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JAE

I didn’t say anything at first. My heart raced in my chest.  was still mad and yes, a little hurt but I couldn’t turn her away like that, not anymore. I've missed her. 

After my soul searching I’d made some decisions. I love her and that's all that matters. I can bend a little, right? Oh hell! I don't know. One thing I'm sure though, I don't wanna see her hurting anymore, not by me.

“Can you........” she softly said. I was waiting for her to continue when I heard a thud and I was off the bed in a flash.

“Dara......”

I picked her up and started running. ing ! She was light as a ing feather. What the had she done to herself?

I ran all the way to my parent’s wing of the house and barely felt her in my arms.

“Dad.” for the first time my voice shook

He came out of the room tying his robe around his waist.

“Jae, what’s going on...is that Dara?”

“Help her, help us please.....”

“Give her to me son...! What the hell happened to her?”

“Her father said she hasn’t been eating.”

“For how long?”

He moved quickly towards the stairs.

“More than two weeks.”

“What?”

The others must’ve heard the commotion because they all came running.

“How did she get here?”

“She drove half way but then her truck broke down and she walked the rest of the way....I’m sorry Oppa but I had to let her in.” Shinhye was wringing her hands and crying.

“It’s okay sis, I’m not mad at you.”

“We have to get her to the hospital, she needs a drip stat.”

I followed him out the door as he headed for his car with the others behind us in their pajamas.

I held her in my lap in the backseat, looking at her for the first time.

Her eyes were sunken pools in her head, her cheek bones were so prominent there was hardly any flesh there.

I was afraid to lift her shirt to see beneath. I could feel through the thin shirt she wore that she was just a shadow of the girl she’d been a month ago.

Her breathing was sporadic and labored.

I couldn’t think. Why couldn’t I think?

“Dad?” My voice sounded foreign even to my ears.

“We’re almost there son, hold on. She’s going to be okay, you just hold on.”

I held on long enough to make it to the hospital, to watch them work on her. Thank God she’d only fainted.

Dad saw to it that she was hooked up to an IV and settled in a private room.

Somewhere around the time mom was calling the Captain I was no longer there. I could feel myself breathing. I could hear the hustle and bustle of movement around me but I couldn’t feel, couldn’t move.

“Jae, Jae, son can you hear me?”

“What’s wrong with him, dad?”

“Wait a minute Joongki......”

“Get a room ready for my son....now.”

“You kids start talking....now, what the hell is going on with these two, I know your brother would never take drugs so what the hell is this? He’s ing catatonic.”

I could hear all of this but couldn’t respond. Why couldn’t I respond?

“They broke up dad, or had a falling out.”

“And.....”

“That’s really all we know dad, Shinhye and I tried getting Jae to talk about it but you know how he is. He shut down. Just stopped even mentioning her name. It was like she never existed or something. You know he gets like that dad. We tried to bring him around but....”

“And Dara, why didn’t either of you notice that she was wasting away?. All this time your mother and I thought that Jae was spending more time at her house with her dad, you mean to tell me that he was home all that time?”

“Yeah, he stayed in his room.....”

“You still haven’t told me why you or your sister didn’t notice that she was sick.”

“Because we weren’t talking to her either. I mean I saw her, after a while I noticed the weight loss. I even mentioned it to Jaejoong but I had no idea it would be this bad. I mean Jessie goes for days without eating and nothing like this has ever happened.”

“That’s because Jessie is a .......”

“Mom....”

“So let me get this straight, Jae broke up with her and you guys went into family mode and cut her off too? But you missed a step there.....she’s family too, you ed up, all of you.”

“Dad....”

“NoJoongki, how many girls have your brother brought home?”

“One.”

“What does that say to you? How did he introduce Dara to us? Before we even met her what did he say to us?”

“He said he’d finally met his mate.”

“You know your brother. You know if he said that he meant it. It doesn’t matter that something happened to come between them for a moment, you know how he is...she’s family and you ed up.”

“I know dad and I tried to talk to him, we both did.....Shinhye stop crying.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been this disappointed in all of you before.”

They left the room and it went silent.

No come back. Take me to Carrie, please.....

I felt the wetness of tears on my cheeks as I tried to hold a thought. I was dead inside. That’s it. I’d died but was still breathing.

───

Sometime later I heard voices in the hall outside my door.

“I don’t care that he’s sick. He almost killed her and for what? Because she went to spend Christmas with her mother?”

“I don’t have all the facts Captain but I’m pretty sure there’s more to it than that, has to be. One thing I can tell you, if these two kids react this way to being apart I think it would be homicidal to keep them from each other.”

Thanks dad.

“She keeps asking for him. But how can I trust him?”

“You don’t worry about that Captain, I’ll deal with him.”

“Damn kids, whatever happened to carefree teenage years?”

“Captain the world is a changed place. Let’s go grab some awful hospital swill and calm down. I think we could both use it. Those kids scared five years off my damn life.”

“My wife’s with her so that would be okay.”

They walked away.

───

I must’ve fallen asleep because when I woke up I was me again. My mind's conscious and can move my body again.  I had no idea how much time had passed so I just immediately made my way down the hall looking for her room.

She was like a magnet drawing me to her.

She was asleep when I reached her room; mom and Shinhye were there with her.

"Oppa....”

“Son.....”

They both ran crying to hug me.

“I’m fine.....” I kissed both their heads.

“How is she?”

“The doctor says she’s just slightly malnourished but we got her just in time. A few more days and her organs could’ve started to shut down. I don’t know what happened between you two, but my son would never let such a thing happen.”

“I didn’t know mom.....”

“Shame on you. Listen son, I’ve always pretty much let you go your own way. Your brain scares me, all that intelligence in one so young but I didn’t realized I had neglected to teach you to the most important thing, love. You also have a heart son, not just a brain.  You never break the ones you love. You might bend them a little but you never break them....that is a broken girl in that bed.”

I felt sick. What had I done? Was it really worth it? Did I prove my point? I’d say so, but not just to her, I’d proven something to myself as well.

“Can you two leave us alone for a while?”

“Son....”

“It’s alright mom, it’s going to be alright.”

Little lamb came to me. I have to remember that. Before all this happened, she’d come to me to 'Take back what’s hers' she’d said. I'll held on to that.

That’s right. I was as much hers as she was mine. I’d forsaken mine, almost destroyed it.

They left and I approached the bed.

She was so pale and small. I felt my gut twist in agony as I looked at what I had inadvertently brought about.

I’d read her diaries, I knew what her life had been. Had her Mom ever betrayed her like I did? Was I now the new monster in her world?

No! I couldn’t think like that. She’d come to me. She hadn’t given up on us.

I’d missed something important though, my dominant nature had not only over shadowed her, it had almost crushed her.

I climbed onto the narrow hospital bed with her and carefully drew her onto my chest.

With my hand in her hair and the other holding one of hers. I felt whole for the first time since I’d climbed out her bedroom window the day she left.

“I’m sorry......” my shoulders as I cried and poured all my emotions.

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