The sound of my phone alarm going off was what woke me up at 7 in the morning. Immediately after I opened my eyes I felt sick in my stomach. I was going home and I didn’t want to leave. I’d been in Korea for way longer than I expected and it had gone nothing like my original plans. I hadn’t done any school over here like I’d originally intended. I would’ve never believed coming to Korea to visit Jeonghan for the summer would land me in Seventeen. 

I’d doubtedly created the biggest scandal of the year when Joshua and I were outed as in a relationship. So much had happened and life was going to settle back down to normal. My parents would be there at LAX waiting to pick me up and take me home. I’d get a job somewhere before starting back up with school. 

“Good morning,” Joshua mumbled as he sat up in our bed. He didn’t look too happy but I wasn’t feeling any better. We looked at each other, before slipping out of the covers and heading out to the living room. 

Everyone was starting to get up and prepare a quick breakfast. We’d be out of the dorm in two hours to drive to the Incheon airport. Mingyu took command in the kitchen as others went off to shower. Everyone looked a little down, the mood in the dorm dreary. It was gray outside, fresh snow on the ground. 

I sat down at the table as Mingyu started placing food on it. Everyone was relatively quiet as we began eating breakfast. Even the resident loud mouths, Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Seungkwan weren’t saying much. I didn’t want to eat but I needed a good meal before being forced to suffer through crappy airplane meals. 

“I know today is a sad day,” Jeonghan said being the first real voice to break the bleak silence. “But it’s not like we won’t see Skyler again, he’s my cousin after all. We’ll be in LA before you know it.” 

“True,” Seunghceol said trying to give off a smile. “We’re always going there for something. Or we’ll just force the company to schedule us for things out there.” 

“Damn right,” Joshua said with a firm nod. “It’ll be good to see our friend out in those LA streets.” 

“Friend?” Mingyu asked curiously. “You two?” We both shook our heads looking down at our plates of food. Suddenly the rice in my bowl looked fascinating. Our breakup was still too fresh from literally yesterday. 

No one decided to ask any more questions about the status of the relationship. Breakfast was finished in an even more depressing mood than before. After eating I quickly jumped into the shower ready to be squeaky clean for this eleven hour flight. 

When I was drying my hair, Joshua entered the bathroom to start showering. We looked at each other both standing in front of each other. My eyes immediately wandered over every part of his body. 

“Don’t just stare,” Joshua whispered moving closer to me. “Touch me please.” 

“,” I groaned. He didn’t need to tell me twice, soon we were pressed against each other, hands roaming all over. The way Joshua shivered when my fingers ran down his back, the arch in his back, the soft moan against my lips, I was going to miss this. 

Joshua kissed me with so much fire and hunger, his lips the sweetest they’d ever been. The way his body moved against mine was magical. I couldn’t handle the way his hands grabbed at me. Even if I was going to be breaking up with him, I was never going to stop loving him. 

“I love you so much Josh,” I mumbled against his lips. We looked deep into each others’ eyes, getting lost in the dark brown pools of chocolate. The way his eyes sparkled when he smiled. I had to memorize all of it. I stayed in the bathroom the entire time he showered. 

Once everyone was finished getting ready we got the word that the managers were down in front of the building with the vans. After checking that I hadn’t left anything in the bedroom, we made our way down the elevator. My suitcases were put in the back of the van and we piled into the two vehicles.

“Promise you’ll message us every single day,” Chan said with a sad look in his eyes. “Promise us hyung.” 

“Are you kidding me?” I asked looking over at him. “I’ll be messaging you guys so much you’ll be telling me to shut up.” 

We all tried to keep conversation light on the ride to the airport. No one wanted to kill the mood by saying something sad. All of that could wait until the very last minute. I knew I was going to cry when it was time to get on the plane. 

The ride to the airport took an hour. Once we pulled up to the curb of the terminal I could see a bunch of people hanging around on the sidewalk. When we were parked and getting out everyone started screaming. 

Looking around in shock was my suitcases were taken out of the van, we were surrounded by fans. No one looked mad at me for once, they were looking at me with sadness in their eyes. They were proof that I still had fans for my short time in the kpop group. 

“Skyler oppa please come back one day,” one of the fans closest to me said with glistening eyes. “And be healthy.” 

“Hyung,” another voice said, belonging to a teenage boy holding a slogan with my face on it. “Even if you aren’t in Seventeen anymore, you helped me realize it was okay to be gay. Thank you hyung.” 

Hearing all of these fans giving me words of encouragement brought a smile onto my face as well as tears to my eyes. Online it was easy to be clouded with the hate comments. For every comment of support there seemed to be five from antis. But these people in front of us right now, still cared about me, and I’d impacted them. 

“Thank you,” I said loud enough for most of them to hear me. I bowed my head deeply, bending over. “I’m sorry for letting you all down. Thank you for excepting me with open minds and hearts. I’m sorry we couldn’t be together longer.

“I never planed to join Seventeen when I originally came to Korea it just happened by luck. But you all welcomed me into the group with such open arms. Being able to perform for you guys really made me happy. Being able to give you happiness has to be one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life. 

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to come back as a singer in a kpop group, but thank you for supporting me. I love you all so much.” 

I bowed again as the rest of Seventeen bowed as well. We said our goodbyes to the Carats outside before entering the airport, heading to where my plane would be taking off. 

Getting everyone through security was a process but eventually we were all waiting around the gate. My plane would be leaving in an hour, giving us enough time to have one final group heart to heart. Everyone had something to say and I wanted to hear all of their words. I’d grown so close to them, I totally understood the saying now that these weren’t just friends they were my brothers.

“You’ll always be a member of Seventeen,” Minghao said. “I’m so glad I got to meet someone as cool and open as you.” Everyone was starting to get tears in their eyes the longer we kept pouring our emotions out. 

“Completely honest, at first I was afraid of you joining Seventeen,” Seungcheol said looking down at the shiny floor. “I was worried how you’d change the group dynamic, what the fans would think, how we would sound and move as a new team. Well my doubts quickly faded when I saw that you just fit in so naturally like we were supposed to be a giant fourteen member group all along.

“It’s going to be hard adjusting back to being a thirteen member group. I mean we’re going to have to continue making music but you’ll always be a part missing from our complete sound. Like Minghao said, you’ll always be a member of Seventeen. I’m really going to miss you Skyler.” 

The two of us exchanged small smiles. I was really thankful to have a leader like him. He’d always been a steady force, and someone I could depend on when I needed to. I couldn’t have asked for a better leader. 

“I’ll go next,” Mingyu said raising his hand. “Skyler hyung you were so friendly when we all met you. You really brought a shining light to us. Thank you for being such a great friend and brother to us all. I can’t picture my days without you.” 

“Yeah,” Wonwoo said with a small sigh. “You already know we had some really great talks together. You made me open up about some of my deepest secrets. Thank you for being a great listener to my worries and also giving me advice. I promise we’ll try to visit LA as soon as we can.” 

At this point down the line we were all a blubbering mess. No one had dry eyes in our circle. Everyone was saying words that were stabbing me in the chest. 

“My dearest, most favorite cousin,” Jeonghan said with a smile on his face. “I’m so glad you decided to come to Korea and it turned into this long stay of you being a part of our group. You fit in well with us and we made some amazing music. You’re family to me but you gained twelve other family members. We’ll always be there for you.” 

“Thank you everyone,” I said with a small smile on my face. “You’ve all made such an impact on my life. I can’t believe my life went this way but I wouldn’t change too many things. Being a part of Seventeen has to have been one of the best things to ever happen to me.” 

“Well I’m last,” Joshua said finally. The whole time he’d been relatively silent, but still sitting next to me with his hand holding mine. “When I first met you I thought it was cute how you acted a little shy around me. I never knew I could fall in love much less with a guy, but you’ve really changed my life. 

“I went from this goody two shoes Christian church boy into a more open and happier human being. Without you giving me so much love and support I don’t think I would be who I am right now. You’re my first in a lot of things and I’ll never forget any of our precious moments together. I’ll always love you no matter what happens in our lives.” 

I let go of his hand only to pull him into my arms, hugging him tightly. I didn’t know what the future held for the two of us but right now in this moment he was the love of my entire life. 

When our hour was up we had one massive group hug, full of fresh tears. No one wanted to let go, and I wanted to be with them for longer.

“This is it,” I said to them. “I’ll talk to you soon.” I looked at Joshua one last time. He mouthed ‘i love you,’ and I did the same.

Turning my back on them to walk down the hallway to the plane was one of the hardest moments in my life. I kept thinking I would turn around and run back to them, but I couldn’t. I knew my time in Korea was over for now. Somehow, someway I had to move on. 

So I'm currently working on the ending for this story. I have an idea in my head of how I want it to end, but I'm not entirely sure yet. Either way the end is probably going to be the next chapter. I want to thank everyone who is actually reading this all the way through, I know I was gone for a long time, but I couldn't just leave this story unfinished like so many of my other ones.