January 1, 2017,

Prague, Czech Republic

It was the quiet moments at dawn like this that made Nam Ji Hyun feel so grateful. She was a lucky girl; to wake up in this ancient city and soak in the view before her. Everyone who knew her called her a whirlwind; she was always one to joke around and talk constantly. But in all honesty, the quiet moments like this were one of her very favorites.

She was quite completely alone now; her sister and friends were tucked away in their rooms softly sleeping. She  hadn't been able to resist coming out to breathe in the cool dawn air and watch the sky lighten up the horizon. These past few days had been so busy, she hadn't had time to catch her breath, much else get some peace and quiet.  Immediately after the MBC awards show there had been a flurry of packing and then rushing to the airport to catch her flight to Europe. 

And now here she was. Nothing but her and her thoughts.

Happy New Year to me... she thought

Another year older now, 22. An adult. The thought both thrilled and scared her. There was so much she wanted to do, and in this moment of time, as the fresh dawn lay before her, it felt like everything was possible. Last year had been good to her. She had won an award at the end of year ceremony to the pride and joy of her parents. Her first lead role as an adult brought in good reviews and she was hopeful she could shake off the child actor label soon. It was a tricky thing after all. Sometimes when people looked at her they still saw the 9 year-old Nam Ji Hyun. 

As she sat silently on the bench watching the sun's gentle rays fell over the town square, a soft gust of wind reached through, sending shivers over her skin. She wrapped her scarf and coat even closer.

Yes, so much to be grateful for, except... 

For just a minute she imagined he was here, wrapping his arms around her to keep her warm. For just another minute she let the fantasy linger and imagined a deep voice whispering in her ear, "Happy New Year, JiHyun-ah"... 

Her cheeks started feeling warm and she quickly patted them to shake herself free of her lunatic fantasy.

This was the problem with having worked almost all her life and having Omma as a manager. There was no chance for romance. Zilch. None. Her mother was with her for interviews, at shootings and sets and traveling everywhere in between.  Most of the time it was great. Omma was pretty cool and never tried to make JiHyun do anything she didn't want to do. She was there for the tough times and her biggest cheerleader during all the good times. But, it also meant JiHyun was always chaperoned making it impossible to just meet someone even when surrounded by the hottest stars in the industry.

This must be the reason I'm having such crazy thoughts, she rationalizes.

Lately it has gotten worse and worse. What had started as a little teenage crush had grown to vivid fantasies and dreams that seemed too real. As she grew older she had tried hard to shake it off; to look at other boys and  even picture dating other boys. But her one very disastrous attempt at group dating with college mates was so disappointing she decided she would live with her fantasies for now.

The way she was going, nothing would ever match her imagination. His eyes, his smile, his deep laugh. She had watched his last TV show including the shower fight scene while hidden in her room and blushing furiously.  She had fast-forwarded through those parts at first because she was too mortified and felt too much like a byeontae p ervert for even looking. But later on she had rewinded and watched again and now her fantasies had become even more troublesome.

He probably didn't know she existed, surrounded as he was with beautiful people and as busy as he was as a Hallyu Star. The highlights of her weeks were when they passed by each other at the salon and their eyes met. She would bow politely as she would to any sunbae and later replay those few thrilling seconds in her mind.

Hair Stylist Unnie adored him. Even though he was at the peak of his fame, he was still kind, funny and generous. He was one of the most hard-working people in the industry and the way he was with his mom would melt anyone. 

And Seo In Guk oppa, whom she had gotten to know well after they worked together, was one of his best friends. She was too shy to ask In-Guk oppa about him directly but a few times he had come to the drama set to support In Guk and she had busied herself pretending to pour over the script while secretly watching them laugh and kid around. 

She wishes he was an arrogant movie star. Then she could push this crush aside as a shallow, useless thing. But no, he had to be wonderful. Damn it.

She was 22. She would get past this. One day she could look back at this crush and laugh embarassedly at how cliche it was. But in the meantime...

She picks up her phone and checks for alerts. The twitter account she bookmarked has just posted an update. It's a video from a concert. She presses play and there he is looking gorgeous in a satin jacket singing in his melting voice about a Starry Night.  Even though the sun is now shining brightly, she closes her eye and she too feels those stars in the sky.