Chapter 13

Jungkook sat in silence in his room. The lights switched off, the only source of light coming from his grand window. He sighed and fell backwards, his back meeting the soft mattress of his bed. When did things change? He was happy once. He used to look forward to the next day and always had a genuine smile on his face. When did things start to fall? Now he hates waiting for the next day, he hates himself and who he is starting to become. Now he always wishes for death to take him away.

Jungkook grew up with his parents; he thought he was fortunate to have them. They loved him but he was a fool for not realizing it was all a show. He was stupid not to see the absence of love in their eyes. One day his father’s hugs became suffocating, his mother his cheek softly felt like knives scratching the surface of his smooth skin. Jungkook felt like an embarrassment to think the fake illusion of love actually existed in this cruel world. What was even cruel was that his mother wasn’t his biological mother. His real mother was killed by his father when she tried to stop his evil acts.

Jungkook dreamed of her, they would talk. It was the only way they could be together. She comforted Jungkook when he had no one else. But when he became a teenager, his mother’s sweet voice left him for good; her beautiful image left his mind completely. As if she was never there. The woman acting as his mother was his father’s fling. But nonetheless, he still saw them as his parents. They were all he had.

When did all love leave his heart? Maybe at the age of eight or nine, he can’t remember. Once he refused to respond to his parent’s ‘love’ they dropped the act and became cold and plain terrible. They finally showed their true colours. All they ever cared about was to make Jungkook their pawn so they could tear down Jimin and everything he lives for. They never saw him as a son.

Jungkook felt empty as he grew up. No one stuck to him; they all eventually left him because they never really cared. The only people who ever did were Namjoon, Seokjin and Yoongi. They welcomed him with open arms when no one else would. They sat with him when he was alone. They made him feel something again. They were his precious secret that even his father did not know about. But that was short lived.

But his hidden and special friendship was snatched away from him too. Jungkook was ordered by his father to make them into his little puppets. Why? To hurt Jimin later on. His father never cared if Jungkook was happy. Everything in his life was based around pushing Jimin down.

Jungkook remembers the first day he met Jimin. He felt all his anger, frustration and hate aim towards Jimin despite Jimin looking fragile, vulnerable and afraid. Jungkook expected to see an arrogant guy but was taken aback by the heartwarming smile, and how Jimin’s beautiful eyes wrinkled up until his chocolate brown eyes could no longer be seen.

Jungkook watched Jimin grow to the strong man he is today. Jungkook was always cold around him, only because of how his life was ruined from the start because of Jimin. But Jungkook couldn’t help but feel something warm inside whenever he heard Jimin drown in laughter, or how loving he was towards Taehyung. Jungkook envied their brotherhood. He never had a brotherly figure in his life.

Jungkook hated how because of his parents he was always misunderstood, even until now. He didn’t want to control his friends; he didn’t want to control Jimin’s friends too. Jungkook didn’t want to hurt Jimin. He just wanted to be happy.

When Jungkook hears his friends cursing him in his mind, all he can do is continue with his façade. Always pretending that nothing bothered him, but deep inside, in his broken excuse of a heart, Jungkook felt the pain, alive and strong, slowly killing him.

Jungkook glanced at the clock hung on his plain white walls, the clock ticking softly in the silence. It was around 1am; Jungkook knew his friends (could he even call them that?) would be asleep so he stopped his control for the night. He secretly allowed them to have some freedom during the night, no one would ever know. It was a routine of his.

Jungkook hardly slept at night, how could he with all the evil pouring down on him. Sleep used to be his escape, but even that wasn’t helping anymore. All he wanted was Jimin back. All he wanted was Jimin to kill him, let him run free from this misery because Jungkook couldn’t trust anyone else to have his life on their hands, not even himself. All he wanted was Jimin to save him.

“Find rex regum.”

“Find the King of all kings.”

The voices commanded in his mind. Jungkook never told his father about the voices. He was scared his father would find out and punish him, but he didn’t. Because the voices could only be heard in his mind, for no other ears.

“I can’t.” He said softly. His arms covering his eyes.