2013, New York City

“My name is Kim Eunji. I’m 22 years old. I was born on 28th April 1991 in South Korea. My mother’s name is Lee Misook, she’s a doctor. And my father is Kim Kapsu, a music professor. I had an older brother, Kim Mingyu. He was born with a weak heart and had died fifteen years ago. After his death, my parents got a divorce and I and my mother had moved to live in L.A. 

“I was home schooled for years that’s why I didn’t have any friends. I was a loner. I attended Beverly Hills high school for a year but because I didn’t get along with other students I resumed being home schooled. 

“During my senior year, I was on a visit to my father when I was involved in a car accident. I was comatose for two months and a half. I woke up on the day I went back to LA and I didn’t remember anything from my past. The doctor said that I will regain my memory back but it’s been four years now so I lost hope.

“After the incident, my father moved to live in NY and so we did. We don’t live together but I get to see him more often. My grandmother, uncle and aunt came to visit me for a few times too.

“I was very lost at first, I didn’t know who they were and neither who I was. But little by little, I got used to my life. It turned out that I was a music prodigy since I was little. I was afraid that I lost my abilities but I still remember everything perfectly.

“After that, I came back to school and graduated. Now I’m a college student and I graduated last week. I work as a waitress at a little restaurant near home. I still don’t 
know what to do now that I graduated. My aunt’s husband owns an entertainment company in South Korea and wants me to join him, but I don’t think I can deal with fame in this state.”


She titled her head to the side to look at the young psychiatric that has been listening to her so carefully and taking notes. He took it as a sign that she finished speaking.


“You’ve been telling me the same story ever since you started coming to me, but I still get the impression that you’re telling me someone’s else story, not yours.” he commented.


“It’s because that’s how it actually feels to me. If I wasn’t told about it, I would’ve never knew what my life was like before the accident.”


“Then tell me something that you weren’t told about yourself, something you get to discover on your own.”


Eunji seemed a little bit in deep thought before answering. “They told me that I can play a big variety of instruments and it was proved real. But I think that me old self was more fond of the guitar, because even when I hold a guitar now, I feel a big attraction to it and my fingers just start moving on their own, as if that’s what they were made to do, while I had to be more focused with the piano or the violin to get the melody right.” she confessed and her sparkling eyes didn’t go unnoticed by the consultant.


“Aren’t there any other things that make you feel that way?” he asked.


“I was told that I wasn’t very fond of novels. So I tried different ones and I really got bored because of it. But one day I was passing by a library and I found myself stopping by the novel’s section. Just five and only five attracted my attention. I ended up buying them and I read each more than I could had ever imagined, and each time still feels as enjoyable as the first. After those, I didn’t get interested in any other books.”


“Curious.” he mumbled before scribbling on his notebook again.


“You said used to go to another psychiatric for years. Why did you change it so suddenly.” he asked her with a calm tone. 


“I didn’t trust her anymore. At first, she made me feel better but then I got a feeling that she’s trying to fool me.”


“And why is that?” 


“She’s friend with my mother.” 


The doctor stayed silent, as if he was waiting for her to continue, and she did.


“Don’t take me wrong, I love my mom, I really do. She’s so caring and loving and I would never ask for more from her. And I trust her, although I can’t say the same about my father. But there’s this feeling that has been following me since the beginning, as if there’s something I don’t know about. I’m sure that they’re hiding something from me and they’re afraid that I could remember it. It may also be related to the accident itself.” 


“Did you tell your last consultant about this?” 


“No I didn’t. She would’ve just said that I was paranoid or something.” she then gave him a fearful look. “Do you think I’m paranoid?” 


The doctor smiled amused. “Don’t worry, I don’t think so. Plus it’s too early to say so.” he flipped through his sheets.


“Did you do what I asked from you?” 


“I did.” she sighed in exhaustion. “I tried going out on two other dates, but it didn’t change anything. I remained uninterested in them. Plus, I still felt that I was doing something extremely wrong, as if I was betraying someone. And the emptiness still remains.” her fingers reached for the heart locket dangling from the pendant around her neck.

“I still feels that I missed a very important piece from my memory, and I’m not just speaking about my whole past but a certain part of it. As if someone’s waiting for me somewhere. Does it even make sense?” her eyes were blurred with tears so the doctor tried calming her down.

“There must be a reason behind those feelings.” he reassured her. “But I noticed something, why do you keep holding that pendant whenever we bring this matter up?”

His question made her eyes travel to where her hand were and as if she was electrified by it, she let go of it. “That’s another mystery. I don’t know where I got this. My mother said that I probably bought it for myself, I strongly doubt that. And for some reason, I don’t want to take it off and I can’t stop clutching to it whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed. I wanted to open it but the jeweler told me that the design was very complicated and it would only open by the use of its own key. He suggested a forced open but I didn’t have the heart to ruin it.”


“I see.” he nodded. “What about your nightmares?” 


She stiffened a little bit at the mention. “I still have them.” 


“Are they always the same?” he cocked an eyebrow.


“No, but they all contain a lost of blood and pained screams.” she replied curtly.


The doctor hummed, noticing that she was still hesitant about speaking further.


“There’s this dream that had been repeating for years.” her hand went back to hold in the pendant as her expression darkened. “It’s always the same. A leaving back. Someone who wouldn’t turn back no matter how much I called for him.”


“Him?” 


“I don’t remember much but I’m sure that he’s a male. The weird thing is that I’m sure that I call his name in the dream, but when I wake up, I won’t remember it. And every time, I would make up crying and the emptiness feels even deeper than ever.” 


The young psychiatric could see how affected the girl was just by speaking about it.


“Do you want to hear my theory about this?” he questioned, taking his spectacles off. “All of your suspicions may be true. The thing that your family is hiding from you may be connected to the pendant and the leaving figure in your dream, even to you nightmares and accident. It’s still just a theory though, so you need to check if it’s real or not.”


Eunji nodded in understanding.


“If you live longer in doubt you may become really paranoid and we don’t want that. But if you can replace those doubts by certainty, you will be able to live in peace. Just one last advice.” 


The words he said next made Eunji frown, because she hated to admit how true they were.


“Stop running away from your past, otherwise you won’t be able to regain your memories.” 





-





2013, Seoul 


He looked at the young tall man standing across him. He had a very slim body, only skin over bones. His dark bangs surpassed his eyebrows level. His eyes were small by nature, but their shallowness and the dark circles around them weren’t natural at all. His cheeks were hallow and lips shaped while his skin was unhealthily pale.

If he didn’t know that he was standing in front of a mirror, he would’ve doubted that the young man staring back at him was just his reflection.

He swiftly slipped an over-sized sweater over his fragile frame, averting his eyes from the face he hated looking at for more than a minute whole.
He fished his phone, keys and left his apartment in a hurry, although he was relatively early.

The streets were almost vacant if it wasn’t for few other diligent workers who wanted to avoid the morning rush.
After a ten-minute walk, the man reached his destination. He used his keys to open the back door of the closed family restaurant. There was no one inside as usual, allowing him to start his morning routine in peace. He  the lights and switched on the TV, letting the music burst in the space while he wiped the tables with a rag. After finishing his task, he moved to wiping the floor, although he was sure that the part-timer had did so last night after closing up.
He was too immersed in his task he barely noticed someone entering by the back door.


“He’s at it again! YAH KIM SUNGGYU! What did I told you about this?!” 


The said man turned to the nagging voice, a nervous smile breaking on his features to calm the woman down.


“Good morning mom! You came early today!”


“Don’t use that smile on me! I think I warned you about this before! You should sleep in more and not waist your precious time doing what the other workers can do!”


“You know that I usually wake up early because I have nigh-” he stopped himself before completing the word. “because I sleep early. So I have nothing to do in the morning.” he smiled sheepishly, hoping that she didn’t catch his obvious lie. 


Well he was sure that she knew about his nightmares. She probably had heard him wake up screaming by now, since she lived just a level above him.


“Mom stop giving him that kind of look. You know he get scared easily.” Hakyeon came in to find her still glaring at Sunggyu. It was a scenery he had to witness almost every morning.


“Fine. Give me the keys! You’re not allowed in here anymore!” she held out her palm for the youngest, giving him an impatient look.


“Mom you know you can’t do that, he still is your partner. Fifty percent of the restaurant is his.” Hakyeon remarked.


“You don’t have to remind me about it every second.” she glared at him, shutting him up. “I’m his partner in the pub but I don’t barge in there whenever I feel like it. This idiot does that on daily basis claiming that he has plenty of times while he had skipped three consulting sessions in a row.” 


Sunggyu and Hakyeon widened their eyes but each for a different reasons.


“How did you find out?”


“You skipped again? Sunggyu I think we spoke about this before!” 


“Is that even important? I made another appointment with doctor Choi for you on saturday. If you don’t go, I’m really going to take away your keys from you, understood?!” Mrs Cha demanded sternly.


“Yes mom.” he replied dejected.


When Sunggyu was freshman in college, Mr Park, the old previous owner, had put it to sale and Mrs Cha expressed how eager she was to bye it. But since she was short of money, Sunggyu offered to pay the rest. The “INFINITE NIGHT CLUB” came as a bonus so they had turned it into a fancy pub. 


Mrs Cha and her husband were in charge of the restaurant while Sunggyu took care of the pub. Hakyeon was in charge of the finance and management of both.

After finishing with college, Sunggyu devoted most of his time to his business. He would wear a simple apron like the rest of his employees and serve the customers or clean, and sometimes he’d be the cashier. 
When troublesome customers asked for the ‘owner’ or ‘boss’ and he showed up, they wouldn’t believe him until Hakyeon showed up in his crisp suit and convinced them or took care of the situation himself.



After being kicked out of the restaurant, Sunggyu followed Hakyeon to the market to get some fresh ingredients for the kitchen. 
When they were back, the rest of the workers had already arrived and were doing their assigned tasks. Mrs Cha and Jin were the two head chefs, with Mrs Cha in charge of traditional dishes while Jin took care of the ones who were more on the modern side.


“Sunggyu, looks like all of your friends had planned to have a comeback at the same time.” Jin commented, eyes gesturing to the TV where You Heeyeol’s Sketchbook was playing. "Sistar and F(x) already finished with their interviews."


“Yeah. I’m sure it wasn’t a coincidence. Not after they announced their dating news.” he answered eyes fixed on the big flat screen.


After graduating, all of them decided to continue with college but they also got good opportunities and signed with different entertainment companies.
Krystal was signed with SM entertainment and debuted three years ago under a girl group named F(x). Bora chose Starship entertainment and had debuted slightly after Krystal as a member of a girl group named Sistar. 
As for Sungyeol and Myungsoo, they had many offers coming from JYP, SM and other little entertainment companies, but they declined them. Their final choice was unexpected and had chocked everyone, even Sunggyu.

During their final showcase, Mr Lee Jungyeol announced that he will no longer be the principal, leaving the position for Miss Ailee and that he will be founding his new entertainment company, using the same name of the school. Of course he had the right to do so because the school belonged to his family after all. 

Mr Lee started the company for students who didn’t have much chances with other famous companies, so he was chocked to find two of his most brilliant students auditioning to join the company. He understood their motives later when they asked him for a huge favor and he couldn’t say no.
They debuted on 2010 as a duo named “Infinite”. 

It was known in the industry how the four had been friends since forever and they weren’t afraid to show how close they were to their fans. So eventually, dating rumors started following them around and they kept denying them until recently.
It was a perfect timing, as the four of them were having their comebacks. It made them gain a lot of attention.
They’ve been too busy lately they barely came to restaurant as much as they used to do so he only got to see them on the TV.


Myungsoo and Sungyeol were sitting next to the interviewer answering his questions.


“So, this time you didn’t just surprise fans with your comeback but also with your love life. You’ve been denying it for too long but look at you finally letting it go. What made you change your mind?”


“Our friend threatened us.” Sungyeol’s reply made a laugh erupt in the studio. “We made him always third wheel so people won’t get very suspicious but he got sick of us and said that he won’t see us ever again if we don’t break the news to the public. So here we are!”


Sunggyu smiled because that really what happened. He hated being dragged around by his friends whenever they were going on a date. He understood that they enjoyed his company and wanted him to eat more because he won’t eat once he’s alone but he also wanted them to have their alone time and let him have his alone time too.


“So let’s hope that your friend will talk to you again.” another chuckle from the audience. “You said you’ve been dating for more than a year already. Are you sure that’s it?”


“Actually, I and Krystal started to date halfway through high school and Sungyeol and Bora followed slightly after. But when we became trainees, we had to follow the no dating rule so we broke up. Once the ban was over, we got back together.” Myungsoo explained.


“Wow, you guys went through a lot. Didn’t those years affect your relationship?3


“No, if anything it made it stronger. We were able to realize that the relationship statue wasn’t what define a relationship. To be there for the one you love through thick and thin was more important than anything else.” Myungsoo added.


“Those are really wise words.” Sungyeol remarked sarcastically, gaining a fake glare from Myungsoo.


Even after becoming famous, the two stayed their old bickering selves even on music shows and concerts and fans somehow found it adorable, which was something Sunggyu never understood before.


“Let’s talk about your comeback song now. ‘One Day’, another hit produced by both of you and our mysterious friend, who you prefer to call ‘the hidden member’. He also wrote the lyrics for the song. Do you think a day will come when the public will get to know him?” the interviewer asked jokingly.


“We hope so too. It took us a lot to convince him to join us. Once he’s ready we will make sure to bring him here first.” Sungyeol answered with a polite smile.


“You need to keep your words then. I will be waiting for that day. I think it’s time to listen to your new song. Thank you for coming here today and wish you all the best with your future plans.” 





New York

“WHAT?! THAT’S IT!” Eunji yelled furiously at her phone. She was sitting at the staff room  watching the live broadcast. 

“Come on Sungyeol! Myungsoo! You need to tell us more! I really want to know who is he!”  she stomped her feet on the floor like a ten year old kid.


Eunji was one of the biggest fans of Infinite, taking a liking to them since the moment she saw a clip of them on Youtube, when they were just rookies. The two singers emitted a friendly aura since they were the same age as her. 

But their songs were what attracted her the most. She would fall for them from the first listen, especially those who the hidden member had produced. Not only did they fit her taste, but some managed to always bring her to tears with the deep meanings hidden in their lyrics. 

That’s why she was dying to know who that person was or at least learn more about him, and maybe meet him someday. 


“Eunji you’re next.” one of her coworkers cocked his head inside of the room. 


The said girl took off her apron with a wide smile and stepped outside, taking her guitar with her and getting on the round platform in the restaurant.


Eunjji sat on the little stool and adjusted the Mic to her level. She introduced her self to customers in the restaurant with a wide smile, gaining few whistles from some regulars and her coworkers. Her expression had changed to fit the mood of the song before she started playing a soft melody.


“This town is colder now, I think it’s sick of us
It’s time to make our move, I’m shaking off the rust
I’ve got my heart set on anywhere but here 
I’m staring down myself, counting up the years

Steady hands just take the wheel 
Every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal
For the life I live

Stop and stare, 
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh

Stop and stare, 
You start to wonder why you’re here not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair it ain’t what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see...”


Eunji got too lost in the song, feeling every word of the song, as if she was directing them to herself. When she  the strings for the last time, a round of loud applause and cheers erupted in the big diner, making her regain her wide smile. She bowed to the crowd before getting off the stage.

It was a routine, everyday after her shift, she’d sing a song to the costumers and they’d re compensate her with their loud cheers of admiration. 
It was during that little time that she’d really feel like herself, the one she lost all memories about, not the one everyone wants her to believe she is. 
Her bond with the music was too strong, it made her believe that it was there since a long time ago and she was so glad that it resisted against her amnesia. 



It was already dark when she was out of the restaurant. It wasn’t really far from her house but because of whoever wonders the streets at night, her parents had always insisted that she takes a taxi home. But the weather was perfect, not too chilly but not hot and it’s been a long time she had walked around. 

Having a twenty-minute walk every now and then wasn’t a bad idea, until you hear someone asking for help from a narrow dark alley and you see a teenage girl circled by three bulky men with dirty smirks on their faces.

Eunji’s normal reaction would’ve been asking for the police or just walking and ignoring the whole scene like all the other passersby. But the loud ‘stop’ that left her lips wasn’t something she had planned to do. 


‘Idiot! What are you doing? Run away!’ her inner self scolded.


But even with the three men turning to her direction and smirking, her feet didn’t seem to find a better choice than to walk to them. 


‘Eunji ! Turn around and run! Do you want to face the same fate as this girl?’


Well, her body refused to listen and she just kept glaring at them.


“Let her go!” she yelled at them.


“Why would we do that? Do you want to come with us in her place? We don’t mind an addition you know.” one of them smirked widely at her, lifting his hand to brush her bangs away.


It all happened too fast, making it hard for Eunji to decipher what just happened. She just stared with wide eyes and harbored breath at the three men whimpering in pain on the ground. 
The teenage girl uttered a shocked ‘thank you’ before running away.

Eunji looked down at her trembling hands, her knuckles were bruised and stained with blood that she was sure wasn’t just hers.


“W-what the ?!” one of the man looked at her with anger but fright as well, still not finding the power to lift his aching body from the ground.


‘W-what did I just do?’ 




-




“What happened to your hand?” Mrs Lee asked when she saw the bandaged hand on the dining table.


Eunji, who was in a daze, was alarmed by the question and hurried to hide it under the table.


“I-I accidentally burnt it at work today.” she replied with a sheepish grin, trying to hide the lie.


“Really? Does it hurt? Do you need a medication?” the woman asked with a voice laced with worry.


“Don’t worry, it’s not that bad. It will be okay in two or three days at max.” she reassured.


“You should be careful. If it’s too hard at work you can just quit. We don’t want more injuries.” 


Her words made the girl smile. She liked how her mother was always too caring and supportive. She knew that many her age would find it burdensome, but for Eunji it was always heartwarming and it only made her love the woman more, as if she was craving for her mother’s love. 
Well she couldn’t say the same about her father. She figured out that she didn’t have a close relationship with him before thus she found it hard to totally open up to him. It was still a little bit awkward whenever she was alone with him, but it got better over the years.


“Mom, I’m curious about something.” 


‘Uh oh.’ Mrs Lee’s expression almost fell when she heard that. When Eunji was curious about something or wanted to ask something, it meant that she wanted to ask about something from the past, which means she had to come with an answer, a lie.

How she hated lying to her that openly, but did she have a choice? It was for Eunji’s sake. Everyone saw the drastic change on the girl after she started living there. 
Bright, smiling, optimistic, kind, easy-going and everything the previous Eunji wasn’t probably. They would destroyed her if they told her the truth. She would never be able to take it. 


‘It’s better this way.’ Mrs Lee always tried to convince herself.


“What is it dear?” Mrs Lee asked with an innocent smile, placing plates on the table.


“Before, was I a good fighter?” the girl asked hesitantly.


“Fighter?” Mrs Lee frowned.


“Not street fight, I mean martial arts or Taekwondoo maybe?” 


“Ah that. You joined a Taekwondoo club when you were in elementary school. You didn’t stay for more that a year because we had to move in here.” 


‘Go ahead Lee Misook. Feed your daughter another lie. As if you don’t know that she can beat an army of men by her own self.’ she though, but tried to keep a smiling face nevertheless.


Eunji just nodded, not the least convinced about the reply.


‘A year or so in elementary school wouldn’t make me beat three huge men to pulp. It felt so instinctual, as if I was a natural fighter before?’ Eunji wondered.


‘It’s either she’d hiding something from me or I had hid a lot of things from her before.’  



‘I think I have to find out by myself.’ 





-





“Nightmares?” 


“They... lessened.” 


“So you sleep better now?”


“Yeah.”


“Any weird voices? Pessimistic thoughts? Illusions?”


“They’re there, but less than before.” 


“Done lying?” 


Sunggyu’s eyes shot up, looking at Dr Choi who was giving him a hard look. The young man lowered his head making the doctor sigh.


“Listen Sunggyu. There’s no need for you to lie to me. I won’t do anything against your will so just speak freely, it helps and you know it.” 


“Every night. Sometimes more than once.” Sunggyu said, his head still hanging low but it was hard not to notice all the fear his voice held. “On the best nights, I’d get two hours straight of sleep. In the worst, I wouldn’t get more than one.” he inhaled sharply before moving to the next subject.


“They’re always there, living at the back of my head, poisoning my thoughts. I can’t focus anymore. If I’m not focused, I’d start mixing the reality with my illusions, my past and… it gets very confusing and suffocating. All the pain from the past comes back to me and I can’t do nothing about it.” 


The doctor noticed how he put his hand over his covered forearm, guessing what was underneath the sleeve of his sweater.


“You do realize that you had three episodes last month? That’s a record.”


“I still don’t want to...” Sunggyu choked on his words.


“I told you I won’t force you to do anything. But you need to start considering that choice.”


“Maybe if you subscribe some sleeping pills for me, I will get better. If I get to sleep better, I may get better.”


“I think we talked about this before. And you know what happened when I gave you those pills. So no, I can’t.” the man stood from his post and sat across the troubled youngster.


“Sunggyu son, you can’t live on medications for the rest of your life. You have to face your fears, to stand against them. I know you can do it. You’re a very strong young man and I believe in you, we all believe in you.”


Sunggyu hated those words. As much as he wanted to believe them, he knew they weren’t right. He wasn’t strong, and he couldn’t fight back no matter how hard he tried for years. He’s only been getting worse so he started losing hope. He hated himself for being weak, he hated himself for making people around him worry, he hated himself for being a burden on all of them. He just hated himself.


“One more thing, stop visiting her. It does nothing good to you.” the doctor added when he was getting ready to leave.


“I can’t.” Sunggyu replied curtly. “I want to see that I’m not the only one suffering. If I’m the worst thing that ever happened in her life as she had always said, I want to haunt her days and nights like she’s been haunting mine.” 





-





“Here are your orders.” the waitress put three plates on the table, each in front of one of the men sitting around the table.


“Thank you Wendy.” Woohyun smiled to her.


“Enjoy your meal.” she bowed and excused herself.


“So,” Sungjong started. “What did Dr Choi tell you?” 


“Not good news, for sure.” Dongwoo replied with a worried look. “According to the last consultation, it’s only getting worse.”


“And the solution?” Woohyun questioned.


Dongwoo shook his head in defeat, dropping his head. The two other men understood the meaning behind his motion.


“What did Mr Jung say?” Sungjong was the one to ask.


“Does it even matter? I won’t let him force Sunggyu to do anything against his will.” the eldest replied with a furious tone. “I was and still am Sunggyu’s guardian. If he want to take it to the court then I don’t mind.”


“Don’t worry hyung, we will figure it out.” Woohyun reassured. “Just like we’ve been managing for the last four years, we will keep supporting him no matter what and he will get better. I’m sure of it.” he added with a lot of confidence and determination.


Dongwoo sent a thankful look to his cousin. Even though their previous conflicts, the two had got a lot closer in the last few years and had been helping each other as much as possible.


“Hyung, your phone is ringing.” Sungjong shook Dongwoo who was too immersed in his thoughts.


The eldest frowned at the sight of the ID of the caller.


“Hello, Mrs Lee.” He picked up the call. 


Dongwoo’s frown only deepened as long moments passed with Mrs Lee speaking on the other line. 


Another pause followed after he hang off, the two man sitting with him were already both curious and worried about the unexpected call.


“Hyung, is everything okay? Why did Mrs Lee call you?”


And with a shocked expression, the eldest replied.



“Eunji’s coming back.” 

I should be sleeping but here I am updating... 30 chapters!! JUST WOW!! I feel proud *pat shoulder* and grateful too. if it wasn't for my lovely readers, I wouldn't had surpassed the two first chapters.

Anyways, this chapter may be a little bit confusing and not well-done but I will make it up to you on the next one. Don't be shy to leave a comment :p

I wish you all a good night/day :**

Ps: Infinite May comeback? I am sure as hell not ready for that !!!