"I'm attracted to girls, but I'm biual."
I stared blankly at my best friend.
"I'm biual?" Did I hear that correctly?
My mouth hung open slightly as I tried to find words to say after such an intense confession. "U- uh.... what?"
"I don't expect you to understand me," She muttered lowly, fiddling with her fingers. "I just... I just hope you still accept me for who I am."
It was hard for me to process. Sitting in front of me was my best friend since junior high; we had sleepovers with one another, we hugged each other, held hands, I changed in front of her? What was I supposed to think of this?
"I- I..." I started, stumbling over my words.
She bit her lip, eyes becoming shiny. "If you hate me now I'm okay with it. I... I was prepared for this."
"N- no," I reached out to put my hand over her trembling fists. "Wheein."
She looked up at me. It was hard for me to look her in the eye, but I kept my ground.
"I will always, always love you. No matter who you're attracted to, you will always be my best friend." I whispered to her, trying to keep my voice low. I could see a tear drip down her cheek as she lowered her head, a hiccup escaping her.
I didn't know if I believed my own words back then, but I wanted her to be happy. I never wanted to make her cry or lose her. She was too important for me to lose. "Y- you aren't just saying that..?" She replied, breathing out shakily.
Maybe.
"Of course not. I accept you wholeheartedly; why wouldn't I?" I smiled at her, my own eyes tearing up. It wasn't because I was happy for her; it was because I was angry at myself for being such a fake. I didn't know what to do in this situation - I never even pictured myself being in a spot where someone was telling me that they liked both es. The Korea that I grew up in never shed any light on the subject; no information on how to act, how to accept, how to feel about it. I grew up believing it was something weird - taboo, even.
But now my best friend was sitting right in front of me and telling me that she was attracted to girls. I felt so terrible for feeling like I could ever find Wheein weird for wanting to love whoever she wants to love.
Yes, she liked guys as well, but all I could focus on was "girls". Women. Females.
I hated myself in that moment. And it took so long for me to get over that feeling.
As time went on since that day; days, weeks and months, I found that Wheein was the happiest that I've ever seen her. Despite my thoughts, I helped her through coming out to the rest of our friends and even her family. Like me, her family wasn't too happy about it, but I managed to hide it better than they did.
Eventually, they got over it and accepted their daughter for who she is. Just like I did.
I saw her hook up with many people - guys and girls - and saw that she was truly enjoying herself. She was being who she wanted to be and was having a good time doing so. How could I reject her for doing that?
And it was at one point that Wheein finally had a girlfriend, someone who was going to be with her for a long time, that I started to feel a little different about her.
No, it wasn't hate. It wasn't resentment. It was a bit of jealousy.
Soon enough, her girlfriend began to take Wheein away from me. They started to do all the things that was a thing that Wheein and I did; sleepovers, watching movies, cuddling, eating out, going out, working out.
Little by little I could feel Wheein slipping away from me and I wanted to pull her back. I wanted her back.
And every single time she began to date someone, those feelings just accumulated until they broke up. And, as terrible as it sounds, I was relieved. I had my best friend back. She was mine. And I was hers.
WHEE: swa-ah
WHEE: i'm asking moonbyul to be my girlfriend tonight
WHEE: what do u think???
I bit my lip, staring blankly at the three notifications on my screen. What should I say?
The image that popped into my mind was the wide, contagious smile of hers that Moonbyul managed to get out of her every time they hung out. I could only imagine the happiness that Moonbyul seemed to give her.
I figured that I could give her up one last time.
HWA: go get her tiger!!!!
I pressed sent, a soft sigh escaping me as I put my phone face down onto the night table and looked ahead to see one of the many "friends" that I had come out of the washroom, towel wrapped around his waist. "Not gonna hop into the shower?"
My mind flipped and a smirk appeared on my lips. "Why would I shower when I'm getting dirty anyways?"
yall know this is hwasa roite
roite
sorry for making you guys wait so long for the next chapter finals week is literally killing me
so here's an in-between chapter for u guys!! more angsty than i thought i was gon be :'-)
there might be some mistakes idk bc i forgot wheein is bi and i accidentally made her gay in the beginning l o l
next chapter shuld be up soon!!! love yall!
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