"Hello? Earth to Tokki!" TOP's voice broke Dara out of her memory-induced dazed.

"Sorry." She smiled at him. "Anyway, you know how that went."
  "Actually. We don't." TOP told her honestly. "We knew Jiyong somehow managed to get Sajangnim to agree with featuring you in his album and he even managed to get the go signal to promote your song. That's about it."
  Dara leaned her head back and stared at the darkening sky. "Long story short, we tried, we failed. It broke my heart and I inevitably broke Jiyong's. Then he started getting back at me for - "
  "Woah, hold up. What do you mean? You promoted that song so many times over. You gained a boatload of fans. Several in fact, what do you mean?"
  "We did. But not enough." She smiled sadly. "The people who loved us were not enough to discount those who hated us. Or rather, who hated me with Jiyong. A lot of them didn't really hate me, they just didn't want me with Jiyong. Then advertisers came into play, sponsors and projects who preferred having the badass, playboy, elusive G- Dragon to the Kwon Jiyong who played like a lovesick fool during our stages."
  She turned to face TOP and saw him looking at her intently. "I wasn't supposed to know about those. I overhead Jiyong and Sajangnim speaking about it. Jiyong was all for telling them to go to hell. Sajangnim, understandably, was trying to caution him. You know how reckless Jiyong was, sometimes still is. He doesn't always think things through. Sajangnim told him one of the brands Big Bang was endorsing was considering dropping you because of the negative reactions of Jiyong's fans, I couldn't let that happen."
 

"What?" TOP asked in surprise. He was surprised something like that happened and also, at Dara's reaction. "Why do you get to decide that? Shouldn't it have been our decision?  I think I speak for all of us when I say that we would have supported you and Jiyong no matter what."
 

"But I didn't want you to have to." Dara justified. "I wanted our happiness but not at the expense of others. Never at the expense of others. Besides, it's moot point anyway. After that, I told Ji, that maybe we should just lay low for a while. He wasn't happy about it but he complied."

  Dara closed her eyes as she recalled just how much he wasn't happy with it. "Then the fighting started. He couldn't understand why I wasn't as ready as he was or why I wasn't as willing to take a risk as he was." She looked at TOP as tears ran down her face. "He even accused me of not really loving him."
  They've fought before. Countless times for countless reasons. Some of them serious. A lot of them weren't. But this one. This is a big one. Quite possibly their Big One.
  It started out as teasing. They were watching Youtube videos and they somehow landed on a video shipping her with other idols. They had a good laugh. Jiyong grumbled a bit but even he had to laugh at how farfetched some of the 'evidences' were. He was especially giddy when the evidences pointed out his relationship with her. Once they got to the part where an idol was telling a reported that he wanted to date Dara, he grew quiet.
  "Hey." Dara nudged him with her shoulders.
  "I want that." He told her seriously. "I want to be able to say that I want to take you somewhere for a date or that I'd think you would really enjoy a certain restaurant. I want people to ask me what I'm getting you for your birthday or what song makes me think of you. I want that."
  "Ji.. We already talked about this. We agreed."
  "Talk? Agree? I didn't agree to anything!" He stood up and started pacing. "You talked and talked and talked about how this would be for the best. How this benefits everyone. You know I can't deny you anything. You know how I hate hiding but you asked me to. You begged me. I caved but that doesn't mean I agree."
  He fisted a hand in his hair in frustration."You keep telling everyone, we aren't friends. We aren't close. How is that the best for us? Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Bad enough that I can't tell people how much I love you but you have to go and deny  our friendship. I thought if we were stripped of everything else, passion, music, our careers, we would always have our friendship at the very least between us. But you can't even give me that."
  "It's not like it's true or that I mean it. You know we have to.."
  "Then why even bother saying it?" He asked heatedly. "Why couldn't you just say that we're friends? Like the rest of Big Bang? Why even deny me that?"
  "I just thought it was better.. The more distance we have, the less people will suspect.."
  "But I hurt, Dara." He knelt next to her and laid his head on her lap. "At every denial, I hurt. When other people can proclaim their love for you, you deny me the right to do more than acknowledge you when we're in public. 
  Dara was his hair as he spoke. She closed her eyes, unwilling to tell him that she's doing it because she can't handle the criticisms anymore. That she hates feeling like she's the worst person on earth for chasing her dream and for loving him. That she'd rather avoid any unpleasantness being associated with him brings. That she sometime questions why loving him has to be so hard. That she can't afford for her career to go down the drain because of her personal choices. But she can't tell him that. She'd hurt him more.
  When she opened her eyes, Jiyong was staring at her, his eyes wide with shock and disbelief. "What are you saying?"
  Apparently she just said her thoughts out loud. "I..Ji.." She her lips to moisten them. "I.. I was just thinking why it has to be so hard. Shouldn't love be easy? Okay, maybe not easy. But I doubt it has to be this hard."
  He pushed away from her but his eyes never left hers. "What are you saying?!" He demanded. "You promised. You promised me that at the end of all this bull, it will be you and me. Are you saying you don't want that now?"
  "I'm not saying that!" Dara denied. "It was just a thought.."
  "It's obviously something you've thought about a lot." He sat down next to her, his shoulders slumped. "What's going on, Dara? Why all this? I thought we were solid. That we both know this is only for now, but you and me, we're forever. Are you seriously having doubts?"
  At her silence, he had his answer. His body coiled with frustration, he stood up and left the room. Allowing the door to slam close behind him. A picture frame hanging on the wall, fell to the floor at the impact.
  Dara stared at the broken glass in tears. It wasn't as she was doubting their love. She knew he loves her and she loves him with her whole being. She just can't help but wonder why that isn't enough anymore.

  "That's when he started all the partying." Dara told TOP. "We had a fight and the next thing I knew he was getting drunk in a club with a bevy of models."
  "He was lashing out." TOP commented as he took another puff of his cigarette.
  "He was." She confirmed. "And you know he wasn't as level-headed back then as he is now. Back then he had a hard time controlling his emotions and he didn't really understand why he had to."
  "So you just stopped speaking to each other?"
  "Oh, there were several fights after that." She chuckled humorlessly. "We tried working it out but we just couldn't manage to reach an understanding. He felt that my moment of uncertainty was a betrayal. That I didn't love him at all because if I did, why would I think that? Those were his words. And as for myself, I just couldn't communicate what I felt. I was confused and scared. Tabi, I couldn't afford to be not successful back then. I had to think of my family."
  "Did you tell him that? Jiyong could be dense but he isn't purposefully insensitive. At least not when it concerns you."
  "I must have. Maybe not as clearly as I wanted to, but I remember a conversation about how he doesn't get why one affects the other. He just didn't understand. For all his hard work, Jiyong really never had reason to worry about where they're going to get money for their next meal or how he was going to pay for his sister's field trip or for his brother's tuition. He knows I worry about it. He knows I struggle and he did everything he could to help." She smiled genuinely as she remembered the conversation between Jiyong and Sanghyun that she eavesdropped on. "But he never really realized how quickly it could all be taken away."
  They were quiet for a while after Dara's last statement, until TOP lit another cigarette. "Tabi!" Dara admonished. "That's you're third one already!"
  "It calms me down." He shrugged and took a long drag. "If I had known, I'd have taken you drinking again."
  "You just want to listen to me shower again." Dara teased cheekily, causing TOP to choke on the puff he just took.
  "What do you take me for? Seungri?" TOP demanded as Dara laughed.

  _______________________________________________
  Some time after Dara and TOP left the recording studio, Jiyong was summoned to Yang Hyun Suk's office. He left Youngbae's recording in Teddy and Kush's capable hands. Although everyone knew, he'd be listening to it and evaluating it when he came back. 
  "Hey, hyung.. hyungs." Jiyong greeted YG as soon as he entered the office but amended the greeting as soon as he saw Jinu and Sean with the president. "What's up?"
  They spoke about the possibility of Jiyong mentoring some of the trainees for a day or so. They wanted to expose the trainees to different aspects of being an idol and thought a day with G-Dragon in the recording studio would serve as a reward of sorts to those who are performing well and are interested in song writing and producing. They'll also be asking the rest of the members to do something similar. After all in YG and in many other agencies as well, Big Bang has become a symbol of their goals.
  Jiyong was open to the idea and even sounded excited. Admittedly, he doesn't really know the new trainees well but he's always up to helping them somehow.
  Once their business was done, he updated them on Big Bang's album's progress. They were joking around when something caught his eye.
  He leaned forward to take a better look. Sean saw him and followed his line of sight. "Is that Dara and TOP?"
  YG looked at the screen showing the feeds from the different CCTV cameras and zoomed in on one of them. It was Dara and TOP. They were at the rooftop. Because of the camera's angle their faces weren't clearly shown but they were obviously speaking to each other, with one or the other laughing at times.
  "They must be plotting something again." YG commented suspiciously. Nothing good ever comes out of those two whispering. He turned to Jiyong and demanded, "What do you know?"
  "Nothing!" Jiyong told h