Requested by maknaeria

Song: Coma by B.A.P
Members: Jihoon, Soonyoung
Ship: Jihoon x Soonyoung (Soonhoon)
Genre: Angst 
Word Count: 508
Jihoon wants to keep the memories inside his heart forever.

"I'm trapped in the memories of you"

Even a month after the incident, I couldn't fully understand how it had happened, or why. It had been so fast, so abrupt, one minute he'd been here, with me, and then he was gone, just like that, in the blink of an eye, the snap of a finger, before I had a chance to even say a goodbye, or express my feelings, or apologize for all the times I'd hurt him. 

Why did it have to be him? Of all the people in the world, why did the fates have to choose him to rip from my side? 

Even a month after the incident, his being still lingered on the fringes of my reality. His scent still remained, soaked into the clothes he wore, even once, and no amount of bleaching or washing would rid the cloth of him, and it drove me mad, knowing that although I had something so obviously his, I had no way of returning them to him, even if I'd wanted to. I could still feel his presence, and although every part of me knew — painfully — that he was gone, I would still walk into a room, smiling, expecting to see his lithe figure marking out the steps to some new dance, or pacing around the room as he so often did when he was confused, or perhaps seated, tapping out rhythms on the desk for me to compose to, or maybe lying on his stomach on the floor, legs jittering to the beat of his music, channeling the bass into his eardrums.

I talked to him sometimes, in between the last vestiges of sanity, and although I knew I'd never get any response, I'd speak into the silence, ask him why he'd left me, why he'd disappeared, why he'd abandoned me to the lonely, crazed, absent-minded wandering that was my current state of mind. And sometimes I'd just say his name, weak and helpless and broken and desperate, and I'd remember the times when he'd cradle me in his arms like a child and just let me be, whether I was crying or scared or angry, and he'd whisper ticklish things into my hair, soothing and calming in the warmth of his arms.

But now he was gone. There would be no more warmth, no more rhythm to the endless monotony of my days, no more 'Tiger Eyes' burning loving gazes into my own eyes, no more Hoshi. No more Soonyoung. 

It was easier not to feel. I still had the memories of us, back when we were together, and happy, and when my world was still the right way up, back before the incident. I'd keep those memories, locked deep inside myself like unmarked treasure, to be taken out for only a few moments and then stored away quickly, lest someone else steal it. 

The other memories I would throw away, the memories of the incident, and anything and everything that came after the incident. Those were bad memories, memories I would not keep.

Some things are easier forgotten.

omg what's with everyone and angst nowadays OTL
Oh well, I hope you liked this one.
(I really at angst I'm sorry it all ends up the same) (cries into eternity)
here have some soonhoon

Please leave me a comment if you enjoyed!