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JAEJOONG

I’d had my parents get our work from school so we could keep up with our classes while she was in here. There was no way I was leaving her. We spent our days reading and completing assignments.

She was being kept until her vitals were back to normal and they were sure she was on the mend. My dad had a lot to do with that I’m sure because these days they were quick to kick you out of the hospital bed.

“Are you ready for your shower?”

She’d been getting sponge baths from the nurse but this was her third day here, although she was still weak she insisted on taking a shower. I’d told her the only way that was going to happen was if I was there to take care of her.

We haven’t had any heavy discussions as yet. Everything has been kept light but we both know that we needed to have that talk. So far it’s just been about school work and lighter things.

Every night I held her as she slept, watching over her until sleep took me away as well.

I helped her up from the bed and into the bathroom. She was being shy all of a sudden.

“Stop that, baby. I’ve seen you before, there’s nothing to be shy about.”

I took the back of the gown from her grasp as she held onto the IV machine with the other.

Peeling it off first one arm and then unhooking the bag from the machine to remove the other I almost fell to my knees at what I saw.

She got into the shower stall and the water quickly while I hooked the saline bag back up, never taking my eyes from her body.

I started to run the washcloth over her back and that’s when I ing broke.

With the shower running, I pulled her down on the floor of the stall into my lap as I cried.

“I’m so sorry, baby.....” Her ing body, not that she’d had much weight to begin with but she was healthy before. I could count her ribs now, her hip bones were pronounced, and her vertebrae were shooting through her skin.

She felt like a starved kitten under my hands.

What the had I done? When I’d decided to keep myself away from her, I’d never expected this. I expected her to push back hard to show me that she was tough but eventually she would realize she couldn’t live without me.

I’d obviously underestimated the weakness of her psyche and in doing so had almost killed her.

“I’m so sorry lamb...I promise you, never again, no matter what.”

I took one of her malnourished hands in mine and brought our joined hands to my chest over my erratically beating heart.

“I want you to listen to me. As long as I live, no matter how mad I might become, I will always love you. That wouldn't change. It will never fade. Never. Please hold on to that.

I’m sorry I hurt you like this. There are no words to justify what I did. No excuses good enough but I will make this up to you. Just please baby, don’t ever do this to yourself again. I love you little lamb, others might not understand, they might think we’re too young to know, but I know, I know I’ll never love anyone the way I love you. And I know that you love me as much as I love you,....just please baby....don’t...”

I couldn’t finish as she turned her head into my neck and cried, heart hurt, gut wrenching sobs that shook her poor emaciated body like she was about to break apart.

I folded her slight form into my arms and held her as she cried out her sorrow while the water poured down on us.

I had a lot to do, after we’d finished in the shower I’d changed her gown for one of my t shirts and had them change the sheets on her bed.

I slow fed her the burger I’d had Joongki sneak in for her. They didn’t want her eating too much too fast but she wanted it and I figured if I gave her little bites every few minutes it should be okay.

There was no repeat performance from her mom. Captain had been in and out the last few days, he seemed to be getting better at trusting me with her again, but I knew that relationship needed to be rebuilt as well. I’d been a total to him.

Don’t be fooled. I’m still the same Kim Jaejoong, I’ve just been putting in perspective. I’m always going to be dominant, that’s who I am, but I’d learned to use it in certain areas and to compromise. I also learned that as tough as she pretended to be, it’d been a con. She was tough with everyone else but with me, it was another story. Just as she was the one that could break me, I was her one weakness as well.

I was going to have to be careful of her tender heart in the future.

───

DARA

Crazy boy has been on his best behavior these last few days, ever since our little breakdown in the shower. It was kind of cathartic in a way for all that it was embarrassing. I didn’t want him to see me like that. I didn’t want to see me like this, it was horrendous.

My dad was being super protective and cute. It was funny to watch him and Jae argue over well, everything. When they thought I was asleep they argued over the TV, when it wasn’t that it was about the temperature in the room. Since I was always cold Jae had the thermostat set on Hades, dad was always complaining that he was sweltering.

They never discussed anything too heavy except once dad brought up mom and I noticed Jae glance at my eyes before shaking his head.

He couldn’t tell that I was awake since I barely had my eyes cracked but I caught the movement of his head.

Joongki and Shinhye had come by and apologized. There were also some other kids from school that tried to come by but Jae turned them away. From what I heard him grumbling to his parents, they were just there for gossip since I never had much to do with them when I was at school any way.

After his folks had left, I’d tried reasoning with him that just maybe they were sincere and his answer had been then they could wait until I was home and better. I knew what was really going on in that head of his. He didn’t want to share me with anyone.

I hadn’t quite forgiven Shinhye and Joongki which was strange since I’d forgiven Jaejoong. But then again he hadn’t left me any choice, he’d just been his usual annoying self, not adhering to my wishes to leave me the alone which I think I had yelled at him numerous times those first days after I woke up.

He’d simply told me he was keeping tabs of all my insults and will be exacting retribution in the future.

Yeah, I was waiting to see how long his reformed self was going to hang around though he’d convinced me that he would never let us get to this point again, I wasn’t for one minute fooled into believing that he would change his domineering ways and the truth is, I like it.

It somehow makes me feel safe. If that makes me sick, then so be it, but it’s what I’ve come to crave from him.

I love the way he tells the hospital staff ‘I’ve got that’ when they try to do something personal for me, or the way he glowers at the orderlies or any other male who comes within spitting distance.

We haven’t done anything ual obviously, but this new closeness, his arms always around me whether I’m asleep or awake. I could live with that forever.

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