“Hey, hey, it’s ok I’m here,” a soothing voice.

The room was dark.

I’m crying.

That guy. What he tried to do. My face is wet.

His face. That buzz cut. Those eyes.

My gut cringed. I gasped.

Someone was smoothing my hair. Sam? 

“Do you mind if she stays one more night?” he said. “I just don’t know if I can take her home like this. And I don’t want her to be alone.”

“Yeah of course! No problem,” a voice answered.

“And is it ok if I like, sleep on the floor here?”

“Yeah! Um…I’ll go get a blanket. I think there’s one in the main closet.”

“It’s ok if there isn’t. I don’t mind.”

“I’ll go check,”

“Oh and…Vernon right?”

“Yeah”

“I don’t know how I can ever repay you. If it weren’t for you…” a deep sigh. His voice cracked.

Silence.

The other voice whispered, “ Don’t…I know you would do the same. In the same situation. I…” his voiced cracked as well. He didn’t finish his sentence.

Darkness.

_____________________________________________________________________

Light. 

Warmth.

Clarity.

I sat up and stretched.

Is someone…singing?

I jumped out of the bed — oh my god “Sam? are you alright?”

He clutched his stomach and rolled over.

What the f-.

A vague memory of last night. It floated away before I could grasp it.

His hair gel had congealed in all sorts of random directions. The dark blond usually so combed over was a hot mess. His red tie had loosed and he was all untucked. 

The conversation from last night returned, but thankfully not the feelings.

Hunger.

He didn’t wake up. No pillow or blanket—he probably didn’t sleep well.

I slid off the bed, tiptoed around him, and grabbed my phone.

6:26am

Mother dearest: when does your visa expire again? Your father and I want to buy you a ticket home. The earlier we buy it, the cheaper it will be. Love you. <3

Not dealing with that right now.

Who is singing?

I creaked the door open. 

Oh.

1-2-3…

12 boys. Sprawled out on the little living room floor. All top of each other. Legs in faces. Vernon drooling on Seungkwan’s stomach. Wonwoo up on the tiny couch, legs falling off the edge.

~Sunday morning rain is falling~~ a soft voice came from the kitchen. 

They’re like a litter of puppies nuzzled together for warmth. Puppies. My weakness. 

The little pink one literally sitting up, arms folded over on the coffee table.

Jeonghan’s face practically falling into the bedroom. His glorious hair sprawled in all directions. All traces of anger gone, sleeping peacefully like a cherub. Another one was laying flat against the wall, hand over his phone, which had been plugged in.

All of them in…coordinating penguin pajama pants. Except for Jeonghan who was in striped--

~Steal some covers share some skin~

Who is that?  Like some kind of Christian cover of the Maroon 5 song. The voice is so…mesmerizing.

Without looking down at Jeonghan, I tiptoed in between the little spaces and made my way to the kitchen. I leapt over the Shawol, who was snoring softly. 

Ouch. .

I grabbed my toe and held in a scream. Who moved the table here.

A back turned at the stove.

Oh.

Oh.

Ohhhh. 

Ok.

“Um…hi,” I stuttered.

He moved an empty pan.

“Hi! I was about to cook some eggs,” he said brightly.

He cringed and whispered, “I mean, I was about to cook breakfast,” he said in English.

Is he wearing eyeliner? This early in the morning? Or are his lashes just that dark. Lashes. My weakness. They encircle big oval eyes, with large dark brown pupils. I can practically see myself reflected in them from here. Is he wearing foundation? No. I think I see a freckle. Yep there definitely is a freckle. Freckles. My weakness. His hair is all over the place, a light brown fringe. Bed head. My weakness. Check. Check. Check. Oh my god he’s wearing a white t-shirt with a slight V. F- Check. He knows. He knows everything. He read my middle school diary or something. What a cruel world this is.

“—sunny side up?”

“How old are you?”

“What?” he laughed.

“What year were you born?”

“Um…1995?”

Three years. That’s totally fine.

I ran my fingers through my hair. My makeup is probably everywhere. It’s been what. One day? Two? And I had worn so much to go out. It must be everywhere.

“Um, yeah, sunny side up is fine.”

“Ok then.”

He turned and cracked two eggs into the pan.
“I’ll be right back.” 

I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.

I was right.

The Joker stares back from the mirror. Thankfully the lipstick is super light—probably all over Vernon’s pillow. And the eyeliner is mostly gone. My mascara however hadn’t rubbed off completely. It had seeped into the bags below my eyes. Damn you waterproof mascara. 

I splashed water on my face. My skin isn’t perfect like all of theirs seem to be. I opened the mirror—concealer. Excellent. Vernon’s secret revealed. Blackmail Folder: filed.

Ok.

I tiptoed back out again. Still not going too close. 

“It’s all done!” he whispered, sliding them onto a plate. He grabbed two pieces of toast and the butter and set the table. I anxiously sat down. He opened the fridge and went to grab the orange juice, but quickly put it back and took out the milk instead.

Wow.

“Ok, um, do you mind if I say a little prayer?”

Wow.

“Of course not.”

He spoke softly words I couldn’t hear and then said, 잘 먹겠습니다~ smiling at himself as if being alive was just the most incredible gift.

“So…” he said looking up and pouring me some milk. Pouring me. Milk. “you’re Elena?”

“Um…yeah.” I started to cut up my egg. I look ridiculous eating. I probably shouldn’t. 

My stomach grumbled. Damn it body.

He laughed softly, “eat up and I’ll make you some more toast.”

I nodded.

“Yeah so… I’m Joshua, from America.” He reached out his hand. 

We’re speaking English. 

“Yeah, nice to meet you”.

We ate in silence. 

If I opened my mouth I’d say things like—You’re beautiful. You’re perfect. You’re everything I ever wanted. Marry me. Bear my children. Bear my children. Right here. Right now. Preferably.

I coughed on my toast. “Oh my gosh are you ok??”

“Yeah yeah…I’m fine”.

A loud yawn from the living room. 

Praise. There is a God and he cares and loves me. I promise I will never swear or drink or think poorly of another person ever again.

More yawns as they woke up one by one. He smiled at his toast.

“They’re cute aren’t they?” 

I think every time he smiles a fairy is born.

—“up”

“What?” I shook my head. Damn it.

“I was waiting for them to wake up,” he laughed.

Bodies thudded to the ground. Groans.

“Get off me~~” a voice whined.

“You get off me first”

“I can’t—“

“What smells so good?”

Yells in another language.

“Ow Wonwoo be careful!”

Wonwoo came in snickering. He pulled his glasses from off the stop of the fridge and leaned against the wall.

Seungcheol stode in next.

“Heyyyy” he said giving Joshua a hi-five.

“So, where’s our breakfast?”

“Sorry, all the eggs are gone,” he said wiping his mouth.

“Haha very funny.”

“No—really.”

“So you made the pretty girl breakfast, but not us?” he smiled crossing his arms.

“I…she was awake first…”

“Shuaaaaa—- arms wrapped around the back of Joshua’s neck.  Long dark hair swooped down as he whispered something. Jeonghan looked at up at me, glared, and turned to the cuphoards. 

The little pink one was struggling to open them. Jeonghan picked him up.

“Let go—stop—“ he wriggled out.

Mingyu came from behind grabbed a bowl from the top shelf. He handed it to the little one.

“Here you go Woozi,” he said beaming. Woozi scowled and took it as Jeonghan set him down.

“Hey guys, sorry there’s not a whole lot to eat,” Vernon came in pulling a black beanie down. Seungkwan was right behind him cackling at something. 

How someone be so happy right after waking up.

“But I have some—“ 

A box hit the ground and frosted flakes scattered all the way across the kitchen. 

Silence.

“Seriously Hoshi???”

‘Whoops,” the shawol cringed. Everyone laughed. Vernon slid his face down his hands and walked over.

He crouched down to me. 

“Hey Converse, how are you feeling today?” he said softly.

There's eyes on us.

“Um…I’m doing well.”

Vague memories flashed in his eyes but disappeared quickly.

“Good,” he beamed. “Thanks for making her breakfast man,” he stood, hi-fiving Joshua.

Seungkwan and Hoshi were on the ground picking up frosted flakes with chopsticks and eating them straight up off the floor. Mingyu was hyping them on. Faster! Faster! Everyone joined in. Faster! Faster!

Seungcheol jumped over them and took a sip of Joshua’s milk.

Hands on the back of my chair.

A red tie dangled in front of me.

“Hey,” Sam said rubbing my shoulder.

“Oh hey”

“Did you sleep well?”

“I slept great! You?”

“If you slept well, then I did,” he smiled.

Seungcheol looked disgusted and walked away.

“ and… STOP” screamed Mingyu hitting the floor. Seungkwan and Hoshi leaned back coughing, cheeks completely stuffed. Seungkwan's eyes were watering and Hoshi was covering his mouth to keep everything in. 

“Let me see,” Mingyu crawled over to Seungkwan. “Open up.” He did as he was told and Mingyu inspected carefully.

“Ok,” Mingyu crawled over to Hoshi, “open up.” Hoshi tried to open his mouth but then laughed and a massive ball of yellow carbohydrate flew out onto the ground. Mingyu leapt back and everyone screamed. Woozi covered his eyes but was giggling softly.  Vernon sighed and said, “I’m not cleaning that up.” Joshua smiled big and finished his toast. 

He looks like an actual prince. Someone put a crown on his head and I’ll bow down to him. Do whatever he says. I am your slave.

“Do you want me to take your plate?”

“Um…yeah sure…thanks.” 

He’s just cleaning up Ellie no reason to blush.

He stacked up our dishes, carefully stepped through and over everyone, and put them in the sink.

“OK EVERYONE QUIET PLEASE,” Seungcheol clapped.

Hoshi still giggled as he cleaned up his mess with a napkin.

“Now that everyone is present. Let’s discuss what to do.”