January 1, 2017
Nanjin, China

It was the quiet moments at dawn that got to him.  During the day he was always rushing to places, with a million things to do; people to meet. Nights were filled with events, friends, parties and often filming. His life was a whirl of stage lights, cameras and fans calling his name. And that suited him just fine. Who would have thought things would turn out this way? No, let's be honest; he had worked his a*s off to make it this way and the Goddess of Fortune had shined so brightly on him in return.

Ji Chang Wook was a man who had it all. 

Or so they said.

He gazed out the window, unable to shake off the restless ache inside.

His twenties had rushed by so fast. And now here he was, staring thirty in the face, achieving all he had dreamed of and more. What else could he ask for?

He stared out at the lights below of a city slowly waking. Dawn was creeping in from the eastern horizon. Most people were safely asleep recovering from a night of celebrating. He should be asleep too, just like Manager Bang who had passed out softly snoring on the sofa. After all, he'd been up since two days ago running on adrenaline for for the concert.

His eyes gazed at the cityscape before him but it wasn't the familiar sight of home. Maybe that explained the melancholy. Right now, if he were at home. his mother would be making him rice cake soup to usher in the New Year and nag at him for drinking too much. He smiled softly and was almost tempted to call her; but he knew she would worry if he called this early. 

Talking with In Guk earlier had helped. He wasn't surprised Gukkie had still been up. That idiot friend of his had probably been partying all night long; it's a miracle he wasn't passed out on the streets. If Chang Wook were home, he'd have gone over to In Guk's place and they'd play video games 72 hours straight or until Manager Bang dragged him away.

He picked up his phone again and stared at the photo In Guk had texted him. There was his buddy, huge grin on his face probably feeling high from winning a Best Actor award. And there she was. Gorgeous. Just mind-blowingly gorgeous. She had on a sparkly dress, her hair falling softly over her shoulders, and that deep V-cut at the front.. well f*k. He was no saint. He zoomed in knowing he was going to hell for this, but his eyes stayed mesmerized by her smile and her soft skin.

This wasn't helping. He already had so many images of her in his mind: college girl, bombshell, casual chick, goddess. His memories of her were a collage of passing moments; his eyes capturing snapshots of her that his brain refused to let go.

She had also won an award, Best New Actress, and even though he had nothing to do with it, he was so damn proud of her. In Guk could be a tight-lipped bastard sometimes, but even he said she was an amazing girl. Funny, easy-going and kind. He felt like he knew her well already since they'd been going to the same salon for years now and Hairstylist Noona was always talking about her. Over at Aluu Salon they affectionately calling her "Angel". She would light up the room the moment she walked in and laugh good-naturedly with the crew there as they t eased her.

He could not recall the very first moment they met but with the way he felt now, you'd think there would have been a lightning bolt or angel chorus or something to warn him. But it wasn't like that. He started noticing her a few years ago and slowly she had started taking over his thoughts until not a day went by without him wondering about her or falling asleep without the image of her smile on his mind.

His closest friends t-eased him mercilessly about his crush, especially Jun Hyung who went to the same salon and often threatened to reveal everything. The bastard. Even so, his friends had never breathed a word of it to anyone for they knew if  the media got whiff of such a rumor they would be merciless. Even worse the tabloids and in turn some of the more possessive fans would make her life a living hell. 

Yet, despite all that, he had considered many times asking her out. When the media asked him about ideal types, a picture of her would appear in his mind. He found himself describing her longingly. Beautiful smile, approachable, a fun girl, kind. He wasn't good at prefabricating or evading questions. Too often he'd let slip a bit too much truth.

He'd spend nights imagining scenarios where he would smoothly ask her on a date. Sometimes he was so convinced he would ask her, he'd start looking up possible places where they could dine incognito. But when dawn approached his rational side would kick in. Like most young Korean males, he was going to be called up to the military soon. Dating now would be pure selfishness. How could he ask any girl to wait for 21 months with barely any phone calls much less time to date or get to know each other? A lot could happen in two years and she was still young and just about to launch the best part of her career.  

The last few times he tried dating had been forever ago and they had all fizzled out because meeting was impossible. Trying to dodge the tabloids got too stressful and dating a Hallyu Star wasn't as glamorous as it sounded. Especially when the star was a homebody and lived with his mother like him. Anyhow, the girls got fed up of waiting. How can you call it dating when you can't even meet? He was delusional for even thinking it could happen now. 

Chang Wook took one last long look at the photo and her beautiful smile. He turned off his phone and got up. What he needed was to get out. He quietly slipped on his sweat pants and sneakers and headed out into the cold dawn air. His legs took him through the unfamiliar streets, going faster and faster until the pain in his lungs helped drown out the loneliness inside.