Weeks passed and still Seunghyun didn't go to Sonic. I also cannot find him in his house, and my calls all go to his voicemail. I sent a million voicemails and texts to, but he didn't answer. 

I am stuck. I don't know what to feel; should I be angry at him that he left me when everything became a mess, or should I get angry at myself because I'm so foolish to believe him? None of his promises came true, and I can't believe that it will never be true. Maybe I'm really a fool because I still believe that he will come back.

Maybe he will, but to finish our relationship.

And I will be forever stuck with his memories. Damn memories that I can never experience again.

 

“Stop crying now,” I heard a voice just beside me, so I raised my head and looked at him. He wiped my tears. I didn't even realized I'm crying.

“Daesung oppa.”

“Here.” He placed a hot chocolate in my hands. “That might ease everything.”

“I thought he's different from Namjoon.” I said miserably. “Maybe all men are the same – no offense meant.” He chuckled.

“You're still funny even when you're crying.” He smiled at me, but I didn’t return it. He looked at me, now his smile faltering. “But don't blame him.”

I sighed. “Don't worry, I'm half-blaming myself, and half-blaming you.”

“Why me?”

“We met because of you.”

“Yeah, maybe because of me.” He looked at me straight in the eyes. His jaw is set, like he wants to tell something serious. “Yah, Sunhee. I don't want you to blame hyung because I know how much he loves you.”

“And yet he left me alone because Jiyong-ssi said it.” I said tiredly before sipping the hot chocolate he gave me. It tastes like ours.

“He will come back. He's just...” He stopped when he can't form for words, and tried it all over again. “He’s just waiting for a good opportunity to meet you again.” He breathed. “So just wait for him, okay?”

“You know I am, but why wouldn't he answer my calls? That's all I wanted, at least to feel there's still connection.”

“I don't know Sunhee.” He replied.

“I wish I could see him again.”

“He always says he misses you too.”

 

~-~-

 

One night after Daesung oppa calmed me down, my wish came true.

I was dumping our trash when I saw Seunghyun walking away from our house. There's no mistakenly him, even if it's already night and I can only see him because of the dim lights of street lamps. I walked fast, without really looking if I dumped the trash bag well, and started yelling his name.

 

“Seunghyun-ssi!” I screamed, but he didn't looked back. He walked faster even. “Yah, Choi Seunghyun!” I screamed again, and when he really didn't looked back, I started to run until our distance is not that far, and then I took one of my shoes off my foot and threw it to him. Good thing it reached him, hitting his head, and he finally turned around.

“What the hell?” He exclaimed, and then suddenly he looked at me, with shock at first, and then with longing the next. I walked to him, setting my face as angry as I can.

“You didn't go to Sonic, didn't answer my calls, and now you’re cursing when you felt a little pain.” I said as fast as I can before he can cut me. He looked at me now like he can really see me or can't believe it's me.

“Sunhee-ssi...”

“Yes, it's me.” I said, and in one second I thought he'd embrace me – I swear he's about to do it – when suddenly he reached for my shoulders and bent so his head is leveled with mine.

“Go home, no one should see that I'm with you.” He said like he's talking to a kid. I looked at him sullenly.

“No, I won't.”

“Please, Sunhee-ssi. I'm just doing you a favor.”

“Don't say that.” I said, and in one second I felt my tears are ready to fall again.

“Jagiya...” His voice came to a whisper, but I heard it loud and clear. It was the first time he called me by that endearment. I pursed my lips and fought the urge to cry and I looked in his eyes instead. He looked back, and there is something between us. And from that I'm sure he still loves me.

“I'll go home,” I said, decided on what to do next, “but answer my call, okay?”

“Okay.” He smiled, placed my shoe back on my right foot, and ran.

 

I didn't received a hug or whatever, but I went back home, relieved.

At midnight I called him. He answered it immediately.

 

“Sunhee-ssi.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No.” He replied, but I don't really believe him.

“Can you be honest with me even if you're not drunk, and will you remember everything that will happen tonight even if you are?”

“I will.”

“What do you mean by what you said?” I asked the first of my two questions I dreaded to ask, and my heart sank a bit even if there is no answer yet.

 

I still couldn't believe what he was talking about the last time he talked to me using Jiyong-ssi's phone.

Sunhee, I'm sorry but our time is running out. We can't continue what we started. I know it hurts but please, I want you to move on and continue with your life. We both know that the town is paper, and so as us.

It sounded like a good farewell message, yes, but the last words caught my attention. I know he picked that words from the movie we were talking for weeks, because we both can't get over it.

But what? Did he just say it to have an awesome, unforgettable message, or was he playing Cara Delevigne on me? Was he playing the mysterious so that I would take note of that message and solve it for him?

But one thing's for sure; that line needed explaining. Or else John Green might sue him for copyright infringement of those lines.

 

“I'm sorry.” He said, and then a pause. I'm about to say something when he continued, “I know Jiyong might have set the recorder and you might be too—” he paused, maybe thinking of better words so I would not get angry at him. “Uh, tensed to notice it.”

“So that does mean you would be out there sending clues for me and I’m supposed to find you after our one-night-like date?”

“No, Sunhee-ssi. I just said it for you to call me again. But apparently...” He didn’t continue and just breathed. I stared on the floor, both shocked and pissed with myself.

“I'm just afraid of what you will say.” I said in a small voice after some seconds. He breathed again.

“I'm sorry if I scared you, and if I can't protect you now from Jiyong. The thing is, he's really... short-tempered sometimes.”

I contemplated with his answer, and then I asked again, “Can you tell me what's happening?”

“No, I can't.” He replied. I breathed.

“Why?”

“Because... you can't be hurt further.” I fell silent, thinking my next question. Does he think a little more pain will not make it bearable anymore? “So please, stop asking about it, okay?” There, he said it already.

I pursed my lips, and then decided I should now blow my second question (those questions from a while ago were just follow-ups. I’m being a lady, you know). “Okay, now what will happen to us?”

It is as if he paused because of hesitation. I know he should really think about it, since we are both taking a risk here. “I don't know.”

 

The thing is, he has the same answer as me. But instead of wanting to high-five him because we had the state of mind, I wanted to punch him now. His answer will determine our relationship and not mine, anyway. We both feel that. From his answer I would also decide if I should let him go or not.

But in my heart I know I should not let him go. Those few weeks with him seemed like a fairy tale, I couldn’t convince myself it were true. I need more moments with him to know he was true – we were true.

 

“Set your mind straight and tell me what I should do.” I said more firmly, and internally informed myself to get ready for his answer, whatever it is. Silence seemed forever, and still I waited, until his voice came to other line again.

“Don't leave me, Sunhee. I'll do something so you have to wait for me, okay?”

I sighed in pure relief and almost cry my gratitude to him. “I wouldn’t leave you, I promise.”

 

I turned my phone off, and turned to exit the dining area, but Yoongi oppa is already there leaning sideways and looking at me seriously.

 

“Was that Seunghyun-ssi?” He asked. I nodded. “I thought he wouldn’t call you again.”

“He never told that—”

“But he wouldn’t talk to you unless you talk to him first.” He said, and I glared at him. He knows I hate it when my pride hurts, and saying that means he wanted me to realize that I am the one doing things that would hurt my pride.

 

But for the first time, I didn’t care.

 

“It doesn’t matter who talks to whom first.” I pocketed my phone and shrugged. “What matters is that he already explained.”

“Don’t tell me… that you two are together again?” He looked at me incredulously.

“There was no breakup, anyway.” I pointed out.

“Sunhee, you know I don’t want to see you guys—”

“Look, Yoongi oppa.” I cut him, breathing hard. I placed my palm on my forehead before putting it back on the table, and then I looked at Yoongi oppa again. “You won’t see me cry. Ever again. I swear you that.”

 

I can’t decide if he looked pained or relieved.

I walked past him and toward the stairs, just wanting to escape his stare, but he didn’t let me. Before I could take my steps up the stairs, He called me.

 

“Sunhee-ah.” I turned around and saw him walking to me. When he’s only feet away he stopped and took my hand, and then he placed something on my hand… a pepper spray? I looked at him and about to ask what was the meaning of that when he spoke again. “Starting tomorrow, everything will change. I thought you might need that,” and then he walked past me and up the stairs.

 

~-~-

 

Seunghyun turned the phone off after she said goodbye, and tossed it on the couch. He poured some more wine and let its welcoming warmth stay in his throat.

The thing is, he didn't know if he made the right decision.

Is it right to let her keep hanging? He didn't even know what will be the end but, is it worth it to let her stay?

He breathed. All he knows is that he didn't want to hurt her now, neither in the future. He didn't want to see her crying because of him. For Seunghyun, what happened a while ago is a miracle. He almost thought she'd cry.

But then she showed her strength once again. Damn Jiyong for believing she's weak. Jiyong had said he should have dated someone from the same industry, and not someone like her. Jiyong said she will never understand them, and if he don't leave her first, she'll do it anyway when she gets tired.

Seunghyun knew that, too. Those years in the industry had been hard, but he learned a lot from it. But this was the first time the he felt like he wanted to fight for a girl; that he wanted to take care of her really, really seriously. Maybe he and Sunhee had only spent little time together, but time isn’t the issue here. He felt that he was attached to her more than to any girls he dated in the past. And that was what Jiyong cannot understand.

Maybe it will be the end, maybe not, I don't care, he thought. But right now I have to do something for Sunhee to be safe. And I have to do it quick.

 

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