Chapter 28: In between getting over and wishing for you

The sight of Chanyeol getting out of his café at the end of the day to close the shop was too familiar.

I gave him a pat on the back which maybe a little too soft for him to realize because I saw how he rubbed on the same spot after that, as he fumbled onto the right keys to poke into the keyhole. I couldn’t help but smile at that before I patted once again, stronger and he turned back, shrieking with that deep voice which was ten times scarier than my presence that frightened him.

“Aish, really, Hana!” He scolded which surprised me. Did he hate me because I’m no longer Baekhyun’s girlfriend?

“What did I just do?” I murmured lowly, my lips slightly pursed while my eyes rounded like a kicked puppy.

“Oh no! I should’ve been aware that you’re quite sensitive… omo, don’t cry, Hana.” He got panicked and started to speak really fast while his arms couldn’t stay still, didn’t know what to do with me. I wasn’t even close to cry actually but I figured I should just stay shut because there was no way I could even interrupt his big voice. “I watched The Conjuring 2 yesterday so everything is putting me on the edge.”

“With Jongdae?”

“No, with a girl I just met.”

Locking the door had long gone from his mind as he opened the door for me to walk into and taking it as an offer from him, I walked ahead before he did. He knew me well enough to know I’d like to stay a bit longer and have a small talk with him.

“How’s the date, then?” I asked.

“Bad. I was scared to at the sight of Valak. It even came into my dream last night.” He complained while shuddering at the thought of it. He even shook his head as if the image came disturbing him.

“I see that you’re not really into horror movies?”

“Remind me not to watch horror movie when I’m trying to impress a girl.”

“I’ll make sure I will.” I said while laughing.

“Usual?” he asked nonchalantly as I saw him unlocking the cupboard under the coffee machine as he was setting it up for a use.

“That’s okay. You already clean up.”

He smiled at me, making his eyes twitched from a wide full teeth smile he displayed, indicating that it was fine. He looked like he had a good day despite after having a fail date. “Today is an exception. So, as usual?” he repeated.

“Okay, as usual. Only if you’re willing to.”

He made the usual macha latte I always drank, talking about trivial stuffs at first like our days and such but of course, Chanyeol was curious of my real intention of being here. I didn’t really set any specific intention but it wasn’t exactly that I came here just to see him either. I didn’t have any purpose. I just found myself heading to the café after the meeting with Yerin for some reason.

“How’s Baekhyun?” The moment that slip passed my lips unintentionally as we were conversing, I found out my clear intention of being here. I wanted to know how Baekhyun was doing.

Chanyeol sighed. “He keeps working. I think by how hardworking he is, he could finish writing two books by now.” He said playfully which I laid my smile at it.

“That’s great. If I tell that to Sehun, he’ll be ecstatic.” I continued while chuckling lightly.

Suddenly, instead of replying me, Chanyeol asked “Say, do you believe in fate?”

My chuckle died down when I heard that question and I looked up to him from staring at how the latte art slowly losing its shape as I drank. “I do?”

“That’s beside the point.” I frowned at his reply. “That was the first question Baekhyun had asked me when he saw you at the restaurant. Your second meeting with him after the wedding.”

“I remembered.”

“I found it weird why he asked me that but then later, I found out. He was glad he got to meet you again. A congratulating gift on this café’s opening that he never made it happen for three years? I knew he was just bullting when I first open this café and I had actually forgot about it but then, suddenly, out of nowhere, he just popped up again with that idea and I thought he was being ridiculous at one point and then we met again, Hana.”

“And finally, I figured out it wasn’t exactly the deed he wanted to do but I've just sacrificed my business for him to get close to you.”

I looked up and around the café. “That is one hell of a big sacrifice.”

“It is. He clearly likes you.” I looked down with a bashful smile as I took a sip of my drink. It was weird to hear that because he probably hating me to guts by now. “He even came to me, asking how to come up with an intense word to confess to you because like didn’t show half of what he really felt for you. As stupid as it sounds, we even came up with a script. But oh well, I bet it’ll turn out different in the end.” Chanyeol snickered at the thought of his stupidly in love friend. “It isn’t a lie when he said he’s crazy about you. And it isn’t as easy as you thought for him to fall out of love from you by that mere incident.”

His lips then, slightly curled up like something came up into his mind that humoured him. “I heard what happened. In case you didn’t know, Baek has black belt in hapkido. Jongin was lucky enough Baek didn’t come up with his spinning high kick and kill him for good. Even I am scared of that. You want to know a fact about Baekhyun that you probably haven’t known?”

“What?”

“When he’s angry, he didn’t think much. He completely gave in to his anger. Like a whiny kid who keeps crying in frustration, expecting people would have known what he wanted.”

Chanyeol sighed for another time before he clasped his hands together and rested his chin on it. “I know him too well. I know him too well that I know he’s regretting every second for breaking up with you. If not, he wouldn’t have been stuck in his room working on piece he knew he couldn’t get it done because all he could think of was you.”

“He could’ve come back to me.” My eyes started to brim with tears. “I wouldn’t think for a second than to be in his arms again.” My first tear was released and I know I can’t keep trying to hold myself, looking like I was okay. I wiped it off from going further harshly as more came down. “I don’t know how long I can stand this pain. It hurts a lot to think every single day that I had to go through a day without him. Sometimes I think I might not deserve to be loved, or being in love because it keeps going down to the drain.”

I swallowed the big lump formed in my throat before saying “Sometimes, I wish I wouldn’t have met him.”

“How did you even fall in love with that moron?”

I cleared my face from all the tears with the back of my hand and burst into chuckles. “Because probably I’m a moron too.” To which Chanyeol chuckled along with me.

“He’s a stubborn kid.”

“I know, his family told me that about hundred times when I met them.”

“And you still want him?”

I looked deep into Chanyeol’s kind eyes passed my glassy sight and I nodded firmly a few times before I said “Yes.”

~~~

I felt like I was intruding his territory since this wasn’t under his permission. He could’ve called police on me if he found out what I was about to do. But he wouldn’t, right?

I confidently punched in the six digit code passwords before a beep rang, indicating the door was unlocked. I slowly trudged my way inside – almost tiptoeing – as I watched the surrounding with cautious eyes. I straightened when I saw no evidence of any presence in the apartment. It almost looked like nobody was inside but like what Chanyeol had said, he was always like that.

He must be in his room.

I placed the bag filled with lunch boxes on top of the bar in the kitchen as I studied the almost too empty and clean area. It looked like there wasn’t anybody living in this place. No wonder Chanyeol kept worrying about him. Baekhyun didn’t seem to take a good care of himself. It did look worrying.

I took the lunch boxes out of the bag so he could see it clearly later and I headed towards his room. I was about to turn the doorknob to see if it was locked but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. My hand fell to my side and I leaned on the door because that was the closest I could be with him. I was wondering what he was doing inside, he could be still sleeping or maybe working, or crying – I might have wished for the latter – even though I would hate to see him sad.

But that didn’t mean I would be happy to see him doing well.

I pulled myself off as I decided to just leave. Baekhyun, I love you. That was what I had in mind before I walked further away from the door and quietly made my way out of the ap