?

“Mian!” After another sorry, I quickly ran towards my friends. I could sense his gaze from behind. Stop giving me all this Yunho! I don’t need it. Just live your life like I wasn’t alive. Isn’t that what you want?

“Gwenchana?” Guess Jaejoong saw what happen.

“Gwenchanayo!” There’s nothing to worry about. I’m completely fine.

The lunch time went really well. We ate and talk and laughed and joke around and have fun. I’m really glad Changmin and Junsu can fit in. they socialize with my new friend really well as if they have known them for all along. I felt relieved now that it feels like everything is really going to be fine. But you know, once a while I could see that Sunny watch us sadly from her table. I also sneak a peek at her once a while. I want her to be here so badly but I just wasn’t able to forgive her just yet. Moreover, I think she’s completely happy being next to Yunho always.

When lunch time ended, it was the free period. Changmin and Junsu had to go to their musicaall~ rehearsal, Jessica with cheerleading practice, Jiyong and Siwon had class which left us with Taeyang, Jaejoong and ME! We were about to enjoy the fresh air at the gardening club garden when we bumped to Mrs. Joo who asked us to help out at the theater room where they where rehearsing for the musicaall~. Jaejoong tried to decline it but Mrs. Joo keeps on insisting so we have to agree to it. This is not good. Not good at all!! Sorry Mrs. Joo but I kept cursing you on the way to the theater hall.

“People! I bring some help!” When she announced it, all eyes went to us. I couldn’t lift my head up. I’m scared that I might see you-know-who.

“Jaejoong, ~~~~~~~~ and the new kid will help you out today”, my head keep going lower now.

“But before we start our work, I have an announcement to make”, she is always full of surprises.

“The school has decided that there will be a little singing concert two days before the musicaall~ as the opening ceremony. Now I need people for that concert. A band, back up singers and one main star for that day”, Yoochun could do it. He’s a perfect singer. Sure LOADS of people will come to the 'little singing concert’.

“And the main star can’t be one of the musicaall~ people. It need to be a student who’s not involve in it”, there goes Yoochun’s chance.

“I already picked the band and back up singer but not the main star. Do any have you have a suggestion?” Everyone just kept quiet when suddenly one hand stretch up in the air.

“Yes Mr. Kang”, it’s Daesung.

“~~~~~~~~~ can do it. She’s a GREAT singer. She used to sing everyday in the class when we were in primary school”, oh God!

“NO, NO AND NO! I CAN’T SING AND I WON’T SING! NO, NO AND NO! NO WAY!” There’s no way in HELL I’m doing it.

“I also don’t think it’s a good idea”, Jooyeon unnie quickly spoke.

“No. it’s a SPLENDID idea!” Oh no!

“I’ve always know that you have a sweet and great but sad voice inside your heart”, I don’t think so Mrs. Joo.

“It’s set than. ~~~~~~~~ will be the MAIN star for that concert”, NNNOOOOO!!!!!

“Yoochun, Yunho, Sungmin and Jonghyun will be the band. Jooyeon and Sunny will be the back up singer. I could sense an awesome show coming up already!” This is a triple NO! I felt like fainting.

“But before we do anything, let’s hear our MAIN star sing!” My whole body went stiff when she said that. I’m so gonna kill you Daesung. Just wait and see.

“I’ll accompany her!” Yoochun offered.

“Great! May the show begins!”

With a weak heart, I make my way up the stage while everyone sat down on the audience sit. Yoochun quickly pulled me towards the piano. He could see how pale I was. Seriously, I felt like fainting. “Gwenchana?” It’s obvious that I’m not ok right now Yoochun! I was just chosen for hell if you didn’t notice!

“~~~~~~~!”

“No…..”

“Don’t worry. You can do it. I’m here for you”, he could only gave me a warm smile.

“Ok….” what other choice do I have.

“What song are you singing?”

“Umm….” Song….

“All By Myself from Tiffany SNSD”, I hope he know how to play that song.

“Got it!” He handed me the microphone. Slowly I make my way towards the center stage.

With a clap from Mrs. Joo, the whole room went dark and there was only ONE spotlight at me. even though I couldn’t see, I could feel that everyone was looking at me. giving their full attention towards me. I can’t mess up cause if I do, it’ll be such an embarrassment. Otteoke?! God! Help me!

Slowly, I closed my eyes to seek peace and guts inside myself. I tried to chant myself with the words “I can do it!” and “I’m Lee ~~~~~~~. I can do everything!” But nothing works. It just make it worst. My whole body started to shook. My heart started to pund so hard. Blood was running down my vein like a lightning. I started to felt ditzy. I could feel my body get weak and weaker.

But as I wanted to give up, a voice inside me spoke. It tells me to open my eyes. AND since I don’t have any other choice, I slowly opened my eyes. My heart stop pounding, my blood flows back normally and I stopped shaking. Even when it’s dark, I could see his eyes that are staring straight at mine. Lending me his strength and giving me peace and guts that I’m searching for. Yunho gave me a smile that reminds me of our sweet times together. All those sweet moment is just a memory now. it can never be brought back alive.

“I’m ready”, I qued Yoochun and he started playing the piano.

jeh bahl moh reun cheh jee nah gah yo
jeh bahl noon geel doh joo jee mah yo
moh rae bah rahm gah teun nahl deul eh
ah moo guht doh nae geh joo jee mah yo

nae mah eum hah nah juh buh doo goh
nae noon mool hah nah soom gyuh doo goh
chuh eum bohn guht chuh ruhm
naht suhn sah rahm chuh ruhm
jee nah gah yo geu rae yah mahn hae yo..

Remembering about the pain I felt when I asked him to ignoring me, my eyes get teary. This song goes perfect for the incident that happens between me and Yunho this morning. If my life was a movie, this song will be the soundtrack of that moment. It really pains me to remember what I have said to him. If I could, I want to take it all back but I couldn’t. it’s how it supposed to be.

nah hohn jah suh sarang eul mahl hah goh
sarang eul boh nae goh
hohn jah ssah eun choo uhk eh
gyuhp gyuh bee noon mool ee mae yuh
muhn goh seh ee ssuh doh
geu dae haeng bohk hah geel
nah yae sarang eul... gah seum geep ee moo duh yo...

Tears filled up my eyes. Everything was gone now. It just left as a memory. Memory that I’ll keep inside my heart forever. Wishing things was different. If only I could turn back time and correct it all. I don’t want to send away my love but I don’t have choice left. If I don’t do it now, it will only eat me alive. It was for the best right? But why do I felt awful? And so lonely now.

dah eum seh sang oo ree tae uh nah myuhn
geu ddaen sarang eu roh mah joo bwah yo
oon myung ah peh heem uhp shee jee neun eel
doo buhn dah shee uhp geh tae uh nah yo

nah geu dae ah peh kkoh chee dweh goh
nah geu dae wee hae noh rae hah goh
hahn sah rahm yuh jah roh
hahn nahm jah yuhn een eu roh
geu dae gyuh teh neul sahl goh sheep uh yo..

I guess I should just continue this stuff. I may hurt a lot, but he’s happy and that’s enough for me. Truthfully saying, I hate to see him happy while I suffer like this but it’s better than seeing him hurt. It would only hurt more if he’s hurt. I guess the people you love do effect your mood and feelings.

nah hohn jah suh sarang eul mahl hah goh
sarang eul boh nae goh
hohn jah ssah eun choo uhk eh
gyuhp gyuh bee noon mool ee mae yuh
muhn goh seh ee ssuh doh
geu dae haeng bohk hah geel
nah yae sarang eul... gah seum sohk geep ee...

ah pah doh ah pah jyuh doh
juhl dae nahn ool jee ah nah yo
bah roh nae sarang eun
ee byuhl ee uhp seu nee..

ee sahl mee kkeut nah goh
dah eum seh sang eh oo ree
kkohk sarang hae yo... kkohk sarang hae yo.. oo ree..

With the last words, tears fall down my cheeks. I quickly looked away and wiped the tears. Why do I have to be so emotional at this time? It’s in front of a ing crowd for God sake ~~~~~~~. You will only cause wonders and suspicious for people who doesn’t know the whole story. And IF they figured it out, you will be tag as the ‘rejected’ girl by Yunho forever!

“BRAVA ~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!” Mrs. Joo was so impressed with me. She even gave me around of applause which was followed by others. I looked at Yoochun oppa who gave me two thumbs up. I just smile and bowed. More round of applause was given to me. since I can’t stand on that stage anymore, I quickly ran down and asked Mrs. Joo if I could go to the bathroom. I don’t why but I felt like she understand my situation and let me go. I could only run towards the bathroom and cried again. All by myself, I hope things were better.