CH. XII

YOUTH
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Taeil is confused upon hearing those words come out of the other's mouth, watching as he leans out on his chair and runs his hands through his brunette hair. Taeil furrows his eyebrows as he tries to understand his reaction but flinches when Johnny leans forward abruptly and slams his fists on the table as he gasps again.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my –"

Before Taeil could ask the other if he was okay, a voice echoed from the other side of the building and beat him to it.

"Johnny!"

Taeil glances over to the voice and sees its girls from the student council, jogging over to their table. They overlook him and crowd around Johnny, asking him about his outbreak but mostly touching him flirtatiously. Taeil averts his eyes down to the table and excuses himself out of their conversation, but his ears always perk up when he hears Johnny's voice.

Taeil then decides after minutes of listening to their conversation; that consisted mostly of the girls flirting and complimenting the student president, as well as plans for the student council thrown around, it was time to leave.

He grabs his tray and gets up, walking away. Before Johnny can stop him, he walks out the restaurant and takes a look back one last time once he's out of the building, seeing his seat has been taken over by a few of the girls. One of the girls held his wrist pinned to the table and the others standing flourished around him, his hair, perpetuating his ego.

Taeil heaves a deep sigh and pulls out his phone. His phone is dry, not one text from anyone. He's not surprised by this, he only has a phone so he can look at the time and appear to be busy. But two weeks prior, this wouldn't bother him. He was immune to the dreadfulness of loneliness but until now, it seemed to be the only thing that ceased his mind.

He untangles his earphones and sticks them in both ears as he walks home, hoping the voices of the musicians can ease the solitude in his heart and let his mind wander elsewhere rather than words and digits. The music blares out his surroundings so it feels like he really is walking on earth alone and he's deaf to everything else. He hates this awful void of feelings and plucks them off his ear. He decides that listening to the cars passing by and the birds above him on the branches of the falling leaves of the trees on the sidewalks is more soothing than being left with his own thoughts accompanied by songs that are nostalgic and heavy hearted.

His walk feels lengthier now – as if the finger of the clock is slowing down and after what felt like a walk around the planet, he unlocks his home in the suburban area, where all the houses look identical and the street is silent. He takes his shoes off once he closes the door behind him and is welcomed by the powerful AC crisp air, not coming home to any other sort of welcoming.

Taeil wanders down the long hall, the only sound emitting being the sound of his own footsteps, peaking into the kitchen to see it's empty like every other room in the house. He opens the fridge and finds nothing other than a carton of milk and eggs. He sighs deeply and grabs the last Cola can, heading upstairs and tossing his backpack close to his student desk, piled with papers, a laptop, and textbooks. He pushes his hair out of his forehead and plops down on his wheeled chair, spinning mindlessly around as he thinks more of his current situation and how he has ended up here; contemplating life every second and wondering if anything is worth it.

He always reasoned his attitude was for the environment of his home and family, and although it was partly true, there was no bigger contributor to his current existential crisis other than himself. His expectations for himself are higher than others have for him, the worst outcome for him was letting himself down. He doesn't know how his head had twisted to follow that belief but now it's stuck in his head and drains his fun away.

He yawns and stretches out his limbs, feeling how heavy his eyelids are begging to close. But he holds them open, because he doesn't know what else better he has to do than study. He doesn't have any close friends, he's convinced himself that everyone doesn't like him, and that he isn't any fun to be around. He's awkward and stiff, his humor isn't so great, and he's so outdated with everything. Coming from a boy whose head is always in the books, it's not hard to figure himself out. He considers himself an open book that no one has bothered to read.

He finally pulls himself together by repeating in his head, "It's fine. I'm fine," over and over. He takes out his homework to do. He holds in the yawns that attempt to escape out of his lips as he does his work and studies, not wanting to give in to his own personal damnation. He keeps glancing at his phone that is on his enticing bed and wishes the screen would turn on at any moment with a bing sound. He doesn't know how long he can withstand being surrounded by so many people and still feel so lonely.

He shifts in the chair and feels something jab into his hip, making him jolt and get off the chair. He scans his seat to see what poked him and when he sees its clear, starts digging in his pockets. Then on one of his front pockets, he feels a small, wooden object and takes it out.

He stares at the sad, tiny wooden pencil that seems so much like himself and doesn't realize how the tears tease to spill on the bottom of his waterline and he bats them away furiously, refusing to cry. He can't cry. Tears are a plead for help, a plead for comfort and abandon the void of self consciousness. There's no one there to hear or see his plea, so he helplessly falls back and holds tight to the wooden pencil, refusing to let the tears flow.

He repeats the saying but this time out loud to the lifeless room, "It's fine. I'm fine."

 

The next morning, Johnny entered the school with Ten and Yuta, for the first time in a long time. The three have been apart from each other for what felt like an eternity, that their mouths were rambling words faster than they can process. It was heart aching somehow, because for a moment it felt as if the three were growing apart from each other. However, they proved themselves wrong this morning with their conversations of nonsense and the same feel of friendship. Now they were only missing Doyoung, who was still avoiding their texts, calls, and presence.

"I think we should really apologize before Friday," Ten says after the other two explained their devious plan for this Friday's football game. It was Tuesday now, which meant they had only three days to come up with a hasty plan to have the two mend their problems.

Yuta nods his head and adds on, "He's right, Johnny. Doyoung won't talk to us unless we give in first. You know how petty he can be."

Johnny sighs as they stop in front of his locker, the two short boys looking at him for his response. He looks back and forth at the both of them, noticing how brighter the two looked. He gets random shivers and the two look at him with concern, Yuta raising a suggestive eyebrow.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Yuta retorts as he watches Johnny rub his arms in attempts to calm down the goosebumps. Johnny thinks, "Well, he's sort of the same."

"I don't know – " Johnny mumbles as he notices Yuta's eyes suddenly focus on the other side of the hall, as if searching for someone of importance.

He casually glances at the same direction, searching for the questionable boy that has taken Yuta's attention, but to no avail did he show up. He thought it over yesterday and he did find it farfetched for Yuta to fall for someone the type as Busan. It was a complete 360 from Yuta's type and he never showed any strand of love to anyone. Yuta was only a bundle of empty threats and savagery.

"Oh yeah, Yuta. How's the dare going?" Ten asks, as if he was reading Johnny's mind.

"The dare?" Yuta repeats as he teases his hair and his eyes scan around the hallway, "... I haven't had the chance to get at him."

Ten simply hums in response with a mischievous smirk, "Interesting..."

Yuta glares at the other and raises his fists in offense, "What are you assuming, huh?"

Ten flinches and hides behind Johnny, who's laughing the entire time. Then, strangely, his eyes catch the movement of a particular somebody and he looks over to see Taeil was standing at his locker, fumbling with the lock to get it open. He remembers the way Taeil left yesterday and wants to apologize, so he pulls Ten apart from him and the shortest of the three glares at him and smacks his sleeve before Yuta attacks him by jabbing his finger to his side.

Johnny winces in pain and gives Ten a light punch on his shoulder as payback. Yuta takes that as another invitation to hurt Ten so he punches his other shoulder mercilessly and sends Ten two steps back. Johnny laughs and shrugs off his whines, "I have to do a thing. I'll be back."

Yuta nods nonchalantly while Ten whimpers for his friend to stay before Yuta leaves him another potential bruise. Johnny pretends not to notice and walks away. Yuta cackles like a villain and turns back at Ten, threatening to jab him in the stomach again but the other flinches and raises his arms in defeat.

"Your fingers hurt, you asshat!" Ten whines as he rubs his sides.

Yuta rolls his eyes at his overdramatic friend and leans on Johnny's locker as he pulls out his new phone. Yuta then asks, without looking up from his phone screen, "How long do you have until lunch detention is over?"

Ten groans and leans on the lockers besides Yuta, leaning his head on the other's shoulder in exhaustion, "Like a whole other month or two I think."

"You poor, poor thing." Yuta remarks sarcastically as he puts his phone back in his pockets.

"Like you can say . It's been like three weeks hasn't it? The dare still isn't done. I thought you could get in anyone's pants?"

"I can, unlike your hoe who actually has." Yuta retorts bitterly.

Ten leans off his shoulders and glares at the other, offended greatly by his words. Yuta fake smiles at the other and makes the Thai boy so repulsed that he step on his new shoes.

"You little-" Yuta is about to drop the biggest F bomb until someone approaches the two of them.

"O-Oh? Hey, Jaehyun."

"Hi, Yuta. Ten."

Ten ignores the lack of interest and awkward atmosphere between the both of them, glancing away from Jaehyun and back at Yuta. He has a subtle evil smirk and Ten realizes Yuta is about to ask the other on their plan on Friday.

"Hey Jaehyun," Yuta says as he leans off the wall and puts his arms around Jaehyun's back, who instantly shrivels under his touch, "Do you have any plans this Friday?"

Jaehyun shakes his head, glancing at Ten and then back at Yuta, eyeing the two strangely. Ten nods his head, following Yuta's path and adds on, "We were hoping you can join us at the football game, because it's gonna be lit."

Jaehyun subtly nods his head, as if he is still untrustworthy of their invitation and softly asks, "This has nothing to do with Doyoung, right...?"

Yuta hums, "I mean, if you want it to~"

Jaehyun bites his lips as if he's holding himself back from telling the truth, but the unspoken words are coherent between the three of them. Yuta smiles and says, "Doyoung planned to come with us but we'll hate to make things awkward for you, y'know?"

Jaehyun shakes his head and he takes a deep, shaky breath, "I miss him."

Ten is taken aback by his abrupt confession and he sees Yuta is as well. Jaehyun's cheeks suddenly turn rose red when the embarrassment from his confession hits his head, and he grips his hands to each other. His voice wavers midway through his sentence, "I actually came to you guys to ask for his forgiveness."

Ten bites his lips and stares at the ground, suddenly feeling guilty. It felt odd facing Jaehyun now – he was in love with one of his closest friends the entire time, which meant Jaehyun completely fooled him with their 'relationship' last year, which was only merely a result of both their desperation. Now he felt as if he were playing him by using Doyoung.

"Well why not on Friday, you ask him yourself?" Ten blurts out.

Jaehyun glances at Ten, smiles a bit and nods, "Thanks."

Yuta watches their small exchange of glances and words, mentally cringing and butting in, "Do you plan to take him to Homecoming?"

Jaehyun chuckles at the remembrance of the poster board, then wonders if Doyoung still has it. It was a ridiculous, sad looking poster but Jaehyun had been asking Doyoung to Homecoming this year and it made his life a lot easier. It was a lot more creative than anything he can come up with too.

"I want to but... He definitely doesn't."

Yuta rolls his eyes, "Trust me, he will after Friday."

Jaehyun seemed doubtful but he still nodded his head and smiled, "Thanks, you guys."

Ten shrugs nonchalantly and sighs, "Just doing what a good Samaritan does."

Yuta scoffs at Ten and pats Jaehyun's shoulder, "Just act like your usual self. He'll be on that in no time."

Jaehyun blushes again, as his imagination overwhelms him and shakes his head, "I-I told him I was going to take things slow with him."

"HM, we'll see about that," Yuta winks suggestively.

Ten hums in response as he tips his head towards Yuta's direction, "You must be taking things slow too, huh?"

Yuta turns to look at Ten and raises his hands to get ready to strangle him but he stops when someone bumps Ten's shoulder, sending him tumbling to his chest. The shoulder bump was rather playful with no intention to hurt the other, but Ten always exaggerated things in his life. Jaehyun glances over and sees its Taeyong who is the culprit and instantly frowns.

"Taeyong," Jaehyun says, his voice deeper and more serious, "We need to talk."

Ten's ears perk up and he looks over to Taeyong, who stands in front of them with his uniform blazer thrown over his shoulder and the first button of his uniform ed. Ten is practically drooling on Yuta over how undeniably hot he looks until Yuta pinches his arm and pushes him off of him.

Taeyong ignores Jaehyun and looks over at Ten. He coolly motions for him to get closer to him, "Ten, come with me."

Ten hesitates for a moment until Taeyong raises his eyebrows, impatient for the boy. Yuta tugs on the back of Ten's uniform to hold him back but Ten still steps forward. He notices then that Mark was standing beside Taeyong the entire time watching them. Mark looks different, less soft but sharper instead beside Taeyong. It confuses him how much the first year can look like two whole different people.

Taeyong takes Ten's wrists and holds them tightly, as if he's afraid that he will let go. Ten doesn't know if he should feel flattered or not because he doesn't know yet what Taeyong's true intentions are. He still chooses to follow the other, feeling Yuta's grip fall off of him and he glares at Ten for disobeying him. Ten hopes his eyes show his apology towards his friend, but Yuta turns away from the other and to Taeyong. As if the two are sending each other death threats with their glares, he feels the suffocating atmosphere between them and Taeyong only smirks, taunting the other.

Taeyong is the first to look away from their staring match and he pulls Ten away, but suddenly he's yanked back. Ten feels another grip on his wrist on his free arm. He turns to look back and he sees the firm grip belongs to Jaehyun's.

"Where are you doing?" Jaehyun snaps, "I said we had to talk."

"Let go of him," Taeyong speaks harshly.

Jaehyun's grip only tightens and he tugs Ten closer to him, "He needs to stay away from you." Jaehyun turns to look at Ten and asks him as he stares straight into his eyes, "Ten, do you want to be hurt again too?"

Ten furrows his brows and glances behind Yuta but the other only looks away from him. Yuta is holding a grudge against him too.

"What do you mean?" Ten asks as he turns to look at Taeyong, "What did he do to you?"

Taeyong bites the insides of his cheeks as he stares deadpanned back at Jaehyun, waiting for his reply. But it seems Jaehyun expected Taeyong to explain for himself, and none of the two would bulge to explain until Mark speaks.

"Taeyong, let's just go."

"Why are you holding me?" Ten abruptly asks, ignoring Mark and his hurt expression for being interrupted, as he stares at Taeyong's grip around his wrist, then back at Jaehyun's. "And why did you hurt Jaehyun? Have you hurt enough strangers that you've moved on to your friends?"

Taeyong's expression remains the same but he knows his words are a dagger to his heart because suddenly Taeyong's grip is deathly tight around him, his unspoken words pleading him not to push him away. Ten doesn't read the subtle cry though and he attempts to shake Taeyong off of him.

"Ten," Taeyong speaks finally, his voice deep and offended

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toushio
14117 // anOTHER double update !! woo first update of 2017 how excite! thank u all for the support <3

Comments

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blos3oms #1
Chapter 35: i miss this fic.... pls fimish it if possible. hope youre doing well :)
jyhsjh #2
Chapter 35: Nosy Ten ? And I am super glad you are back! Thank you so much for this.
Alykii_Gamer67
#3
Chapter 34: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
IM SOOO HAPPY :') :') :')
Thank you for continuing! This is my favorite NCT ff.
I hope you are feeling better. And, authors feelings are more important than a story <3 <3 <3
vintageflames
#4
Chapter 35: It's great to see you back :) winkun y time eh (*/_\) I really do hope Yuta and hansol resolve their issues asap
EmptyTinkerbell
#5
Chapter 35: This chapter wasn't boring, it was just a little calmer than previous ones! And it's not a bad thing at all :) I'm curious what Ten found in Taeyong's closet. Was it a love letter? I can't thing of anything else that it might be. And Kun finally confessed! He will certainly feel lighter now, after so much time keeping it from Sicheng. But again, what's the secret that the other has? Ah, I'm so curious! And it's such a great chapter!!! ;;
Thank you for the update TT!
IAmMissTerious #6
Chapter 35: YESS AN UPDATE! Shenkyuuuuu
And WINKUN :') I'm so happy
HannahMooMoo
#7
Chapter 35: I just found this, which is kinda lucky for me since its seems you were away for a while but I love the story and can't wait for the next chapter!!
jongwoontrash #8
Chapter 34: YOU'RE BACK I'M SO HAPPY
hamizah #9
Chapter 34: Welcome back!!