( it's been a while. sorry. i had some personal things going on and disconnected for a while. idk if ppl are still reading this but oh well, i like writing it. it's 00:53 right now, so sorry if this is absolutely . i just want to write:-) sorry if it's kinda short. i need to get back into the flow of writing n ) 

would i have changed, 

become different? 

if i had chosen a different path, 

if i had stopped and looked back? 

•••

3 a.m. chanyeol lay sound asleep, breathing gently through his slightly blocked nose; his unwashed hair matted to his forehead; his arms clinging comfortably around baekhyun. he was at peace.

baekhyun, however, was not, and he lay quietly next to the young man, observing the way his eyelashes tickled his under eyes and the muffled inhale - exhale rumbled from his chest. 

chanyeol loved him. he kept thinking. and.... he loved him back.

a subtle smile crept into baekhyuns lips as he gazed up at chanyeol 's golden skin, perfectly imperfect , dotted with little marks that made him seem human - baekhyun was unsure how something so beautiful and perfect could be human - and it was comforting to see chanyeols imperfections - he was beautiful with them. 

baekhyun wriggled up, to rest his head on chanyeols chest, pecking him on the lips, earning an unconscious mumble/moan to emerge from the boys' esophagus. baekhyun, pleased with himself, snuggled into the warmth of chanyeol and slipped into a sweet sleep. 

he awoke again, to chanyeol grumbling. sunlight was seeping through the curtains, and the taller seemed to find this extremely inconvenient - making sure he was very vocal about it. 

"stupid sun.." he moaned before sighing to himself and glancing down at baekhyun, and, only now, realised was awake. 

the boy smiled hazily up at him. "good morning, yeol," 

chanyeol's features softened gently. "good morning, bun," 

they stayed like this - gazing into each others eyes - for a few moments more, before baekhyun crawled up, onto chanyeol until he was in a straddle position. the smaller boy then flopped down onto chanyeols chest, trapping him and sighing as chanyeol chuckled. 

"youre so comfy, you know that?" he hummed into his captive's bare neck. he felt the shudder he had caused ripple down the boy beneath him's spine.

"am i?" came the hazy reply, hands tracing unseen circles on baekhyun back.

"extremely. i like it. you make me feel safe," chanyeol could feel the way baekhyuns words tickled, and how he smiled against his neck. it took all his willpower to not kiss him right then and there.

but before he could act on his instincts, there was a loud knock on the bedroom door, followed by the whining of the one and only oh sehun.

baekhyun groaned, trying to ignore his best friend by burrowing deeper into chanyeol, if it were even possible.

suddenly, the door burst open, and sehun was about to start yelling before his eyes properly adjusted to his friends' position.

"oh..." he trailed off, seemingly forgetting his original reason for being there in the first place. but then his lips formed a mischievous smile and he fished something out of his pocket. "say cheese!"

the two snapped their heads up and towards sehun just as his phone camera shutter went off. they had been happily ignoring sehun until he had pulled his phone out.

"you ing prick! stop it!" baekhyun whined, shifting his weight, although he was still very much on top of chanyeol.  

"never", and with that, he left, turning on his heel and going somewhere... probably to send the pictures to kyungsoo and jongin. baekhyun scoffed. 

it took the pair a while to get out of bed, and the time was spent with shy kisses and little compliments and indirect love confessions. things like, "i love the way your skin glows" and "you make me laugh a lot.." 

they emerged from their cave and slumped into the kitchen, baekhyun pouring them both some cornflakes before plopping down on the sofa, chanyeol in tow. he snuggled close to the young man for as long as he could while eating cereal, which wasn't very long at all, but he didn't think much of it... he had forever to cuddle chanyeol. 

or did he?

baekhyun's mind kept returning to those thoughts. he and chanyeol weren't even together. they weren't official. i mean, they kissed and cuddled and told eacother they were in love with one and other but baekhyun still had his doubts. 

"chanyeol?" he mumbled into his bowl. 

"baekhyun." he got in return. he caught eyes with a smiling chanyeol, eyes crinkled and teeth showing. 

gosh, baekhyun thought, he really is beautiful.  

baekhyun was lost for words. chanyeol watched him, a glint of humour in his galaxy brimmed eyes and raised an eyebrow. "yes?" 

"do... do you think that maybe.." baekhyun paused, watching chanyeols playful expression change into something he didn't understand. "possibly, maybe.... youwouldliketobemyboyfriend?" he gushed, staring into his soggy cornflakes, not daring to glimpse at the boy next to him. 

"baekhyun..." chanyeol mumbled, quiet and, surprisingly, taken aback.  "um.."

and suddenly, baekhyun felt small. he felt stupid and silly and his head was spinning and chanyeol didn't want him. chanyeol didn't want to be his. baekhyun had read him completely wrong. that's not what he was to the tall boy. he was just.... a friend. 

baekhyun closed his eyes and awaited a timid, "no." 

but it didn't come. instead, a soft hum came from chanyeols throat. 

"i think..." the taller began , slowly, reading baekhyuns closed off expression. "i... don't know... i.. have a lot of," he trailed off momentarily as baekhyun cracked his eyes open. they shimmered, and his lip wobbled in the slightest. chanyeol ached slightly. " i have a lot of problems.. i don't know if you want that in your life. i... i disappear a lot. i don't know if you'd be okay with that... i'm sad. a lot of the time.. i don't want to drag you down with me..." 

baekhyun tried to breathe. but, he couldn't. his chest was pounding, mind racing with you ed up. he doesnt want you. 

"but you make me happy. and i .. i hope i make you happy, too. i think i make you happy. i lov- like you... a lot. maybe too much," he chuckled absently. "and... i think.. as long as we can get through this together ( he gestured to himself )... i would live that. a lot. so, yes, i just wish i was the one asking you."

baekhyun exhaled. "you mean it?"

"mean what? that i wish i'd asked?" chanyeol mused.

, baekhyun smiled softly and smacked his arm. "no, dummy, do you really want us to be.. Us?"

chanyeol smiled and took baekhyuns face in his hands. "i couldn't wish for anything else in the world," he placed a gentle kiss on baekhyuns nose. "..boyfie"

once again, baekhyun smacked his arm, giggling into his boyfriend's arms.