On the day of the press conference Joshua and I woke up early and went to the bathroom. If this was the last day I’d be in Seventeen, and possibly the last day being in a relationship with Joshua, I was going to make the most of it. Joshua was stressed and greatly appreciated being distracted from what was coming this morning.

“,” Joshua moaned as he leaned his head back against the shower tiles. “Don’t stop.” His hand traveled down my wet body as I continued to kiss along his neck moving down to his collarbones. Every piece of him was beautiful and flawless. Joshua deserved everything he wanted and whatever I could give him I would.

“I love you,” I mumbled against his skin, placing kisses along his chest. “I love you so damn much Josh.”

“I love you too,” Joshua groaned as he pressed his body against mine. Together the two of us continued to waste time in the shower under the hot water, letting the bathroom fill up with steam. We didn’t care how long we were in the bathroom for and thankfully this time no one came to bother us since it was so early.

Eventually we left the bathroom with towels wrapped around our waists, running into our bedroom locking the door behind us. I checked the time as I dried my hair; we still had three hours before we’d have to be ready to go. Before the press conference was to start the company's statement would be released to the public. I pushed that to the back of my mind when Joshua tackled me onto the bed for a round two of what we did in the bathroom.

After our romp in the bedroom was over we got dressed in black jeans and white button down shirts. This would be the first and last press conference I’d be speaking at. It was a little nerve wracking but it was happening whether I was truly ready or not. I kept reminding myself that this was all for Joshua.

The fourteen of us ate breakfast mostly in silence before the managers called to tell us they were out front with the company vans. Cleaning up the dishes, we all crowded around the front door putting on our shoes.

“Skyler,” Wonwoo said grabbing onto my arms. “Can we talk for a minute?” I nodded my head signaling for Joshua to go with the others down to the vans. Seungcheol eyed us before closing the door behind him leaving just the two of us sitting down by the door.

“What is it Wonwoo?” I asked as I finished tying my shoelaces. Wonwoo took out his phone showing me the newly published article released to the world. I nodded my head as I scrolled through the article, skimming it seeing the words I needed to see.

This is Skyler the fourteenth member of Seventeen. It is true that Joshua and I are dating and I am gay. I’m sorry for hurting all the fans from this news. Please don’t blame Joshua for any of this; I’m willing to take full responsibility. As of today this will be my last day as a member of Seventeen. I’m sorry and I hope you will all find it in your hearts to forgive Joshua and continue supporting him and Seventeen.

“Skyler what the hell?” Wonwoo said as his voice cracked. He put his phone back in his pocket grabbing my hand. The two of us stood up leaving the dorm, making sure the door locked as we walked to the elevator. “You’re really going to leave all of us? Leave Joshua?”

“I have to,” I answered taking a deep breath. “Its either Joshua suffers and loses his dream of being a performer and musician or I do. I have a life back in LA and I’ll be okay. Being in Seventeen was never a dream of mine, it was just a happy chance of luck.”

“But,” Wonwoo sighed as the two of us got into the elevator. “We don’t want you to leave Seventeen. We can get through this without you having to leave the group. It’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry Wonwoo,” I replied taking him into my arms and hugging him tightly. “But there’s no guarantee that things will get better. If I leave it’ll be better for the group in the public’s eyes. Getting rid of the gay guy to put the fans at peace.”

“Skyler,” Wonwoo said shaking his head as a few tears slipped down his cheek. “I can’t say I agree with your decision but I guess it’s too late. I’m sorry.” I patted him on the back as he wiped at his tears.

When we exited the elevator we got into the van with Mingyu, Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua. It seemed like no one else had seen the article just yet. I hoped that no one would until we got to the conference and it was starting.

“Ready for this?” Joshua asked holding my hand. I nodded my head as we fell silent. My heart was beating fast as we continued driving through the streets of Seoul to the press conference location.

The rest of the ride to the press conference location was silent, everyone deep in their thoughts. Not even the warmth coming from Joshua’s hand in mine was enough to take my mind off of things. The closer we got the more nervous I became about the whole situation.

“Okay guys,” our manager said turning around to face us in the van. “We’re here.” Everyone exchanged glances before we got out of the van. The vans were parked on the backside of the building and no fans or reporters were insight. I knew that all the reporters would be inside in their seats busy preparing questions mainly for me. With the article published this morning, the reporters were probably in a frenzy coming up with new questions to add to their already existing ones.

We were all escorted into a small waiting room where some makeup staff made sure we looked ready for the cameras. According to our manager this was going to also be broadcasted on TV as well as spread online to all the news websites. By now I had a small feeling that a few more members were aware of the recently published article coming from Pledis.

In the waiting room Soonyoung, Junhui, and Jihoon kept glancing over at me from time to time as everyone talked amongst to each other. I glanced around the room seeing that no one else had really been on their phones. Closing my eyes I took some deep breaths feeling my heart beating rapidly in my chest.

When it was time for the press conference to start our managers came to get us escorting us into the lion’s den. As soon as we began walking up the small stage to sit at the tables and chairs in front, cameras were clicking and the room was glued to us. We were seated according to age, so I was seated closer to the left side along with Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Joshua.

“Before we have the reporters ask their questions,” one of our managers said into a microphone. “Skyler has something he wants to say to start this press conference off.” He looked at me giving me a sad smile. This was it; I nodded my head, as a microphone was passed to me. I held it in my hands seeing it shaking due to my nerves. Even performing on stage in front of thousands wasn’t as terrifying as it was to be here right now in this room.

I took out a piece of paper from my pocket setting it down on the table. If I was going to manage to say anything I didn’t want to see the cameras and reporters. The more I could block them out the better. Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes I tried to calm my nerves for the final time.

I’d told our manager I wanted to personally read something at the conference at the beginning. In private since my final meeting with our manager I’d been thinking of what to write, more so what I wanted to get off my chest.

“Hello,” I said beginning to read what I’d written. “I am Skyler the fourteenth member of Seventeen. And I am gay; I’ve been openly gay since my last year of middle school back in LA. Since I came to Korea in the summer of 2015 I’ve been living with Seventeen and even got the opportunity to join them and become a member of their group. That wasn’t in my plans at all, I was supposed to just be visiting my cousin Jeonghan and famil here for the summer before attending the fall semester as a study abroad student. Along the way I met an amazing group of guys I’d only ever seen on my computer screen. They welcomed me with open arms and became a huge part of my life.

“And I fell in love with one of those guys. Yes it is true I fell in love and am still in love with Joshua.” I glanced over to him briefly, seeing his eyes glued to me. A look of surprise was still painted on his face. I smiled at him sadly as I looked back down to continue reading my confession.

“Whether it was by luck or fate or whatever you want to call it Joshua reciprocated my feelings and made me feel like the happiest person in the world. We kept our relationship a secret for quite a while before our group members slowly began to find out. When everyone knew they were completely supportive of us. But even the most careful people who try so desperately to be hidden get exposed. Those pictures that were spread over the Internet were showcasing our relationship to the whole world.

“It was never my intention to hurt any of our fans with the news of Joshua and I dating. And I saw how it hurt so many of our fans. I never wanted anyone to get hurt over our relationship. That’s why I ask that you stop blaming Joshua because he doesn’t deserve any of the hate.

“Joshua’s whole dream is to be a musician and perform on stage. You can see the passion burning in him whenever he opens his mouth to sing or moves to the beat of our songs. I want him to continue to live out his dream as a member of Seventeen who is loved by millions of people around the world. And in order to do that and protect his dream, I will be leaving Seventeen. As of today, this is my last day in the group and soon I will be returning back to my life in Los Angeles.”

Whispers began to circulate around the room. I took another breath as I looked at my members seeing their shocked expressions, even the ones that seemed to have read the article looked shocked. Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Mingyu, and Wonwoo had their heads hung down looking at the table. Looking closer I could see they were crying.

Eventually I managed to look at Joshua who was frozen. His eyes were on me but it already felt like we were thousands of miles apart.

“I hope we can all move past this and our lovely Carats can continue to support Seventeen. Thank you.”

I folded the paper back up, putting it in my pocket, setting the microphone down on the table. Immediately reporters began raising their hands to ask questions.

“Did any of you know about this arrangement?” the first reporter asked. “That Skyler was leaving the group?” Jeonghan and Wonwoo were the first to raise their hands getting a few wide-eyed stares from other members.

“So Joshua does this mean you're gay like Skyler because you dated him?” another reporter asked looking directly at him. Joshua was handed the microphone and he just stared down at it.

I felt terrible seeing how broken he looked as he continued to remain silent. When I reached to try and touch him on the back he flinched away from me. Seeing him move his chair away from me cracked my heart. I didn’t need anyone to spell it out, our relationship, our beautiful relationship was officially over. There was no way I could’ve mentally or physically prepared myself for it even if it was bound to happen because of today.

“No,” Joshua said quietly. “I’m not gay. As many of our fans know I grew up as a Christian and am still tied to my beliefs and faith.What happened was due to me being confused on who I was.” I closed my eyes trying to fight back the tears. I knew Joshua had also been coached on what answers to give I just didn’t know what the answers would be. I felt a hand on my back rubbing it softly, opening my eyes to see Junhui looking at me sadly.

“Seungcheol as the leader of Seventeen do you feel burdened by this scandal?” another reporter asked as the microphone was passed down to him.

“I just wished they’d told us as soon as they started dating,” Seungcheol answered truthfully, no one else besides Joshua and I had been coached on what answers to give. “And I hope the fans will find it in them to continue supporting us. Without our Carats we're nothing.”

More questions continued to be asked for a while, with either Joshua or I answering them. Occasionally Jeonghan would answer some when it was a question on our family relationship.

“Final question,” the last reporter said looking directly at me. “So are you and Joshua broken up?”

“Yes,” Joshua answered with the strongest voiced he’d managed since we’d been in front of the press. “We're no longer dating. No longer boyfriends, no longer a couple.”

That was the final straw and I couldn’t help it as tears began falling down my face. I covered my face with my hands trying to calm down my emotions as more tears came out. I heard our manager end the meeting and felt a hand guiding me up out of my seat and off the stage.

We didn’t stay at the venue any longer after the press conference getting back in the vans to head back to the dorms. I continued to cry trying to hide from everyone on the ride back home.

“Skyler,” Mingyu said from behind me. I turned briefly seeing him looking at me with red eyes from crying earlier. “Why didn’t you tell us before this that you’d be leaving?”

I had no definite answer and could only hide my face again as more tears came rushing out of me. Mingyu just sighed as he patted me lightly on the arm. Through my fingers I peaked over to Joshua who was like normal, seated next to me. He was looking out the window and pressed so far against the door like I was the worst person in the world. And in that moment I felt like the most horrible person in the world.

So this was super agnsty and emotional when I re-read it... Skyler is officially out of the group and going to go back home to LA. This isn't the end of the story though. I have a few more things left that I want to happen. Anyways let me know your thoughts~ 

Thanks

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