Sarang sat on a chair she had on her balcony, holding a mug of tea close to her as she watched the sun rise. She didn’t flinch as she felt her baby hairs brush against her face with the light breeze. With one hand tightly holding the mug, she reached over and grab a milk chocolate almond from the bowl on the patio table and popping it into . Sarang would carefully bite off the chocolate coating and eat that first. She’d let the almond sit in for a bit after before finally eating it. Sarang would do that with every almond, occasionally taking a sip of her tea as she watched the sky change and the city below her come to life.

“Hey little sister.” Sarang hardly acknowledged Yooncheol who staggered out onto the balcony at around noon. Sarang’s tea had been finished and her large bowl of almonds was nearly finished. She hadn’t moved from her spot for the past seven hours.

“Welcome to the land of the living, oppa.” Sarang simply greeted.

Yooncheol plopped down into the other chair, taking a glance of what was in the bowl before letting out a light chuckle.

“Milk chocolate covered almonds. And let me guess, that was chamomile tea in that mug.” Yooncheol smiled a small smile before grabbing an almond and popping it into his mouth. “What’s on your mind, Sarang?”

Sarang didn’t say anything and instead watched all the people and cars below her. Yooncheol just sat and watched her.

“Was it Aera? Is she the reason you’re like this right now?” Yooncheol simply asked. Sarang scoffed, grabbing another almond.

“Let’s not give her too much credit.” Sarang rolled her eyes.

“Okay. So it isn’t entirely Aera but she has some part in it. If it isn’t just Aera, what else is it? I know you lived abroad for a while but if I remember correctly, not a lot would get you stressed and when you were, you ate these almonds and drank chamomile tea.” Yooncheol said with a bit of a smirk. “You don’t really like milk chocolate or chamomile tea but they’re your go to when you’re not feeling great.”

“Oppa, what do you remember? From before the hospital.” Sarang looked at Yooncheol who seemed taken aback by her question.

“Uh, to be honest. Not much. It wasn’t that great, remember.” Yooncheol cleared his throat, leaning back in his seat.

“Yeah we had each other and Jiho and those nannies and maids but other than that, did anyone truly care for us at that time? The three of us relied on each other because we had been into this life for one reason or another but would we really have had anything bringing us together if it weren’t for that?” Yooncheol laughed a slightly bitter laugh.

“Sometimes I get flashes of memories from that time, sometimes even before my mom left me and I wonder if my happiness now is all real. You ever get like that, Sarang? You know, I used to envy you when you were first brought to the house. You were too little to really remember anything before that or fully understand what happened. I wished I could’ve been that oblivious.” Yooncheol let out a heavy sigh.

“But that’s all in the past. We’re all better now. Living a much better life than we probably would’ve been living had our moms kept us. Jiho is going to become CEO someday. I get to work on my music and become a DJ and a singer. And you, you can do whatever you want. Dad loves us and just wants us to be happy.” Yooncheol turned his head away from Sarang so he could watch the life below them.

“I’m going to go to college to be a pediatrician.” Sarang said. “I’ll apply next year.” Yooncheol looked again at his sister and smiled a proud smile.

“Really now? That’s great. I’m really proud of you, Sarang. Always have been and I know I don’t say that to you or Jiho enough but I am. Even when you’re being a punk and getting yourself on the front page of all the celebrity magazines for getting in fights and ruining people’s lives.” Sarang let out a noise between a scoff and a laugh.

“Funny! You sure music is what you want to do? Because you would make a fantastic comedian.” Sarang sarcastically said, causing Yooncheol to laugh.

“Okay, what else is bothering you?” Yooncheol wondered when his laughter died down.

“You remember that one event about a month ago? And that guy I told you and Jiho oppa about?” Sarang waited for Yooncheol’s quick nod.

“Well I went on, I don’t know if you’d call it a date, but I went to the movies and had dinner with him and his son. Dispatch got pictures and put it on every magazine and website the next day. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal for them to even write articles about it but they did. And it’s been a few weeks since that ‘date’ but the day after it, Sanggyun called me and said that he was second guessing me being able to hang out with Jiwoo.” Sarang grabbed the bowl of almonds, distracting herself from the sound of her heart breaking by counting the almonds in the bowl.

“Said that he didn’t want Jiwoo to be involved in a world like ours. Like mine. I didn’t ask to be Shin Sarang, daughter of Shin Sungwoo. I didn’t ask to be constantly tailed by cameras. I didn’t ask to grow feelings for a guy who didn’t know I existed and I didn’t ask to meet him again when I thought I was over him and fall in love with his son who is the most sweetest boy in the world that forgave me even when I was two hours late.”

“Two hours, Yooncheol and he still forgave me. He wasn’t crying, asking why I forgot him, asking if whatever I had been doing was more important than him. As soon as he saw me, he jumped into my arms and kept saying ‘I knew you would come’. Oppa, he’s only met me twice before and he had so much faith in me. How could I not fall in love with him?” Yooncheol just reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“You have to understand where he’s coming from, Sarang.” Yooncheol said. Sarang just nodded her head as she stubbornly wiped away a few tears.

“I do. That’s what frustrates me the most is because I do. I can’t find it in me to go over to his apartment and demand that he let me be part of Jiwoo’s life. Who am I to do that? This isn’t even about Sanggyun, it’s about that little boy that has wormed his way into my heart. He’s probably like the little brother I’ve always wanted.”

“Well with our dad’s track record, you might have a little sibling or five out there. Who knows.” Sarang reached over the table—it was a bit of a stretch to do so—and slugged Yooncheol in the shoulder.

“So now, I’m stuck waiting for the texts that Sanggyun sends, asking if it’s okay to call me because Jiwoo wants to talk. And then Jiwoo tells me all about his day and how much better he’s getting at writing and spelling and says that all his uncles and his dad tells him that by the time he starts school, he’ll be super smart. Then Jiwoo tells me about the cool places his uncle Sangwon takes him to and the zoo that seems to be his favorite place to go and all the animals there. And he tells me about how his uncle Taeyang and his dad are teaching him how to rap.”

“And every time he tells me about his day, it just makes everything bad and evil, disappear. This little boy makes me think that every horrible thing people say about me or every horrible thing that I’ve done, can just disappear and be forgotten. That I can get a clean slate. And Sanggyun, when I’m just standing next to him, he makes me feel protected. I just feel so safe and that nothing can touch me. It never feels like he has an ulterior motive when he talks to me. That if he were to ever say he loved me, it would be because he truly did love me, for me. I know my life hasn’t been long, but I’ve seen enough to know that when you find someone who gives you that feeling, to hold them close and never let them go.” During her spiel, Sarang finally began to cry and by the time she finished, she was sobbing. Yooncheol moved from his chair so he standing in front of her, blocking her from seeing eyes. Yooncheol pulled her up from the chair and hugged her tight. Whatever was bothering her, has become too much for her and she finally needed to let it out.

Later on, when Sarang had finally stopped crying and composed herself, her and Yooncheol had gone back inside where she ordered dinner for them. The two siblings sat on the couch, waiting for their food.

“Guess you didn’t expect to see me cry when I let you crash here after a DJing gig.” Yooncheol shrugged his shoulders, looking at his sister.

“Didn’t expect for a deep talk, period. Maybe next time, call Jiho so he can be here too. You know he hates feeling like he isn’t included.”

“I didn’t think that would happen if I was honest. I didn’t wake up at four in the morning thinking ‘hey, Yooncheol oppa is here, let me think of our depressing and traumatizing upbringing and talk about what’s been stressing me out’. No, that’s not what happened. But if that ever does, I’ll make sure Jiho oppa is also here.” Yooncheol smirked as he held up his hands in surrender.

“But he’ll be here soon anyways. I called him and told him to come over but to pick up food on his way.” Sarang shrugged as she the TV to give some background noise.

Jiho finally arrived with bags of food and the three siblings sat on the couch with a movie playing as they ate. Jiho told them about his day at the company with their father.

“Aera was pissed about that article, Sarang. Dad is just confused because he didn’t know you were that serious with someone and someone who has a kid. I tried to explain it to him but I’m still kind of confused since I thought you weren’t going to try anything.” Jiho said as the Shin siblings gathered their trash so there wasn’t a mess.

“It was originally just going to be Jiwoo and I. He wanted to see Mary Poppins so I was going to take him to go see it and Sanggyun just ended up joining us.” Sarang nonchalantly explained.

“Aera needs to either just retire and go far away or take a Xanax because she was making it sound like the whole world was going to implode.” Jiho snorted.

“Wow, implode. Nice word choice, Jiho.” Yooncheol joked only to get a punch in the arm from his brother. “Yah!”

“You two are something else. Jiho oppa, what do you remember from before the hospital?” Sarang looked up from the few dishes she was going to wash. Yooncheol choked on his drink and Jiho choked on a bite of food.

“I don’t need you two dying in my apartment.” Sarang shook her head as she grabbed the dish soap that she kept next to the sink.

“Why are you asking questions about that time?” Yooncheol coughed out.

“You mean she asked before?” Jiho had to force out. Yooncheol roughly patted his back to help the food go down.

“Why are you so curious? Did something happen? Did someone say something?” Yooncheol asked while also making sure Jiho was okay. Sarang let out a sigh as she grabbed a clean cup and filled it with water before handing it to Jiho.

“I think Sanggyun is right. Maybe it’ll be better if I’m not in his or Jiwoo’s life.”