Since the day I and Yoongi oppa talked about Namjoon oppa like that, I tried to take precautions. I tried my best to look into the weird sides of our conversations, and I even tried to look up to his phone messages when it’s just there sitting right beside me and he isn’t around. I know I’m intruding his privacy but then I don’t have a choice. It’s our relationship that is at stake here!

 

Now it’s my birthday, and I expected him to greet me first, but I’ve got all the messages from all the people I know, and still I haven’t received any message from him. I tried to concentrate on what I do, but it doesn’t help. I just can’t stop thinking about Namjoon oppa.

 

 

“Nuna, do you want to rest?”

 

“No, I’m fine.”

 

“Aish.”  Taehyung tapped his forehead. “You should’ve just stayed at home. Or go somewhere else. It’s your birthday, you know! You must have some time for yourself!”

 

“Yeah, yeah. But I wanted to stay here.”

 

“You’re such a party pooper, nuna.” Taehyung patted my shoulder as if he’s sympathizing with me. I nudged his hand away.

 

“I hate you too.” He pouted, but I just walked away and started wiping the table on the other side.

 

 

At noon, at last I received a message from Namjoon. But then it wasn’t a greeting like my friends had sent. It’s an address.

 

My mind can’t really accept what my eyes are reading.  My heart palpitated, and maybe Taehyung noticed my mood had gone up again that he walked to my side and looked at my phone too.

 

 

“Oh nuna, you should go. I can manage the café from here.” He showed his square-mouthed smile at me when I looked at him.

 

“Thanks Taehyung-ah!” I hugged him and run outside of Sonic.

 

 

I hailed for a cab and showed the driver the address. But then when the cab stopped, my heart started to beat a little faster.

 

It stopped on a hotel.

 

I did have second thoughts, but then I just went in and check oppa’s reservation. It led me to an unlocked room, and I saw Namjoon oppa sitting on the couch, a box covered in pink giftwrap on the table, obviously a gift for me. I entered, looking at him, while silently asking what’s going on. The room has a weird atmosphere, as well as Namjoon’s oppa’s face as he walk to me. I never saw him look like this. It is like he’s thinking something that should not happen.

 

 

“Happy birthday, jagiya.” He smiled when he said it, but his smile isn’t like the smiles I’ve known and memorized. It’s different, the one that doesn’t reach his eyes. I looked straight into his eyes. Something in that look isn’t quite right.

 

“Thank you.” I tried not to be afraid. He’s still my boyfriend, after all. Maybe I’m just overthinking because of what Yoongi oppa had said a week ago.

 

 

He pulled me to a hug and then stared at me for some seconds before kissing me on the lips. I just let him, since we’ve done this for a lot of times already back in Wellington, although not this passionately. He placed his arm on my back, and that caused the hair on my skin to prickle. He continued kissing me like he didn’t notice what I’m feeling, and then suddenly the door closed. I jerked, and the kiss was broken.

 

 

“Sorry.” He stifled a laugh. Normally I would laugh with him, even playfully hit his arm, but now I look at him disturbingly. Is he drunk?

 

“What is this about?” I asked when he looked at me.

 

“A birthday present.” His hand suddenly traveled to my waist, and he grinned. I sighed.

 

“I’m really thankful, but can we just go to another place?”

 

“You don’t like this place?”

 

“Not that --”

 

“Then can we continue?” He inched his face closer to mine again, but I stopped him with my hand.

 

“Oppa, this can’t go any further.”

 

Namjoon oppa looked upset. “What, we’re adults who surpassed 300 days as a couple and I think we’re supposed to do this. Aren’t we?”

 

“But oppa.” I gulped, looking at floor. “I think I’m not yet ready.”

 

“You’re so boring.”

 

“Am I?” Suddenly my blood rose. This is the first time he admitted I am boring. But then he just chuckled.

 

“If you want to prove you’re not, then we can do it.”

 

“I won’t.” Suddenly Namjoon oppa took his hand from my waist. I stared at his hands and then on his face.

 

“I can’t stand having a boring girlfriend anymore.”

 

“What did you say?” I raised my voice now, but he smirked as if it doesn’t bother him. I exhaled.

 

 

What does he want?

 

 

“I love you Sunhee, but this isn’t me anymore.”

 

“If you love me --” I tried to counter, but he cut me.

 

“If you love me,” he repeated, pointing himself, “you will allow me to do it with you.”

 

“Is it the only measure of love for you?” I expected him to say sorry and hug me and walk me out of this place, but instead he looked at me guiltily. “You’re right.” My hopes and dreams for us crumble to dust but thankfully I’m still sane enough that I managed a shrug. “Maybe I don’t love you enough.”

 

 

I fear my tears will fall upon saying it. I breathed hard and turned around.

 

 

“Sunhee, I…”

 

“I think we’re done here.” I said, not facing him, and walked away.

 

~-~-

 

I spent the rest of the day in the house. We did an unceremonious birthday party in the house. They bought a cake and some chicken takeouts and Yoongi oppa opened some beer from our refrigerator. They seemed to be enjoying the night, since we’ve only done this for a few times and we’re miraculously complete, but I’m in no mood to participate. I just smiled when needed but I’m just drinking my bear when they ignore me. I’m still thinking about what happened a while ago.

 

Well I’m thankful they did not ask although they are surprised that I got home earlier. Maybe this is great about the people here in the house; they seem to think I have problems but not trying to pry in and just waiting for me to say it.

 

But I won’t say it, because I know this is just one of the misunderstandings we have that has a solution. I and Namjoon oppa will be back tomorrow.

 

Or so I thought.

 

Namjoon oppa didn’t message me after the incident. It’s been three days and still I haven’t received a single text or call from him. I already texted him though, said sorry for what I said, but he did not reply. I stared on my phone at nights before I sleep, and woke up on a single beep, but it isn’t him. I badly want to visit him on his parents’ house but then I think it is too much. Maybe I should just give him enough time.

 

And besides, it isn’t entirely my fault for me to go there. He pushed me to do something I don’t want, and I just said no. Well in the angry way… but still, he pushed me so much for me to say it.

 

Not that I said we’re breaking up, so until now I’m still expecting a message from him.

 

I went out of Sonic at 3pm since it’s my break time (we’re having this ‘rotational break time’ so that someone can still man the café even if others are on break) and went to my favorite restaurant nearby. But I didn’t have the chance to enter because I saw Namjoon oppa before I can even cross the street. He’s with a girl I didn’t know, his arms on her shoulders.

 

My heart sank a few more inches. Is that the reason why he can’t even text me?

 

I breathed before going to them. They stopped when they saw me in front of them, and Namjoon oppa’s eyes became surprised for a split second. I managed to have a grim face although I’m ready to cry any moment.

 

 

“What are you doing?” I asked and he just shrugged.

 

“We’re walking, don’t you see?” He replied.

 

 

The girl has an almost-translucent skin, heart-shaped face with a long, beautiful hair, rich-brown eyes with long lashes and a perfect nose. Red lips. Fitted dress and high heels.

 

Not so like me, having my jeans and sneakers and simple shirts. Not a boring one like me.

 

 

“You’re not texting me.” I went to looking back at him but now he has a cold expression.

 

“I thought we broke up.” His gaze are not giving anything, and his voice are so cold it sent chills down my spine. I stared at him.

 

“I messaged you --”

 

“I bought a new phone.” He pouted and looked at me as if saying, ‘What else do you want to know?’

 

“Oppa --”

 

“We’re done, right? You don’t have to call me that anymore.” The girl beside her didn’t flinch. Instead he sneered, and I glared at her. She rolled her eyes. In an instant, I had a feeling that I won’t like her.

 

“Am I that easy?” I started, now on the verge of tears, but he didn’t replace his cold expression. I wanted to scream, say to him I was sorry, cry and apologize, but I can’t because of the girl beside him. My instincts says she shouldn’t see my loser side, and so I kept my head high and my voice from shaking.

 

“Sunhee…” Now it’s like he’s silently saying, ‘Don’t make me say it’. I closed my eyes. I cannot cry right here, right now. I just can’t.

 

“Fine.” I mustered all my anger and slapped him hard. Upon touching his face I regretted it already, but there’s no backing up anymore. Instead of crying, I decided to act like the tough one and looked at the girl beside him, smirked and looked back at him. “Enjoy ing her.” I turned away.

 

 

And now I can’t fight back the tears forming at the back of my eyes.

 

---