jeon jungkook, angst, 1139 words. dedicated to (and requested) by MidnightWillow23210. sorry if this isn't what you wanted, there'll be another story going up for you later ^^

>> Leaving without a smile; saying goodbye without a wish of happiness; a one sided goodbye is always the hardest. | ♫

The dusk air was crisp, the city was waking up, the dark sky still in place; it was just another November day.

The leaves fell, the birds sang, the cars honked; it was just another November day.

8 o’clock became 9:30, the cold nipped at your skin, the wind brushed through your disheveled hair, a gentle sigh fell from your chapped lips.

One minute you were happy; the next, the feeling was foreign and unknown.

The feeling of loneliness settled in the quiet apartment you shared with your boyfriend. Though it wasn’t the first time you had been abandoned in your loft, the feeling was still terrifying. Tick after tick of the clock you could feel yourself go insane.

You wanted him back.

It was already November. Has it been this long? His smile, his laughter, his warmth and protection, where had it all gone? The clothes that were left in the bottom of your sleek black wardrobe had already started losing their scent as it had been so long since they were touched.

Goodbyes were never your thing. Even if it was temporary or for good - for the people who had imprinted a beautiful memories in your head or for the people who made your blood turn cold, you hated it.

The unsurety it had, the strange fear that fell upon your heart, the words that had millions of meaning - truthfully, it frightened you.

Standing on the balcony of your condo, you watched as the cars below created an illusion of a blurry painting. The laughters of some who carried on with their lives like nothing was a problem echoed through the busy streets. The tired rubbing of the eyes of a few young and old, the yawns of those who regretted staying up slightly too late than they were supposed to, the sweet kisses of goodbyes. You had picked all this up with your eyes that were protected with a thick layer of glass that sat perfectly still on the bridge of your nose.

Kisses.

Those were what you missed the most.

The lip locking sensation that pumped adrenaline through your arteries, the fire within your soul, the one thing that ensured love, adoration, and happiness.

When was the last time you had even placed your lips anywhere near his very own ones?

Though, the difference between them outside and you was that there were two. You were one. Your plus one, is gone.

Gone.

What an unfamiliar word.

Gone...

Jungkook was gone.

He was gone; and so was his touches, his kisses, his reassuring smiles, his sweet lips that spoke sweet words and could make you feel higher than the clouds with a single touch. His large and warm hands that ran beautifully down your torso and brushed through your hair, was gone. His strong legs that carried him confidently and never stopped moving, meaning you had to beg him to calm down and sit for at least 10 minutes of his life.

His cocky eyebrows that raised with hints of lust, his hair that always sat perfectly no matter what he had been through, his arms that held you with comfort and protected you from all evil of the world.

The guy you had sworn you would spent the rest of your life with, the guy who you swore to protect with ever fibre of your being, the guy who made sure your cookie dough was hot and always topped with two large scoops of vanilla ice cream.

He, was gone.

You never got to say goodbye either.

He had left the world and reunited with the angels (that you were more than convinced he was one in disguise) that could take care of him better than this cruel world can.

A bitter smile had been placed upon your lips. Your eyes travelling down to your toes that awkwardly rubbed together to create heat as your body gently swayed from left to right as the wind continued to glaze your body.

Regret flushed throughout your body as anger built and boiled your blood. How could you be so ing stupid? You were not one to be called an imbecile or foolish, but those were the nicest words to describe yourself after that incident.

Fighting over the littlest things, you had wondered how he had stuck with your naive self.

Feeling your legs become numb and jelly, you had crouched on the cold concrete floor, gripping the railing for dear life; as if it was your only protection from your conscience that was about to tear your mind apart and create a civil war inside your brain.

“I’m sick and tired of you always doing this to me!” His voice was so clear. The pain, the anger, the fear - it was so obvious, but you were too ing stubborn to accept the fact that you were in the wrong - and now look where it lead you.

“Do you not trust me? After everything we’ve been through- after everything! You have the cheek to say I don’t love you?!”

“I’ve tried so hard, so, so hard. Please, I don’t want to do this, but sort yourself out.” It hurts. It hurts so much. Each word pierced through your heart, to the point where painful screams had erupted from your throat.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry- I’m so sorry,” repeatedly chanting to yourself as the scene played out in your mind and your tears fell faster than the sky could pour rain. This was your last straw.

It wasn’t until the phone call from the largest hospital in the city had dialed your cell phone at approximately 2:45am had knocked some sense into you. You were wide awake as tears flushed your eyes and dripped onto the dark noir and hints of rouge sheets Jungkook had adored.

“Jungkook has been in an severe car accident. Unfortunately, we have some bad news. Please come to the hospital as soon as possible."

It felt like a nightmare.

Ever since that night, not a wink of sleep entered your body. The coffee in the morning was forgotten, the apartment dropped in temperature, and nothing was the same ever again.

How long has it been?

Ah right, it’s November. It has been 9 months since the death of your boyfriend.

Surges of pain rush through your body at times when some things remind you a little too much of your late boyfriend. Though, you learnt to forgive yourself, you learnt to move on, you learnt to not drown in grief and guilt too much.

But you can’t help it; the feeling of anger, the feeling of guilt, the urge to blame yourself.

Not when you lose someone that special to you, and never got to say goodbye properly.

Because not being able to say goodbye is the hardest goodbye.