“Daddy, are you all right?”

Gripping on the steering wheel of my car, I make constant blowfish as soon as I parked the car. We’ve just arrived here at the mall where I also agreed to meet Hana in one café. “Daddy?” Gaeul shifts from the passenger’s seat and literally climbed up to my lap. “Everything is all right, Daddy?” She asks. She tends to speak in straight English when she’s worried. She hugs me on the neck and I look back at her. “Appa’s so nervous right now.” I mutter while nodding.

“Daddy, are we gonna meet Jesus? Could we say hi to Mommy too?” She asks while blinking. “Oh god, I feel like I’ll meet Jesus, this is so nerve-wrecking, if you only know, Gail. Bloody he—“Daddy, don’t say bad words. Jesus will get mad.” Gaeul covers my mouth and lifts herself up to plant a sweet kiss on my forehead. She then removed her hand from my mouth. “Appa, why buying Shopkins make you nervous?” She asks finally speaking in Korean again.

I just held her back on the waist and let myself stare at her for a while. I’ve always done everything for you, Gail. . . I’ve always considered you when meeting women. I’ve always took notice of being careful of knowing them first before telling about you. But this is the first time Appa wants to take every risk and let go of everything. “I think Appa is in love again.” I mutter.

“Brill~ Appa loves shopkins too. Appa, let’s play after buying.” She chants not getting what I meant right away. So I open the door and got out with her still in my arms. After getting off, I close the door again then placed Gaeul right on the frontal area of the car so our faces were be of the same level. “Later, after buying your toy. . . we’re going to meet a girl. Appa likes this girl. Okay?” I tell honestly and cup her face.

“Daddy, is she going to be my new Mommy?” She asks and lift her arms up to my neck to hold me back. “No, sweetie—I mean. . . Appa’s not yet dating her but. . . I plan to. If and only if I have a chance. Do you understand Appa?” I explain. “Appa, why you not sure to have chance? Appa is very handsome. Is she like Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge? Would I be Princess of Cambridge when you get married?” She tells and cups my cheeks with her tiny hands. That made me smile but it wasn’t just enough to easy the nervousness I’m feeling inside.

“N-no baby—it isn’t like that.” I can’t help but to laugh as she compared someone to the Duchess again. She does that all the time. It’s like Kate Middleton’s her standard of beauty. “She’s Korean.” I explain in between chuckles. “Do we not have Duchess in Korea, Appa?” She asks. I shake my head and straighten out her curved eyebrows. “Baby later when you meet her, do not attack her with your British English. She might panic.” I reminded her and she only gave me a nod.

If you could only hear her speak. She sounds just like Hermione Granger in Harry Potter especially when she speaks with so much enthusiasm just like now.

“All right? Or I’ll tell Bloody Baron to get you, do you want that?~” I copy her British accent earning that cute glare from her. Since she knows I never gained the British accent even after living there for a long time, she thinks she’s being teased if I copy her. “Appa, not funny. . .” She muffled and I just laugh before lifting her up to my arms again. “Nah, Appa’s just distracting himself so he won’t get nervous. Oh—man~ I’m nervous again. Let’s just go in, we’ll freeze to death here.” I mutter in between shaky chuckles.

But this is really it.

I need to mad up if I really want Hana.

And I really want her.

_ _ _

The whole time I was in the toy store with my daughter, I keep on checking the time. We’re going to meet her in a few minutes.

“Appa~ thank you!” Gaeul hops excitedly as she finally took hold of the paper bag where her new toy is in. I held her one hand as we walk out of the store. “Remember, behave alright?” I ask and she nods while grinning. A few more walks from here and we’re in that café. I stop at one corner for a sec and bend down to my daughter’s level. I breathe in heavily. “Appa has never introduced you to girls before right? You know Appa always tried introducing you but. . . you know, things ju—“They don’t like Gaeullie. They only Appa, right?” She asks. I shake my head right away and cup her face. “It wasn’t like that. You’re very likeable. Don’t think you’re not, all right?” I ask.

“And. . . to be honest, Appa’s not sure too if. . . this girl would be the same. That’s why I’m very nervous. I don’t want to ready myself for rejection. Appa really. . . really really really lik