It really wasn’t fair to leave for three weeks after that, but he said he did it on purpose.

To test our limits, and then see if  the feeling stayed while he was away.

He always had a plan and I just have to follow because I’m limp and helpless around him and I hate it and I hate him but it’s too late to change. I tried for so long.

He worried about communicating while he was gone, since Pledis wouldn’t pay for data. But thankfully, their 3 star hotels usually had wifi, so I could at least make sure he didn’t sprain his ankle on stage and tell him I missed him.

Because I did.

And I thought about him, and our unsanitary night in Dangsan station, constantly.

Hampton clapped me on the back when he found out I went further with Vernon than Sav has with Wonwoo. He doesn’t believe that we stayed pg-13, but whatever. Let him have his fun.

A month later, we met them in the airport. 

We stood in the back with the dozens of other fans. They gained so many in the past year. They almost seem like celebrities. We’d have to be more careful from now on. No more walking outside, arm in arm, to the library. You could see the pain in Joshua’s eyes, realizing that he also had to keep a safe distance from Jeonghan. But according to social media, the fans weren’t entirely oblivious. Twitter accounts even started up just for them. They seemed innocent enough, but only time would tell.

We could only give them small waves and watch them get into the vans. The tension was real.

Naega Hosh: hey wanna come to my house for dinner?

Mingyu: what r u  making

Naega Hosh: I don’t know

Sav: that would be amazing!!!!!!

Mingyu: do u need help

Hampton: I’m in too~

Vernon: sweet 

Naega Hosh: it’s at the end of the Jungang Line

Sav: Ok!

Elena: I’d love to come Hoshi haha

A two hour subway ride  brought us to the last station. We got off with a couple of other grandpas, likely going to work in their fields.

It had only been three weeks. 

But each day felt like an eternity.

Hoshi’s parents lived in a small house down a dusty road. Through a temple-like gate and a small brown courtyard surrounded by brilliant red maple trees, an old korean lady welcomed us with a smile that shoved her eyes into diagonals.

Hard to believe this country boy fit so well in the city.

The boys were already there, sitting around low table, twiddling their thumbs.

“They decided to wait for you,” she smiled.

Vernon beamed from under his wet fringe and patted a cushion next to him.

A swoosh through my stomach as I joined him.

He smelled the same.

I was afraid he’d be different, being gone for so long.

Nope.

His fringe stuck out from under his beanie. He must have just showered. His hair has to be crazy.

His lashes still graced his eyelids and he smiled bigger than his jaw.

My own mouth hurt from smiling too.

Joshua and Jeonghan helped Hoshi’s mom bring over small plates of kimchi, two giant silver bowls of rice, a pile of fried eggs, and bowls of assorted boiled vegetables and in minutes we had served each other.

Across the table, Wonwoo balanced some vegetables on a spoon of rice and turned to Sav. Her blush was visible through her skin as she slid it off with her teeth. His glasses bounced on his cheeks as he smiled.

“Do you want to do that?” Vernon asked laughing.

“Not really.”

“Ok,” he shrugged his shoulders, putting a spoonful in his mouth. “Just let me know,” he winked.

Seungkwan and Hampton on my left whispered and giggled the entire time, in their own world, sharing their own secrets.

Being here, 16 of us gathered around this small table as Mama Hosh brought more and more rice to the table, felt so right and good. Almost like being home, everyone gathered around mom’s mashed potatoes. 

Jeonghan reached his arm out from under the table and smacked Hoshi’s shoulder for some reason.

Joshua, in a backwards cap and loose white T-shirt, just looked on and smiled, completely at peace just to sit there and watch. Like just being in the same proximity was enough to make him happy. He picked a radish up with his chopsticks and delicately popped it in his mouth.

I caught his eye finally. He smiled slightly. With a single glance he seemed to communicate happiness, gratitude, and hope.

We’ll always be close. 

He knows things about me. I know things about him.

And while the desire to kiss him is gone, the desire to walk along the river and make him smile isn’t.

But he has someone else to do that with now. Someone he actually wants to.

And thankfully, so do I.

“Hoshi where’s your bathroom?” Vernon asked.

“Just down the hall on your right,” he said through a mouth full of rice.

Vernon gave me a look, willing me to understand something, before he got up and left the table.

Everyone was busy in their food. 

Minghao taking pictures of his third plate.

Seokmin and Mingyu playing a game to see who could fit the most rice in their mouth.

Woozi texting.

No one would notice if I just…left.

I gave it a few minutes and when Vernon didn’t return, I slipped out from the table too.

I peeked into the bathroom—no one.

Two more doors on the hall.

I cracked open the first door—a large room.

“Took you long enough,” an arm pulled me inside and closed the door quietly behind us.

“What are you doing,” I laughed as my stomach flipped over.

I shouldn’t have eaten.

I purposely avoided the kimchi just in case but, I don’t know if I’m ready for this.

He can go from innocent and cute, to desperate and raw so fast, and I never know when it’s going to happen, only that it destroys me.

A small bed and dresser in the corners. The walls painted a light pearlescent aqua, which only peeked through the dozens of posters covering every side.

Oh my god.

Every era, from Replay to 1of1, displayed proudly. 

His dresser didn't hold clothes, it held the spines of SHINee’s entire discography.

I ran my fingers along it, their bright colors distracting me for the moment.

“Seriously Ellie” a hand around my waist.

A warm spot in the shape of his hand formed. 

I lost my breath.

“He even has the Japanese albums ok?” I turned my head and he’s there.

The light from the window lit up his eyes—a light chocolate brown—unlike the onyx of the station.

A tingle all the way down my spine. Not of fear or trepidation, but ...desire.

“Here? Seriously?” 

His lips hovered above mine as his arms wrapped all the way around my waist.

“He’ll forgive me,” he smiled.

“No, I can’t,” I pushed him away slightly. 

He looked slightly hurt.

“Not with SHINee watching,” I said.

He laughed so hard he choked.

I was only slightly kidding.

“I missed you,” he brought me close and kissed me.

Hard.

Minty again.

Damn you.

I wielded because I’m helpless and why not.

He cupped my face and held it on his.

A thrill all the way down.

This really shouldn’t happen here.

I pulled his beanie off and threw it on the ground and let him hold me tighter. 

Oh my god.

His mouth moved to the corner of my lips and then down to my jaw, eyelashes gracing my cheekbone.

I pulled on his hair and brought his lips back up to mine.

Not in Hoshi’s room.

Seriously.

Maybe I can control myself. A little. With time.

His hands ran up my shirt, his fingers leaving heat marks at each point.

“What the f- are you doing???” a voice form the doorway and we jumped apart.

Hoshi stomped over looking annoyed.
I slapped Vernon’s chest. “Yeah what are you doing?” I tried to be serious but just started laughing.

He grabbed my hand, “sorry bro, we’ll leave.”

“I like your collection,” I said over my shoulder as he dragged me out.

I’m delirious.

He does things to me.

He brought me through the living room, where everyone was beginning to clean up their bowls. We should probably help.

But I’m completely lost. To whatever he’s planning. 

Maybe I should just carry mints in my pocket.

We dodged through the crowd to the front door and I straight up bumped into Seokmin. I tried to apologize but we were already tripping on the 34 shoes in the entranceway.

No time to stop.

We slipped out the door and into the courtyard. 

He held my hand tight as we ran across the dusty ground, barefoot, laughing at this silly yet beautiful life we were living.

Where are we going.

Doesn’t matter.

I’ll follow him where he goes.

We left the courtyard kicking up dust and ran down the road, following the stone walls of the neighborhood until we reached the end and turned left into a small copse of fiery red and orange trees.

He stopped abruptly and I bumped into his back.

“Why—“

He clapped my hand over my mouth, put his arm around my waist and nodded over his shoulder.

Two figures, sitting on a bench under a big maple tree.

Their backs to us, Sav’s wavy brown embre hair blew in the slight wind. Black fringe sitting close to her, eyes on her like she is everything in the world.

We shouldn’t be here.

But we can’t move.

“Are you cold?” he asked, taking off his jacket and draping it on on her shoulders.

“No,” she giggled in a very un-Sav way.

“Well your nose is red,” he bit his lip and looked down.

He played with her fingers.

“This place is like paradise,” she said. 

We should go.

Vernon and my eyes met. We knew we are looking at something private. But neither of us want to leave. It’s so beautiful, we can’t look away.

“Have you ever ridden the bus in Osaka?” he asked her softly.

“I’ve only ever been to America and Korea,” she laughed.

He continued to play with her fingers. Her giant gold earrings matched his gold rimmed glasses.

“Well, Osaka is a really cool city,” he met her eyes. “And I took an afternoon to myself to go to Kyoto and see the old palaces.”

“By yourself?”

“Yeah,” he smiled. “They know I need time to myself. It’s only 20 minutes away.”

Vernon nodded.

“Japan is a lot quieter than Korea. You think everyone is on their phones here, in Japan people are completely in their own world, minding their own business. Listening to their own music and drifting into their own thoughts,” he looked off into the trees across their little grove. “It’s so busy, everyone is so busy, yet everything is so quiet.”

He looked at her again. “And as I sat waiting for the bus, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Constantly. Just like everyone else waiting, I was busy in my own head.”

He bit his lip.

We should go.

Vernon’s hand tightened.

We can’t.

We’re frozen by the scene in front of us.

“Sav—“

She put her finger on his lips.

I could see it trembling from here.

Her profile was stuck, the one eye we could see pled him not to continue.

He took her hand off his mouth and put her fingers to his lips.

Sav had told me about a lot of things in her past. Without any embarrassment.

If she and Wonwoo had gotten physical, she would have told me.

But she told me herself they hadn’t even kissed.

And her tremble seemed to confirm it.

The trees themselves matched her movement. Shaking with her, just as nervous.

He put his other hand behind her neck and brought her close.

“I promise I’ll stay by you,” he whispered. Or at least that’s what I think he said. They’re too far, I could only see his lips move.

And then he put those lips on hers. 

A strong gust of wind flew her hair into his, begging them to get closer.

I squeezed Vernon’s hand and motioned back to the house.

He followed me.

Only one more chapter left~ I have a summer job that will keep me from writing, which is why I've pumped this out. Once again, thanks for staying with me. :)