After that night I and Yoongi oppa became awkward, and while I feel that something important was lost to me, my and Seunghyun-ssi’s destinies got closer.

Monday morning. The café bustled with so many voices from downstairs filled with joggers, business men who woke up early and ended spending some of their time here, college students and some artists who are so lazy to go upstairs, wearing their disguises as always. I and the others are so busy that I didn’t know Daesung oppa and Seunghyun-ssi are upstairs until Daesung oppa had sent me a message. I replied, saying that I would come after some minutes.

When I’m sure the rest can be carried out by the crew, I took my apron off and went upstairs. Daesung oppa and Seunghyun-ssi are sitting on the seats beside the window, as usual. I sat across them, and the two smiled.

“Sunhee-ah, I missed you!” Daesung oppa said and hugged me. I saw Seunghyun-ssi’s grim face, although he smiled when he saw me. 

“Yeah, it’s your fault you don’t come here too often.” I replied and pouted when we broke the hug. He sighed.

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” He sat and sipped his latte, and then he looked at me. “So, how is it going Sunhee?”

“Oh, Sonic’s fine.” I replied. He pouted.

“Not the café. I was talking about you.”

I stared at him. How could he…? “Oh, well.”

“I knew it. You have a problem.”

“I want to ask you something. You know, like a second opinion.” They leaned closer, looking at me intensely, specially Daesung oppa.

“Guys?”

“Sort of.” I replied. Daesung oppa nodded, but Seunghyun-ssi didn’t seem he approved. “Well you know Yoongi oppa right? He—”

“Are you and that hyung dating?” Daesung oppa asked. I shook my head.

“No, but he acts distant.” I told them what happened last Friday. It surprised me that I didn’t even care that Seunghyun-ssi is there; it feels like somehow he and Daesung oppa became a thing. I mean, I always knew they were best guy friends, and they share secrets and problems even sometimes it comes from the girl best friend, but this is the first time that I accepted the fact. And the fact that somehow Seunghyun-ssi became more genuinely kind to me… I think I could trust him now.

I managed to ask the important things, like on why he picked me as an inspiration when in fact he didn’t even see me as a woman and on why he acted so cold after that incident.

“Are you sure he didn’t like you?” It was Seunghyun-ssi who asked. I looked at him.

“I think so…”

“You’re not sure.” He concluded. I became silent.

“Hey, hyung. Don’t pressure Sunhee so much.” Daesung saved me, and although his laugh sounded awkward, I still looked at him gratefully. “When she says she thinks so, then believe her.” I am amazed at how Daesung oppa puts his trust on me when I’m not even sure myself. “It’s hard to judge Yoongi-ssi, especially he did not take you seriously when you said it.”

“What do you mean?” 

“First, he laughed it off because you’re talking ridiculous. It means Yoongi-ssi didn’t take speculations seriously.” I saw Daesung oppa glance at Seunghyun-ssi, but he looked back at me after a millisecond. “Besides, maybe he does it with you because he is more comfortable with you than with any other girls. Maybe he did not want his love songs to have the love for a woman, per se, but for a friend.” I looked at him. He shrugged.

“Daesung has a point.” Seunghyun-ssi laid his back at the chair’s backrest. “Songs are more complicated than you think. It tells stories and has many interpretations. You would guess a thousand meanings and won’t know the real one, unless you ask the writer.”

“Well, that’s out of the choices. I told you, I and Yoongi oppa are awkward. He acts cold towards me now.” I sighed exasperatedly. 

“Sunhee-ah, think about this: Yoongi-ssi must have been acting cold towards you because he made you feel uncomfortable with what he did—”

“I told him I wasn’t—”

“It feels like it, by the way you told us.”

“Okay, assuming I really felt uncomfortable. Why would he act cold and distant afterwards?”

“The guy has also pride, Sunhee-ah. It’s like a defense mechanism. Maybe he does it because he doesn’t know how to act around you anymore, like he wanted to say sorry but he feels like you are still out of reach.” I didn’t get what he said, although I still listened to him closely. Daesung oppa looked at me seriously. “Talk to him about it. It’s just that, maybe he feels that way because we gentlemen doesn’t want a lady to feel uncomfortable with our deeds.” 

“Pfft.” I didn’t actually wanted it, but I snorted anyway. Daesung oppa and Seunghyun-ssi both glared at me, and I started to laugh. “You, gentlemen???” I asked in between my laughs, not really hearing Daesung oppa’s protests.

Well, half of my mind is still unconvinced. Yeah, sure, they got a point. But I didn’t tell them something. What about Yoongi oppa’s jokes? The one in here in the café when he asked me what I hated about my face and he ended up complimenting me like a guy complimenting his girlfriend, or that joke at the beach, or his silly jokes in the house. He might’ve made it sound like a joke, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t take it seriously inside. I mean, how could he just throw words like those?

I went back to the counter and did my job like the ordinary days. Taehyung kept glancing at me when he thinks I’m not paying him any attention, but after some time maybe he got tired and approached me.

“Nuna, I’m so sorry.” He said, and I looked at him.

“Why are you saying sorry?” I stared at him, and he started looking at the floor as if it became suddenly very interesting. “Don’t tell me you and some customer got into a fight and you secretly put a chili in his drink?”

“No!” He exclaimed in defense. A moment of silence came, and I crossed my arms, hinting that I’m getting impatient. “Well, it’s because I was thinking that I caused you and Yoongi hyung to act awkward to each other. I know you asked him what I told you last Friday…”

“So, is it true? You think Yoongi oppa…”

“I don’t think so.” He replied right away, and then he looked at me. “I mean, how could that be? We all know Yoongi hyung is straightforward. He could’ve just told you he likes you the first time he felt it.”

He got a point.

So I decided to drop the subject and just accept what Taehyung said. He’s right when he said Yoongi oppa is straightforward. He may be unexpressive at times, but I bet he wouldn’t keep that kind of feeling that long. If he really felt it.

When we went home I went straight to Jimin’s and Yoongi oppa’s room. I knocked the door, but no one answered. I knocked again.

“What is it?” Yoongi oppa’s voice came from behind. I turned around and saw him holding a mug of coffee on his hand. I bit my lip. Now that he is in front of me, I do not know what to say anymore.

“Well, oppa, it’s just that…” I jerked when Jin oppa walked out of his and Taehyung’s room. He looked at me, both quizzically and disgustingly (more of disgustingly, though), but dropped the issue when he saw Yoongi oppa. Yoongi oppa held my wrist and dragged me inside their room.

The room stinks mainly of men and cigarette. I hated the smell of cigarette, and Yoongi oppa knows it that’s why he only smokes inside his and Jimin’s room. He is kind enough to spray air freshener, and I didn’t complain even if the smell still lingered. His guitar is sprawled on his bed with some papers, his mattress is pushed to the end of the bed and not folded properly, with pillows stacked like they’ll fall any minute, and his guitar case sat on the floor beside the wall. He is like the male version of Yohee: they both have messy beds.

He sat on his bed after putting his mug on the guitar case (rather, his makeshift coffee table) and moving some papers on the other side of his bed. I sat on Jimin’s bed, since I didn’t think his bed has any more space.

“Now it’s private. Say it.” He said, regarding me with cold eyes. I stayed silent. “Sunhee, say it now. I didn’t have more time.” He urged, and I breathed.

“Sorry, oppa.” I started. He continued looking at me, maybe wanting me to speak more. “I don’t want the issue to be big. I mean, the others are already concerned about us…”

“So I’ve noticed.” He said nonchalantly and grabbed his mug, although I know it also concerns him. I breathed, suddenly being tired of his attitude.

Suddenly I missed the old Yoongi.

“Until when will you act like that?” I suddenly blurted out. It must’ve taken him by surprise, because I saw his eyebrows suddenly arched. It went back to normal after a second, but for me that expression was enough. “I hate it when one member of this family gets angry to me. Please, oppa.” I continued. He stared at me for a moment, but then his cold, glowering eyes became soft after that. I breathed and hoped it’ll get better soon.

“It was my mistake, don’t apologize. I thought you liked…” He gulped. “Being a model. I mean, you didn’t complain at first. And I’m not angry at you. It’s just so frustrating that I lost you, you know, as the model and I have to find someone else.”

“You mean you decided to have a girlfriend now?” I inquired. He showed his eyesmile.

“Are you insane? No one can replace you, as a model, that easily. Finding a girlfriend for a song I seldom do just cannot be. Girlfriends are waste of money and they won’t provide me much of an inspiration. Girls are naggers.” It hit me when I said it. Alright, not only me, but the girls in this house are generally naggers. “If I get a girlfriend, then maybe she will expect me to leave this house and live with her. Do you guys want that?”

I shook my head. “So, who will be you inspiration?”

“Mom? I don’t know. Or, maybe I could buy magazines and cut out some y girls and paste it on my wall.” Suddenly the mood became lighter. I smiled with him.

“That’ll make your room more gross.” I said and he laughed while shaking his head.

~-~-

The next day I saw Seunghyun-ssi again. He is outside the café just when I walked out to have lunch. He asked me if we can go somewhere else to eat, and like a natural thing to do, I said yes (I kind of surprised myself but I just let it go) and went with him.

We entered the convenience store we once visited and grabbed our foods. I payed for my food for the first time. We sat on the stools were we sat last time and started to eat.

“How are you and Yoongi-ssi?” He asked.

“We’re fine now. He said he wasn’t angry at me. He said he was just frustrated because he needed to find a model right away.” I reported as if it was a natural thing to do, and it also surprised me. When did I and Seunghyun-ssi became this close?

He nodded. “I feel him. Finding a new inspiration will put him in a total mess.”

“Will it affect his writing?” Suddenly I am concerned again. Am I being selfish when I decided not to pry with Yoongi oppa’s songs again?

“I don’t know, but it has a chance. It’s like taking him away of his comfort zone, like you suddenly being an architect and not a barista.”

I caught my breath. How did he know I was supposed to be an architect and not a barista? Although I have a lead, I didn’t ask him. Yoongi oppa’s case is much more important now.

“What should I do?” I asked. “Should I continue being his model?”

“Believe me, Sunhee-ssi. It won’t make any difference. It’ll just worsen things. All Yoongi-ssi needs is time. He’ll cope up after that.”

~-~-

What Seunghyun-ssi said must be true. In a month’s time Yoongi oppa became okay. The supposedly love song he had to write became a heartbreak song commemorating mostly to his lost hope in finding another love (model, as he said). He made us listen to their songs after the crew had decided the songs to be put in their album, and although loud as always, we all liked it.

On the other hand I and Seunghyun-ssi seemed to be closer. If Daesung oppa is not around he would be the one listening to my stories, mostly about the house. He would try to share his stories too, about his trips, hobbies, their music, and many others. During those days I’ve come to know that he is a good company too, like Daesung oppa. Sometimes he would come with a pen and paper and will silently scribble words on them. I didn’t dare bother him. I learned that writers most needed concentration when they are in the mood to write, or else they will forget what they will want to express.

I and Seunghyun-ssi began contacting too. If I can’t contact Daesung oppa he would be the one I will contact. At some point we three had some fun when the two ran from their managers and fetched me at the café with Daesung oppa’s car. We went to a movie theater, and then to a restaurant for lunch, and then to amusement park. Although they are generous enough to have me a ride up to the sharehouse, the guys, especially Taehyung, got angry after that. I know he would, he just told me to stay away from Seunghyun-ssi.

But then I can’t. It’s too late to stay away. We are friends now, and I know it would stay as it is, like the relationship I have with Daesung oppa and the rest of them.

But, then again, I thought wrong.

 

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