Too frustrated to head back to sleep, I found myself in the kitchen making breakfast. Thinking back to how mom made breakfast, helped me escape my current problems. The sizzling of the pan, the fresh brewing coffee...all the wonderful smells and sounds had me thinking of mom as I set the table. "I thought I was dreaming this all," father spoke up as he walked into the kitchen.

"I couldn't sleep," I shrugged as I sat down at the table. I went quiet as Jiyong entered. 

"Thank you for breakfast," he offered a small smile as he took a seat. 

I could have just smiled, but I couldn't. I'm still kind of mad at him. Yes, I know very immature but oh well. Quietly eating with my family, I couldn't remember the last time this had happened with all of us together. All except the empty place where my mom usually sat. Frowning, I finished up before cleaning up after myself and heading back to my room. Laying out my lavender dress, I couldn't help but stand and stare. I couldn't remember the last time I picked out a dress for a special occasion. Feeling the soft lacey material, I knew my mother would appreciate me wearing her favorite color. Taking a seat next to the dress, I found myself wondering. Wondering if I had decided to actually come home at least once and a while would this hurt a little less? Would I feel less guilty that my pride kept me from the chances I had to spend with my mother? Falling onto my back and letting out a heavy sigh as the tears began to swell in my eyes. I turned to curl next to the dress, gazing at it knowing all too well my mother would love it. 

Standing before the mirror, I honestly couldn't remember how I was able to put myself together. I of course took breaks, some longer than others. But I somehow made it. Straightening my lavender dress, I couldn't help but hear my mother's voice telling me how beautiful I looked. Maybe it was just me indulging in wishful thinking, but it helped carry me out of the room and into the halls. Placing big black shades on to cover most of my face, I made my way outside. Turning towards the orchid trees, I nearly stumbled seeing my mother's casket. Catching myself, I held my stomach seeing the rows of chairs that lined their way up to the casket. The casket that was open. Through shaky steps, I tried to concentrate to keep walking with one foot in front of the other. Everyone seemed to fade out as I walked towards the casket. My breath was caught as I saw the most beautiful woman laying fast asleep in a beautiful lavender dress. Reaching out with trembling hands, I cupped her cold face mesmerized by her beauty. 

"Mom," I squeaked as I leaned down to press my forehead against hers. "Mom I'm home," I sobbed as I held her as best as I could. "I'm wearing our favorite color today. Do you like it," sniffling as I wanted nothing more than to hear her voice. I hoped and prayed she knew if anything she knew, "I love you mom. I love you with everything in me. No matter how stupid and prideful I was to leave. Just know I love you." A strong hand came and squeezed my shoulder. Gazing up through blurry eyes, I saw my father giving me a pleading look before he in turn shifted his gazing motioning me to do the same. Without realizing, all the chairs were filled with many standing in the back. Whispering one last I love you, I reluctently took a seat. 

It didn't surprise me with the amount of people and sentiments sent my mother's way. She was loved by all. The most kind. The most loving. The most caring. Yes she was all of those and more. The feelings of loss and great love for my mother was felt, especially seeing many come up and say their last goodbyes. When it was my family's turn, the three of us stood all around my mother. Not a word was said before my father broke down in tears. Seeing this strong and stern old man break down and sob was so foreign. I embraced my father and held him tightly, feeling him tremble in my grasp. Soon my brother joined me as the three of us watched the casket close. Clinging onto my father for dear life, I cried along with him.

As the casket was walked a little ways down the grassy path, I held my father's arm until we came to the burial site. It was underneath the big tree where my father had proposed to my mother and promised to build her their dream home on this very land. It was bittersweet to say the least, watching my mother's casket being lowered into the ground. With a soft thud, my heart dropped as I cried into my father's arm. Falling onto my knees I the dirt was being poured, the reality of it all set in. This was it. Mom is really gone. With the shovels pounding the dirt into the ground, it sealed the fate of my mother. Sitting at my mother's final resting place, I let it all sink in.

Time seemed to have escaped me, as I looked to see that the sun was beginning to set. Confused, I gazed around to see the only other person there was Mino. Standing a little ways, next to the big tree. Offering me a small wave, he stepped up next to me and offered me a hand. "Mino," my voice cracked. 

"I know," was all he said as he gently took my hand and helped me onto my feet. Gratefully he allowed me to lean upon him for support as he walked me back to my house. Ever so gently helping me into the house and to my room. Placing me onto my bed, he helped me out of my shoes letting them hit the floor as he moved to place the covers over me. Winking down at me, he was about to turn and leave before I reached out to him. 

The thought of someone important leaving me was just too much, I needed him to stay. "Please Mino, will you stay just a little while?"

Mino turned to smile back at me as he sighed, "I have to go and help set up for the celebration of life..." 

"But I need you here please," I begged. Tugging a little in hopes to convince him. I needed my best friend here with me more than they needed him to help set up. Honestly the whole town was here at our disposal so there were plenty of helping hands. He let out a heavy sigh as if to give in, moving back to my bed side he stood letting me hold him in place. "Will you lay with me?" 

He coughed a nervous laugh and shook his head, "I don't think that's a good idea." 

"If you let me cuddle you just a short while I won't ask for anything else and you can go back to helping out," I tried to bargain. He continued to shake his head claiming that he would fall asleep and it would be rude to do so at my mother's celebration of life of all people. "Mino please I need the bear hug. I need it so bad," giving him the biggest puppy dog face I could conjure up I couldn't help but smile victorious as he waved for me to move over. Squealing like a little girl, I watched as he laid facing the opposite way as I moved to wrap my arms around his torso. At first he was a bit stiff, but as I nuzzled up against his back he seemed to relax a bit. Inhaling his now manly scent, it was very becoming of him. Not to mention that he literally had no ounce of fat, he was very lean. 

"Are you feeling up on me," he teased as my hands wandered up and down his stomach. 

I shrugged, knowing very I was, "I was just trying to find where all your baby fat went. What am I supposed to hold onto?" He chuckled as he caught my hands in his. Somehow our fingers intertwined perfectly as I stayed wrapped tightly around him. Snuggling against his back he felt so warm, the heat off of his body radiating against mine was nice. "Sorry for being such an to you." 

"What are you talking about," he asked as he leaned further into my embrace. 

"I was so selfish to leave you behind, but I wasn't thinking," pausing as the thoughts of me regreting my choice to leave home played through my mind. "Honestly I wanted so many times to call home just to hear your voice, but I knew if I did I would end up coming back home," I confessed. 

 "Is that such a bad thing," he asked. Turning to face me, the air grew quiet before he gave me that smile I loved and missed so much. It was the look of love. The look of trust. The look of that everything was going to be okay. I didn't realize that I was still holding his hands until he gave mine a comforting squeeze. Grinning as he brought our interlocked hands up and kissing my knuckles, I couldn't help the smile that spread across my lips. Laying here and staring at my best friend, like really looking at him he was different. He wasn't the same kid that I grew up with, he was so much more now. Why didn't I notice? He was a man. A handsome young man  that had experiences and feelings that made him into who he was right now. Feelings, something that I had yet to wrap my head around before my gaze fell upon his lips. Without thinking, I found myself crushing my very lips against his. Leaning into the kiss, his lips were surprisingly soft. So inviting...so unbelievably not right that I just forced myself on him. And just as fast as I had initiated it, I pulled away just as quick. Gasping at my impulsive actions, he looked just as confused as I felt. 

"I need to go to the bathroom," was the first thing that came to mind as I rushed away and locked myself into the bathroom. Cursing myself for being so stupid, I jumped as a knock came at the door. "Yeah?" 

"Umm...I'm gonna go help set up. I'll catch you later at the celebration?" 

"Yeah sure," I called out, feeling my cheeks burning with embarassment. Quietly listening to the footsteps retreating, I silently screamed as I slid to the ground confused with everything going on.