The Past Was Entirely My Fault

She grabbed Mingyu’s hand, released it from her wrist slowly. “Where have you been, you said? I was in Seoul just like I used to, I’ve never once left Seoul and disappeared like you did. I’m avoiding you because I’m confused. How could you disappeared, married, had one daughter, and now you are currently processing your divorce? How could so many things happened so fast around you while my life has been so slow these years?” she laughed, miserably. “These years I was thinking, and scared what if I meet you again, or what if I will never meet you again because I felt sorry towards you. But, seems like you are living your life comfortably. I was so stupid.”

“That’s why I have so many things to tell you. About Jennie, about Nana.”

“I can’t believe you actually used that name, for a daughter from another woman. I don’t think you used your brain.”

At first, she didn’t want to be like this with Mingyu, she didn’t want to argue with him or do anything that will lead to misunderstanding with him. But after hearing that Mingyu’s life was not like what she imagined after they separated, and how Mingyu named his daughter from Jennie with a name that Mingyu and Hyunjoo prepared for their future daughter back then, really made her blood pressure went up.

“I’m sorry, I just – I just thought of that name because I was thinking about you back then.”

“How could you think of me when you were in the middle of naming your own daughter with another women?”

“It was a shotgun marriage, for God’s sake, Hyunjoo!” he finally burst out, and Hyunjoo’s legs were shaken. “I’ve never loved Jennie, and she let me to divorce her after one year, but she couldn’t let me go.”

“It’s enough, Mingyu. You shouldn’t let me know to that extent.”

“Are you sure you are serious with Jaehyun? Because if you truly love him just like what other people sees of your five years relationship, you wouldn’t fall for me in so many times, and so many ways in the old times, right?”

“I hate you so much, Kim Mingyu.”

Back then, when Hyunjoo and Jaehyun just entered university, it was their two to three years relationship. Since it was their first year, everything was so out of place. Their schedule, the tasks, the activities, even their dating life. The adaptation was not easy for them, and that’s how they decided to have a break for a while, because they didn’t want to fight everyday just for a little useless thing. It was tiring, and it’s better for them to have a time.

Mingyu was Hyunjoo’s senior in the same major who took a same class with her because he failed the class the year before. Started from being a friend in a same study group, they started to be a close friend and even developed feelings to each other.

She thought that maybe it’s really over for her and Jaehyun, and Mingyu is her new lover. So, she agreed to date Mingyu at that time, even helping Mingyu with his thesis because it was his final year. Everything was so beautiful, and lustful for them back then. Their love was in a rush, that they couldn’t understand which one is love and which one is lust.

Jaehyun always told her to live far away from night life, but Mingyu dragged her to the club almost every night. And she even gave her ity to Mingyu, didn’t even know that their relationship just lasted for three months only.

Mingyu’s apartment, the hotel, the library, the car, Hyunjoo’s house, the club, the cold toilet, on the bathtub, even in an empty class – just in three months, just where is the place that they haven’t tried to did their things?

It was heartbreaking for Jaehyun to saw Hyunjoo in that state. It was like the flower that you loved, you watered for years, just like your own life, blossomed beautifully then someone came suddenly out of nowhere took it off and ran away.

He was still waiting for her until in the end of the day, then Hyunjoo finally realized that Mingyu and her weren’t in love with each other. It was just a lust, and she wanted to end it fast. For her, Jaehyun would be the only one that she loves, and he even still accepted her after knowing what she did with Mingyu for three months.

***

“Hyunjoo, since you have days off in weekend, can you finish those things for me tonight?”

“Those things?”

Hyemi nodded, then told Hyunjoo to follow her to the archive room. The documents are all messy and placed everywhere, and Hyunjoo suddenly got a bad feeling from this. It was all right, Hyemi told Hyunjoo to clean the room and tidy the documents into these place according to the month and the year.

She even questioned, what are they doing these years that the documents from 2010 is not even placed on its place? And Hyunjoo just had to tidy them up to 2016 documents, by herself, when it’s already the time to go home.

As an intern, she couldn’t even say no to Hyemi since she is her manager, and just do what she had told.

Sitting on a cold ground, she is still filing the documents and placed them to the place. It’s been two hours and she is still stuck with the 2012 documents. “Just when am I going to finish this ?” she said, after yawning for the hundreds times. She might be sleeping on the ground in this state, how miserable she is.

“Does she forgot to bring her bag home?” said Mingyu, when he walked pass Hyunjoo’s desk and saw her belongings are still there.

“I heard that Miss Hyemi told her tidy up the archive room, she really doesn’t have a heart. How could she told a kid to do that all night long?”

After hearing what his co-worker had said, he quickly walked to the archive room just to found Hyunjoo who was already sleeping on the ground with the pile of papers as her pillow.

Sitting right next to her, he brushed her hair slowly, tucked some of her hair behind the ear so it wouldn’t hide her beautiful face. He doesn’t know why he couldn’t forget this girl no matter what, even when he already has a daughter from Jennie.

This might be a karma for him, because he did her dirty in the past.

He let her to sleep while he continued her work to tidy up the pile of documents. Since he already know the color coded of each subject, it’s a lot easier for him to place them all.

“Mingyu?” said Hyunjoo, who already woke up from her deep sleep. “What are you doing?”

“Doing something that you should do, of course, instead of sleeping.”

“Give it to me, I have to finish this.”

“It’s okay, I remembered the code so it’s easier for me, don’t force yourself.”

“Stop it, Mingyu.”

“I’m trying to stop, Hyunjoo. I just cannot.”

She knew that he was talking about something else.

Then he placed the last document, “I won’t beg for your heart anymore, I’ll just go quietly to your side.”

“How could you found me, here?” she asked something else, because she really hates the topic, she hates it when Mingyu told her that he wants to start over with her.

“I just finished drawing for the deadlines with the other workers, then I saw your bag, and they said Hyemi told you do this .”

“Oh, that’s right. But, I’m okay with it.”

“Can’t you leave Jaehyun?” he asked suddenly out of nowhere, making Hyunjoo widened her eyes at him, can’t believe at what he actually said. “I’m going to divorce Jennie for you.”

“I’m not going to leave Jaehyun for you anymore, Mingyu. Can’t you live better? Stop being like this, you already has a daughter.”

“Do you want to meet my daughter? Maybe she likes you? You can be her Mom later.”

“You are crazy, Kim Mingyu.”

Well, he already realized from a really long time that he is crazy, and Hyunjoo is the one who made him like this. One day he woke up to the reality that he had to marry someone that he doesn’t even love, and lost Hyunjoo to Jaehyun.

But Nana really looks like him that he couldn’t even hate her, she is still his biological daughter and he loves her. Having a daughter in such a young age made him realized at how difficult it is to be a parent, so he worked hard for Nana, even when he had to divorce Jennie, he would fight for everything to take Nana with him.

***

a/n; karma really hits mingyu hard, and i'm kinda worried about jaehyun ;---; #teamjaehyun #honestly