Sav said I absolutely had to go.

Hampton told me to flip a coin.

Kimmy said he was a b- who shouldn't be given the time of day.

I flipped a coin and when it landed tails, not to go, I realized I wanted heads. At the last minute, as in 1:55am, I lied to the group chat, threw on my white t-shirt and jeans and ran out the door.

The subways closed at midnight, meaning I had to take a taxi. That $10 could have gone to Emmaline, but I like to think that she would have told me to go. Because I’m the queen of rationalization.

I got out at Yeouido Island. A full moon tonight. Reflecting off the sparkles in the sidewalk. Surprisingly warm. There were even some high school couples out, on forbidden Sunday night dates. 

I walked across the brown lawn, down the cement steps, and towards the skate park.

I checked my phone.

2:36.

Was he even still here?
I want him to be. Why am I like this.

And then, a soft guitar strum. Those chords sound familiar.

I stopped. 

He’s still here.

What have I done. I can still turn around. $10 back, a simple lie to my best friends.

Or I could harvest some ovaries and go on the date that a member of a Korean boy band and I asked each other out on.

I’m leaving in two months. What’s the harm in a date.

Bad choices make good stories right?

I walked down the stairs, across the skate park, and to the rocks bordering the river.

“Hey,” I said quietly.

He jumped, “oh hey!”

I sat down. “You scared me,” he said.

“Sorry.”

A cruise ship, full of raucous laughter sailed through the middle of the river.

As long as I don’t look at him, this will be fine.

“To be honest…I didn’t think you would come,” he laid his guitar on his lap.

“To be honest, me neither,” I replied.

He picked at the guitar strings, one at a time.

“This doesn’t have to be long,” he whispered.

I held in a shiver. The temperature suddenly dropped. He can’t know I’m a little cold. I don’t know why. He just can’t.

“I’m going to give you an excuse, and then I’m going to give you the real reason,” he said.

I just nodded.

“The excuse is,” he looked out on to the river, “we’re having a comeback next month. And none of us are ready. We have the chords, and the basic melody, but Woozi is staying up all night producing. Music is so simple for him, but for some reason this song is hard. And because it’s not finished, we’re having a hard time with the lyrics. They have to match you know?” The ship was lighting off small fireworks.

“Somebody call SOS!” a drunk couple yelled off the edge, waving sparklers, laughing. 

“And because neither of those things are done, Hoshi can’t start the choreography,” he sighed. “So my excuse is that we are having a comeback in a month, but we don’t even have a title track, and we’ve been stressing.”

“That’s a decent excuse,” I said. I mean, it is. 

“But it’s not the real reason,” he said.

People, let alone boys, never tell the complete truth when they disappoint others. Especially if they have a decent excuse.

I turned to look at him.

Oh my god. Bad idea.

Backwards hat. Weakness.

Plain white shirt. Couple outfits. Weakness.

Those eyes. The darkness forced his pupils to take up almost his entire face. With the moon’s reflection, split into a dozen rays, like filled with stars. And there, behind them, was my face. A stupid, in awe reflection of me.

Look away.

I can’t.

Those lashes, flirting with his eye creases. 

"The real reason I..” he started. “I can’t.…express is properly… with words. I wish I could just, copy how I feel and paste it on you” he laughed.

Oh my god. What is happening.

“Then don’t try,” I said, finally able to break away. “Let’s just, chill out. Go for a walk. I’ve always wanted to walk across the Mapo,” I said pointing to the bridge.

Anything to get away from…whatever was about to happen.

I was leaving. In 6 weeks. There were so many reasons ‘this’ couldn’t…be.

“I’ve never walked across it either,” he sighed and put his guitar in his case. We went and tucked it under a bench. It’s Korea. It wouldn’t get stolen.

We walked up the little hill. The ship had pulled into the harbor beneath. A woman in a wedding dress tiptoed off, keeping her heels clean. The groom held the back of her dress.

We started along the bridge, reading the encouraging messages on the fence. Messages meant to keep kids from jumping off, the most popular way of committing suicide in Korea.

“I have an idea,” I said. Anything to break the silence.

“Let’s play a game. It’s called #”

“Hashtag?”

“Yes. I played it with my two of my classmates one night when they were tipsy. By the time we finished, we were best friends,” my chest clenched remembering Hampton and Kimmy at late night chicken.

“The rules are simple. You say a fact about yourself. Any fact. And then you say #yournamefacts. And the other person isn’t allowed to ask any questions. They simply have to counter with a fact themselves.”

He looked confused.

“I’ll start. I have 7 younger siblings #elenafacts,”

“What?? How old are you parents—“

“Nope,” I shook my head, ”you can’t ask follow up questions. The point is next time you’re together, you ask about the #facts. That way, you always have something to talk about.”

“Hmm…” he said dragging his hand along the railing as we walked. “Ok, I don’t have any siblings. #joshuafacts.” 

“What??”

“That’s how you do it right?”

“You don’t have any siblings?” 

How is that even a thing.

“Hey you’re breaking your own rules.”

Ugh. “Fine.”

Very few cars went by us. Seoul, while it’s truly the city that never sleeps, is silent on the roads at 3am.

“My turn.” Do I tell him? This early? Why not. “In college, I weighed over 300 pounds. #elenafacts.”

He stopped in his tracks and turned, “WHAT???”

I grabbed his arm and kept walking. “No more questions,”

“I’m not sure how I even follow that.”

I went to let go of his arm but he grabbed it and linked it with his.

. Praise the relative darkness and the fact that we are moving, not staring at each other.

“Ok…well…”

I resisted the urge to put my other hand over my heart. That wouldn’t help, it’d only reaffirm the fact that it’s on the verge of bursting out of my chest.

“I…used to play the guitar at church #joshuafacts,” he said tucking his other had in his pocket.

That’s f- adorable.

This kid is way too pure for me.

But is he really? If I’m being honest, I’m not a bad girl.

“Well…I don’t like the taste of alcohol. So I don’t drink it.”

“Hey, me neither!”

I said #elenafacts at exactly the same time he said #joshuafacts.

The moon caught his sparkling eyes again and while I can’t be sure, I think he’s blushing. Or maybe that’s just my imagination hoping that he’s as flustered as me.

We played #facts all the way across the river.

We reached the other side of the bridge, to the  taxi stands.

Going home makes the most sense.

But I didn’t want to.

“Hey I wonder what the other side of the river looks like,” he said.

“You’re right! I mean, the water flows in that direction. Meaning it looks different.”

He smiled. Not just a normal one. His entire eyes swelled up, making smiles themselves.

Oh my heart.

He changed sides so I walked on the inside, but in an expert move, slid his hand down to mine.

Warm and good and right.

.

I am in. So. Much. Trouble.

Part of me felt like an elementary schooler. Where holding hands was the most dangerous, thrilling thing you could ever imagine doing with someone you like.

But another part of me felt really mature. Where holding hands, and sharing secrets, was the most dangerous and thrilling thing you could ever imagine doing with someone you like.

It’s the secrets part. I knew it was my idea, but he didn’t have to tell me everything he did. Hampton didn’t tell us he was gay on #facts night. Kimmy didn’t tell us about her mom on #facts night. Sav didn’t tell them about the American soldier on #facts night. 

As I’m sure there are things Joshua still kept from me.

But it didn’t feel like much.

I didn't keep much from him.

The sun was rising by the time we got back. Just over the edge of the river, reflecting off the gold 63 building, as if there were two suns. One behind him, and one behind me.

The streets were filling with cars as people made their way to work.

We stopped at the taxi stand.

“I should get ready and go to school,” I said.

“I need to go too,” he answered.

But neither of us wanted to move. I just wanted to stand there and hold his hand and tell him everything about myself. He’s not scary. He’s not a demigod. He’s a boy, albeit an extremely attractive one that plays to all of my weaknesses, with insecurities and secrets, just like the rest of us. Not quite as many as me. But, he still has them.

He hailed a taxi, I got in and told the driver my address. He pulled some cash out of his back pocket and gave it to the driver.

“You don’t have to do that,” I said getting in.

“I know,” he responded.

I went to pull the door closed but he held it back.

“Wait, Elena, there’s something I meant to tell you. Last night. This morning. Whatever,” he said shaking his head. “I promised I would tell you the real reason I didn’t call you, over breakfast yesterday, the day before, something,” his cheeks suddenly reddened, “and if I don't do it now, I don't think I will”  He clenched his fists on the door.

Taxis behind us started honking as people filed into them.

Now his pupils were smaller, and reflected gold instead of silver. But they were just as dazzling.
“it’s just…I wish I could say this more eloquently but…I just…I think you’re pretty. #joshuafacts.” 

And then he smiled and shut the door.

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Note; I'm squeeing at myself so hard I didn't expect for this to happen joshua is such a gentleman I ship them so hard. Sigh. Too bad life isn't that simple.