Today was the day where we would perform as a small team for MBC's Gayo, and I was really happy. When we arrived for rehearsal I laughed as he kept on playing around eventually causing the PD to get annoyed as he yelled at him to do it right. When we finally got done, I went to go get changed for the live performance seeing as how they were doing the special stages as openers instead of es. As the styling Noona handed me my outfit and I slipped into it I just stared in the mirror wonder why it had to be me, but as Yugyeom and the other male backup dancer came out dressed the same I could only shake my head. We were wearing crop tops with skinny jeans and suit jackets, but I didn’t really have anything to complain about because I looked good.

“Eunkwang, to, Standby!” Leaving the room, I fixed my ear piece as I made my way with fast steps towards the stage, and when I say it was really bright, it was bright.

“Are you ready?” I jumped a voice whispered in my ear causing me to turn around as Jackson stood behind me with his normal smile on his face.

“I was born ready.” Getting a little cocky I walked onto the stage as I was called, as we started getting into position.

Hearing the cheers, I had to stop myself from laughing and as the music began to play I danced as if my life was ending. And as we exited the stage, I was out of breath. Going back to the dressing room everyone fanned out but I couldn’t rest because I had to change and then I would be running to KBS, and tomorrow I had SBS. I was too old for this, well not really. Changing quickly, I bid everyone a good job before my farewell and running towards the van I hoped in as Hyung drove dangerously but if we didn’t make it in time that would be even worse. We made it with only a few minutes’ left, and basically running onto the stage I saw my two backup dancers as they waved at me causing me to wave back. Seeing as how I didn’t really need a rehearse I was called too standby quickly and walking onto the stage I listened as all the screams filled my ear once more. 

Singing, running, and being out of breath, was the only thing that happened in the last few hours. After KBS we got in the car thinking that I finally had a moment to relax but then the call came in saying that one of the groups caught the flu so I was being moved to the first half, and when I say I wasn’t ready I really wasn’t ready. Hyung drove towards SBS as he went around cars probably going to get a ticket and seeing as how it wasn’t our fault the company is going to have to pay for the ticket. When we arrived I jumped out of the car and tripping over myself I ran with all my might towards the outdoor event as it was covered in crowds. Finally making my way inside I ran into two people who I really didn’t want to.

“What are you doing here?” Jr. asked causing me to sigh as I moved him out of my way as staff came up to me saying that I had 10 minutes before I would be on standby.

“Minding my own business.” And with that I ran towards my dressing room as I got hooked up with my earpiece as they fixed my hair, and going when they called my name I stood on the side as I nodded my head along with the new rookie groups song.

Stepping onto stage the lights dimmed as two spotlights came on causing everyone to go silent, and making my way to the one closets to me I lifted the mike to my lips as I sang, and as the backup dancers danced I smiled in appreciation as everyone was singing along. Finishing the stage, I almost collapsed when I took a step off causing Hyung to catch me as he carried me back to the dressing room. I took a few deep breaths before finally calming down, and when I was calm enough I asked Hyung to let me down. Letting my feet touch the ground my legs felt like jelly a little bit before they went back too normal and as I flopped down in a seat I couldn’t believe how hard I was sweating.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to take you home now?” I smiled at Hyung before shaking my head because I need to stop by the company.

“Take me to the company, and I'll stay with Hyunsik. So you can go do what you want, okay?” He nodded as I stood and changing really quick I grabbed his arm as we walked outside.

The wind was blowing and a few snowflakes here and there but seeing as how winter only has a month and 3 weeks left there isn't really as much snow anymore. Getting in the van, we drove in silence as the radio played a club mix but even that didn't disturb it. Pulling up to the company I got out bidding him a goodnight as I ran inside into the warmth.

“Sik!” Seeing the recently very quiet male he looked at me with puffy eyes and I knew it was his time to start making sad songs.

“Oh. You're here. I thought you would be home.” His voice was so sad that I almost chocked on my spit as I tried to not laugh.

“I have to talk to the CEO, but I'll hang with you until you are ready to leave. So I'll be back quickly, okay?” Putting up the okay sign he looked at me before nodding slowly as he continued walking.

Feeling a little let down by his behavior I cleared my throat before walking towards the elevator as the walk on the stairs is too long. Pressing the up button it came quick, as always, and stepping on it moved towards the top floor as it played one of the many Sunbae’s songs. Humming along I was cut off as the door opened and walking down the hall I knocked on his door as his voice rang through as he told me to come in. Opening the door, I peeked my head around it as I smiled at him causing a bright one to come into his face.

“Eunkwang! What do I owe this visit?” Walking inside I sat down on one of the many seats causing him to leave his desk as he came over to sit next to me.

“Well, I want to ask you a favor.”

“I'll do anything for my favorite person. Come on, tell me what it is?” Laughing it took a deep breath as I had two reactions in my mind; one he was going to be okay and happy and the other he was going to lecture and nag me, I just hope it is the first.

“I was wondering if you would grant me permission to date King J?” I waited for what felt like forever as he just stared at me and I could only blink as the lump in my throat got bigger.

“Eunkwang…” And here we go, the lecture of the century. “You know the world isn't how it used to be and I have watched you grow, and I have watched you fall in and out of love as if you were my own. I remember the day when a scrawny little boy with glasses walked in asking if he could audition for me, and that day I laughed as I judged you before you even opened you mouth to show me your talents. You had a stutter, and couldn't move your body to dance even if you tried your hardest, even though Changsub was worse, but as soon as you began to sing I knew you would do great things. At 11 years old, I let the youngest trainee ever to enter my doors and train with people 5 years older than him, and when you debuted at 16 being the youngest ballad singer ever I was proud. Because I was holding a golden egg and no one else would be able to take him from me. As your Appa came in telling me to make sure you are taken care of I gave him my word as he gave me his role. I don't want to see you hurt anymore, and JB was already where I messed up. You are getting back to the top and I don't want you to fall apart again. Do you understand me?”

I nodded even though I wanted to scream that I didn't but at the mention of my Appa I couldn't object. This man practically raised me and made me who I am so I will respect his wishes.

“I'm not saying that you can't date him, you are clearly older than 11 years old and is making me money. But give it till the end of this month and if you two still want this relationship then I will release it to the public so that nobody else can have him or you. Okay?” I jumped on him hugging him as I thanked him and as he laughed patting my head I felt something I haven't in a long time.

I was actually really happy and it wasn't about materialistic things, such as an award or my paycheck coming in, but it was because I was starting to be able to decide my life. Finally letting him go I exuded myself as I made him promise and as he kicked me out with a smile I ran all the way down the stairs and into Hyunsik’s studio.

“What has you so happy?” I stopped smiling as I shrugged my shoulders causing him to sigh as he turned back around as he finished mixing a track.

“Did you speak to Sub again?” He seemed to freeze up at the name and I knew I shouldn't have asked.

“No. Why, did you?” He turned around so quickly that I was starting to get scared and as I shook my head he calmed all the way down as his shoulders slumped again.

“Get up. We have somewhere to be and if this wedding is happening it is happening in two weeks and that is final.” Grabbing him I dragged him all the way to his car and taking his keys out of his pocket I stuck him in the passenger seat as I took the drivers.

I was a little rusty when it came to driving but at least I had my license and that's all that matters. Getting us on the main road safely, I smiled as I drove down familiar streets until I came upon a familiar house. Parking the car in the driveway, I got out as I looked at Hyunsik as his took his sweet time and I swear they were acting like little kids. Grabbing him once more, I took him to the front door and knocking on it we waited for a few minutes before the door was being thrown open as Sub stood in his pajamas as he was holding a bear, I child I tell you.

“What is he doing here?”

“Making this relationship get back on track and being me I am the mediator in this whole mess, because I didn't spend years picking the perfect song for nothing.” Pushing past him I grabbed him also as I closed the door before taking them into their bedroom as I made them both sit down next to each other.

“Talk it out. I'll sit right here and listen; I'll even point out . So talk.” Grabbing the computer desk chair, I plopped down in it as I stared at the two who looked away from one another.

“I have nothing to say to him, so this is pointless.” Sighing I shook my head as Sub was being stubborn as always and I just couldn't understand it.

“Clearly you do, because it seems that you are always telling me your feelings instead of actually speaking it out with him.” I added in my two cents causing the both of them to turn as they looked between one another before looking at me.

“Does he always tell you? For how long?”

“Since you started dating, and he has done it with past relationships also. It's just his thing, but I feel like if you two really want to be only with each other until you die, then you BOTH have to stop telling me how you feel and start talking to each other.” They finally looked at each other and it felt as if I was watching a movie up close, I was just missing the popcorn.

“Tell me, how do you feel? Because every time I try and talk to you, you always slam the door in my face and kick me out.” I nodded as Hyunsik spoke because it was a reoccurring thing.

“How can I?! You only talk about work and nothing else! You can't even keep your promises anymore. When you decided that being a trainee wasn't your thing anymore and you would rather work behind the scenes I supported you a 100%. And when I dropped out not liking how I was changing for the worse, you were there for me, but now I can't even open my mouth without you shooting down whatever I have to say before I say it!”

“I wouldn't have to if it wasn't always something that I can never fit into my schedule. I know you will always understand but this is my whole life and this is the way I am making my money. With this money I feed, clothe, and put a roof over our heads, and without it I don't know where we would be. I love you with all my heart and you have been the only person in it. I really wish you would understand that.” Wow this was getting intense.

“You say that job is your whole life, then what about me?! What about the family that I am trying to build around this stupid job?! I don't care if you die in that ing studio, I just want you to at least marry me and start things off right. But, no, the only thing on your mind is those rookies, trainees, and idols who are always bugging you about a song! Look at Kwang! He can write his own and all you need to do is hand him a track, and if he wanted to he could record it himself! Why can't they do?!” My eyes almost popped out my head as he suddenly praised me but that seemed to be the lease of my worries.

“Kwang can do that because that was what he was trained to do! These new idols don't have to do writing homework or mixing practice. All they have to do is learn how to sing and dance, and as long as they do it well enough they are being plastered as the nation’s son or daughter! I hate it! I hate how I have to work extra hours and always push everything back just to work with them! I hate how I come home to hear you crying yourself to sleep, or if you are angry you curse my name in many different ways and all I can do is stand there and listen. I don't want to work long hours anymore, but if it wasn't for me this company probably wouldn't be where they are now. I have to do it, and I'm working so hard so that I can use all my unused vacation days to marry you and take you to the places that you want to go, but you don't see that! You only see what you want to see and in the end it is killing me slowly.” Not knowing what to say I sat silent as they both started crying and with all the year wiping I knew I would have to make an escape soon.

“Well I wouldn't have to see what I only want to if you would stand right where I want you too! Maybe if you would stay long enough to hear me out and listen then maybe I wouldn't have to. But seeing as how you never will I can only see what is in front of me and last time I checked you weren't.” Taking that as my cue to leave I slowly stood as I left the two to finish taking.

Walking now out the front door I was left with nothing to do so pulling out my phone I called Jackson to see if he could hang out with me. But as I was sent to voicemail I sighed a little bit before standing as I stuck my hand in my pocket only to notice that I had left the keys to the car inside. Just my luck. Not wanting to die outside as I waited for them I began to walk already knowing that it would only be annoying if I called Hyung. Looking at the scenery as the snow looked amazing as it laid in white blankets along the ground and I just wished it was like this all the time. Sighing I noticed a familiar music shop and not thinking twice I went right inside as the pictures of old artists and new ones littered the walls as there were signatures all over the place. Smiling I liked the atmosphere as it was calm and quiet, and nobody seemed diatribes by everyday life.

“Welcome. How may I help you?” Turning around I looked at the worker as his face was even more familiar and once he saw me he seems rather surprised.

“Uh, I think I'll just look around for a minute. I'll call if I need anything.”

“Oh okay, but before that do you remember me?” I looked him over more than a few times as nothing clicked causing me to shake my head slowly.

“I'm sorry, but I do not recall meeting you, although your face is very familiar.”

“Oh, sorry, my name is Mark. I am a trainee at King J’s company, we met backstage when I was backup dancing for his debut stage.” Nodding along as if I understood what he was talking about he smiled causing me to return it.

“Is that so? Well, Mark, it's nice to meet you once again. I'll be sure to call you, okay?” He nodded before running off and that was when I knew his voice was familiar.

Going over to the Ballad section I scanned CDs and even vinyl records, and I was surprised to see all of my favorite artist placed proudly on the front lines. It didn't take long before I saw my own face from years ago and behind it was another and another until it went towards my recent album. Grabbing all the older ones I went over to the listening area as I grabbed a CD player before sticking my debut album into it. As it played I couldn't help but smile at the old memories. I honestly don't even think I have these at home anymore, oh yeah, JB took them with him and never gave them back. Sighing I sat listening to all of them before I could finally hear my phone ring as I quickly answered it only to hear Jackson on the other line asking if I needed anything. And looking outside as how it was dark I asked if he could come get me and telling him the name of the place he hung up saying that he was on his way. Looking for Mark I found him reorganizing the new arrivals, and looking at him he really seemed to love this job.

“Mark! Can I get these?” As he turned to look at me a smile came onto his face as he raced me to the register ringing up my stuff.

“Wow, I didn't know artist brought their own albums?” I laughed as his smile fades away but I acted like I didn't notice.

“I gave away all of mine, even the ones I kept since debut, and coming in here I wanted to live in the past again so to say. So I'm buying them again.” Explaining it to him in a less revealing fashion he only nodded before handing me the bag as I handed him the money.

He bid me a goodnight as I left finally getting the text that he was coming in and before I could even walk out the door Jackson was standing in front of me smiling.

“What did you buy?” I playfully pushed him as he tried to get the bag away from me.

“None of your business. Now let's go I'm cold.” Laughing he finally stopped as he turned to walk out with me before a voice caught his attention.

“Welcome how may I…Jackson? What are you doing here?” Turning around, we both did, I looked at Mark as he had this confused look on his face as he looked in between us.

“Minding my own business, maybe you should too. Let's go Seo.” He grabbed my hand in a tight grip as he dragged me out of the store and into his van, and even as we sat in silence he didn't let go.

I knew something was wrong by the way his jaw clenched and unclenched, and his eyes were glaring as his eyebrows caused him to have a deep frown upon his face. Looking at his Manager, whose name I'll have to learn, he shrugged before going back to the road as he was singing along to Sistar.

“What's wrong?” I finally asked as the silence was killing me.

“Nothing. Don't worry about it. You know…never mind forget it!” Letting my hand go he was yelling at me as if I was the one causing the problem.

So throwing my hands up in surrender I faced the window as I crossed my arms ignoring him. He needed time to cool off and then he can tell me what happened, and until then I'm not talking to him. I guess he finally calmed down once we were down the street from my place and as it took a whole half an hour to get home I spent that whole 30 minutes’ quiet as a mouse. He even tried to apologize but all I did was hum my response because he was still a little angry and I wanted him as cool as ice, but right now he was like a skillet cooling down slowly.

“Eunkwang? Kwang? I'm sorry. Are you mad at me?” He tried once more causing me to shrug because I didn't know if I was mad or just tired, but then again they both played a factor. “If you don't tell me what's wrong then I'm going to…uh…”

Finally looking at him as he was stuck in thought I threw the door open as we had finally come to a stop. Thanking his Manager, I walked around the car making my way towards the door. But before I could take a step further he grabbed my arm spinning me around and when I say the unexpected happen, it was really unexpected. He smashed his lips onto mine as he grabbed my face squishing it a little bit, and I don't know how long we stood there like that but when he finally let go we were both out of breath. A blush had crept into my face, but I blamed it on being cold; and the smile on his face as his lips as he agreed caused me to laugh. Pushing him away I bid him a quick goodbye before running inside as I checked around to make sure no one saw because we were still on the down low.

“Tsk!” I jumped out of my skin to see Ilhoon standing next to me as he had this furious look on his face.

Sighing I took a deep breath before walking as fast as possible knowing that he was going to follow me all the way anyway. He always does this, making unexpected visits and such, and I was honestly getting tired of seeing his face. Getting on the elevator I pushed my floor number as he got on standing close to me and no matter how far I made the space between us he only closed the distance.

I was more than glad when the door finally opened allowing me to step off as I all but ran towards my door pressing in the code leaving the door open behind me. Taking off my shoes I noticed that Sik was home which was odd because he was really quiet. Walking deeper into my apartment I went towards his room as I knocked on the door before opening it as he sat on his bed with his phone in his hands as he rocked back and forth. I wanted to walk in and asked how everything ended but I had other problems and people to worry about right now. Closing his door softly, I took off my coat tossing it on the couch as Ilhoon stood looking around as if he never barged in here before.

“What can I do for you Ilhoon-sshi?” Finally asking he followed me into the kitchen as I grabbed a bottle of water before hopping on the counter as I knew he hated it, but I pay the bills here not him.

“Hyung.” I showed that I was listening as he paused giving me this weird look. “What is your relationship with him?”

“You're starting to sound like JB. Why don't you worry about your husband and kids instead of being all in my business?! I cannot understand you people nowadays!” Sitting my water down I rolled my eyes at him crossing my arms as this was starting to get old.

“JB? You still talk to him?” Shaking my head, no, I took another sip of my water wondering why he cared so much.

“Can you stop going in a ing circle and get straight to the point? I'm tired and ready for bed.” Jumping off the counter I grabbed my water ignoring my phone as it binged.

“Who is it? Is it King J?” Rolling my eyes once more I looked at the message as it was indeed from him but he didn't have to know that.

“What the hell do you want?!” I lost it as he kept asking me who it was and no matter how many times I asked why or told him it was none of his business he only got closer as he asked once more.

“We are having a family gathering in these next few upcoming weeks and the whole family wants to see you since you didn't go to any of the other ones. I think you should come.”

“Get out. I told you I don't care about them or you, so get out! I'm tired of this stupid game! I DON’T ING LIKE YOU, UMMA OR THAT FAMILY! I AM A VERY BUSY PERSON AND I WILL NOT, EVEN THOUGH I CAN, GO ANYWHERE THAT THAT WOMAN IS! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Pushing him out of the door I slammed it in his face making sure the door looked really good because I knew he knew my passcode which I was going to have to change.

Looking out the peephole I watched as he shook his head before taking his leave and when he didn't turn back around I went to go check on Sik but to my surprise he was already standing in the hallway confused. Giving him a small smile he kind of ree before raising his eyebrow at me.

“Ilhoon came asking me to go to the family gathering, and I told him what I tell him every time and I kicked him out.” He sighed before nodding.

“Why don't you just go so that they can shut up?” I looked at him as if he said something so ridiculous, which he did.

“I told them, and I have been telling them for years, I am busy and don't have time for this push and pull game they play with me. They want me to go to but once I get there they start asking questions and talking about me, and to my face. I'm not going.”

“It has been years, maybe things have changed.”

“Nothing ever changes with them.” I ended our conversation with that as I went to bed glad that I had no schedule tomorrow.