.

JAEJOONG

It’s going home day. I’m happy and sad at the same time. Happy that she’s doing well enough to be released and sad that I’m not going to have her to myself twenty four seven.

In the last three of her seven day stretch in here I found myself just listening to her. She was a funny kid. She was also sweet as with a heart of gold.

How that happened with a mother like Kathy is a miracle but I’m glad it did. It’s as though her defenses were down and I was seeing a whole new side to her.

I don’t think we’ve laughed as much as we did in that hospital bed where I held her close even while we were awake.

She’d forgiven me and I was learning to forgive myself.

I’d taken to carrying her around everywhere, when she had to go for tests or she just wanted to walk around. The wheelchair provided for her would be left sitting in the corner of the room and I would carry her like a baby.

The nurses all thought it was cute. I wasn’t trying to be cute, it was just the beginning of my taking care of the lamb.

Her father came to take her home but my little hellion  raised her head and insisted that I was to do it. Captain who was still a little peeved at me just raised his hands up in surrender and stepped aside.

“Jae I won’t break, just put me down already.” She was laughing at me. We were standing outside the hospital at the passenger side of my Ranger, and I was nervous as for some reason.

“Promise me that I’ll see you every day.”

She looked at me like I had two heads.

“What, why wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know.....” I shook my head.

“I guess I just got used to having you to myself all the time. It’s gonna take some getting used to not being there with you especially when you sleep.”

“Jae, we hardly use to sleep apart before. You always sneek into my room, remember?”

“I know, but somehow this feels different, way different.”

“We’ll be fine, now let’s go before they think something’s wrong and haul me back in there.”

On the ride home I kept looking at her to make sure she was okay, I kept one hand on her knee, she was still so slender but she’d gained two pounds and if she kept it up she should be back to normal in a couple of weeks.

I realized what was wrong with me when we pulled up to her father’s house.

I was scared as . What if something happened when I wasn’t there? What if she forgot to eat? Who was going to mash up her carrots and play airplane and make her laugh so they weren’t so yucky anymore?

I can’t do this! I held onto the steering wheel so tight my fist turned white.

“Babe, you okay?”

I could only nod my head, but I was far from okay, I think I was having a panic attack, my heart was racing and my palms grew sweaty.

The Captain knocked on my window, when I rolled it down he just stared at me for a while before nodding his head and with a ‘see you guys inside’ he walked away.

I wonder what the that was about.

“You ready sweetheart?”

“Yep, soon as you are.” the tease has the gall to joke about my situation.

I walked around and picked her up out of her seat. I think this was my new favorite thing, toting her around, even after she was all better I think I will still do it.

Her arms around my neck felt good, everything about us felt good for a change. Maybe I was afraid it would all end now that she was home and out of danger. Maybe I was worried that we’ll fall back into the same routine again.

Well Jaejoong, you’ll just have to use your genius brain to make sure that didn’t happen.

Inside, the house was decorated with welcome home banners and flowers. Mom and Shinhye had gone crazy, there was food and drink and presents of all things.

“Ooh gifts, I likey.”

I guess they knew my girl after all.

I put her down on the couch and stood over her like a sentinel. Get a grip Kim!

“Welcome home Dara.”

They came out of the kitchen, dad and the Captain had their heads together about something. Shinhye was a little tentative but mom was her usual effusive self. Joongki had a huge chicken leg in one hand and a can of soda in the other.

When he spoke it sounded like growls and grunts, we all just laughed and that broke the ice.

I would have to talk to her later about my siblings and my family’s tradition of standing together. She would have no way of knowing about things like that coming from a place of neglect. I’d also have to convince her that although my family had stood with me, they’d spent every waking moment fighting for her cause.

It’s probably the first time that I can recall where they’d been just as mad at me as they were at the other person, if not more.

She was now a part of that so hopefully one day she would understand.

My brother had left  Jessie, the she devil, somewhere. still had to deal with her for some of the she’d pulled when lamb and I were on the outs. I’d let a lot of slide before but that was dead.

Her calling Tiffany and telling her my baby was dying so she should make her move? That was beyond inhumane. The fact that my brother was the one who relayed that ghastly bit of information spoke volumes.

It was time to clean house.

.