2016

“Dad, are you okay?”

“Well, I think so. And hmmm…is Han Bin your partner?”

“No. He is just a friend. He’s straight. He’s in a relationship with a nurse at the hospital but still afraid to admit their relationship.”

“Why?”

“Because she is divorced. And, she has a cute 4 year old daughter.”

“So, what is the problem? Han Bin is single, right?”

“Yes. He is worried about what other might think of them. You know who his father is.”

“Of course. He’s Kim Jongin, my high school friend. But, I don’t remember him being a pain in the . Despite the fact that he is the mayor of Seoul. So, why does Han Bin worry too much?”

“I don’t know, to be honest. That is what I keep telling him. But, let’s not get carried away, shall we? I need to know what you think about me being gay, Dad.”

“I’m cool with that. My Dear, I am actually gay!”

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March, 1976

I still could not believe what I did. “Stupid mind! Stupid mouth!” I kept blaming myself. “I…I…am really sorry, Baekhyun. I was stupid. Of course that person can’t be me. I’m leaving now. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

I turned my back to him and he put his hand on my shoulder. I was afraid to turn my body. I felt his hands on my waist. He hugged me from the back. “It is you, Chanyeol.”

Suddenly I saw a lightning. I blinked several times and wondered if something was wrong with my eyes. Baekhyun’s hands on my waist snapped me back to reality.

“Did you see that?” I asked him as I turned my body to the right then to the left.

“What should I see?” He let his hands off my waist.

“Lightning”

“Chanyeol, are you making fun of me?”

“No. Why would I?”

“Because you told me that you saw a lightning right after I confessed what I feel for you. Look, I know you have interests in girls but it doesn’t mean you can act like this!”

“Wait….wait…wait….I said wait, Byun Baekhyun!” I yelled at him because he started to walk away. I understood his feeling a few minutes ago.

“I did not mean to not acknowledge your confession but forgive me if you think I did. It’s just that I was so embarrassed for thinking that I must be the one you have a crush on. You did not say anything after I asked you if it was true. I really embarrassed myself here, Baekhyun.”

“I thank you for doing that. Came to me and asked me that question because I really do not have any idea how to say what I’m feeling for you.”

“Baekhyun, I cherish every moment we spent together…”

“But?”

“But, I don’t know my feeling, Baekhyun. I’m always happy when you are around though I don’t know what you expect from me. I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry.”

Nobody said anything for several minutes.

“Chanyeol, when you like someone, you know that you only have two options. Get accepted or rejected. It might create a problem if that person happens to be your friend. You are afraid that you might lose a lover and – worse – a friend if everything doesn’t work the way you want. However, it doesn’t mean that it will not work out either.”

“I understand that you are confused right now. That was exactly how I felt when I first realized that you occupied my mind days and nights, Park Chanyeol. So, what I’m trying to say is that if you’re not yet sure about it, let’s ignore that for now. Let’s stay the way we are. I’ll confess again in two months!”

He would confess again in two months, he said. “God, what should I do? What if I do something weird for the next two months and he loses his interests on me then cancels his plan?” I went back and forth from one side of my room to the other one.

“Why did I sound like I am in love?”

“Am I really in love with him?”

“I don’t know what to do! Damn it, Baekhyun!” I felt like I wanted to curse him for making me felt like this.

“Relax, Chanyeol. Two months is quite a long time. It is 60 days from now. 8 weeks to go! Aarrgggghhh!!!!” I should have punched my face for not being able to control myself.

“Brain! Sleep now!”

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2016

“What??? Wait, maybe I didn’t hear it clearly. Did you say that you are gay, Dad?”

“Yup!”

“Like as gay as me?” I gave him a thumb and winked at my son.

“Really? Then why did you marry Mom?”

“That’s a long story, Chanyeol.”

“Tomorrow is my day off after more than 72 hours at the hospital. I’m not going anywhere, Dad. Tell me, please.”

I started basically about the first day I met Baekhyun and then his confession plus my confusion whether I was actually like him or not.

“At that time, there was no name for homoual. And of course people would never openly admit that they were actually homouals. Because, My Dear, some people were not ready to take the risk. People would call you , pointed at you, threw you with anything around them, and the worst part was some people would hurt your beloved ones! Either the one you loved or your families.”

“Baekhyun and I hid our feelings through our friendship. People didn’t know about that. Not even your grandparents. Nor your aunt.”

“Then, how come you ended up married Mom?”

“Are you sure you’re ready to hear the truth, Chanyeol?”

“Positive, Dad!”

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April, 1976

After the confession, we spent most of our time together same as before. We still visited the jjampong place every Sunday. We still sit side by side at school. We would visit each other’s house when we had home works. We even laughed at each other’s jokes. Although sometimes we caught ourselves stared at each other. Whenever it happened, nobody said anything because for a few minutes, time froze.

One time when I caught Baekhyun was looking at me, something unusual happened. He approached me and hugged me. That was when I saw the lightning once more but this time I also heard someone screamed. I looked at Baekhyun but he did not seem to notice something weird.

“Something wrong? Did I hug you too tight?”

I smiled. “No. Nothing wrong and you didn’t squeeze me.”

One day at school during lunch break, I could not find Baekhyun. I looked for him at the infirmary but he was not there. I assumed he must have skipped school again. “I’ll talk about this to him later,” I said to myself.

I was surprised when someone dragged me on my way back to the class room.