i actually posted this on its own, but since i changed my opinion on writing a second part i decided it would be better to put it into this collection book. i'll keep it on its own as a draft though.. just in case i ever decide to write a second part after all

this was supposed to be simple & short. well, that escalated rather quickly.

who wrote the book on goodbye?

there's never been a way to make this easy

when there's nothing quite wrong but it don't feel right

either your head or your heart, you set the other on fire

ㅡ

and i keep waiting like, you might change my mind

Hoseok opened his eyes as soon as the chorus ended and the song changed to the next verse. He had been listening to that one particular song for over an hour now. Well, he had been listening to that song for days already, never able to listen to any other songs. He simply hadn't been able to listen to any other songs because this one song connected to his heart and wouldn't let him change to another song. The moment he had listened to it for the first time it immediately explained exactly what he had been feeling during the last few days, more like weeks. There was nothing quite wrong, but still it didn't feel right anymore. Since weeks now he felt like he didn't belong there anymore, there, with his friends. For the past few weeks he had spent most of his time alone, telling his friends he had too much to do when he was actually only lying on his bed, listening to that one song by 'lauv'. The last few days, just like at that very moment, he spent his time alone at the beach, watching the sun go down, hiding as the world would slowly be engulfed by a comforting darkness, leaving room for the night, the moon and the stars to take over. He liked to feel the sand between his fingers, it kind of soothed his agitated soul and also his worried mind. There was also the noise of the waves in the background, somewhere, faintly adding its own melody to the song he was listening to through his headphones, it felt right to be there. It gifted him some odd feeling of belonging, something his soul graved for so desperately.

For weeks he felt like he couldn't really connect with his friends anymore or with the world around him. It budged him, greatly. It hurt his heart and his head since he was constantly thinking about what had changed. He didn't exactly know what it was, but he had his assumptions, however, he didn't like thinking about them. So, he just decided to look for other reasons, reasons that would help his heart to calm down, telling him that everything would be alright in the end. He made up scenarios in his head, scenarios he called memories even though they weren't memories, only imaginations of situations that somehow fooled his troubled mind into a reality that was never real. He built his own world in his head and he loved that world, wanted to stay there for as long as he could.

Reality. Nothing much had changed, that was reality. Of course, he and his friends became older with each passing day. Yes, they had their constant troubles at their university, jobs and even within their little group of friends, but that was mundane. It had been like that for as long as they knew each other, basically years. But, for whatever reason it just didn't feel right to him anymore. Whatever reason? He knew the reason even though he told himself that he didn't. Thinking about the reason, about him, hurt him, starting at the very core of himself, his heart. His head and his heart nowadays fought a never ending fight, continuously telling him what was the right thing to do and what was wrong. At this point he didn't know anymore to whom he should listen. Either his heart or his head. But did it really matter? No matter to whom he listened in the end, the other one would be set on fire, screaming at him, blaming him for his wrong decisions.

This inner conflict was slowly tearing him apart and he just couldn't stop it. He didn't have any control of this whole conflict anymore. There wasn't even a point in trying to get a grip on himself left anymore, and so he decided to ignore it, swallow down his feelings as soon as anyone but himself would be in the same space as he was. No matter if his family, no matter if his friends, not matter if he was near him. He just shut them down, put those feelings somewhere at the very back of his mind, locking them away, ignoring them as they were screaming at him. However even though he managed to keep them down, to suppress them, they still managed to shoot daggers at his heart, reminding him that they were there and wouldn't leave until that inner conflict of his was sorted out. As if.

Okay, so what was the point of all of this? Everything changed, but he told himself nothing changed, made up his own reality. He didn't want to see it, didn't want to acknowledge it. As long as he wouldn't do that, they wouldn't be there. There would only be that little feeling of not belonging, that something was wrong, but that's okay. He could work that out, live with it. He just needed some time and probably some space. That's it. Space. Everything would turn back to the way it had been, the way he had grown accustomed to, the way he loved, the way he never wanted to change.

The sky turned darker as the sun slowly vanished into the sea, making room for the night to finally take over. Hoseok smiled slightly, taking in a deep breath of the fresh air, which slowly grew cooler. It was already autumn so the nights weren't warm anymore, however, not yet too cold to stay outside for a while longer without a thick jacket. He bent his head slightly to his left as he watched the waves crashing down at the sand, watching the water almost wash over his feet. He stood up, took off his shoes, throwing them away in order not to make them wet. He then proceeded to walk into the icy cold water until it reached his knuckles. He closed his eyes again as he concentrated on the feeling of the tiny waves crashing against his feet, still listening to that song that meant so much to him. It didn't take long until he started dancing slowly to the melody, his eyes still closed. Sometimes he opened them just for a second, only to check on the sky if it was still colored in different colors of yellow, orange, pink and red. Each time he opened them the sky already turned a little darker, the night taking over the space that was once filled with daylight.

He smiled as he opened them again, noticing that the sky was now almost dark, somewhere in the distant one could still make out the remaining light of the sun. But what really made him smile were the stars above him, lighting up the sky. No matter how troubled his heart, mind and soul were, at those moments he always felt at peace even if it was just for the shortest moment. During the last few weeks it had become his favorite time. One day he would like to show it to somebody special, to him. But he would never be able to, he was running out of time as the days were passing by and that one heart drifted towards happiness.

"Hobi?" he heard a quiet voice coming from somewhere behind him, a calming voice, one that he grew to enjoy listening to so much. Hoseok was perfectly able to hear the concern in the other's voice and it worried him. He never wanted to hear his hyung's voice waver because of anything, especially not because of him. He took a look at his feet, which were covered by sand and water, before he looked back over his shoulder straight at the male that was looking at him with worry decorating his face. Hoseok frowned, he wanted to see the other's smile, not that saddening expression. His hyung, Yoongi, had all the power over him one could possibly have. Every time Yoongi would smile, Hoseok would do so too. Each time Yoongi would shed tears, Hoseok would just cry with him. Each time the other was simply happy, Hoseok was as well and as soon as Yoongi showed any sign of pain or worry, Hoseok felt the same. This was not only something about being really emphatic, no, Hoseok literally felt what the older felt. Yoongi just didn't know. "What are you doing here all by yourself?" the older added, still looking at him with worry and Hoseok wanted him to stop worrying. He needed the other's smile of happiness so his mind would be reassured that he had made all the right choices.

Hoseok turned around to face him, smiling as the older took a few steps towards him. Hoseok couldn't get enough from looking at the older. He could look at him for hours and hours without doing anything else, without getting bored. In Hoseok's eyes Yoongi was the personification of perfection. Not only his looks sent shivers down Hoseok's spine, but also his mind, his soul, his character. Yoongi as a whole was perfect and Hoseok had learned to love the person in front of him with all his heart. Indeed, it had taken him some time to realize it himself. He had been searching for such a long time. He had had a task to work on, one that would guarantee Yoongi would be happy for as long as he was living, even if Hoseok was long gone, vanished with the wind.

"Just needed some time alone, hyung." Hoseok finally answered as the other was impatiently waiting for his answer. Throughout the last few weeks he hadn't been sure if the older had ever noticed him drifting away from them, from him, but that very moment was enough proof to Hoseok that Yoongi was well aware of it all. He just knew the older, could read all of his gestures and especially his expressions. To Hoseok Yoongi was an open book, one that he couldn't stop reading and would forever and always be his favorite one.
"You're always alone nowadays, all the in' time." Yoongi stated, looking down at the sand as he was digging a hole into it with his right foot. Hoseok smiled at his hyung's behavior. "What happened to the Seokie that used to spend all his time with me?" Yoongi added, looking up again to meet the younger's gaze. Hoseok chuckled quietly, shaking his head slightly.
"You're imagining things, hyung." Hoseok lied. He knew well enough Yoongi was right, but he also knew once he would have managed to reassure the older, he would be happy again and so Hoseok would be as well.
"Bull. The others noticed too." Yoongi said, looking at the male in front of him with a frown. Hoseok sighed, but then he smiled at him again, not allowing himself to show Yoongi that he was actually right. He then walked over to the older, hugging him shortly before he started walking back to Jimin's parents' house. He once stopped in his tracks as he noticed Yoongi wasn't following him.
"Come on, hyung! It's late, the others probably wanna start watching that movie Taehyung had been talking about for days." Hoseok stated with a blinding smile, then continuing to walk back to the house.

Yoongi watched Hoseok's back as the younger would walk towards Jimin's house. He knew the younger was keeping things from him and the fact that he was avoiding them as much as possible worried Yoongi more than anything. His best friend had never been one to avoid people, especially not their little group of friends. To be honest, Yoongi had hoped he would be able to spend more time with Hoseok again as Kookie and Chimchim had suggested on spending a week back at their homes in Busan. Apparently hoping wasn't enough. Acting on it obviously didn't work as well. He missed his best friend, missed spending time with him. He was worried about him. The worst part of all this was that it felt like Hoseok was trying to prepare them, him, for what was about to come. Maybe the younger did it unintentionally, but all of them felt like Hoseok was slowly fading away as they couldn't get a hold on him anymore. They had been talking about it, but none of them knew a reason why Hoseok would act like that. Theories started to spread around them. The worst one, and the one that they feared the most, was that Hoseok was sick, but didn't know how to tell them.

Yoongi blinked a few times as he felt tears welling up in his eyes, finally starting to follow Hoseok back to Jimin's home. He and the others had been waiting for Hoseok to return, but he hadn't. They had become worried and so Yoongi decided to go find him and bring him back. He thought Hoseok would talk to him if they were alone, but Hoseok didn't. Yoongi didn't know what he was supposed to think of that, or do, but he couldn't change it anyways. He wouldn't force the younger to tell him what all of this was about. Hoseok was his best friend, his little brother. Yoongi had hoped Hoseok would just come to him, tell him all of his worries. He wished for everything to turn back to normal.

A little smile crept on his face as he saw Hoseok walking up towards the house, hugging Taehyung, who had left the house as soon as Hoseok had started walking up the stairs. He watched as Hoseok left into the house, leaving Taehyung alone outside. Yoongi had no idea Hoseok was leaving Taehyung in order to give them a moment of privacy. Yoongi walked up the stairs as well, smiling brightly as Taehyung was smiling at him in return. Taehyung took his right hand in his own as he reached the top of the staircase and Yoongi pressed a peck to the younger's cheek, his heart filling with warmth once again as he realized that he lived the best life one could live. He had the best group of friends there was, the best boyfriend on earth and a best friend that would always stick to him, no matter what. Yoongi was happy and grateful, because without Hoseok he would have had none of all this. Yoongi then reminded himself to thank Hoseok once again for wanting to be his friend when they had been much younger.

ㅡ

They did watch the film Taehyung had suggested hours before. However, it turned out to be the most boring film ever and so one after another fell asleep. They were all lying huddled up together on the floor, cuddled up against each other like they were outside, left alone in the snow and freezing to death. Blankets over blankets kept them save from the cold and the warmth each of them emitted was helping to make everyone feel warm and secure. The pillows they were lying on were fluffy and just perfect to cuddle with. Soon the living room was filled with darkness as the TV shut itself off long after the film and the closing credits had ended. The only light that would reach the room was the one coming from outside, far above their heads, from the moon and the stars.

Hoseok was the first one to wake up again as the pleasant light was shining onto his face. He slowly opened his eyes, rubbing them as he let out a quite yawn. He then sat up carefully, not making any sound in order not to wake the others up. He took a quick look around the room, smiling as he noticed his friends were all cuddled up against each other. He had to swallow down a laugh as he noticed the youngest, Jungkook, curling his arms and legs around Jimin, who was sleeping peacefully with a content smile plastered on his face. Hoseok couldn't keep himself from comparing Jungkook and Jimin to a Koala and its baby. He felt a wave of happiness flooding through his body as he kept on watching them. He knew that one day they would finally accept their feelings for each other and admit that they were so desperately in love with the other one. Of course, they wouldn't do so the moment they'd open their eyes. Both of them would deny that they had been cuddling in their sleep because they liked each other in 'that way', excusing it as an act of not freezing to death, keeping each other warm as an act of altruism. Of course. Both of them would never allow that their hyungs' 'jikook ship' would ever sail.

However, the really funny part was how Seokjin, the oldest, had his legs spread over the cuddling 'jikook' mess and his head on Namjoon's chest, who was sleeping soundly due to his clogged nose. Namjoon had caught a cold a few days ago and Seokjin had been caring for him, nursing him back to health like a mother would have. It had been cute to watch Namjoon whining for the older's attention as soon as the latter would have left the room just to get him another bowl of soup. Hoseok chuckled at the memory. He smiled a little more as he noticed Namjoon and Seokjin's intertwined hands, they were just too cute for their own good. They weren't a couple, but even a blind person could see the love they shared. On several occasions Hoseok had run in on them kissing somewhere where they thought they wouldn't be caught. Well, Hoseok found them anyways. It really was entertaining to watch Namjoon following Seokjin like a lovesick puppy and Seokjin running from him, afraid he would stain the younger's purity. One would think Namjoon was the little ert and think of Seokjin as a saint, when in fact it was exactly the other way round. Well, no not exactly. Namjoon indeed was a little ert himself, with a lot of kinks and stuff, but Seokjin was just too stubborn to acknowledge that fact. And due to that he just kept on running while the younger was following him like his shadow.

And then his gaze travelled to the only official couple in their little group of friends. Hoseok smiled softly as he adored the way Yoongi would hide his face at Taehyung's neck. Taehyung had his arms tightly wrapped around the older and Hoseok just couldn't stop himself from being kinda jealous. He really wished to be the one Yoongi was cuddling with, hiding his face at, but this wasn't about him, this was about Yoongi. His heart might be filled with jealousy, but his mind was able to reason with the unwanted feeling and make room for happiness to take over. He was happy because Yoongi was happy and that was his most important priority. Yoongi's happiness was what Hoseok was living for and it was the reason why Hoseok was here after all. Without himself realizing it he had fulfilled his task, the one he had been given by someone none of his friends could ever imagine was actually existing.

He turned his head to the window, looking right through it up at the sky, smiling softly as the stars would twinkle down at him in a reassuring way. He had managed to do what others had deemed impossible. Taking up the task on changing another's heart indeed was one to think about twice, but Hoseok hadn't given it even one thought. Back then it had just been pure logic to him to do so, to do everything to change Yoongi's state of heart and bring him back to a reality in which he could find his eternal happiness in love for another person. Hoseok may have realized too late that in order to do so he would have to give up on his own feelings, but they had never been a point to take into consideration at all. Even though his feelings might be limitless, he himself wasn't. He had always known there was an expiration date and now he was about to face it. He knew he wouldn't make it back to Seoul with his friends. He knew the hours ahead of him were his last as he already felt parts of himself vanishing into the air like smoke.

This might have been the reason why life hadn't felt right to him anymore, while there was nothing wrong in the first place.

Minutes passed by while Hoseok was looking out of the window. He then felt Yoongi moving beside him. Hoseok took a look at the older, checking if he was about to wake up and just then he realized that Yoongi had been holding his hand all this time. He hadn't realized his hyung's tight grip on his hand, hadn't felt its warmth. He furrowed his brows as a sudden wave of sadness washed through his body. It was foolish of him to wait and hope for Yoongi to change his mind. As if Yoongi would possess the might to change Hoseok's fate that had already been decided the day Hoseok came into this world. Hoseok was a fool and he knew it just well enough.

For the next hour he kept on watching Yoongi in his sleep. One could deem it a creepy behavior, but Hoseok couldn't care less. He was determined to memorize everything about Yoongi for the eternity he was about to face. Somehow he was even excited what was waiting ahead of him. He would have to leave this world, leave Yoongi and his friends, but maybe he would still be able to watch them from another place. He couldn't return home as well, but eventually he would find a new place where he would belong to, a new home. He was thinking about his future and didn't notice the older stir in his sleep.

Yoongi slowly sat up, his gaze never leaving Hoseok, whose eyes were staring down at him. But Yoongi knew Hoseok wasn't really looking at him anymore, he noticed the