.

DARA

I waited with bated breath to see what he would do, like Bambi caught in the headlights. He took one step towards us before turning on his heel and walking back the way he came.

“, I’ll see you later D, keep your chin up.” Joongki turned to the table closest to mine.

“Any of you s mess with her and I’ll your up.”

I didn’t hang around too much longer after that, paying my bill and heading home.

There was a car behind me the whole way but I couldn’t make out who it was because they kept a distance between us. When I pulled onto my street the car stayed at the end until I went inside. Strange.

Dad was there on the couch with beer in hand watching some game on TV.

“Out with Jaejoong tonight?”

“Uh, no, Uhm.....” I wanted him to stop asking me about Jae but I didn’t want to get into a big discussion with him about what had happened.

“Jaejoong and I are cooling things off for a little bit dad.”

I looked at the TV so he wouldn’t see the sadness in my eyes.

From the side of my eye I could see that he was studying me...enough of this .

“I have some reading to catch up on so I’ll see you in the morning.” I rushed up the stairs and got ready for bed. All of a sudden I had no energy.

I counted back to the last time I ate and I think it had been more than two weeks since I’d eaten a full meal, but the thought of putting food in my mouth makes my stomach sick.

───

The next morning I tried to get excited about dressing for school but my heart just wasn’t in it. I still had my full armor on but I wasn’t feeling it the way I was supposed to.

In the halls I found myself wishing people would just ignore me as opposed to my usual wanting to confront them head on.

This went on for a week, a week in which I never saw Kim Jaejoong.

'Oh he was there' I would heard them whisper but by some miracle I never ran into him, not even in the cafeteria where the rest of his family still ate lunch. Where was he?

"Dara, are you ill?”

“What...no, why?”

“You’ve lost a lotta weight. You sure you’re okay? You need a doctor?”

“No dad, I’ve just not been very hungry lately, I’m feeling kinda tired I think I’ll go to bed early.”

I went up the stairs and flopped onto the bed in my clothes. This was so not me. The real me was inside jumping up and down screaming at me to snap out of it, I just didn’t have the strength.

───

JAE

The Captain was downstairs, I have no idea what he could possibly want with me, I had nothing for him. I walked down the stairs already pissed offhatever he had to say I was pretty sure I didn’t give a .

“Captain Park. What brought you here?” His body twitched slightly at the greeting, up until now I’d called only  him Captain and friendlier too.

“Jaejoong, can I talk to you for a minute?”

My family was all in the front hall watching this interaction.

“Captain is my son in some sort of trouble?”

“No, no, no Dr. Kim. it’s something of a personal matter, nothing to worry about I promise.”

“Okay then, why don’t you go on back to my study? Jae will show you the way. Son, I’m just here.”

“I’m good dad.”

I led the way to my father’s study with the Captain on my heels.

“What can I do for you Captain?”

“What did you do to my daughter?”

“Who would that be?”

“Who.....Dara of course.” He looked perplexed.

“I know no one by that name.”

“You..., what the hell is going on? Is this about Thanksgiving? She just wanted to go see her mother for the holiday.” He looked confused as hell.

Looks like he really believed that too.

“Captain Park, I’m sorry you came all the way out here for nothing, I can’t help you.”

“Do you know I went back in my mind to the last time I saw my child eat and it’s been over a few weeks. Have you seen her? She looks like hell. The girl’s lost almost fifteen pounds in two weeks. What the hell happened between you two?”

I didn’t answer. I’d said all I was going to to him.

He stayed there for another five minutes waiting me out, but nothing.

“Damn son, where did you learn to be that cold? Maybe it’s good that you’re no longer in her life. She’s had enough bull to deal with already.”

He left after that pithy remark; I guess that was supposed to make me feel bad. It didn’t.

───

She ed up. She had a play and she made the wrong move. If I’d been too hard on her I would’ve known, I know her limits even better than she does. This wasn't about me refusing to allow her to spend Christmas with her mom, this was about her power plays. This was about her need to control everything out of fear, her need to prove that she’s tough.

She learned some ed up from her life with her mother, there’s no trust in her, no balance. She runs away from life when she should stand up and fight, but she sees it as her being tough.

She thinks I’m possessive and controlling, I’m not gonna change, I like who I am. Dara's problem is that she hates herself and she doesn’t even know it.

She knew the rules I never lied to her. I’d told her time and again, If she keeps ing up she’d bear the consequences. That’s who I am. Apparently she can’t deal with who I am so.......so be it.

At lunch the next day I went to the room I’d been sneaking off to every afternoon now, the music room. I sat down at the piano and started to play. It’s a song I’d started for Dara. Why I was playing that song now was beyond me.

I’m not a fool. I know myself. I know there’s no way in hell that I’ll ever let her go, that I'll ever let us end but I won’t play her game. I'm tired of her always running away when things get tough.

It wasn’t the fact that she went to see her mother that pissed me off. Yes, that was part of it but that I could’ve dealt with. It was the way she did that .

She left me on my birthday. I left her bed that morning excited to celebrate my birthday with her only to be blindsided with the news that she left.Those times when I was planning something for us, she was also plotting her plans to leave. I had it all planned, yacht, dinner, gifts. That's right, I prepared gifts even if its my birthday. 

It ing hurts!

She’d smiled in my ing face, let me into her body and all the while she knew she would do this.

There’s no amount of spanking in the world to bring her as low as she brought me.

.