I backed into the fridge as Vernon stood up and pushed on the long haired boy.

“it’s not what you think,” he said.

“It doesn’t matter what it actually is, it’s what it looks like.”

Tears are coming. Oh my god. What have I done. What is happening.

The boy looked up. Scalding. His eyes seeing through me like I didn’t exist and yet I was the biggest problem in his existence at the same time.

“Is that her?” he started towards me.

Seungkwan stood up, “hey stop. You don’t understand.”

More people were filing in behind him. So many people. My head.

The boy sighed deeply. “Why is she wearing my pajamas?” he growled at Vernon. “She looks like a — you picked up what the — were you thinking,”

“hey stop, she speaks Korean” Vernon pleaded.

He looked at me again. That may have been the worst thing Vernon could have said. The boy named Jeonghan spoke 10 times faster so I could only catch a couple of words. “—comeback—idiot—trouble”

Other attractive boys had squeezed around them and started shoving pancakes in their mouths.

The shouting got louder.

A tall dark skinned boy, butter on his lips, came over to me. 

“Hello my name is Mingyu~.” He bowed. He looks so much like Kimmy’s younger brother, who was always off limits. He may be the most attractive person I have ever seen.

This is too much. More shouting. My head. 

“—there’s paparazzi and fansites waiting outside in the bushes with giant cameras.”

“how do you know that?”

“I HEARD THEM TAKING PICTURES OF US WALKING IN”

I put my hands over my eyes. I need to go somewhere. Anywhere. I ducked out from under this tall attractive Mingyu and turned the corner. A bathroom. 

I locked the door and puked up just the tiny bites I had eaten. Tears. Sweat. I’m disgusting. 

I leaned back against the cold tile wall. 

This is all my fault. If I hadn’t gone out. If I’d just gone to Sam’s apartment. If I hadn’t drank that orange juice. If I was capable of reading contact information. I’m so incompetant. He’s actually famous. He’s actually part of that group or whatever. And I ruined it. I’m so worthless.

I traced the felt penguins.

A knock at the door.

Ignoring that.

Another knock.

“…yes?”

“It’s Seungkwan.”

I sighed and reached up to the door handle. He closed it quickly behind him and sat next to me.

He patted my head, awkwardly at first, and then more naturally.

“It’s going to be ok.” I understand him. Perhaps that language school isn’t a complete waste of money.

“Jeonghan hyung can be a little bit…just…”

I put my head in my hands. This is so embarrassing. I need to leave. I need to get my phone and leave.

Silence. He kept my head. 

“—it’s not her fault she had my number, I gave it to her weeks ago,” I heard a loud Vernon from outside.

“Guys, stop” a new voice.

“Why did you do that? If she didn’t have your number then she would never would have called you and we wouldn’t be in in this situation,” Jeonghan answered.

“If she didn’t have my number, she could be in much worse situation. Would you rather that???”

Silence.

“Jeonghan. Vernon. Come in here. Let’s sort this out.” The voices dimmed, as they went into another room.

A knock at the door. Seungkwan answered it. A boy with fringe and glasses came in. “Hey I’m Wonwoo". He bowed and sat next to the sink.

Mingyu followed smiling big, mouth full of pancake, and sat close to Wonwoo.

They kept coming in. So many of them. Hoshi. Woozi. Chan. Jun. Minghao.

How am I supposed to remember them all.

The last introduced himself as Seokmin and shoved the door closed behind him.

“Hi. I’m…Elena.”

They all crouched around this tiny bathroom, looking at me curiously. Like they’d never seen a girl before.

“I’m so sorry,” I began. The tears. My head is still on fire. Please. Can I just go home. 

Seungkwan resumed patting my head. 

“Jeonghan will come around soon. Besides, this isn’t the first scandal we’ve been in.”

They all looked at each other.

What a bad liar.

“Ok, it may be the first of this kind of scandal…”

Oh my god. I put my head in my hands.

“Where’s Joshua?” the little pink haired one said.

“He stayed back,” Wonwoo answered.

Silence.

SHINee’s new song rang. The blond one whipped his phone out and he answered. 

“Everything’s fine, we’re at Vernon’s place."

He subconciously did the new SHINee arm move in his place.

"Ok. See you soon.”

He put his phone away.

“You like SHINee?” my heart lifted.

“Yeah…” he blushed, “do you?”

I tried to do the new arm move too but I can dance about as well as I can read contact information.

 He gasped and everyone else chuckled. 

He dramatically stood up on the toilet, asked for a countdown, and started to do the entire choreography. Seokmin started singing the song. Seungkwan harmonized. 

Everyone clapped and slapped their knees to the beat.

Suddenly this tiny bathroom had turned into a SHINee concert.

Everything is going to be ok.

The door opened and Seokmin practically fell out.

“What on earth is going on in here?” 

“Hey it’s a party in the bathroom! Didn’t anyone tell you?”

The one who took Jeonghan and Vernon away bowed deeply. “Hello I’m Seungcheol.”

“Hello,” I whispered. While he smiled big, there was something more intimidating about him. More so than the others.

“Well, I convinced Vernon to finish the pancakes. So why doesn’t everyone come make a new dance outside the bathroom.”

Mingyu sprang up, running Seungcheol over to get into the kitchen. Everyone else followed slowly chatting. The shawol stepped off the toilet and hung back. 

“You have a good taste in music,” he smiled.

“So do you.”

“People don't get it. They say oh yeah SHINee is cool. But no. SHINee isn’t cool. They are inhuman. They don’t come from this world. They dance for hours without breathing. They don’t even sweat,” his voice got faster as he fanboyed harder, “I tried to talk to Taemin once, but then he looked at me and I lost my voice. But I heard he knows our choreography,” he put his hands over his heart and stared at the ceiling. “My dream is to one day, share a stage with SHINee.”

“Are you sure you would survive that?” I laughed.

He gave a big toothy grin, his eyes scrunching up diagonally across his face.

“I’m not sure. But it would be the highlight of my life, and I would die happy.”

I squashed the urge to pet him.

We turned into the small kitchen. So many people. Not just people. Extremely attractive males. This was too much. Chatting. Joking. As if I wasn’t even there. Their lives had continued. The Shawol ran ahead and joined Vernon flipping pancakes. 

The magazine had been thrown on the floor. I bent to pick it up. There we are on the cover. Just the back of a white shirt pink pajama pants, legs and tall heels on one side, askew brown hair on the other.

“You can’t even really tell who it is,” I jumped.

“Oh sorry,” Mingyu laughed. “Seriously don’t worry. It will blow over.”

“Yes you can,” a snarl from my other side. It was ripped out my hands. Jeonghan glared at me. “We wore these pajamas—all 13 of us—on Running Man,” Jeonghan said.  “Remember. You fell face first in a mud pit?”

“What the heck??? I also was the was the first through the maze and am the reason we won the name tag ripping game.”

“Oh please, that was a group effort.”

“You got out first and slept while the rest of us ran around.” 

Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“But ANYWAY, we bought those pajamas at HiMart. Everyone owns them now.” 

“Everyone knows Vernon lives in Hongdae. And he owns these pajama pants.”

“That’s not nearly enough evidence—“

“Pancakes are done!!“ Vernon shouted. Mingyu ran to the counter midsentence. Jeonghan glared at me and followed him.

I went back to the bedroom. There’s my dress and heels on the floor. I can’t just…walk out in them. Do the ride of shame on the subway. But I also can’t walk out in Vernon’s pajamas.

My phone buzzed.

Sav: HOLY JSDGSDF ELLIE IS THIS YOU?????

A snapshot of the blurry picture, taken from the internet.

Hampton: ELLIE ANSWER US

Sav: IT'S ALL OVER MY FEED

Kimmy: lol she’s probably off making out with that kid

Hampton: oh give her a break Kimmy

Sav: ARE YOU OFF MAKING OUT WITH VERNON

Kimmy: What do you mean give her a break?

Sav: DID YOU KISS A KPOP STAR

Hampton: idk I just feel like you’re always ratting on her

Sav: WAS HE A GOOD KISSER

Kimmy: What are you talking about.

Elena: I’m here guys. Yes that’s me. No I’m not making out with Vernon. Hampton don’t worry about it. Kimmy I know you love me. <3

At least I think she does. 

I crawled up on to the bed and wrapped myself in the quilt. The noises muffled outside. Vernon said I could chill here and leave. I’ll just..stare at the wall for a while. Take some deep breaths, let the ringing subside, close my eyes…

A knock at the door.

At least they knock?

“Um…come in…”

Fringe boy with the gold glasses came in. Wonwoo I think. He’s so…skinny. I’m fairly certain his legs are skinnier than my arms. 

“Mind if I come in?” he whispered.
“Sure!” It’s not like it’s my room—even if I want to be alone in it.

He  closed the door softly and crawled up on to the bed balancing a plate of grapes. 

“No pancakes?” I asked.

“No, I’m not feeling too well,” he muttered.

He leaned his head back against the wall and picked up a grape with his chopsticks. He looked at it for a while and put it back down.

“Do you want one?” he asked.

“No…I’m not feeling too well either.”

He laughed. He has one of those massive smiles that stretches all the away across without closing your eyes.

This silence should be awkward, but it’s not. He subconsciously pushed the grapes around, lost in his own thoughts, not eating any of them.

“I’m sorry for…taking your spot last night,” I said.

“Hm?” he snapped back to the real world, “oh don’t worry about it. You needed this bed more than me.”

“Are you sure?” I said as a joke. But he turned inquisitively.

“Maybe…”

Well now it’s awkward.

“Vernon has let me crash here too many times. I’m happy to share,” he smiled again but this time not all the way.

“Do you…not have a place to stay?”

He tried to stab a grape. It whirled out beneath it.

“I mean yes, technically. I have a bed. But it’s far away—outside of Seoul” 

“Oh.”

“So usually I stay at the dorm with the members but sometimes I just need some separate space to…figure things out. You know?”

“Yeah, actually I do.”

“It’s an introvert thing,” he said sighing.

“I get it—“ I responded. 

“I’m not shy or anything I just…like my alone time.”

“No seriously—I get it. I’m the same way. I spent the night out and well, look where that got me.” He smiled, making me too. 

“I won’t be here tonight so you can have this bed all to yourself.”

He leaned to see over my lap. “I’m not too fond of glitter. It’s kind of scratchy.”

“You’re a kpop star. Isn’t glitter like…your second skin?”

“Exactly,” he laughed, “that’s why I don’t like sleeping in it.”
He finally picked up a grape and ate it. Very slowly.

“So yeah…you’re really a kpop star.”

He nodded.

“My life is so wild.”

“Retable,” he grinned.

The door burst open, making us both jump. Seungkwan fell in screaming “DONT PUSH ME” . Maniacal laughter from outside and without even looking at us, Seungkwan lunged forward slamming the door closed behind him.

“Does that happen often?” I clutched my heart.

“Yep,” he put his full plate of grapes down.

We passed a little while more in silence.

“Well, I’ll leave you alone now to rest. Thanks for being my eating buddy,” he grinned. 

“No, the pleasure was mine. Do you always eat alone?”

“Oh no usually I eat with everyone. And when I don’t, I eat with Joshua.”

I scanned my brain for Joshua. Joshua. Joshua. Which one was that.

Wonwoo chuckled. “Joshua isn’t here yet. He’s coming later.”

“Oh,” I blushed. It’s not my fault there’s so many. Wonwoo seemed to understand.

“Nice to meet you Ellie.”

“You too.”

"And thanks for listening to my secrets," he said shutting the door.

I rolled over, kicked away some "scratchy" glitter, and closed my eyes.