'There it stood, a figure leaning on the van, while another figure leaned on it. His hands was placed on his waist while he stood still and let the moment happen.'

Woohyun's POV

I finally let go of him when I felt my chest constricting. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like my chest was about to explode if I didn't let him go.

When I met his eyes, he stood still and looked at me blankly as if nothing had happened. I hated it when he's like that. I didn't know what was happening, nor what was he feeling. I hated it when I couldn't read him.

Flashback

Woohyun's Point Of View

I entered the backstage and saw Sungjong heading to the dressing room. A staff handed me my clothes and told me to dress up quickly, specifically before the music stops playing. I walked my way to the dressing room and took the second one because it was vacant.

"I'm heading out." Hoya informed. "Dongwoo hyung's already there."

"Wait for me hyung, I'm almost done!" Sungjong replied.

"I'll meet you in the hallway. It's hot here." I heard Hoya say.

The next thing I knew was that I heard Sungjong humming the tune of 'With', since it continously played in the speakers. It was our last song. And it was dramatic. 

As soon as I finished dressing up, I picked up my stage clothes and folded them. I hung them to my arm and opened the curtain of my dressing room. 

I didn't really expect this, but as soon as the curtains were out if my sight, the first thing my eyes laid on was on Sunggyu. He was looking at me blankly. His face was cold. Nothing much changed since I  watched him on stage a while ago. 

I felt my cheeks get warmer. My heart started to hurt so much, and it started to become hard for me to breathe.

Are you doing well? Cause I know I'm not.

Are you sick? Are you hurt anywhere? It must be tiring on stage. 

How did you feel? Have you moved on? Or are you still hurting on what I said?

Are you mad at me? Cause you should be. You should be. 

Sunggyu, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you. 

You don't know how much I'm hurt whenever I see you. 

Please smile again. Please. I wanna see you smile again. I wanna hear you laugh. 

I promise I'll make it up to you. I will really do.

I was suppose to tell him something, but before I could even utter a word, he left and headed inside the dressing room.

What have I done? This isn't what I wanted. This wasn't it. This isn't what I meant. Why am I so selfish?

I sighed at the sad thought. Everything felt so miserable.

I suddenly felt someone behind me. The sudden change of air just told me so. 

"Are you two okay?" Sungyeol asked me while he was folding his sweater.

Since I was still inadequate to explain what happened, I simply nodded at Sungyeol. I placed my clothes on the table where there was a pile of the stage clothes we used earlier.

"Did you two fight again?" He asked me for the second time, and I knew he wasn't being normal. He was being serious. I knew that tone wherein he was  serious. He knew something was wrong.

I honestly didn't want to tell anyone about this. No one in our group actually knows anything about the fight, except me and Sunggyuㅡof course. I wanted to keep it between us. Because I know that it might affect Sungjong as well. Maybe that's why Sungyeol's very concerned too.

"No." I simply answered back.

"What do you mean no? You didn't fight? There's nothing wrong? No you didn't fight, but he's mad at you?"

I felt myself heat up. I literally felt the steam on top of my head. 

"Sungyeol. Seriously. Shut up. We'll talk later. I'm tired."

"Make sure we talk. Don't make excuses with me later."

I admit, Sungyeol scared me. I felt my legs freeze at his tone, and for a few seconds, I couldn't move. It was always a serious matter when Sungyeol gets mad. He doesn't get mad at nothing. He gets mad if he knows something is wrong. He's very childishㅡyes, he is. Not at most fights he's mad. He's usually that person who's last to catch up what happened and what happened wrong. He was always the screw up. He was the type of person who tries to make the atmosphere lighter when there's an arguementㅡwhich we really find it annoying and unhelpful. But when it's serious, when there's a big problem, when everything had gone wrong, he's one of those persons who would make it right.

I walked towards the narrow hallway and felt goosebumps on my skin. I took a deep breath and looked forward. As soon as my foot stepped the floor of the parking lot, I felt relieved.

I entered the van and saw Dongwoo hyung and Sungjong laughing. I saw Hoya on one side.

"What happened here?" I asked them while chuckling. 

Sungjong and Dongwoo told me a bunch of things, and to be honest, I didn't really get all of them. I couldn't catch up, because I couldn't really focus on anything right now except my thoughts, and because Dongwoo and Sungjong explained in between laughs, i couldn't really understand anything. Sooner, I laughed not because of what they tried to narrate to me, but because of Dongwoo's hysterical laughter combined with Sungjong's feminine ones. It didn't sound good, really.

The door suddenly opened and there we saw Sunggyu standing in front of us. He still had that same expression I've seen earlier. 

"Are you full here already?" He asked. It was actually nice to hear his voice again, even though it was unlively. 

"Yeah. Dongwoo hyung's here, Hoya Hyung's here, Woohyun, Myungsoo and Sungyeol hyung would occupy the back seats." Sungjong answered. I'm pretty sure he was trying not to laugh, or else he'll end up being scolded or nagged by Sunggyu.

He looked around again, seemingly trying to find a vacant seat. But there really wasn't.

I wanted to tell him that he should just take my seat, but then I couldn't. When he was about to close the van's door, I blocked my foot and met his eyes after. 

At first I really wanted to say something, but then my mind went blank after my eyes laid on him. 

"Hyung, where are you going?" Dongwoo suddenly asked Sunggyu. Thank goodness somebody spoke. 

"To the other van. There's no more space here." He answered. His eyes weren't leaving mine and I didn't really understand what it meant.

"Okay hyung. We'll see you in the dorm then."

I saw his hand holding the van's door, and I knew any second he'd slam it in front of our faces. I really wanted him to stay, because I felt so sorry for what I did. 

I stood up from my seat, took a step forward and blocked the door with my hand. I was now inches away from his face.

"There's a vacant seat in front, you can seat there, Sunggyu."

That name repeated itself in my mind. It's been a long time since I have called it out.

"I can't understand you." He answered coldly.

Rather than that, I knew what he meant. I knew why he said so coldly. Now I have a clue. Now I know he's mad. Those exact words.. Those exact words I've told and heard from him before..

"I said take the seat in front. There's no one sitting there."

I saw him sigh on what I said, then pulled the van's door open. He threw his bag to the front seat and sat down lazily. He fished out his phone and started texting somebody.

I heard Sungjong and Dongwoo whispering at each other, probably fussing about Sunggyu. If they're trying their best not to be heard by Sunggyu, they're not at it.

Trying to show him that I don't really care, I closed the van's door and climbed back to my seat. While I was plugging my earphones, I watched Sunggyu by the rear mirror. He didn't look back. He wasn't peeking on me or anything. Okay fine, you win. You have stepped on my pride.

I scrolled down my playlist and picked out a song. I wanted to understand him more. This is a song I've been listening for the past two weeks, and even though it hurts, I wanted to listen to it. I wanted to know how much I've hurted Sunggyu.

'All I know, is the morning when I woke, that I know something now, know something now, I didn't before.'

My heart started to pound so heart. Did I really do this?

'I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now.'

Though the message of the song is really different on how I take it, it hits me so much. All the words in this song. Is almost the same words he told me.

'Come back and tell me why, I'm feeling like I missed you all this time.'

'And meet me there tonight, and let me know that it's not all in my mind.'

I clenched my fists at the end of my shirt as I try not to let my tears flow out. I hate this. I'm such an idiot.

Sunggyu, I'm really sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I shouldn't have hurted you.

After some hours, we arrived in our apartment's parking lot. I managed to surpass the tears by sleeping. But it even haunted me in my dreams.

The others quickly got down and went to the entrance. I saw Sunggyu not moving at all, so I'm guessig he was waiting for everyone to come down before he would.

I went out the van an heard the van's door click. I knew he was coming down.

Since we were alone, I knew this was the perfect moment. I knew this was my chance

I turned around and trapped him between my arms. He was now leaning on the van.

I smacked my lips on his. It felt so good. I never felt like this before. I never kissed him before.

His lips was so moist that even made me wanted to kiss him more. But I couldn't. I didn't want to shock him.

We stayed like that for a while. He didn't even budge. But then that flashback two weeks ago began to playback in my mind. My heart started to hurt so much.

I finally let go of him when I felt my chest constricting. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt like my chest was about to explode if I didn't let him go.

When I met his eyes, he stood still and looked at me blankly as if nothing had happened. I hated it when he's like that. I didn't know what was happening, nor what was he feeling. I hated it when I couldn't read him.

I was about to walk away when I heard him talk.

"And then what?" He asked coldly.

I turned my fists into a ball. What was I suppose to say?

"..."

"What happens next?"

I could hear anger mixed with deep despair in his voice.

"It's not always how it seems, Woohyun."

I felt myself stiffen. I literally couldn't move.

"Sometimes you have to think again. Or else you'll really end up hurting yourself."

Those words. This must be the feeling he felt. That feeling when you felt a million knives thrown to your heart every second.

"What I said stays in the past. So I'll pretend I never heard what you said. I'll forget this."

I heard his shoes shuffle as he walked past me. My knees and hands were numb. I don't even think I could enter the apartment anymore.

But sooner, I told to myself. I shouldn't be guilty. I didn't do anything wrong, right? Why am I even chasing him?

This is why I told him those things. And I should mean it.

While I walked back to our dorm, my heart became heavy as I took every step.

Am I really doing this right?